Michael Leunig the Drag King.

Michael Leunig, the veteran cartoonist for the Melbourne 'Age' newspaper, models for a paper mache likeness of his head to commemorate his 112th year of employment at the great bin liner and wino insulator.




It seems the chances of not reading either a bog standard casual, taken for granted Jew blaming cliché or a Central Scripting "I'm not anti-Semitic but," comment most anywhere, is perhaps as unlikely as Michael Leunig doing a series of cartoons condemning the murder of Jews.

For that matter, the same odds apply to Leunig scribbling even a single hilarious 'Cartoon Masterwork' condemning say, Islamic terrorism in particular and its supporting theocracies, the oppression of women in Islam, the murder of Iraqi children by terrorists, militants, gangsters and opportunists etc. Or indeed any of the daily, far reaching and many thousands of global terrorist attacks anywhere, anyhow and anytime.

Maybe Mr Curly can look forlorn about the collapse of an oppressed Zimbabwe, three million dead in the Congo, the concentration camp and torture chamber state of North Korea, the constant murder by beheading of Buddhists in Asia by Islamists, or a nuclear Iran etc, etc?

Nope. Leunig doesn't give a duck, so it seems.


I guess none of these things are the 'right kind' of oppression and mass murder for our Mike, the comfortable critic of the West. Gee, maybe I missed 'em? Who knows? I'll just keep scouting the fronts of more inner-city Brunswick refrigerators then.

I'll also keep an eye out for the ones reflecting with genuine uninhibited joy any of the enormous improvements made in economics, health, life expectancy, medicine, food production, wealth, civil law, science and communications etc, etc. Gosh, some of it even here in Australia.

I can't wait for Mr Curly showing even a little snit at any of the Islamic militants and gangsters currently murdering the people of Iraq or anywhere. Or a series showing any of the scandalously and mostly non reported achievements in Iraq all due to the incredible courage and efforts of the many better men and women of the millitary and elsewhere, of good and Democratic will, now fighting for freedom and normality in a region that has had little to zero of neither.

Hey, fit in a default snigger here at the word freedom, mainly because the sniggerer already has their freedom.

So, just what does one believe in if not the absolute basic of human freedom? Precisely nothing, that's what.

Internal Contradiction of the Left, PC Liberal and Radical No. 1238/B: "A professed optimism for a Utopian future coupled with an ingrained and automatic cynicism regards the basics of what makes ordinary and normalised life possible".


None of this means a damn to a predominantly under Graduate and Left MSM, or to a 'not so intelligentsia', various ignorant celebrities, out of their depth musicians, narcissistic actors, wilfully deluded activists, venal radicals ad nauseum. These twerps do not care about Iraq and its people at all, and never will. They only care to use Iraqi suffering or whoever is handy, as intellectually lazy raw material for their own ends as they comfortably attack Bush, auto hate Howard and default bash the US etc.

Yep, there's a long, ugly and disgraceful history involving not just various Western governments mentality and behaviour regarding many crap regimes, but that's of little immediate relevance how we act against global and current Islam NOW. Just as the free world did finally fight and destroy Fascism in the 1940's, it must do so with Islam. This is so whether we want it or not. And it must be with an absolute commitment to total crushing victory, or our utter defeat at the eager, monstrous hands of Islamist's foreign and domestic.

And er, much of the Left supported Hitler, Stalin and Mussolini as was the fashion. Just as they do Islamism, Fidel the Cuban mass murderer and Chavez the fat killer today. That's Left Liberal Fascism for ya, via big government fantasies and their standard dreams of conformity to Utopian ideology. And why not, eh?

Like Michael Leunig, most of the Left perversely never criticise murderous Islam at all. Islamism is anti-life, anti-women, anti-gay, anti-Democracy and anti all human freedoms etc. These are the things any Left Liberal is supposed to believe in and stand resolutely for, so you must ask why they don't stand up for any of them when it comes to Islam?

Well, the Left is also interested in total control of everyone via the state so that all people have to agree with everything they say, just like Islam. So, yep, natural bedfellows really.

The Left have always either ignored, championed, applauded or offered standard apologia for the mass murdering Communism of Cuba, China and North Korea etc. Ditto the militar Dictatorship that has killed over three million people in the Congo, or Mugabe destroying Zimbabwe etc. Instead, Left posers relentlessly attack and condemn Western Capitalist Democracy because it can never be faultless.

The Iraqi people’s situation like many others is mostly ignored or held in contempt by the illiberal Left. Iraq is a profoundly pivotal and authentic struggle. Many Iraqi people have a naturally deep desire for the freedoms and prosperity that the frivolous, glib, fashionable, disingenuous and phony liars of the Western Left take for granted.

The people who face questions of their own life and death everyday, like many Iraqi's, tend to be a little more focussed and clear minded about reality and what is of actual human value, than those who sit lauded and mostly unchallenged in their assumptions and fakery.

Leunig, like many allegedly ‘good’ folks, do for all thoughts and purposes appear quite mad in their delusions, and dangerously so. This mindset has not only appalling consequences for all oppressed people in the world who don’t fit neatly into the Lefts absurd paradigms and idiot dichotomies, but for the survival of Western civilisation and it's hard won and precious freedoms.

Leunig et al, cannot seem to bring himself to criticise Bush and support the Iraqi people at the same time, and right now. Like most of the Liberal Lefts fantastical views, that will only happen in an imaginary and absurdly Utopian future.

It’s a shame Mike’s love of the Palestinian people never extended to a single strong and public criticism of Arafat or any other Islamist freaks and extremists that dominate Palestinian life and death and wish to murder all Jews and destroy Israel. If all these militants were completely defeated and replaced with a civil government and a non corrupt, non-Mafia style based economy, the Israeli's could leave.

But that would be a solution. The millionaire freaks in charge murder about 150 Palestinians a month, mostly by execution in the street. This is the fate of any dissenter, those who wan't pay the rquired protection money, or anyone that co-operates with the Israeli's in any way, or is suspected at all. No trial. No jury. One verdict. One outcome.

Leunig's response? Zilcho. Nada. Zip.

The smug chums in the MSM and the arts etc, have the great privilege of a platform of well paid influence and opportunity, and what do many often do with it? They lock into an obsessively shrill and narrow frivolousness that is irrelevant and devoid of any real world actions and solutions. If the war in Iraq is illegal, then the logic is to have put Saddam and his sons back in place.

If the lack of WMD’s is important, then you could have ignored the 'Mass Graves of Destruction' as many have and just let Saddam carry on until he did get them eventually, as he or his sons surely would have. Etc, etc, etc.

The only relevent questions are; do you or don’t you support the removal of Fascist Dictators like Saddam or not? Er, that’s without the ridiculous caveats.

Do you support the right of Israel to exist and think it's a crime to murder Jews? As Nick Cohen has asked in his book 'What's Left? How Liberals lost their way', "which Iraqi’s do you support and what kind of Iraq do you want to see built?"

Do you believe in supporting any and all people who believe in freedom and human rights anywhere, anytime or not? This would include Israel, civil government and responsibility for Palestinians, the people of Cuba, North Korea and Iran etc, etc.

Nope, I guess none of that is for Mike, because the liberation of the oppressed is just never done to a high enough standard for him anymore, is it? The main country capable of doing it, predominantly the US, are just never going to be pure enough for the Lefts permanent narcissism, empty ideologies and moral vanity via perfect inaction. For the question of Israel you'll always get the "I'm not anti Semitic, but," line.

I have not seen one crummy Leunig cartoon condemning any Baathist, Al Qaeda, gangster, Islamist, Iranian, Syrian backed terrorist group or any opportunist criminal atrocity. In fact, Leunig always shows and clearly more than infers, that only the Western Allies are committing this deliberate mayhem. What a disgusting slur.

For Leunig etc, there is no such thing as a terrorist except for President Bush, nothing Western worth fighting for ever, and no legitimate war against Islamic terror.

Leunig and the Left cannot escape their own moral relativist gnomery and see any difference between the criminal behaviour of a small amount of prosecuted soldiers at Abu Ghraib and the million and a half deliberately tortured and murdered by Saddam in a 35 year policy, or for that matter, any of the 'Apocalypse Now' aims of the Islamist global movement. The mental gymnastics that Leunig and others perform are quite something to behold, to avoid saying that the real Fascist threats are Theocratic Islamism, Communism and extreme Leftism etc, not Democracies, .


The few kind of 'positive' realities that regularly register with Mike are the odd, eccentric and wistful; as if happiness and comfort is available only in daydreams and inward yearnings, often alienated and on the edge of crazy. In Leunig’s peculiar inversions, it's as if nothing 'out there' is any good, of any worth or has even occurred unless it falls under the fashionable and meaningless term of 'natural'. At least to Mike not much is as important as simply being 'out there'.

Mostly, Mike seems to write how Western Democracy and modernity is a total write off and a lost cause for perverse poo poo faces only.

He curiously writes with either a yearning edge of a breakdown motif, or a mean and sour style, describing often miserably in line after line, a common subtext to main theme of despair. In the end, Leunig seems to despise it all, except for the feeble, the ineffective, the pathetic and the neutered. He habitually disdains most of us people who just ain’t up to his downward spiral of peculiar standards. Mike's dopey non-ideas exist mostly in a simple minded and paradoxically, oddly complicated rural Neverland that in reality is attainable mostly by the affluent.

I remeber seeing a thing he did showing the city as a cliche'd urban jungle with a an absurdly polluted beach.Not where I live Mike. The beach side is prime real estate and as such is treated accordingly by the affluent folks who pay big money for it and demand a lot from their local authotites. As laughably dated as Charlie Chaplin's ridiculously way off predictions in of 'Modern Times', I'm afraid.


Yep, I can't exactly remember his brave and cutting series on the "you wouldn't know it was so common a crime unless you asked" rape of white Australian girls and women by one or more young ethnic, read Muslim, Lebanese, African males etc.

I think that may have been after the ones he never did showing his deep concern for honour killings, child genital mutilation, corrupt and murderous third world governments and the actual two main causes of poverty being bad economic systems and a lack of democratic civil governments.

What about Leunig's outrage at Al Qaeda and his other 9/11 things? Hey, remember Mike speaking out about the rampant alcoholism, paedophilia, murder and other violence in Aboriginal/Koori communities?

Ya don’t? Nope, either do I. Of course there's Mike's much more urgent need to expose Prime Minister John Howard as identical to Hitler.


When Leunig’s anti-Semitic cartoon was submitted to the Iranian Freak Club by someone else, it never seemed to occur to mad Mike or anybody else that much, that his crummy cartoon was precisely suitable for an Islamist, Jew hating and Holocaust denying ‘cartoon’ competition.

Well, at least Michael Gawenda had the "judgement" and "good taste" according to himself to not accept a similar style of cartoon from a Nazi or extremist, because that would be so unacceptable. Sheesh....It's really neato that Leunig can be so comfortable with a casual, easy and often accepted anti-Semitism or a state endorsed policy of Jew hatred, because so many clearly are and not just in MSM land.

To the relentlessly mediocre George Negus, Mike said he was sick of all the hate mail he received as he called it, just because he fought Fascism! Er, riiight. Leunig means non existent US, Israeli and Western Fascism!

How does Leunig ‘fight’ Fascism exactly, if he can’t even recognise it no matter how blatant and in ya face Islamic Fascism is? As far as I can see, he refuses to see it, like virtually all Leftovers. Yeah, when did he ‘fight’ against any beheadings again exactly?

“It happens everyday, no matter what you say. You’ll find it happens all the time, oh baby!”

For a guy who likes to project a caring and whimsical image, I wonder what causes such frothing hatred in Mike of so much? Maybe his views at core are not so caring and whimsical after all, but actually just straight out poisonous and dodgy crap.

Like nearly all the Left, Michael is permanently disingenuous about the reality of Islamic and other Totalitarian Fascism, no matter what the overwhelming evidence. It’s all just the West’s provocation without history or context. If he admitted that Islamic Fascism exists and where it exists, he would have to admit that the conflict in Iraq had a point, as do Bush, Howard and Blair. He would have to admit that there are wars that have to be fought against very real global Islam and other totalitarian states. The posturing Left would have to examine their delusions, paranoid hatreds and general dishonesty.

Ah, this is the current 'House of Cards' as per Mad Mike.


Yep, Mike's a real hero of the people alright. The people of inner city Carlton and Prahran. Leunig is a mostly repetitive, sometimes hilarious, sometimes amusing, often not funny at all cartoonist; a convoluted, strange and mostly bad writer who appears more profoundly neurotic and deluded with every stupid, predictable, morally inverted publication. He's a stale old Lefty bore of the kind that has infected much of the dull, dull and duller, Australian media both public and private since the 1970's. Er, when are the 70's due to end exactly? Perhaps with the passing of Leunig et al.

Now it’s not just in Australia that the repetitive, smug and limited are held up as sacred cows or national treasures when in fact they are boring and merely protected from serious competition.

And it's not just here that there's a serious lack of the long term and comfortable in their privileged positions ever being challenged on conceited group shibboleths, orthodoxies and various ideological fashions. There's a lack of change and real creative and intellectual competition in Australia. It's dull, kid.

It's ok for reinforcing the default positions of their market, but I don't buy it at all that Leunig is so deep and talented. Er, where exactly?

There ain't no room or place for much of the often lauded 'diversity' we hear so much about actually ever happening in reality. Hey, ‘treasures’ often buried, eh?

Where do the actually different, inspiring, exciting, outstanding, fresh and truly individual, especially the young, go for opportunities? Overseas and the Internet, I guess. They ain't at the profoundly boring 'Age' newspaper, that's for sure.

What will never happen in reality are Leunig and many others, not ascribing the most absurd, extreme and biased attributions to their chosen targets. John Howard to Leunig, is like a one dimensional cypher of Mike's 'right on' and acceptable bigotry. Everything the PM does, according to Leunigs relentless Under Graduate hyperbole has an evil motive and can only ever turn out badly.

A successful economy, stable security, international statesmanship and winning several elections in a row etc, is merely more evidence of an extremely long-term and malevolent strategy, strangely hidden and unknown as it is.

Old 'Mike the Hammered' seems determined to eventually drive himself and others completely nuts with his own ideological obsessions. Leunig's own tedious, narrow default positions are relentlessly expressed mostly via reducto ad absurdum, but of course, there's a negative side too.

Poor old Michael with his bushy outpatient hair, mumbling Uni lecturer woolly jumper and baggy pants ensemble, looks to me like Professor Julius Sumner Millers lost cousin. You know, the odd one who maybe had a breakdown, then disappeared and lived in a hut while scribbling down the 'evidence' of a vast government conspiracy.

Obviously, with my total lack of success in media, that's where I went wrong.

Now where's that old pullover from my faux James Dean period?








Dear Sports, here's a letter of reply to the freakishly sour and oddly 'irreverent' Leftard Catherine Deveny, at 'The Age', and my comfortably dismissed reply to a follow up by one of Kathy's 'Aged' comrades.


http://colonelrobertneville.blogspot.com/2007/06/your-paradigm-is-making-me-nauseous.html


http://colonelrobertneville.blogspot.com/2007/07/you-better-pawn-it-babe.html

Arthur Terrorist is not a terrorist.

A man who no sane person would ever associate with terrorism.


Mr Arthur Terrorist, an immigrant from Pakistan and now a British citizen, has denied he is a terrorist. “I admit it’s quite a coincidence but it’s just my name. Terrorist is a common family name in the region where I grew up in ‘Pattootie Province’. A lot of the local people are called Arthur as well. My Maiden Aunt was called Arthur and all fourteen of her sons were called Arthur. I never thought about it until now”, he said.

After arriving in the UK, Mr Terrorist bought a small property from his brother Mohammed who is a real estate and Mosque developer. The house at Number 42 Death to Infidels Way, on the New Jihad Estates, is typical of those now being built in very large numbers in the Islington area. “Again, it’s just a coincidence with these names and of course, some bigots and racists may find them ‘controversial’, but I can’t see it really", said Mr Terrorist.

Arthur continued, “Ok, before I get asked again, yes my nickname is ‘Islamist Bomb Maker’, but it’s just a pet joke name. We always laugh about it. Well, actually not that much”.

"My brother Mohammad, my other brother, has also suffered from discrimination just because he's a Muslim. I don't know how many times Mo has come home from a Islamist and Socialist Left Solidarity screamfest in tears. All because only a few thousand people applauded his sign with the simple message of peace, 'Behead those who insult Islam!' But that's bigotry for you".

When asked if he could honestly say that he has never been involved in any terrorist activity, Arthur Terrorist replied, “Of course not! I’m not a terrorist! Absolutely not. Are you crazy?! That’s outrageous! Never crossed my mind. Never heard of it. Ya kidding? Absurd! I love peace. Oh yeah, I’m just nuts about peace! Nope, never, not even a teensy, weensy, eensy bit. No.

Though everyone else I know, is a terrorist”.

Cuban 'Revolution' lacks a laugh track. Part One.

Castro and Che in a pre-revolution conference huddle.

Castro: "You're stepping on my foot!"

Che: "I'm sorry comrade. I can be so insensitive!"


Dear sports, this will be my feeble series on Che the child killer Guevara, Fidel the Pig and Cuba Inc. It's a real killer and phony festival! A big hat tip to Humberto Fontova, one of the great sources of insight and information for this and the following posts in this series. Fontova is a successful journalist and the author of 'The Real Che Guevara: and the idiots who follow him', and 'Fidel Castro: Hollywood's favourite Tyrant'.

My motive for doing this in a series, is that this updated post from 2007 is so absurdly long. Not as long as Castro's reign, but you know. Now Che love, the love that dare's to speak its name, says almost everything you need to know about someone's mind or the lack there of.

The equation goes something like the following: If one thinks Che is a great and heroic role model, you're probably the kind of person who is er, passionate, though in quite the immature way. And being um, passionate, are more inclined to value emotions and self-image over anything else, especially any easily dismissed Himalaya of empirical evidence to the contrary. Rather problematic.

Thus one believes in anything but the facts. For the excitable, volatile and morally vain, reality and truth can be quite a damper and well, a real drag. So here is the first part, kids.




P.J O’Rourke once said that the only thing you need to know about Communism, is that for most or all of their respective histories, you couldn't get a decent Chinese take-away in China or a good Cuban cigar in Cuba.

Ah, Cuba. The images of Che the child killer Guevara, Fidel El Pig Castro, and pre and post Revolutionary Cuba are wrong on almost every count. In the West this is so, as it is in Heaven, er, Hollywood, on almost any Leftard University Campus and in the MSM. Oh yes, also amongst failed or successful killers, rapists and child prostitution aficionados.

Er, a lot of regular and organised crime digs Cuba too, though I've already mentioned Hollywood. A clear view of Fidel's er, Cuban miracle, is also probably a little off at Sunnyvale Sanatorium and Madhouse. So, naturally Che has a fan base in the Middle East, any African gangster cannibal state or dysfunctional powder keg in Latin America etc, and especially with er, affluent Westerners.

The rotten to the core delusions and lies of the Left Liberal celebrity fan club of Che and his revolutionary brain splattering machine, are delightfully sustained in their ardour, by literally millions of fashionably unresearched, ignorant and spoiled, free world rank and file rebels. Add a chorus of grudge bearing, dysfunctional, failed and failing states, and away ya go. Here's a neat piece on the growing and terrifying duo of Che lovin' Chavez and Iran's Ahmachimphead.

Humberto Fontova: 'Every third male in Miami has the same background of having his family and friends murdered, all property stolen and being the lucky one to have escaped alive. Castro sent his agents to torture to death American POWs in North Vietnam's Cu Loc POW camp outside Hanoi, in 1967'.

“The black is indolent where as the European is forward looking”. Che.

“If the missiles [nuclear] had remained in Cuba, we would have use them against the heart of the United States, including New York City”. Che.

For fifty years, the "right on!" and revolutionary scene of Fidel, Che and Cuba, has been pushed along nicely by bad TV shows and even worse films and docos. Dross that has perpetuated Che as a delight, and assumptions of Latinos as not having the same aspirations and abilities as say, you and l. Nope, they apparently need a uniquely experimental and shocking solution to their problems, not like er, us. It’s as if for some, certain nation states can only be comprehended as being almost entirely and naturally, comprised of people straight from Central Casting.

When it comes to national and international disgrace and scandal, bogus attitudes to Cuba, especially in the clueless MSM and Celebrityville, are the real deal.

Humberto Fontova: "A Cuban gentleman named Pierre San Martin was also among those jailed by the gallant Che. A few years ago he recalled the horrors in a El Nuevo Herald article. "32 of us were crammed into a cell" he recalls. "16 of us would stand while the other sixteen tried to sleep on the cold filthy floor. We took shifts that way. Actually, we considered ourselves lucky. After all, we were alive. Dozens were led from the cells to the firing squad daily. The volleys kept us awake. We felt that any one of those minutes would be our last".

"One morning the horrible sound of that rusty steel door swinging open startled us awake and Che's guards shoved a new prisoner into our cell. His face was bruised and smeared with blood. We could only gape. He was a boy, couldn't have been much older than 12, maybe 14.

"What did you do?" We asked horrified. "I tried to defend my Papa," gasped the bloodied boy. "I tried to keep these Communist sons of bitches from murdering him! But they sent him to the firing squad".

Soon Che's goons came back, the rusty steel door opened, and they yanked the valiant boy out of the cell. "We all rushed to the cell's window that faced the execution pit, " recalls Mr San Martin. "We simply couldn't believe they'd murder him!"

"Then we spotted him, strutting around the blood-drenched execution yard with his hands on his waist and barking orders: the gallant Che Guevara." Here Che was finally in his element. In battle he was a sad joke, a bumbler of epic proportions [For details see the book Fidel; Hollywood's Favorite Tyrant.] But up against disarmed and bloodied boys he was a snarling tiger.

"Kneel Down!" Che barked at the boy.

"Assassins!" We screamed for our window. "Murderers! How can you murder a little boy?!" "I said kneel down!" Che barked again.

The boy stared Che resolutely in the face. "If you're going to kill me," he yelled. "you'll have to do it while I'm standing! Men die standing!" "Cowards, murderers, son of bitches!" The men yelled desperately from their cells.

"Leave him alone!" How can...?! "And then we saw Che unholstering his pistol. It didn't seem possible. But Che raised his pistol, put the barrel to the back of the boys neck and blasted. The shot almost decapitated the young boy.

"We erupted. We were enraged, hysterical, banging on the bars. "Murderers! Assassins!" His murder finished, Che finally looked up at us, pointed his pistol, and Blam, blam, blam!, emptied his clip in our direction. Several of us were wounded by his shots."

To a man (and boy), Che's murder victims went down in a blaze of defiance and glory. So let's recall Che's own plea when the wheels of justice finally turned and he was cornered in Bolivia. "Don't Shoot!" he whimpered. "I'm Che! I'm worth more to you alive than dead!" This swinish and murdering coward, this child-killer, was the toast of the Oscars".

The many useful idiots and hypocrites of Hollywood have assisted enormously and enthusiastically in all this, and quite traditionally too, considering Tinsel Towns long, deep history of happy partnerships with drugs, prostitution, the Mafia and other organised crime. The same hopelessly crude, violent and sentimental Mafia goombahs who hung out on Cuba pre the revolutionary disaster and as professional criminals now, have worked freely among the many shallow, relentlessly self-indulgent and decadent creeps of Bel Air, and way before and all during the current ongoing Cuban murder spree.

So many Hollywood names have feted and received a cheery kickback holiday of thanks in the other Cuba, the one without firing squads but with imported Champagne and domestic child prostitutes, that one could throw up continuously all over the carpet of a rich celebrity Lear Jet. Just pity the poor cleaner.

"Yukka, Mr Hollywooda! How do I getta out a so many a stains? First a cocaine, then booze and cum, and now a the vomit!"

It's very complicated, Doctor. It's affluent people having a tedious guilt about their affluence, and the fortunate recipients of the benefits of Capitalist Democracies, finding that this just doesn't sit so well with their wished for rebel image. It's hard to hold a grudge and maintain the pose when you've got more than enough of nearly everything.

So, just make it all up and find a safe false enemy such as your folks, any US President, but preferably and almost always Republican, affluence in general or the price of cheese. It really doesn't matter. At every G8 protest rally cum violent riot, it's a sea of unresolved parental issues and a free for all festival of the disingenuous, the immature and the morally inverted.

After doing even a small amount of easily available research on Hollywood history and its often ugly, peculiar and fashionable attitudes, how can anyone decent ever respect a lot of these people and beyond their often mediocre, repetitive specialties, find them in the least bit interesting? Hey, it's not just Hollywood films either. It's the same for much of the alleged creative classes, baby. You can apply the same test to many celebrities, musicians and writers etc. They nearly all seem to love a nice Che T to enhance what is usually just their celebrity image and a tawdry one.

Just don't test me! It’s not just my image that’s tawdry. We're all human, but these people have real power, influence and opportunity and an incredible platform in which to indulge themselves and they usually do.

Don't get me wrong. I like a lot of Hollywood films and even some of the people, especially the technicians. But now I'm not the same as any other movie fan, cos' boy, when delving deeper into the shallows, the alleged star and celebrity dishonour roll is long. Celebrities, journalist's, academics and politiciansv have in their usually ignorant, lazy and research free zone, babbled on for almost fifty years with a sickening mix of delusion, out and out lies and mutual narcissism in the strange corrupt cult of celebrity complicit revolutionary Cubanism.

Humberto Fontova on Johnny Depp, who is just crazy about Che, about whom Depp knows fuck all factual. Depp doesn't want to know. Nope, it's just a romantic dream for our faux rocker and rebel. Well, cream dream on, white boy.

"Had Johnny Depp been born two decades earlier [and in Cuba], if he attempted the lifestyle of a U.S. teenager or campus rebel his "digging" would have been of a more literal nature. Depp would have found himself digging ditches and mass-graves in a prison camp system inspired by the man glorified on his little pendant. Had his digging lagged, a "groovy" Czech machine-gun butt might have shattered his teeth or perhaps some "groovy" Soviet bayonets slashed his buttocks.

Hugo Chavez recently labeled his regime's socio-economic model, "Mission Che Guevara." As I write Chavez' police goon squads [some mimicking their national leader by wearing Che t-shirts, as visible on Youtube], bludgeon, tear gas and arrest hundreds of rebellious college and high-school students.

Nothing could be more fitting. In a famous speech in 1961 Che Guevara denounced the very "spirit of rebellion" as "reprehensible." "Youth must refrain from ungrateful questioning of governmental mandates" commanded Guevara. "Instead they must dedicate themselves to study, work and military service."

And woe to those youths "who stayed up late at might and thus reported to work [government forced-labor] tardily." Youth, wrote Guevara, " should learn to think and act as a mass." "Those who chose their own path" [as in growing long hair and listening to Yankee-Imperialist Rock n' Roll], were denounced as worthless "lumpen" and "delinquents." In his famous speech Che Guevara even vowed, "to make individualism disappear from Cuba! It is criminal to think of individuals!"

Tens of thousands of Cuban youths learned that Che Guevara's admonitions were more than idle bombast. In Che Guevara the hundreds of Soviet KGB and East German secret police STASI "consultants" who flooded Cuba in the early 60's, found an extremely eager acolyte.

By the mid 60's the crime of a "rocker" lifestyle or effeminate behavior got thousands of youths yanked off Cuba's streets and parks by secret police and dumped in prison camps with "Work Will Make Men Out of You" in bold letters above the gate. The one at Auschwitz' gate read: "Work Will Set You Free", with machine gunners posted on the watchtowers. The initials for these camps were UMAP, not GULAG, but the conditions were much the same.

Today the world’s largest Che Guevara image adorns Cuba’s headquarters for its KGB-trained secret police. And Johnny Depp seems delighted to flaunt this emblem from his pendants, shirts and kerchiefs".


Yep, it's a Havanawood party in Cuba for a lot of celebrities, and Hollywood is a cool source of La-La Land polished propaganda for Fideliano. Cuba is great way for stars to get their right on rebel badge accreditation via a completely fake and dead revolution and some nice free prostitutes at US five dollars a night.

Well, they're only helping to maintain the half century crushing of anonymous Cubans, so who's to know? Almost no one, especially not in most of the MSM. And with such immoral lack of judgement, you wonder why so many movies are so very bad? What else would you get from immensely spoiled and privileged people whose main occupations are forever amplifying their own reflections via the creation of fantasy worlds, drug taking and getting laid?

Jack Nicholson said of Castro: “He’s a genius. We spoke of everything”. Of cabbages and Kings no doubt?

Kevin Costner said meeting the killer was: “An experience of a lifetime”. Movie wise, Costner is mostly remembered and still rides on the same one experience of his lifetime from about fifteen years ago. I should be so lucky.

Harry Belafonte’s anti-US rants and pro Castro boot licking is broadcast unbelievably from Havana State Radio. Unbearable boredom FM on your dial. It's interesting that Harry does seem to always return to the evil United States? But Belafonte couldn't possibly be a phony and a hypocrite, right?

No mention by Harry Bellalugosi that while Batista had eleven prisons in total, Castro now has three hundred! There were over four thousand firing squad executions without trial in the first three years of the er, revolution, and around two thousand of those were ordered by the lovely Che.

"Che's life is an inspiration for every human being who loves freedom", reckons Nelson Mandela. Right, and Mandela has done so much post Apartheid for South Africa, and to help the people of Zimbabwe and well, help Africa in general. Er, nope.

Ah, Nellie forgot to comment on the typical kind of useless imbecile er, leader, that curses the continent of Africa, described nicely in the er, Prime Minister of South Africa, Thabo Mbeki. For many years, Tab acted upon his belief that AIDS is not spread by HIV. Lot of protests at the deaths of millions of African people because of this kind of profound ignorance? Negative. Zilcho. Hey, Mandela is a living Saint and His miracles work in mysterious ways, right? I digress.

Steven Spielberg said meeting the Dictator was: “the greatest eight hours of my life”. For the worst eight hours of your life, go to the next Spielberg festival of sickening contrived sentimentality and mawkish shallowness: A Retrospective, and watch four of his films in a row.

Naomi Campbell opined that meeting the Debauched One was: “very spiritual” and “an inspiration”. So far no guy seems to have been as equally inspired by Naomi to stick around long-term.

Chevy Chase said: “Socialism works. Cuba might prove that”. None of his films have really worked regards quality and timelessness, have they?

Robert Redford asks Che's sister to approve his phony Motorcycle Diaries script. Spike Lee, Sidney Pollack, Oliver Stone, Woody Harrelson, Danny Glover, Shirley MacLaine, Alanis Morissette, Leonardo DiCaprio, Dan Rather, Ed Asner etc, etc, are all creepy and flaky fans of Fidel the creep, and have made various delightful endorsements of the old cigar sucker.

Old Bob Redford used Che's diaries for The Murder Cycle Diaries, with the crazy and perhaps not so marketable of Che's psycho rants of extreme violence, edited out by er, Fidel. Gee, I hope Bobby also submitted the script to Fidel for approval. Oh, he did! It just shows that the Golden Boy has still got that romantic touch.

Sara Lequerica De La Vega stated on UCLA Today, in an article titled "Che Show only glorifies ruthless killer", that the “The self-indulgence and frivolity of pampered Western pseudo revolutionaries, speaks clearly of their lack of critical objective analysis”. Mark Morano on CNSNews, titled an article "Critics Assail Fidel Castro’s Sickening Grip on Hollywood Celebrities".

The people who dig Che en masse, are perhaps never going to do any easily performed research about their sick hero, because they don’t really want to know. Once you start examining and removing pieces in this particular House of Leftard Cards, you’ll have to keep removing the many other lies and fantasy’s that have made up the dream scape of the Left for many, many tragic decades. It ain’t gonna happen, kids.

So they stay with the fantasy and defend it ever more from any evidence whatsoever. And there's plenty of company worldwide for 'em, with the millions of stubbornly deluded and curiously aggressive fans of Che the shit. But hey, that's a cool t-shirt ya wearin'! You must be a real rebel and a champion of the people!

Gotta be.

You better pawn it, babe.

'The Age' newspaper Editorial Board respond to public criticism.




(This is my feeble and ineffective response to Suzanne Carbone, a journalist colleague of Catherine Deveny. I wrote to ‘The Age’ and Carbone about a delightful column Cathy wrote on what a load of jerks private school people are and how she’s not a jerk. Right. Cathy is more of a classic Left/Liberal creep. Sadly, Suzanne felt that any criticism, especially of an ‘Age’ journalist, is just not allowed. Carbone dismissed my scribblings by quoting my own last lines back to me. How Devilishly clever! She added impishly, that I motivated her. To learn to write or to masturbate, she didn't say)


Dear Suzanne:

Err, gee, thanks for the ad hominem only 'analysis'. Your thoughts went as deep as using my analysis! Right on... and I carelessly said so many Age journalists have nothing to say. You took the best option and said what I have to say. And to keep up the standard, you added my name. Bravo.

Dear Suze, may I call you that? What I stated was not hateful or frivolous at all, more embarrassed and damn it, a pretty good and empirical analysis of an awful column. And quite frankly, if you can’t tell the difference as a journalist, “you better check your diamond ring, you better pawn it, babe”. Thank you, Bobby. What exactly did I say that is not true? That is your job.

It’s the height of being frivolous to dismiss all private schools, every student in them and presumably the teachers, as some kind of disease, victim or a mental problem. It is hateful to say the things Deveny did throughout her entirely predictable and weaselly column.

I don’t hate people such as this. I don’t need to hate the creatively and intellectually impotent, and I’d have to hate a lot of folks, as there is a ‘mountain everyday’ of that kind of junk view. You can always send me something courageous, witty, funny, interesting, alive, worthwhile and memorable that you and young Cathy have written, and written well...

Um, so your paradigm can't hold any criticism no matter how obviously humorous? I thought your job was communication, the people and all that, guess not. I guess just as long as they don’t actually have any real chance to say anything at all in any effective way, eh? In reply to your new found motivation, I find well positioned and comfortable journalists entirely unmotivated, except for more of the same.

Unlike average people, those with ample and easy access to the media, such as said journalists, politicians, celebrities, overgrown undergraduates, highly qualified conspiracy theorists, supporters of trained terrorists and various newts, all have the corrupting privilege of endlessly having their opinions relatively untested and unquestioned.

Catherine Deveny’s piece was not just lacking in decency and overloaded with a peculiar inverted and affluent hubris that should be answered by say, the common people like me, but contained logical fallacies, boilerplate default position bigotries, had no laughs, was riddled with ugly absurdities and well, was bad writing. Of course there was a negative side for ‘The Age’ too. Hey, extend her contract!

Can she actually write, and has she anything to say worth a damn at all? You be the judge! In the US and Europe, it’s common to find a standard of journalism that includes the common one of literary journalism.

I can’t help noticing that often when I’ve read an article in ‘The Age’ that has some depth, I find it usually is from the US or elsewhere. So, stay cosy and smug in the monstrous powerhouse of insight, creativity, courage, individuality and quality that is the Australian media. You believe it. “All the pretty people laugh and drink and think they got it made”. So very cool, though ‘pretty’, might be pushing it in Hack town, and not just physical.

The common reaction of the mediocre when encountering something or someone that may be corrective or better than themselves is to be simply, easily and oh so glibly dismissive. It’s even easier as a group. That way you can avoid stating any case at all. Oh, I think that’s another job of a journalist.

Anyway, to paraphrase Jimi, 'my word processors comin’ to get cha!' Well, not you exactly as I’ve lost interest, but you’re probably used to that.

Hey Uncle Joe, where are you going with that arrest and execution list in your hand?

As a young man, Stalin spent time in jail where he learned to colour code blocks.





Stalin was not an aberration or anomaly of communism, but the natural end result. He was the custom made bastard for a dysfunctional, abnormal system like the Soviet Union. In such a cynical totalitarian void, Old Chuckles was the inevitable and the only type likely to be the ‘last man standing’. ‘Gosh! We forged this Revolution with tactical murder, lies and a profound cynicism, and now Uncle Joe comes along and betrays our kindness by being even better at it! There’s a flaw in there. People to kill. Commo’s inside. It’s tres cool.


How many Left folks and for how many decades, believed wholeheartedly in the old Soviet Onion, no matter how many rotten layers were revealed? Many more still dig the Crazy Cuban scene, but it's usually a long distance love affair. But I digress.

If life is anything it’s probably change and sometimes even progress, and doing anything better at all is almost by definition radical at some point. There is always an endless list of opportunities to say a change has got to come. A permanent statism is suitable only for granite, the dead and Christmas Compilation Albums.

It’s just that many so called radical views and opinions are not radical at all, beyond radically dangerous, but merely often stale, invariably disappointing default positions and non-ideas from an approved list, with a rather narrow ideological focus. You could fill it in over the phone and you just know what will never appear on there.

It’s a feature of leftish posing that it regularly focus’s a self-righteous spleen on the wrong targets or at least of the safe, easy and entirely predictable ‘shooting fish in a barrel’ kind. It’s mostly the people and things they and the rest of us actually have the most in common with. This is so whether we like it or not, and no matter how diligently we obsess over our philosophical opposites, there is paradoxically perhaps much to lose with their passing.

The same Posey Parkers can seem incapable of restraint or perspective when ascribing the most absurd motives to their imagined and fetishised foes. Not everyone is fully trained to come over all warm and morally smug with every fashionable step toward our own cultural atomisation. The path to Hell really is often paved and repaved with ‘good’ intentions.

At some point on the merry journey through radicalism, you always have your turn at being the ‘enemy’, whoever you are you naughty class traitor or infidel, you.

If one can’t find a more worthy target for an often comfortable, fake and misdirected moral outrage than that of often flaccid, naive, culturally confused, auto apologising even when attacked, musical chairs of incompetent Western Governments, then you ain’t really interested in trying. That’s often about as big a challenge as doing Left-wing comedy in the inner-city. Apparently they do some really daring and cutting edge anti-Howard and Bush material at The Esplanade but you have to get in a line.

Why do so much of the Left continually go after various squares and establishment figures and their pals, as part of some imagined Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, when there are plenty of real groups of straight out of a cracker box dangerous weirdos from neo Nazi’s, endless hate groups and Islamist religious nuts across the world?

It’s funny, yes it is, but invariably a Western politician who was once thought of as the Devil Incarnate with a diabolical plan for taking over the soul of the world, or alternatively thought of as an incompetent fool that ‘got us into this mess’, will come to the end of their allotted run of actually very limited influence, simply by losing at the ballot box. Then they are promptly and almost completely forgotten. At least until either re-animated in the strange new light of post sin and post achievement, if at all, while they reappear as an elderly statesman whose every fatuous utterance is often respected by all sides.

See Jimmy Carter, Malcolm Frazer et al. See Clinton run. The second cumming?

If you can only fine tune your paranoid fantasies and compulsions domestically towards democratic representatives, you have no discerning judgement worth a damn and like the typical ‘New Age’ patsy; believe in anything but the facts. The entertaining of broad, stupid rhetoric and the simply not true messy paranoia of conspiracy theories becomes lie an easy auto focus. It can cause blindness so total, that one cannot recognise the international realities of an actual Totalitarian basket case, no matter what they do. ‘Hello! I’m over here! Killing millions! Yoo-hoo!’


‘Facts do not cease to exist because you don’t believe in them’.

Talk of tolerance and diversity can appear hollow and empty when it appears to mean a diversity of world views that are in complete agreement with each other. When I was starting my University days, I wanted to call the Student Union and ask, ‘I’m a new student here and I’d like to know what views I should have’.

It’s like the old joke about country and western music, except it’s ‘We have both kinds of opinions. Mainstream left and radical left’.

Hey, then we can have about as much individuality as a North Korean Chorus Line, but without the charm, romance and sparkle. But then that’s the point, even if it’s not the original or admitted intent, whatever temporary cloak may be in use. Or as Frank Burns once said, ‘Individuality is all very fine as long as we do it together’. Poor Frank, the worlds most overdrawn creep and fall-guy and while he had no chin, he did have Hot lips and was in the only active long-term relationship in camp.

Perhaps the sooner the strange and tedious dominance of the fancy dress of the left/right paralysis of thought fades away the better. ‘Look, it’s the Right! Boo! Hiss! It’s the Left! Hooray! Lookout! He’s behind you!’ Well, the left are the good guys, right? All you need is the assumed good intentions! Err, no.

The right of course are reliable, upright and thorough, like Mum and Dad, ok? Maybe not...It’s more likely that many of todays suits, G-Men and various Authorities are so thoroughly Waspy, bereft, square and oblivious, including of any popular culture that for example, they can’t even see through an obvious and ridiculous caricature during a twenty minute interview with Ali G. This gives me no confidence that some of these people could be relied upon to pick the odd one out, even in a line-up of Larry, Mohammed and Curly.

The facts of life are naturally and relentlessly conservative, as someone once said. If you don’t believe me, see how many groovy modern plans for bringing up my children in a different and new way just crumble into tragedy and comedy as a neurotic and complex theory meets a simple, solid nappy and the will of a two year-old. Most people sit where the audience always have, somewhere in the middle, as you and I in many ways often do, whether we want to or not. Except of course when I’m being the hip, swinging ex-restaurant owner, artist, and musician, writer guy. Well, I believe it.

A left/right dichotomy works like a kind of freeze frame of discussion. If you don’t accept the whole package, you can so laughably and easily be called a Fascist and/or Revolutionary without any sense of hyperbole on the part of the accuser, even if you only run a hotdog stand.

Many times I have watched and listened in horror as allegedly conservative to right or leftish to rad folks have given their best and I start thinking in that pained moment, ‘Oh no, I think you all got at least half to everything horribly wrong. Do you do any research? Editing? Have you tried saying any of this out loud at home, without scaring the pets? Etc, etc, etc’. You don’t know how I suffer.

I have wanted so much to find agreement with someone and for them not say something that’s a boring and appalling drag to even hear, while trying to avoid said drivel staying in my memory that I’ve tried to will its direction by osmosis. A little like when you’re teaching a four-year old to ride a bicycle without training wheels from a distance, by gesticulating like a taxi driver from Naples.


When you wish upon a Movie Star.

A second is now about the time between you disagreeing with a complicated and dated shibboleth or a newly minted one, and being called either right or left or both, usually to the right on my figures, especially as I live in the inner city. Sorry guys and gals but that’s the way it is. This is the ironically ridiculed ‘You’re either with us or against us’, in action. It’s all so deliciously and laughably polarised, I often wish I had my Polaroid with me to capture the moment.

It’s like listening to my parent’s strong views on modern art and any music past 1953, two subjects that they dedicated much effort to knowing nothing about, or to students discussing on public transport how they’re going to ‘The March’, any march, and then they’re going to excitedly smash up a McDonalds. That’s got to work! Where would you begin to respond to such affluent and frivolous nihilism if you bothered at all?

Currently the actual meaning of conservative is so misunderstood, unsophisticated and juvenile, that it’s got all the nuanced range and choice of that between a professional killer and a Nazi. The once often worthy and even respected liberal-left view has suffered a similar, though perhaps mostly self-inflicted degradation. Maybe they just got what they wished for.

What’s left of the once adult liberal-left can be such a naive, fluffy and amorphous nullity that it requires incredible mental gymnastics to either believe in any of it or even attempt to follow so many of it’s illogical to suicidal premises. These convoluted concerns curiously can contain, (or CCCCC) more than an element of jealousy and envy. Hence the inspiration to so much vandalism I guess.

The latest grab bag pet subject is as mere fodder to undisciplined minds to give some meaning and direction to a belief system whose only solid stand on anything at all, seems to be its opposition to things. Then when said wheel barrow or trick pony is found a little wanting, it’s discarded without much comment or accountability.

Thinking skills are immutable. It’s a worthwhile exercise for anyone to learn the twenty or so ‘Logical Fallacies’ and 'False Argument'. Go on, you’ll see. Try the Dialectic as well, just for laughs. Of course, Ad Hominems can be such fun.

Conservative used to be understood as a set of proven, timeless and paradoxically, endlessly adaptable, flexible skills, much like martial art, sport, the classical humanities, engineering and cake baking. Or like the liberal left once was for that matter, well, maybe not timeless and adaptable. Conservatism for some reason looks silly on a pamphlet, like a note from your Mother to wear clean underwear.

Once there was at the front of the public mind and discourse the idea and purpose of the Trivium, or the simultaneously Liberal and Conservative idea of the great value of the Humanities, and say teaching them to delinquents and those with even serious offending problems. There was sending troubled kids to a ranch to learn about real life, independence and interdependence, and there still is.

There's the value of the personal and co-operative responsibilities of freedom, both of the individual and in working together. On a ranch it's partly through relating to animals, horses and dogs through kindness and understanding. This is a surprisingly applicable, important and useful skill for any person. But I dilute. Mistakenly thinking being conservative means dull and reactionary is mistakenly being dull and reactionary. It should be inspiring simply because it’s useable and there is no need to hate your parents, fellow citizens or elected representatives of either side. The Left often perversely loves and lauds almost any ‘tradition’ and 'culture' but their own. Go figure.

The radically true, fresh and inspiring seems to come more often than not from individuals than movements, or at least truly civil societies. Large groups without any quality control, like its inbred cousin the dangerous mob, are more likely to produce merely the truly radical, which is not an achievement at all, but a bad conformity and a capitulation of individuality.

We’ve always needed individuals and healthy smart groups of the civil minded kind and perhaps now more than ever, at least more than the mass atrophy of any mean and mechanical ‘Moveon.org’. Interestingly, I find great individuals often have a comfortable and natural empathy for the majority and mass of people, a prerequisite for tempering excess. But then, that really is radical. An effectiveness matched by its compassion. Be real radical and start with kindness. Without this, the rest may be shite. That’s why you tend to listen to your parents more as you get older unless they really are stupid.

Look closely at your parents. If you have acne, there’s a good chance that Mater and Pater are pretty much conservative however much they still have their subscription to ‘Old and Soft Left Liberal Magazine’. They want to conserve what is of value, importance and of opportunity, especially to them and that includes you.

That’s why you won’t usually catch your folks loitering downtown and aided by your Grandparents, trying to tip over a mini van so Aunty Doris can torch it.

George Bush is a Poo-Poo Face.

Republicans and Democrats can get along.










For the ‘Bush or whoever is President and Republican is a Poo-Poo Face’ crowd, everything that makes up the complexity and mess of the competing demands, limits, flaws, endless compromises, mistakes and failures of real life, is never just the way that life perhaps is. It’s always part of a vast conspiracy, all of it, even down to the list of ingredients on a packet of cookies. Endless deconstructionism leads to such impractical and neurotic ways of thinking that you can’t even tie your own shoe laces without ‘contextualising’ it. And the Left is curiously never too far away from anti-Semitism.

So set and rigid is it in its dated freeze frame of empty and useless myths, that like the living dead, it must constantly find and seize upon new sources of meaning, purpose and nourishment to justify existing at all.

The Palestinians, Global Warming, Iraq or labouring tediously over ever more complicated protocols of behaviour are often mere convenient grist’s for the mill of boring, entirely predictable and phoney Internationalists. Every one of these current obsessions will eventually be shrugged off and replaced with the freshly co-opted, after they are all drained of the blood of fashionable usefulness. Wasn’t Nuclear Disarmament, the people of Vietnam and South Africa all once essential centrepieces?

I guess everything worked out just dandy re nuclear weapons and stand offs or Vietnamese refugees and boatpeople. There are no problems in South Africa now or Africa in general. Well, none that registers with any mass Left and Socialist Alliance urge to march. It’s the same with the 1970’s global cooling scare ‘and why doesn’t the Government get serious and do something? Why oh why, Delilah?’ Ditto the 1960’s population explosion myth and the food production collapse lie, or the 1960’s and the 1970’s ‘no more resources left by the 1980’s’ drivel.


Bush eats worms.

The ‘Bush Eats Worms’ movement do not really care about Iraq at all, not even a bit. They never really cared that much about the Vietnamese. Definitely not as much as themselves and fair enough, but why hide behind a badge of caring for people that you are clearly uninterested in on almost any level? Because no-one wanted to say it’s all about me, me, me and me. How many protests were there about the million and a half Vietnamese boat people and the hundreds of thousands that died trying to escape via the South China Sea? I must have missed those particular mass protests.

How many hippies went to Vietnam to ‘help out’ after 1975 or before? By the 1970’s many were too busy building corporations and going to key parties. But why not, if the new totalitarian Government with it’s ‘arrest them all’ based economy and the devastating victory over the previous corrupt and stupid one was so neat? ‘Hey it doesn’t affect me anymore. What’s the next cause we can parasite on?’

The politics of ‘The People’ are the world’s greatest white elephant that unfortunately has stomped in its dumb mammoth way on the lives of millions of people, their thoughts, emotions and potential. Pure cant is neither effective in dealing rationally with either friend or foe.

It contains no provision for critical self reflection, except for the conical hats and mass public humiliation kind. ‘Bring out the tumbrel! You are the refuse of the past! And what do we do with this creature of technology and the establishment? Burn it all! Yes, burn it all!’ It just ain’t no good for you.

It seems to never occur until way too late if ever, that there is any alternative, perhaps say, in simply being a clear minded and contemporary adult. Or is that what passes for one today? Today’s radical is tomorrows Graduate IT worker, advertising executive, comfortable journalist, insurance salesman or out-patient.

It’s not that I’m opposed to any form of radicalism per se; I’m hip to the overthrow of any murderess Dictator anytime, anywhere and almost anyhow or the promotion of interpretive modern dance. I am after all an alleged artist, musician type and oddball etc. I enjoy a wild crazy time and living on the edge as much as the next person and I’ve been known to eat almost a whole packet of chocolate biscuits in a single afternoon. I even used to ride a motorbike. On the road. The main road, with the scary traffic and things.


'I hope I wasn't out of line with the bank heists', says Peppermint Pattie.

There is a comfortable line that continues from the lefts lack of quality control and nuance, to a very natural fit with middle class terrorist and radical groups like Patty Hearst, the Symbionese Liberation Army and Bader Meinhoff etc. Basically they were all spoiled daydreaming brats with the leisure time and the required alienation from regular people to pontificate monstrous abstractions regards ‘freeing the people’. Especially by bullying and killing them, while their Revolutionary and right on personalities just kept getting crazier and more dangerous ending in a bonfire of their own hideous vanities. ‘You know that it would be untrue...’

If you have no sense of perspective in your hysterical dichotomy, well, I’m not going to trust you around my children with or without surveillance.

As things diversify, break up and connect in new ways, it may be a groovy scene if much of the negative and or useless junk of the past was no longer passed on to the young, including that phrase. Actually, I really like that phrase, it still sounds ok in its harmless, light hearted though placed clearly in a distant time way. Ok, dated. But there’s the catch. You can’t get light without shadow and the attempts so far at saying which is which and then somehow trying to separate them on behalf of ‘the people’, have ended in disaster, as history clearly shows. Funny, that reminds me of the end result of many of my own decisions.

Run for the Hills! It’s the end! Again!

Perhaps it would be a neato idea during the current Tulip Mania of Global Warming, to consider that the natural world, the planets and the known universe are violent and vast rushes of naturally unstable, never static and competing energy. The earth’s climate over 4 billion years has gone from the absolute earthbound extremes of freeze to heat, perhaps through many thousands of cycles.

The sea and land has changed places countless times. I'm just glad I wasn't there as I can't tolerate sitting in a draught and too much humidity gives me hives. Regards the natural instability of things, over less than an eighteen month period, I've changed the kitchen wallpaper twice. Perhaps everything will one day all be gone and without a trace after the world simply shrugs us off. In 20 tiny years, Global Warming will most likely be forgotten and unmentioned even to say 'Er, sorry about that again, Chief'.

Just like the alleged Western population explosion prediction of the 1960's, now mostly Western population collapse, the alleged running out of all major resources by the 1980's and the alleged food stocks collapse by the 1970's, production that has since more than quadrupled.

Then there is the, I kid you not, the Global Cooling scare of the 1970's! Y2K, the collapse of Capitalist Democracies that are now triumphantly effective and the violent Revolutions that were gonna happen any day now, rejected by the mass of people, etc, etc. In the future, everyone who makes predictions will be wrong.

Why be distracted for too long by what may be junk? Why make macramé? Bruce Lee said all failure is a lack of concentration. Reality is often far more interesting than baloney and well, more unreal in a way. Unless it's that very good baloney from a Jewish delicatessen.

Simply use an understanding of 'Logical Fallacy's', the scientific method of scepticism and multiple testing, 'Ockham’s Razor', 'Plato's Dictum' and ‘How to argue'. Also, try to keep a sense of humour. Why is it to many people that the prediction of Manhattan under water is more real than any Islamic bomb blast?

When I hear such folks a talkin' ‘bout GW, I always like to remember to ask, ‘What are you selling and what am I buying?’ Remember, our minds can be saved even after University.

Oliver Stone interviews Adolf Hitler.

Audience reaction at the Academy Awards, to Oliver Stone receiving his Oscar for Stone's fifteenth assassination conspiracy film, 'KFC'.




Academy Award winning film maker Oliver Stone, recently visited Nazi Germany and over several days interviewed the Fuhrer while a guest at Hitler’s residence, known as ‘The Beagles Hair’. Stone acknowledged that many right wing conservatives, who in Stones words, have a “rabid and almost pathological dislike” of Hitler and his various reforms, have criticised such visits.

“That’s their reactionary trip and I just don’t buy into it. I’m an artist and as such, I want to show that there’s more than one biased side to a story. I've gotten to know him as Adolf and believe me, anyone that can stand up to American Imperialism is a genius as far as I’m concerned” said Stone several weeks ago by telephone, from atop the picturesque ‘Berchersmuesligarten'.

Oliver continued that he was of course prepared to ask the “tough questions” such as alleged abuses of human rights and “whatever”. Stone is known for such controversial films as ‘The Last Temptation of Christopher Hitchens’, where Stone hypothesises the writer being tested before launching his latest book, with being able to live an alternate life as Jesus Christ.

The film ‘Full Bread Basket’, chronicled the massive support by Hollywood stars and celebrities for the two and a half million Vietnamese refugees that left Vietnam after 1975. Many actors, directors and other Tinsel Town illuminati, such as Oliver Stone and close friend Jane Fonda, have dozens of Vietnamese families still living on their large Hollywood estates as virtual permanent guests.

“They’ve become our families now. We love them maybe even more than any of my public speeches or Oliver’s films. Instead of a macho and violent 'victory', we support as we have since the 1960’s, the more inclusive idea of defeat. As actors, we were always naturally determined to keep up the long Hollywood traditions of responsibility” said Fonda, who was known as “Washington” Jane during the war.

Stone spoke of how he was “always very interested in German culture with its sexy, sultry, fun, swinging beat and rhythms. Any party you go to, put on some ‘Beer Hall Oom Pah Pah’ music, and people throw off all their inhibitions and simply can’t resist dancing. It’s very sensual music. You know I toured the Albert Speer industrial zone and ya know what I liked? It was so co-operative and ‘for the people’. No child in the Fatherland is without a machine pistol. They just see it as a natural part of being a Nazi”.

The movie maker also spoke to ordinary Germans and went into their homes. “Of course, I had thirteen Storm Troopers with me. But that’s just Cu…, I mean Nazi Germany, man. I have to play by their rules if I want to show the bigger picture, especially at a multiplex”. What impressions did Stone have of regular life for the average German?

Stone considered for a moment and said, “Sure, I see where the criticisms can come from, but ya gotta remember, ever since ‘The Bay of Normandy’ fiasco, the ‘V2 Crisis’ and the subsequent cargo cult, it’s been a question of survival, so some things are just necessary. And remember, whatever economic pressures they are under, the Germans still have their wonderful culture, dancing and music. Yes, they still have that. The dancing, the culture...the dancing, thing, they have...it”.

The Director also shared some lighter moments with the German Chancellor, such as when Stone broke into one of Hitler’s long and stimulating monologues to ask a personal question. “Hey man, sorry to interrupt, but you’re what, over a hundred and fourteen years old now? I know ya always been a ladies man. Can I ask you, is that still part of your life today?”

Hitler, who had appeared quite tense and stimulated for the previous eight hours of his speech, suddenly relaxed while the assorted guests returned to drinking Argentinean wine and eating strudel.

The Fuhrer laughed in that beguiling way that he has and answered cheekily, “With the new and superior German ‘Super Drugs’ my scientists have developed and that will be ready any day now, it will be my first pole and then around the world!”

Stone spoke of how the light hearted mood of the evening changed a little at the mention of Rudolph 'Chump' Hess, who since his death and after trying unsuccessfully to foster a Nazi rebellion in Hawaii in 1967, has become an icon to students and librarians around the world. Many wear the face of Hess as a hip T-shirt design, and he's also a very popular poster boy.

“I can easily see why”, said Stone. “Hess or ‘Chump’ as he’s affectionately known, just looks so good in that classic T-shirt image, with his deep set, very beady black eyes and bushy eyebrows looking off into the distance. It’s a great image with the Hula skirt and he was really just the Prince of Wermacht cool and style, especially with his leather Lederhosen and that cuckoo clock he often carried around with him”.

I asked Stone about the documentary’s release. “I’ll be releasing a Directors cut soon in a boxed set of eighty seven DVD’s. I think, and I’m just being honest here, it will be seen as a major event and a great work of art”. The documentary, ‘Hitler: Misunderstood Genius, Rebel and all Round Nazi Party Guy’, is released later this year.

‘Global warming is much worse on the sun!'

Al spent endless and ultimately futile hours on his organic lettuce patch.




This is my response to the screening of 'The Great Global Warming Swindle' that was screened in Melbourne Australia, on ABCTV in July 2007, with an absurd level of anti-fanfare fanfare! Go figure. My response however, has been posted with a zero amount of fanfare or interest.

Yep, Old Stern got a very comfy ride virtually everywhere, care of a rather mediocre journalistic and media reception. They all agreed to agree and not pursue any qualifying of anything at all, so it seems. 'So, Sterny, what the Hell is this? Are ya puttin' me on wid this crap? No gold stars for you, ya Mother!'

It's a funny thing that people think 'scientist' means 'Your Guarantee of Quality!' That it's a certain standard and without any prejudice, either intellectually, training wise, regards experience, personality or ideology. I enjoy very much, many things about the ABC, but it's like any public broadcaster and civil service; a seeming magnet for comfortable Left luvvies and ideologues that reluctantly I'm sure, accept their pretty good wage generated by the evils of Capitalism. How do some of these people keep their jobs when they never seem to improve? But I digress.

The documentary could have been a lot better, but that's of limited importance really, innit? Being as its one lone little show. It's incredibly instructive that Toby 'Jug' Jones and the ABC, felt it imperative to make a rather unprecedented fuss about one damn doco that just happened to be contrary to the currently so fashionable, tedious, annoyingly oppressive and anti science orthodoxy of Glow ball Warning. Of course there's a bad side, too.

That the ‘Jones Boy’ stated very earnestly and clearly, that the ABC and Tobias do not agree with this single perhaps 'dangerous to children if viewed' doco at all, not really, not even a teensy weensy bit. Er, isn't Aunty supposed to be an impartial presenter for everybody in order to inform and educate? Nope, not really. Ipso facto, the ABC fully endorses the rock solid orthodoxy of all the other crap they and SBS show. Just like they did with the last forty years of crisis that never happened. One bleeding documentary!?

Yeah, I bet they're gonna grill Al Gore just like they did Clinton on His visits. More likely they'll hold a grill and barbecue in the ABC car park and congratulate each other how they are ‘among the Blessed’ who have the same and correct views on everything. The only views that anyone decent would ever have all the way from earth to every planet in the solar system and for all time perhaps. I'm sure these are even God's opinions, eh? Gotta be! But a secular God or ‘god’, of course.

Al Gore is a politician who was until recently thought of as a washed up and very affluent bore. Now he's a kind of jocular Saint. Er, no. Now he's an even more very affluent politician and professional bore who’s been re-made pretty good. At least Clinton would supply his own mayonnaise. "Ramona, ya want some more a that? I make it maself". It's handy to have two world class blowhards like Clinton and Gore at a BBQ. "Hey, Bill, when I said blow on the fire, I didn't mean 'blow' on the fire!"


Global Warming really is like a religion and I'm bored already. It's the Second Coming of Al as opposed to the serial coming of Clinton. "They used to call me Al the Bore, it was Al the Bore all the time. Now I built a staircase, made it reach to the sky! Ah ya all comin' with me everybody?! Ya gotta! Come on, little crippled Jimmy! I see a great golden light on the hill of salvation for all of us Capitalist Consumerist Sinners!' Er,…Oops! I knew I forgot to turn those lights off".

How many scientists are there in the world? Apparently there are 2,500 worth taking seriously. Isn't there like, er, millions of scientists? So, who has interviewed all these people and where's the data, exactly? When they present the paper, they'll have to borrow the Rolling Stones Concert Transport.

Ya know, if volcano's, the oceans, rotting vegetation and breathing cause most C02, which is 85% water, well, if we stopped every human activity today, dug our graves and then died, shouldn't we still petition the Lord first to change the physics of the universe, just to be on the safe side?

That 'garrulous' guy on the old panel saying that it was much worse 55,000,000 years ago didn't seem to notice that the world didn't end at that point, and it somehow arrived at this very rare and fortunate temperate period we're in now. And boy, there sure were a few glaring 'Logical Fallacy's' of the A = B so C follows variety, among the pro Global Warming Glee Club. But it was the ABC, eh?

Personally, I don't care about documentaries as much as I'm supposed to, they come and go; I just want to dig real method, actual data, an understanding and conception of how it works and what it may mean. I'm not always filled with confidence. But there ya go.

I Dreamed I Saw Saint Al Last Night.

Al Gore prepares his 'mind' and adjusts his corset before presenting his documentary, 'An Interesting Fruit'.

Al Gore climbed through my kitchen window while I was scraping off my body oils for recycling as gee butter. The hippies at the local market just love it. I'm going all the way with this recycling thing, baby! Gore admonished me for not believing in him and threatened to "up the boredom" if I refused. As he phrased it, "Wake up and join the circus, hop on the Gravy Train, grab the public funding, dig the fame and be part of the mass mania, Bub". Or else.

Then after speaking continuously for a mere seven and a half hours that passed like light years, he leapt from his disposable pedestal and with a vast flame of his own methane, which powered some kind of a golden apple pie shaped spacecraft, Al blasted into the sky. How could I not be left impressed and fully bored with such a display?

Mo and The Big Is: All you need is hate, everybody.

Mohammed pointing out an attractive nine-year old.

The way things are going in Islamist infected France and much of a culturally depressed and frightened Europe, with variously resurgent and profoundly boring extremist groups, the Marseille intro to that particular Beatles song, will more likely within this century, signal the eventual end of The Great Republics greatest creations of liberty and egalite’. As for Gallic love and sensuality, artistic expression, literature and everything else, it could maybe all go the way of the old French Court, after perhaps meeting a strikingly similar fate as Marie Antoinette.

Over a six month period in the last two years, there were over 2,500 attacks on French Police, or Gendarmes by er, "youth", the very PC term that covers for mostly Muslim, Arabic speaking, often North African teenagers and young men. In these cheery meet and greets between representatives of the Great Republic and the profoundly alienated and ungrateful knife sharpeners, the loudly proclaimed, common and enervated shouts of "Allah Akbar!" was the chorus of choice.

“They used to call me Allah Akbar; it was Allah Akbar all the time”.

To the Left, liberal and radical axis of mediocrity, none of this means anything, or what it actually means in reality, that's if it registers at all. Everything and anything that may in the slightest legitimise any policy of the West regarding its own security and survival, is dismissed out of hand, with a mind blasting and automatic glibness.

To the Left Liberal, there is not only no war, no terror and nothing worth defending and dying for, but there is entirely no enemy.

And this is with a mortal foe whose rather clearly stated and determined goals, are rather relentlessly backed up with endless and daily actions. The crushingly real history and right now actions of Islamism, are apparently just something that's somehow been er, twisted out of context, by an absurdly alleged right wing media and or made up by George Bush.

Yeah, George is apparently the worlds only moron and fully qualified jet pilot with hundreds of hour’s flight time in FA-102’s, but he somehow had the intellect to invent the 7th Century and fool us all. Riiiight. Imagine the Left’s position today, if all this murder and crazy talk was being done in the name of Christianity? In the topsy turvy world of Leftist mental gymnastics and moral gnomery, it is. Go figure.

In the West, the usual non-research into Mohammed and his tenets, history and of Islam is a pathetically fey mix of the intellectually lazy, PC and chicken liver look away from the unpleasant parts, kind. Mo and the Big Is of Islam are actually inseparable for Muslims. Any serious delving will show that Islamic terrorists are following Mohammed/Islam, almost exactly. Of course few militants can achieve the several hundred beheadings that Mohammed personally managed on one particular single day, but many deserve credit for trying. And three cheers for getting Islam right into the heart of Paris without a slaughtering Muslim army the second time around.

Islamic mass murder and oppression has nothing to do with the USA, The West or the provocative lifestyles of the people of Pago Pago. These excuses are mere tactical diversions and tie in nicely with the Koranic concept of Taqiyya, or deception as means to an end. The end being yours and mine.

The motives and methods of today’s long term strategy for the implementation of the Islamic Renaissance of Death, were put in place by flaming Moe in the 7th century. This asymetrical jihad has continued ever since in one form or another, only ebbing with the lack of power and means available to the world leaders in dysfunction that make up so much of the Islamic sphere.

The infinitely marauding army of Islam nearly succeeded in the following centuries, yes it did, by getting almost to Paris until stopped by a Christian coalition army led by a General nicknamed the Hammer. Come back Le Hammer, our history is all but forgotten. Islam has subjugated, ransacked and parasited off every culture it has ever touched until beaten back decisively. The idea of an Islamic cultural umbrella or some flowering of Islamic culture is a fake. Most anything that worthwhile was in spite of Islam. That was until it could control as it always does, virtually every aspect of life.

It’s interesting that the most controlling, crazy, violent and punishing of the Three Stooges was named Moe! Coincidence? You be the judge. Ok. It’s a cheap shot. But if ever somebody deserved a cheap shot, it would have to be that strange and hallucinating boy. He was a kept boy too for a while, then a bloodthirsty General and typical warlord of the time. He was a fan of pervytime with children and juveniles, both male and female, married and consummated his marriage to a nine year old and once spent an entire rostered day off, beheading hundreds of prisoners. What a guy! He was the cat’s pyjamas.

The Koran is a book that reads like an Islamic version of a dysfunctional, perverse teenager's, pre-rampage crude rambling, nonsensical and tedious diary. In the first writings of the Mecca period, Mohammed was by the crap standards of the time, full of light, kindness and laughs towards all men. That was until after he went to Medina and had an actual army and power.

The later writings of this festive yet murderous period, are almost uniformly breaking at the bit with sheer wanton violence and hatred, with Mohammed’s clearly stated plans for oppression via dhimmitude, murder, mayhem and world religious domination. The old Caliphate trick, eh? Of course there’s a bad side too. I hear some of the fund raising cake bakes weren’t up to scratch.

Islam is the only religion spread entirely by large scale banditry.

The West is in the slow process of, as author Mark Steyn has very well stated, committing cultural and security suicide, but I suppose it’ll save our real threats from killing us at a later date. Perhaps this won’t be as late as we think. The current world-wide asymmetrical conflict could quite accurately be called the Thirteen Hundred Year War. You do the numbers and research some of the why, but make sure you start at the 7th Century, and not for want of trying, a kind of Islamic version of Year Zero.

Steyn has written that one of the main reasons for second and even third generation Muslim immigrants radicalising, is that they are born into a West now fashionably infected with a dominant self loathing. It’s a Left/Liberal and radical orthodoxy that the West is merely a force of oppression, decadence and exploitation with the narrow history to match. In other words, virtually the entire Western Cannon apparently seems to such dangerous twerp's, not to have a damn thing worth bothering about.

This inverted, bizarre nullity and nihilistic fantasy is perhaps naturally of little appeal to many Muslims, who have a more er, confident and determined identity close at hand, so one can make what appears a sometimes sudden change.

And hey presto! Another group of likely lads, professionals such as Doctors, cricket and soccer fans, university students, kindergarten teachers, general misfits and megadorks, work on a kind of Islamic mask, all while sharpening their particular tools of choice.

One dark day, the imminent thought of a hanging or more likely a beheading, at the hands of an Islamo-Fascist from a culture more determined and assured in what they believe in, may perhaps finally manage to focus the minds of the average "I love any culture but my own!" useful idiot. But don’t count on it.

“But I’ve been so spineless and dismissive of so much that supports me in being spineless and dismissive of my own society! Wasn’t I non-judgemental enough? Didn’t I prostrate my intellect at the vacuum of cultural relativism? What the Hell went wrong?! I thought you loved me, really loved me!”

No, they despise you.

Try to grasp the ultimate end result for us all, regarding either the whimsical governments of non-Democracies who want to use nukes, and the freelance individuals who will use nuclear weapons, as soon as they have them. This can happen no matter what any uber-faux tolerant activist may chant, or if the Rock Against Nuclear Terror concert is televised.

That's even if we have interfaith dialogue number 750 because er, “Muslim community leaders fear backlash against tomorrow’s terrorist bombing”.

There's been more than 8500 terrorist atrocities world-wide since 9/11, by Islamic militants. Why has not even a single one of these monstrous acts attained the prominence and iconic endlessly refererenced status of the Mai Lay massacre? In the West, the majority have passed whether reported or not, with less interest than in a shoe sale. Cut it and dive anyway you want, but the hard paradigm shift to accept is that while the majority of Muslims are not terrorists, the majority of terrorists are Muslims.

Consider just one incident of such harrowing, soul gutting nihilism that, well, what can you say? In Iraq during 2006, a group of US marines were handing out candy to a large group of children as evil imperialists do. A terrorist, yes he was dear, drove up and detonated his car bomb killing 27 children and horribly maiming others. While people ran to help, another child murderer fighting for those high ideals they have, detonated a second bomb. Tell this to any Left leaning chum. It’ll mean nothing more than an ideal opportunity for a subject change. This is how useless, ugly, inverted and wilfully empty much of the Left is today.

Do the mechanics of such detonations ring any bells in a sane mind about how determined our enemy is and how seriously unrelenting they are in attaining them? No, maybe not, not today.

That’s a problem not just for everyone and the daily victims of Islamic militants, but for Muslims themselves. While there are many millions of regular Muslim folks, [just don’t read any surveys taken in most Muslim communities, folks!], there is no such thing as regular Islam. In the end, Islam recognises nothing that makes up the modern world, or much of the ancient world for that matter. That’s except for a rather unique open mindedness regards improvised explosive devices, C4 plastic explosive, mobile phones and AK47s etc.

Mohammed is Islam and Islam is all they need, everybody.

Islam is not so much a religion, as a complete and absolute way of life and an armed and ready political system. Can’t wait till they get those nukes they been dreamin’ about. It’s gonna be a blast!

Go on, I dare anyone to do any serious research or any at all, on the reality of Islam’s singular founder Mohammed, of his beliefs, modus operandi and history. Check out honestly, the cheerful pronouncements and actions of its many thoroughly anti-modern leaders and followers. You may find that this is real radicalism, and on a worldwide, nihilist, Caliphate death cult scale that most Westerners are not equipped to grasp, or are even curious about.

One must avoid automatically saying "Oh, of course they are not real Muslims!" If you really believe this, try saying most anywhere in the Middle-East what you, an Infidel, think a Muslim is or should be.

Go to any mosque even in the West and say to the folks there that you know that because they follow the religion of peace, or else, real Muslims have only love and tolerance and not a violent hatred for homosexuals, Jews and Western freedoms especially for free feminist women. Should go down pretty well, I should think.




[For laughs, read Robert Spencer’s series of books on Islam and Mohammed re: ‘The Politically Incorrect guide to Islam, Mohammed and the Crusades’ etc.

Read Mark Steyn’s ‘America Alone: The end of the world as we know it’. ’Londonistan’ by Melanie Phillips. ‘Infidel’ by Ayaan Hirsi Ali. ‘Unholy Alliance: Radical Islam & the American Left’ by David Horowitz. 'What'sLeft?' by Nick Cohen.

‘While Europe Slept: How radical Islam is destroying the West from within’ by Bruce Bawer etc, etcetera. Yep, it’s a smile a day at any source that actually reports what Islam actually operates and always has.]

Protester neglects to insult George Bush.

Protesters bringing the gift of understanding and fire at a recent 'Be Nice to Everybody' Peace Riot.

On Monday, Benjamin Smythe-Browne, undergraduate medical student and radical protester, began a day of activism with a crisis meeting at the Campus Student Union Revolutionary Socialist Workers Support Group and Polo Club, where logistic preparations for violent protests demanding a nicer world were made in earnest.

Travelling in a loud, abusive and 'right on' group via public transport, the gang of idealists performed various acts that were planned to show “solidarity with workers oppressed by the Capitalist Death Machine”. Smyth-Browne, or as he is known in biology lectures, ‘Comrade Benny’, exposed the hypocrisy of fellow commuters as “slaves to consumerism”, by urinating out the window.

His commitment to “world peace” was consolidated with a heavy black marker on the carriage interior with the simple words, “Viva Che!”, the famous revolutionary icon and child killer. Smythe-Browne and his chums later joined the main protest march, where they listened to speeches by internationally respected activists such as Henry “Da bomb” Crankstein, former felon and now the public face of the Baader Meinhoff Gang.

Inspired by Cranksteins calls to “bring down the capitalist pigsty economy” and replace it with what he termed a system of “the revolutionary distribution of wealth based on the ideals of basket weaving, drum circles, collective organic vegetable plots and plastic explosives”, Benjamin and his friends then proceeded to hurl trash cans and small children through the front windows of various fast food chains. The days festivities continued with the boys pushing over a transit van driver before torching him.

Smythe-Browne said that, “While I really feel that we achieved something today and not just for ourselves, but for everybody, I do feel some disappointment. I didn’t realise until we were back home, and luckily just in time for dinner, that I had completely forgotten to insult George Bush all day, even once! All of us did. No one mentioned it. I don’t know what happened or what went wrong”.

A puzzled Benjamin explained that he and all his friends’ usually only need to hear the words Bush, USA, the President or George, and they instantly respond with terms of abuse such as “Poo-poo face” or “Wee-wee pants” and even “Roger Whitaker fan”.

Said Smythe-Browne, “I can only tell you it won’t happen again. We can’t ignore the poor of the world in their desires for whatever it is that poor people want, or whatever”. With a concerned look and furrowed brow, Benjamin stated that, “Its certainly given me something to think about next week while I’m skiing in Aspen”.

“Muslim community leaders fear backlash from tomorrows bombing”.

A local Imam discusses the pros and cons of Islamic terrorism on a recent ABCTV hosted forum.





In spite of every Western governments response time for apology and self-abasement after any Islamic terrorist attack being "cut to a nanosecond", many politicians, religious leaders, media commentators, musicians and Hollywood stars, still feel there is much more work to be done before we reach their unified demands for “our own security and cultural suicide”.

According to Pedro Garrotte, the Shadow Minister for Paper Mache’ Figurines and Peripheral Issues, the authorities now automatic calls to "bring the different religious communities closer together", after any murderous plot or detonation, and the constant affirmation of the governments, "commitment to moral relativism, while admirable and deserving of credit, will need to be boosted to a much higher standard of self-loathing and paralysing doubt”.

This was in support of the nations Imam, Sheik Yadown, who also called for another inter-faith conference in part to round out the number so far to an even 750, and to reinforce that Islam was a “religion of peace or else". In a strongly worded but moderately blaming statement, the Sheik said it was an outrage that various bigots in the community used “alleged terrorism” as a way of criticising daily bomb blasts.

Mr Garrotte added that it was natural for the host country to integrate endlessly to any immigrant group and its religion. “I think the ideal would be for all citizens as an example, to spend one week being like Muslim Arabs, then the following as tribal Africans, then say Animist Laplanders and so on. In this way the entire country could over a continuously rotating twelve month period, get through all ethnic identities while avoiding the now discredited idea of having a cohesive culture of our own”.

Garrotte then cheekily added with a laugh, “While I’m against the atom, I’m all for the atomisation of society!”

He continued that only “right wing racists, Neo cons and other fascists” still believed that the West had ever offered anything of worth. “Pick any third world or Islamic basket case, and they’re all superior to any Western country with it’s shallow and meaningless achievements of enormous economic triumphs, functioning democracies, scientific innovation, incredible freedoms, artistic expression and the full enjoyment of life. You call that living? Look, even if for arguments sake, Islam had some ‘sinister goal’, and it doesn’t, wouldn’t the answer be to just keep on being ever more tolerant?”

Pop star and tax deductable philanthropist, Bobo Taxshelter, said that just because “Mohammed was a murderous General, a kept toy boy who spent a lot of time hallucinating in a cave, married a nine year old, and then ruthlessly ransacked half the known world, it was no reason to suspect in the slightest, that Islamism may be even a little dodgy”. He was speaking by phone from the Barbados Secret Bank and Laundry.

The Sound of Driddle

Driddle Snode takes a test drive on a recent shopping trip.


By Ned Balloons.


The popular music and novelty act of Driddle Snode and his band TDM, currently on their Crude and Boorish Tour, were once the darlings of the alternative, underground, mezzanine and lobby scene. That was before success spoiled their hard won status of anonymity and failure.

Driddle and his band have since found some solace in vast amounts of cash, real estate and other massive investments. "We were always an alternative to music and a big influence on so many. Listen to most things today, and there’s a lot of TDM in there", said Driddle in my recent interview with him.

Their album Boiled Tripe includes both the singles No, Not With The Pastry, and a cover of the old Cook and Moore standard You fill me with inertia. To many music fans, any appearance of TDM can mean scenes of hysteria not seen since the fad of Global Warming.

Before their Manager Louie Bunce discovered Driddle at a Taxidermy Expo, Snode and his band had been struggling for success for over a week. "As soon as I saw them I could tell they had something, but I wasn't sure what it was until I got closer" said Mr Bunce from his cell.

Whatever it was, it soon spread. Their first single, Let's Morris Dance, took TDM to local then world wide debt to their record company. The follow up single Perfect Teeth, while having no real presence in the UK, was what made them real stars in America.

I recently went to Japan to profile Snode where he was in spiritual retreat at an exotic dancing academy in the Ginza. During the long flight, I thought about Driddle and of that part of him that has so filled his fans, often repeatedly, around the world.

Arriving in Tokyo, I checked into the All Western Style Let’s Fun and Taste me Hotel, and was taken to the William Conrad Memorial Penthouse Suite, where I found a young man wearing flippers and goggles, a straw boater, a false beard and covered in whipped cream and wood shavings.

I immediately recognised Driddle Snode.

Often controversial, with his constant swearing and non-conformity to "stupid and passé" ideas of personal hygiene, Snode is one of tune-towns rebels. Born into a lower-middle, upper, working class derelict but proudly violent home, Snode spoke of his childhood memories.

Of his mother doing the ironing while enjoying a cigar as she relaxed in her favourite combat boots, or of her making sausages and beans and playing the piano accordion, sometimes all at once. “We used to have sausages and beans every weeknight. I think that’s what influenced me in a big way musically" said Driddle.

"As an artist, I need to express things, such as the constant pressures of making a hundred million dollars a year. I want to be real but not real poor" he said. One of the things that make Driddle so real, is his refusal to be limited by irrelevant ideas of style, entertainment and charm. And what of the unknown Driddle, the one we don’t know? When not working on music, what fills the space of his mind?

"I've always been interested in newts" he said, sharing a personal moment. Would he ever feature newts in any future project? "No, I've got to keep something for myself, or you could go mad in this business" he assured me, while admiring a handsome newt on the mantle piece.

What other influences may have formed the music that has become such a sound check for a generation? "Well my father was a fruiterer, and he always said he got a lot of his best ideas just looking at fruit.

I am the Banana King was influenced mostly by bananas. And like everyone else, we’ve been influenced by hundreds of bands that sound exactly like each other”. What would Snode like to be remembered for?

"A simple message really. Why can't people be nice to each other?" Yes, and why not indeed.

With his girlfriend the model and philosopher Joan Drabb, Driddle has championed causes such as Save the Australian Bull Ant, Rub the Appealing Seal and the Let’s All Focus On Peripherals campaign. "I feel deeply about seals" adds Snode. “Because who really cares about ugly animals, eh?” Despite his arrest for allegedly stepping on then beating a man with a baseball bat, Snode still finds time to perform for charity.

TDM was a major part of the Direct Donor Deposit into African Cannibal Dictators Swiss Bank Accounts Concert.

“We wanted to cut out the middle man” explained Driddle.

Recently, Snode gained much selfless media attention after posing one of his trademark insights on The Reg Zimbabwe Hour. “Why don’t rich countries give all their money to the poor countries? I just don’t understand anything at all, Reg” he said, via telephone from the National Bank and Laundry of Barbados.

Are there any special plans in the works for Driddle and TDM?

"Well Ned, I’ve been writing a musical about the life, loves and heartbreak of a sewage worker. I want to expose the evils of capitalism, and with the right investors backing the show, I know I can. It’ll have a light touch and all the elements that make a great musical.

Singing, dancing, laughter, romance and political diatribes. It’s called A Tragic Life of Human Waste, he said with an eager flourish. Even though my time of TDM was coming to an end, I felt that the sound of Driddle was much like his new musical: an endless flow of talent that could not be stopped.

Causes without a rebel.

George Clooney after the premier of his recent "brave" film condemning the Ayatollah Khomeini and the inherent violence of Islam.


While there are many reasons why some places are crap and others are not, the main two reasons why, are rather harshly and starkly empirical, regards said crap piles. As P.J. O’Rourke observed, they are in the end, the lack of both decent civil governments and of good economic systems.

Not so paradoxically, the presence of these same two things are what make life in the West so very fortunate. But maybe that’s boring and is absent the required imperialist element? Ah, absence as they say makes the heart grow Fonda.

It’s not easy today, to still find genuine third world victims of imperialism and the development of infrastructure. It's actually much easier to find the wretched millions of African incompetence, corruption, oppression, superstition and murder. Many a Peoples Republic of Cannibalism began with little or nothing but dirt and a few million diamonds, endless tribal conflict and stagnation. Through their own efforts, many have managed to return to their original state of Eden and permanent despair.

Colonialism it seems, is blamed for everything and it's the excuse that lasts forever.

After their er, independence, most African states invariably, sadly and rapidly returned to nothing, as the various colonial infrastructures were allowed to decay or were destroyed. Mostly independence and freedom meant independence and freedom from accountable good governance and ever being able to be part of any global economy, because you don't have an identifiable one yourself. Those states that have anything together today, are those that most often kept their colonial, mostly British influence and institutions; such as India, who are mostly proud of theirs. Same to Singapore and Hong Kong etc. Throughout Africa and Asia, the only thing holding civil society or its remnants together, are often British styled institutions and law.

Here's a funny thing. The more messed up, dysfunctional, 'right on' and revolutionary any nationalist Marxist nutbox is, the more the Left seems to dig it and leave out any criticism. This phony fear of criticism is essentially racist. Holding killers and despots unaccountable due to their race, not intent or action. It's all ok as long as President Banana hates the West, the US, functioning economies or civil government. And if he was a fan of the old Soviets, Che the child killer Guevara, fatso Fidel and Cuba etc, well, all the better.

Of course, no Left hobbyist loves these places enough to actually live there.

Experiments in living and dying on mass are only good enough for foreigners, the working class and the poor. So it's always ok for the local black population to suffer through anything, and I do mean anything if the ideology is the one approved of by the Left. You see, it's always necessary as they don't believe in reform as they don't believe in anything permanently, especially for ordinary people.

Of the dozens of hideous regimes in Africa, the Left protested only one, because white peoplewere involved. Beyond South Africa, black on black or Arab on black violence means nothing, except as an occassional pet and passing cause. amin, Menginistu, Charles Taylor and Mugabe all elicit zero protest movement activity. No white folks see.

Aah, rebels and murderous revolutions. Fantastic. Gotta work! George Clooney wanted something done about Darfur. Wouldn’t that require action via real power and force, George? Effective action on Darfur can only mean in the end military action, however you try and avoid it. And who in the world can deliver that strength? France or Belize? Or maybe he means the Free Darfur bumper sticker route which has been so effective at freeing Tibet? Celebrities just love to spotlight themselves in the vaudeville of concerts for; meetings with; and the eventual despair and death of; the folks they claim to want to help, sans action.

George doesn’t actually mean he wants something done as such, but to talk and about te idea of doing, and how to avoid actually doing anything that is not nice or acceptable to Left Liberal sensitivities. Anything effective is always so wrong.

George: "Talkity, talkity, talkity. Can I get make up over here please?!"

While George and his friends have excellent credentials at narcissistic and pious posing, sadly, that still leaves plenty of time for the said naughty killers to kill everyone at leisure. Once celebrities get motivated on their entirely predictable line of non-thought and matching set of non-action, you know nothing effective will ever eventuate from anything they may say.

George knows a thing or two about steely courage when faced with danger and tough decisions though. He said so. And who can’t see the burdens etched so deeply on his face? Clooney stated that "...we were brave" and "took a risk" to make the anti-McCarthy expose Goodnight and Good Luck. Yes, as has been noted by Mark Steyn, I’m sure he has lived in terror and poverty ever since due to the threats of ninety year old former HUAC members.

When George Clooney makes an expose say for example, on the founder, Spiritual Leader and inspiration of the Islamic Iranian Revolutions Ayatollah Khomeini, including any criticism of the Sheikheads advice sanctioning raping infants and children, let me know. Now that would be courage in Tinsel Town. Hey, regards Darfur, maybe just call in the oh so decisive crack forces of the UN, like in Rwanda, Srebrenica and ad nauseum?

"Ok guys, the raping is over, so put down your machetes. The UN is here. Come on, stop laughing. They’ve got strict orders to not use their weapons, or do anything effective that may cause offense to a mass murderer. So we better all just get jobs that don’t pay much money or return to subsitence farming. How about it?"

I wouldn’t always rely on the UN to control a heated game of backgammon.

Now what has Bono the tax shelter King done exactly to alert the world to the two actual and central causes of decay in Africa? They are once again because it’s worth saying it, the lack of non corrupt, non venal and non murderous civil governments and the presence of even worse non-economic systems.

I don’t recall any loud pronouncements on the first two points or any of the others by any media darling loudmouth. Nope. Every time I see Bono the Seer, it seems pretty much endless patronising that starts with the assumption that Africans are mostly feeble and witless victims who need ever more hand-outs, and the wisdom of rock and roll.

While unfair subsidies, tariffs, debt and so on are all valid calls, they are external and don’t answer a countries own flaws. The default solutions for many a Leftard twerp are something the West must do or not do. The development of Asian countries like Taiwan and Singapore faced all these external problems and more, and this did not stop their incredible success.

There may be something to the little difficulties that come from vast tribal populations believing entirely in black magic; superstition and the permanent low level of women. These are all major causes in the spread of AIDS, along with the chronic poverty due to corruption, lack of a real economy or the absence of civil governance.

But now it ain't really so acceptable now to criticise another culture, as all cultures are apparently equally valid. As Mark Steyn has said, if they are all equal and thus essentially the same, why bother to learn about any non-existent differences then?

Nope, they are not all equally valid, and that’s why millions of people make choices everyday to get away from some cultures and to live in others, usually Western and Capitalist free market Democracies, whether that effects one being comfortable in ones illusions or otherwise.

"Congratulations Mr Bono! And here is your medal for appearing on TV so selflessly so much, while moving your's and U2’s vast cash reserves to... is it Barbados? Right on, Bono the tax shelter specialist! Ladies and gentlemen, a warm round of applause for The Sun King!"

Maybe Bonzo donates a lot of money to his favourite causes and that’s just dandy, but Africa is not poor. It never was. And it’s not a pet for condescending celebrities and activists. Cash is not even the problem; it’s where the money goes. And that is exactly what should be understood and the basic starting point.

Does Bonox ever do any serious research on Africa or does he just take notes and rearrange platitudes? I hate to tell you this, but Africa is filled with talented, enterprising, educated, intelligent, ambitious and decent people. It has more natural resources than all of Europe combined. All they need is the level of government and the kind of economic systems we take for granted. They are capable of doing the rest. Several African states have these proven and normalised systems for running a country and are not surprisingly, doing well.

For causes with a real challenge, like Darfur, requiring hard and real decisions instead of self satisfied flatulent phrase and slogan fests, simply cast a lazy single eye somewhere over any of the dozens of outrageous gangster er, "leaders" of various Africa states of decay. Many of these lovely fiefdoms have very handy Swiss bank accounts, or even very main street ones, courtesy of domestic plunder or the miracle of Foreign Aid.

"Hey Bono, my man, where’s my G4 cheque?"

How about looking over the twenty odd, very odd, pervert, public beheading, terrorism exporting and Koran bashing theocracies of the Middle-East? Yeah, how about that? Instead of the easy road of peer reviewing your beliefs, test how bedrock they are against North Korea, the world’s foremost turnip-head run, George Orwell scripted, nuclear theme park and concentration camp cum police state.

Alternatively, for once I’d like to hear any public comment especially from a movie star or ironically an alternative musician, about the places where Muslims believe it’s ok to decapitate school girls for well, going to school, like Afghanistan, Thailand and Indonesia.

Has anyone’s day been spoiled by facts like the Iranian Thug Theocracy’s habit of hanging people like they do mildly-retarded thirteen year-old girls from cranes at public intersections, for holding hands with a boy? Perhaps there has been, but you don’t hear about it anywhere much, do you? Not effected by the Iranian Presidents promise to wipe Israel of the map? Nope. Not a sausage.

Maybe Thailand will float somebody's boat, where Muslim insurgents riff on, ‘They shoot Buddhist monks, don’t they?’ Probably no, and this is all just for starters.

What about supporting the dodgy Lebanese Government become less dodgy, by helping them with the permanent removal of thousands of Islamic militants, many of them foreigners, so that they can have a decent country and resume civil life instead of civil war? Don’t agree? Well, how many AK47 wielding thugs would you be comfortable with walking down your downtown area and past the local kindergarten? Any support for the Iraqi civil government with a Constitution, a Bill of Rights, including for women and minorities, voted in by the majority of over twelve million Iraqi voters despite terrible and awesome threats? Nope. I could hear a pinhead drop.

Where is the solidarity with the incredible free and Democratic Kurdistan? Where is the credit for the ten years of constant American fly over protection that made it possible? Where is the same concern for the wretched people of Zimbabwe as that of Apartheid era South Africa? No self reflective white people involved? There’s the almost never mentioned Congo with over three million dead in the last half decade. This is where Warlords kidnap children to be soldiers, and the other children are forced to bite to death those that dare to try and escape.

Still no takers? Where is even the knowledge of these things, common or uncommon? Not trendy?

There are no high profile mass movements against slavery, child brides, child slaves, child prostitutes and child soldiers, the deeply oppressed 150,000,000 of the Indian caste system, or interestingly not one Western rally against the reality of relentless Islamic terrorism. Corporate cigarette pushing in the third world anyone?

I see little to zero sign of mass movement support for the many, often Muslims, profoundly threatened and murdered by Islamism.

This includes feminists, both female and male politicians and democrats, journalists, musicians, filmmakers etc, etc. All these people are fighting with real courage against actual dangers for human rights and freedom in Muslim, Asian and African countries with little to no Western support.

This also now applies in Europe and other Western states with Muslim immigration, re such things as the silence and inaction on ‘honour killings’. What about recognition of the demographic collapse of birth rates that will effect being able to fund any activism or anything at all, in the end?

Anyone concerned about the fairly recent actual nuclear stand off between India and Pakistan? Not today thanks. In the West it can seem as if these things have never actually occurred. I guess for many it’s still tune in, turn off and drop out, except the tuning in has only a limited frequency band. Well, FM all.

Genital mutilation is a rich part of many cultural tapestries, at about the rate of 6000 girls a day in Muslim countries alone. What about diarrhoea and malaria at millions of deaths a year? Somehow I can’t imagine the average mass bonding and coming together of the ‘Outraged from Brunswick’ clans chanting, "What do we want! Diarrhoea! When do we want it? Now! Er, no we meant never!"

Nope, it ain’t never gonna happen, even with a US, local government or white guilt angle.

There’s as much chance of that happening as Michael Leunig doing a series of cartoons condemning the murder of Jews and criticising the oppression of Muslim women and girls in Islamic countries, or maybe I was out of town for that edition.

It’s endlessly easier and so completely risk free, making out that the infinitely decent though naive Tony Blair is some kind of war criminal. If you can believe that, you can swallow that any hateful and stupid projections about him far outweigh anything else in the world. I can’t follow this and I definitely can’t use it at least not in this dimension.

Here’s a laugh. What about a Socialist Left inspired and backed world-wide push to promote the decades old real world miracle of small, low to zero interest loans that is known as micro credit, that has achieved in reality what the left theorise on and profess to want for the poor? The dignity and freedom of economic independence for hundreds of thousands of people via being able to start and build their own business’s and create jobs for others. I must have missed all those ‘Viva Micro Credit’ placards at the last round of Socialist Alliance marches.

I missed it because they’re not really interested in these things, such as actual solutions beyond absurd blaming and demanding that somebody else pays for it. It's because the Left prefer victims.

After all, they’re so passive, voiceless and anonymous and can be a very handy abstraction on which to project any political bildge water tract. Oh no, they can’t have any capitalism. Heaven forbid. We who benefit completely from it in the West know what’s best for the developing world. Hand outs from donor countries. Then we can go to rock concerts and complain.

That’s maybe why Western activist’s can stop over 300 dams in the developing and third worlds. That’s a lot of electricity for light, hospitals, cooking, factories, refrigeration, building and transport. When was the last time a Yaqui Indian came here and told us how to live and die? Hey, it’s ok to doom millions to respiratory disease by having to cook on smoking dung in an unventilated hut. It fits nicely in with the activist paradigm of ‘maintaining traditions’. It’s a shame they don’t see locals staying alive and healthy as a tradition.

It’s really always more about the protesters own reflection in the end, the nature of moral vanity and the emptiness of frivolous talk without any risky and accountable real world action. How much more free is Tibet after about half a century of the Lefts theories and non-methods? A lot less than was hoped for I’d say, but curiously better in many ways than the Feudal Nepocracy of the Lamas.

Go for everybody. Go after everyone impartially and equally. The Russians apparently supplied around 57% of Saddams weapons, the French 13%, the Chinese 12%, the British and the USA less tham 1%. Could be something worth looking into, who knows?

For a rather random, backdated US example, the CIA for decades of incompetence and support for the methods of such creeps as the Nazi assisted Pinochet etc. Henry Kissinger for most everything he was ever involved in. George Tenet and Rummy for general incompetence. Include for Rumbo’s quotes and Georges book. Maybe Rums chummy soiree's with Saddam saying it's ok about Iran or whatever.

"Hey Saddam, have you left the stove on? I smell gas!"

Or Bush senior for letting Saddam keep his gunships in '91 and telling the people to rise up and then leaving them literally hanging. Or Noam Chomsky for denying Pol Pot's crimes in his usual lying way and publishing it.

Slap the smiling eunuch Jimmy Carter for, ‘complete abrogation of his Presidential responsibilities that the world is still paying for dearly’. I’d vote against 'the Jimmy' for any of Carter the Farter’s statements ever, and for his brother.

There's dozens of celebs, actors, Jimmy Carter's, media, musicians and Hollywood spouters to hold accountable for their past and present lack of quality control, surplus of astoundingly neurotic hypocrisy and freelance treason. Sean Penn, Oliver Stone, Harry Belafonte, Noam Chomsky, Rosie O'Donnell, Michael Leunig, Jane Fonda, Michael Moore etc, etc and pass the bucket.

Definitely you’ve got to hand it to the Clintons for being so charmingly themselves. They are the world’s most high profile case of dual clinical narcissism. Clinton really was blowhard, but not in words. And etc, etc, etc. How did so many get so much so very and horribly wrong?

In Australia, maybe reference Gough Whitlam for Indonesia’s charming cover of ‘Holiday in East Timor’, and for ‘The Great Man' sans balls and no action on the Balibo Five. His famous patrician arrogance was curiously not employed even a little, regards five murdered journalists.

Please give Ambassador Woollcott a gong for his long-term incompetence, stupidity wilful naiveté, greasy hair and bad tailoring. Add Jim Cairns for being a blockhead and the dandruff on said blockhead.

Then there are the closed little cliques and markets in many things and the same few people having endless media exposure for their mediocre drivelling just because they are a drone politician, forgettable celebrity, average actor, rudimentary musician, just rich or an alleged expert, stale unchallenged journalist or academic bore.

Perhaps groove on how justice is available to everyone with the cash and dig the corruption of education by ideology etc, etc. I could drone on forever. Just be a little more specific, clear and consistent if possible. You don’t need to add untruths or subtract credit if you have a case.

The world is filled with plenty of real bullies, torturers, rapists and mass killers. Plenty of material, and all without parroting Socialist Alliance old-speak. Lonely Planet of the Left and the now deeply flawed and ideologically compromised Amnesty International, should put out some kind of guide, showing the best bars and where the bodies are hidden.

And whatever happened to real rebels anyway? Today, 'rebellion' fantasy's are strictly a mass activity.

Cafe Cultural Revolution.

I was a fool not to notice the belligerent, even primitive look in my hosts eye.


'This table is reserved for Self-Criticism and Struggle. No entry without a conical hat’. A sign at ‘Deng’s Counter-Revolutionary Lunch Counter’, China, 1966. This was just before his arrest for "dancing and provocative signage crimes against the people". No, really.


What's up, Non-Doc? It’s a little known fact, but for a while I thought about writing under the name of Madge Williams. It’s a nostalgic name but with a down to earth strength. I’ll write under any name for almost any publication that may be interested and in the styles required, maybe even my own. As long as I eventually get paid in opportunity and or some kind of cold, hard monkey, as they say.

Madge Williams, eh? Even though she’s a complete fiction, I heard she was once runner up in the annual ‘Koo Wee Rup Joseph Stalin Look-alike Contest’, but sadly lost out to a competitor with a less aggressive' moustache, as the rather insensitive Judges in my opinion, commented at the time.

Beyond earning said cash and mastering the yo-yo, my plans include that one day, my family and everyone I know and care about will be fabulously successful, or like Michael Caine, I can say, ‘I bought everybody a luvly big ‘ouse every time I got paid for all those ‘orrible bad films I made. ‘Swarm’ paid for my Auntie Rubies bungalow in Sorrento’.

Then each morning, we all meet and share a table at a groovy cafe, thus always starting the day in a civilised way. The need for a single table goes some way to showing my rather narrow diameter of friends and acquaintances.

Last night I wanted to call one of my narrow diameter friends but the phone was out, so I tried using the local, desolate, wind swept but filthy, public phone box, urinal and spittoon. There was a group of delightfully marauding teenagers ‘just hanging out’, in that winning Clockwork Orange way they have. They seemed to be plague affected by some kind of bacilli, perhaps from a recent germ warfare conflict that I was not informed of, which shows how parochial and shallow the local media can be.

I think one of the crazy mixed up kids that was wearing a stylishly compulsory Che the child killer Guevara T-shirt said, ‘Burn it all. Kill the human. He’s not one of us’, or something like that, the naughty scamps. Speaking of cafe society, I remember another horrible experience with an alleged lawyer guy that I obviously did not know well enough at all. Lucky me. I should have seen it coming.

After he invited me to a cafe’ for midday Tiffin, he said to the waitress in the middle of a crowded lunch hour, with a combination of nonchalance and strange defiance, as if he was making a valid point, ‘Nothing for me’. Yeah! I’m giving it to the man! Right on. What do they call that? Oh yes, freeloading. Being an embarrassing creep is good too, as you shall see, gentle reader.

We started off nicely, me with my solo coffee and cheese sandwiches trimmed of crusts, sitting outside discussing the facts of e-commerce, advertising, business and linoleum. Then, or so it seemed to me, the methamphetamine he must have taken earlier, kicked in and he started raving at the rate of one vast topic per every three seconds. I prefer one.

As our delightful afternoon salon rose to a peak, he continued to harangue me saying I was lacking intellectually and a narrow minded fascist, but not in those exact words. This surprised me as I always thought of myself as a broad minded fascist.

All this because I didn't approve of heroin use and addiction! He demanded to know why I refused to agree that there’s no difference between heroin users and say, I kid you not, people that use herbal remedies? You can call me an old stick in the mud but hey, maybe just don’t call me.

'All units. Be on the lookout for members of the Bache Flower Remedy Gang, last sighted in the vicinity of a downtown department store perfume and make-up counter. Approach casually with a tastefully selected and professionally wrapped gift'. As shown here, you may have noted that the Police are temporarily using dated TV banter in their radio communications as part of ‘Banal, Neutered and Meaningless Language New Heritage Week’, showing how old ways of speaking weren't always nice and sometimes hurt peoples feelings.

The Commissioner had received many complaints from those listening in on the Police frequency who were traumatised by the ‘overtly male, utilitarian and graphic nature’ of standard police call outs, ‘that reinforced the hierarchical nature of the dominant patriarchy by labelling some people as ‘suspects’. “I felt I was being forced into a stereotype”, said one client later sentenced for bank robbery and aggravated assault.

Anyway, the basic line my luncheon guest and upholder of the law seemed to be proffering, me being the potential proffee, was that everything here in the West meaning Australia, USA and the UK in particular, was evil rubbish, which is where he currently was, and that it was better somewhere else, where he wasn’t. Looking at him, I had to agree, and that he could reverse that order by both he and his failed Cary Grant impersonation simply leaving, preferably to the paradise that he had neglected to mention, or did he mean Cuba?

Amid this charming tension, I tried to affect a casual and reclining pose while concentrating on arranging the sugar packets in some kind of respectable and might I say pretty impressive order. Well, it escalated somewhat when he said that Cuba was not actually Communist and then began angrily glaring at me rather enquiringly and asked me what I was writing.

"I must write Fidel immediately! He's got to know!" I said impishly.

At this point I tried to leave by glancing at my watch and saying, “I’m sorry, but I must go, as my apartments on fire”. He didn’t go for this clever ploy as he was busy wiping spittle from his chin and vigorously pumping blood into a vein on his temple. His beef seemed pretty much to be, ‘How dare I criticise the Revolution!’ Yeah, but it stinks. Anyway, it’s great to metaphorically urinate on a museum piece master plan relic of the 1960’s and not have to care about being arrested then shot.

The high part of my fun afternoon, though there were so many precious memories, may have been when he said the Cuban medical system was superior to here. Er, no, but I tactlessly added, "You know you’re right! You just can't get a decent rectal examination here that also comes with a firing squad.”

I then foolishly compounded things by rather undiplomatically letting slip that it was a shame the said medical system had lost a couple of hundred thousand out-patients on various rubber rafts, oil drums and inner-tubes as part of the Revolutions float-away plan.

Sadly at this point, like the one on his head, he became actually physical while using the kind of swear words I haven’t heard since I was responsible for a particularly disappointing Mothers Day. Then drawing further on his reserves of expletives, he jumped up and as he tripped he accidentally flung his mobile into the wall where it flew apart with a squawk. ‘We simply must do this again’, says I, with a hearty cheer and a wave.

As he gathered the various tiny pieces of his personalised symbol of the eventual collapse of Capitalism, anyday now!, he accused me of making value judgements. Me?! Me?! I said thankyou for noticing. People with children often do. If they didn’t do this at my son’s kindergarten, well, the place would be shut down by morning tea. Same with my dentist. I go to him solely for his continuous value judgements.

"Hey man, don’t lay that medical training trip on me!" I don’t think so.

I seem to remember that was just before he made the values-neutral statements that I was some kind of a fucker, that the ‘Queer Eye for a Straight Guy’ Fab Five team are superficial idiots. Maybe, fuzzball, but they’re so good at it and that’s what I like about them.

Damning the Fab Five?! You don’t like Carson Kressley?! I won’t have it, I tell you! I really love those guys. I wish they’d come and help me with my horrendous decor, grooming, health, food, fitness, social skills, etiquette, dinner party hosting abilities, etc, etc, etc...Yes, I can see how the Fab Five are so easy to hate, being charming, stylish, mature and successful, especially when you ain’t.

It wasn’t until later that I realised what was wrong, among many other things, with my own wonderful host for this particular afternoon’s luau. He was one of those guys that the Fab Five try valiantly to bring out the best of, or at least cement over. But he was rejected for the show after becoming violently hostile when offered practical advice on a good exfoliate and moisturiser.

According to ‘The Creep’, good grooming is so superficial, bourgeois and unimportant. It sure helps if you’re on a crowded bus in summer though. Lawyer Boy continued on that all of ‘the leaders’ are not doing anything. I assumed he meant political and not Yves St Laurent, Carl Lagerfeld and Tom Ford.

Presumably as we spoke, all our elected representatives were sitting in an immobile group in a darkened room just staring. I certainly felt as if I was. Gosh, it’s obvious what’s wrong with the world today; my lunch companion was not in charge. I must remember to put in a humble recommendation for this guy as ‘World Leader Thing’.

I should have seen the early warning signs in a lawyer who grooms and dresses like a twelve-year-old Gilligan. Shouldn’t a lawyer at the basic level have the ability to think clearly and objectively with some semblance of an adult, without having counter clockwise spinning eyes and the need to be placed in a restraining position? It’s a funny thing, but I find people who talk with smug and fashionable disapproval about value judgements, often seem to have no values or judgement. I have noticed that the same people still always call a qualified plumber and don't often accept coconuts in place of cash.

Hey, it’s all relative, baby. Unless of course it’s about their chosen default position value judgements. When I hear dime a dozen ideologies spoken by those whose standards are either skewed or an amorphous and fashionable nullity, I make a mental note to keep them away from my children, with or without video surveillance.

A loathing for your own culture is merely an extension of self-loathing, sometimes backdated from student activist days or similar, and passed off as a kind of suffering with or without a raised fist on behalf of ‘the people’, who in practice, the same fist raisers are often not really interested in, in any meaningful way. If you can’t see where you came from and who you really are with any nuance, insight or balance, it may be a little bit of an uphill push to think that with this level of thinking skills, you can understand a place and culture that you were never from.

My wife is Japanese and our son is naturally Eurasian. I’ve lived in Japan, advanced and crazy place that it is and I’ve not yet met a Japanese who didn’t value and respect much of their own culture, with its great attributes and dark flaws. While considering what effect Japanese having a less ignorant take of their fairly recent and hideous past would have, I can’t say. I doubt they would totally try and reject being Japanese.

Their distinctive and singular Japanese character is central to who they are. It’s virtually immutable and is why after more than 1500 years, it’s still intact and vibrant without even a hint of help from any kind of 'diversity'. They also don’t have the attendant Western hang-ups about living a la' ultra modern. It just is and if anything, they go full bore into perfecting it to the 9th degree. Even suicide, which the Japanese see in a very, ah, uniquely hair raising and Japanese way.

The Japanese genuinely like, admire and are fascinated by other cultures such as Italy, France and perhaps to the discomfort of those of a leftish pose, especially places such as the United States, the UK and Australia etc. Maybe some folks need to find out who they really are first. No, I mean really. In Japan, those foreigners and other out of towners that paradoxically seem to have the most enjoyable time and are well liked as well, are those with their own cultural confidence.

As I’ve mentioned ad nauseum, Mark Steyn said that some folks live in a fantasy life completely supported by the system they despise. Strangely common in the West, pretty much unheard of in Japan.

You'll always find default positions at parties.

During the party, she said I was Right wing. Well, being a Leftard would be "Over my cold vodka and ice!"


Dear Sports: This is as the old song goes, a reply to a woman I met in the kitchen at a party. Which shows how popular I am. It's a post from Wednesday 11 July 2007. She thought I was, for a little while, a witty and charming chum that she wanted to get to know a little more. Now I know how little. Sadly, this all ended when she realised to her middle-aged and Kos kid horror, that I wasn't exactly like her, meaning exactly like a moon bat. The idea of actually meeting an actual Conservative as opposed to an abstraction seemed beyond my host. But then, finding a clean glass seemed beyond my host.

Sure, it's rough, but that's how I get my kicks. I never said I was one of those always pathetically nice Christians. I see myself more as a 'praise the Lord, pass the ammo and the viscous, crushing sarcasm type'...the best kind. Lord knows the world needs it. God bless Peter Cook and Dudley Moore!


Well, initially she wanted me to write on her website. Yep, a tragically Left Twilight Zone, kids. So I wrote something, she read it and it was goodbye from her! So long and au revoire to "diversity and tolerance". I forgot that means of their opinions only. Still, these kinda dopes are great sources of material. Ah, what ya gonna do?


Dear Lissa:

Gee, thanks for your kind and thoughtful reply to my efforts. As you said of me in your generous two lines, "...you're kinda intense, hey". And you may even write to me. Wow. I’ll put it in my diary. You really don’t have to bother, trust me. So, you’d prefer the company of celery? Or you’re kinda incapable of any er, 'intensity'? Whatever. Hey.

In reply, er, no. That's called writing. It's what intelligent and witty people sometimes known as writers, do. Even I’ve been known to do it. I thought I was just sending a humorous, worthwhile and kinda light piece to you. Guess not, eh? Didn't you give me your card, ask me to please give you a call and, "...we’ll organize a dinner party etc", and "Let’s do a musical and save the theatre!"

Maybe I could even write something too, you said merrily. Doesn't it make sense that I would well, 'write' to you?

Can't say I wasn't embarrassed and uncomfortable at your peculiar non-response. I thought from what you said that you appreciated a mature, talented, energetic, generous, warm, courageous and alive person, or even someone like me. I’m sure you mean well. Maybe you are a writer. You certainly managed to express a lot with so little. Or is that less with more, or more or less? Who knows? It’s a shame, as I did like you. Oh, well. What can you do? There’s trouble everywhere. Have you seen the cost of driveway gravel lately? It's an outrage!

Hey, maybe if you researched some obviously better examples of writing than me, to put it mildly. Like I dunno…P.J O'Rourke, Mark Twain, Mark Steyn, Oscar Wilde, Emile Zola, Spike Milligan, Peter Hitchens, Hemingway, Albert Camus, Plato, Walt Whitman, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Henry Miller, Truman Capote, Gore Vidal and Clive James or whoever etc, etc... Any one of 'em would show that it’s not that unusual to write or act with a kind of er, vitality. This is especially true if one has something um, individual, original and fully developed to say, with a natural dynamic to offer and the immediate ability to express it. I should be so lucky.

Didn't you say you were interested in writing, indeed that you were a writer? You don't need to answer that question. I've seen your site. A heart warming and wonderful parody. I really liked the 'right on' nihilism thing you got going there, rolling along on its little porridge-like wheels. It’s all so delightfully undergraduate, a kind of 'non' site. It's non this and non that. It's daringly regular surface post, modern! Yeah, it's a real thrill to see another thousand neo-MoveOn kids bravely fighting their deluded "BushHitlerCheney" fantasies. Er, no. Yawn.

Good for you girl, in sticking to your guns and not demonstrating what your site actually is. Crazy. It takes a lot of courage to put your own self out there with alternatively amorphous to absurd theories and the usual boilerplate.

"I don’t need any self-critique! I’m a Saint!" Good for you.

Should content have er, content? Not really. Out with passé ideas such as depth and wit, I say! Out damn plot! Down with the patriarchy of light and shade and er, entertainment! Who needs 'em?! Entertainment is so bourgeoisie, don’t you think? How much stale, badly written, rambling, amazingly incoherent and by the numbers amorphous polemic can people stomach? On the Left, reams of it apparently. What do I know? What do I care? Knock yourself out, I say.

You don’t see any internal contradictions say, between the sensitive neo-mountain earth Mother, Lady of the Lake and lost ski instructor thing you’ve got going on, and the harsh hatreds of the usual Left Liberal Fascism to those that are not approved of? In some parts it’s very hard to know where the contempt for fellow citizens and institutions end, and the self-loathing begins. Maybe it doesn't.

Some of your links were occupied by to quote Mark Steyn, “people who live in a fantasy life completely supported by the system that they despise”.

It all seemed either assembled from a kit while stoned and half asleep, or in a kind of semi-catatonia. It’s just got to, Mister!

One of your links may even be the ‘missing link’, though not as sophisticated. If someone doesn’t value enough about their own culture, are they really capable of understanding or appreciating another?

My wife is Japanese and my son is half Western and half Japanese. I've lived in Japan and I have not yet met a Japanese who didn’t value and respect much of their own culture, maybe sometimes too much of it, with it’s attributes and flaws. Indeed that unique, weird and cute 'Japaneseness' is central to who they are. They genuinely like, admire and are fascinated by other cultures, especially places like the United States and Australia, to the discomfort of those of a Leftish pose. Maybe some folks need to find out who they really are. No, I mean really.

I don't know your site intimately and I imagine there may be worthwhile stuff on there, but l’ll never know, as I just couldn’t go on. So at a certain point of endurance, I didn’t. It was either that or get out the cyanide capsule. Yep, it was mostly unreadable, insufferable and humourless and filled with available anywhere, PC 'Earth Mother' bilge water, to radical and extremist guff.

A little more nuance would have helped this reader to cut through the treacle of, how do I say this without being rude? Fatuous platitudes. It's easy and common these days, to use the facade of 'moral vanity'. Maybe you’re serious? Maybe they are! Ok.

"Let’s give it to the man! Burn down the Deans office! Anyone for Reiki and Rolfing?"

I can hear the out of time, 'Welfare State Financed' drum circle from here.

Isn’t this lack of adult thinking skills normally left behind with acne and earnest Student Union ‘crisis’ meetings? Do you edit at all? Obviously plenty of the links don’t. I guess you don’t have to when everything that comes out must be pure gold, because they are after all, the right views to have. Left ones, right? Have you tried reading your writing and some of these links out loud, without frightening the pets and children?

Lissa my dear, such material has the light touch and fluidity of a German jazz band. It's about as fresh and inspiring as a 1975 issue of Rabelais, the old University mag. As they say, maybe there are a lot of unresolved parental issues? Maybe they should, "...go up North and get their heads together, man!"

There was a lot of faux tolerance talk about bigotry. What that means is that everybody should be free to have your views, however default Left bigoted and intolerant you are, right?

Yes! They are there! You just can’t see 'em if you know that you can’t be wrong. That’s for other people. Where’s the quality control, or can anyone join as long as they adopt the same old oppositional stances, no matter how extreme, immature, neurotic, untested, and irresponsible or groupthink it is? Sure, there's a bad side too. Can’t allegedly good works be performed without the group drivel and rhetoric? Maybe try shifting that paradigm.

So often, those who don’t accept the whole square package of fashionable Left ennui and hubris, are nearly always thought of as just not good people, especially not as good as you are and their views are naturally, always without value. It’s a riot of irony. It’s easy to be tolerant of people and things that you like, agree with, or are neither responsible for nor connected to.

I should have taken the hint and moved away quickly away when I told you I was not interested in fitting into the box of the Left. It just ain't that interesting or effective among other things, such as the Left being boring, embarrassing and mostly stupidly wrong. Then you replied I believe, with something like, "That's alright, we sometimes have right-wing writers!" Right.... That's so deliciously polarized, I wish I had brought my Polaroid and captured the moment.

You seem to think you are going to do me some kind of big favour by replying. So maybe just don't, on both counts. I do wish you well whatever treatment you choose. Oh, the Hannity!

Sincerely, Colonel Neville.