Colonel Robert Neville Always Dresses For Dinner.

Progressive Lawyers, Guns and Money: An Open Lettuce From Colonel Neville.

2011-12-19T20:58:00.003+11:00

Pictured above, James T. Meggesto was famous for his party trick of 'eerie' Saul Alinsky impressions, unless of course there was a lampshade handy. “The first time he did an Alinsky I thought it was Alinsky!” says a friend who wished to remain anonymous and would only give the pseudonym of ‘Barry O’. Said the friend: “Oh yeah, I remember ‘Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it and polarize it’. Jimmy used to get us all to sing chorus after endless freakin’ chorus of that song! It used to drive Hillary nuts. She'd just sit there all in a funk alone in the corner with a lampshade on her head.”

Dear James T. Meggesto:

Washington D.C. T. [1] 202.887.4147
immeggesto@akingump.com

Having read your masterpiece statement regards Paul Mirengoff’s post at the Powerline blog via Mark Steyn and legalinsurrection, I must inform you that your use of the phrase “shocked, appalled and embarrassed” is also the title of the famous Spaghetti Western of the same name by Sergio Leoni: “The Shocked, The Appalled and The Embarrassing” starring Clint Eastwood.

In the film, Clint plays "The Man With No Identity Politics” who makes the mistake of riding into the town of ‘Socialist Shakedown’, a long-term Democrat voter base and thus largely welfare dependent, vice ridden and run by Madoff Manson Hyde Alinsky and Goebbels, a notoriously corrupt gang of lawyers who feign outrage on behalf of the Raquit Indian tribe, all in order to silence and extract money from any objecting local townspeople, and anyone else who happens to innocently wander into their own "personal" town like all Democrat ruined wastelands.

Of course in the film it’s Clint who rides into this very town or as he calls it: "a liberal shithole", while coolly ignoring the sign at the city limits that menacingly reads “WELCOME TO SOCIALIST SHAKEDOWN. IT’S A PROGRESSIVE DEMOCRAT KINDA PLACE AND WE WANT IT TO STAY THE SAME WAY! FOREVER!!”

Clint enters the saloon where everyone is singing an ode to Raquit Indians with a chorus that goes “Oh great wise and superior to all are the Raquit Indian ways! None can come close to their brilliance, fun and advanced laughter techniques! All bow down before The Great Raquit!”

While ordering a drink at the bar, Clint is approached by a stranger who asks him to remove his hat and why he alone is not joining in the group praise. “Mebbe I don’t want to” answers Clint. “But everyone wants to! I got their written confessions that they do right here!” says the stranger known only as Chris Matthews or Keith Olbermann .

Eastwood as “The Man With No Ideology” looks him right in the eye and drawls, “All I see is a bunch of pathetic yellow belly Yankees scared of their own shadows! ‘Sides, there ain’t no money in it fer me. Now if you’ll be so kind...” Just as Clint puts his drink to his lips the stranger knocks it from his hand, spilling Clint’s tumbler of 'That Old Bastard Owl Whiskey’ onto the floor.

Eastwood squints hard at the stranger and reaches for his Colt Equaliser as the entire room of people including the stranger, run out the door crying like the yella bellies they are. The stranger then peeps back through one of the saloon doors and says in his high pitched voice that “You’ll be hearing from Socialist Shakedown’s lawyers!”, before scampering down the street like a polecat.

Boy, what a coincidence, eh?!

Now the problem I have is that I feel that your statement “shocked, appalled and embarrassed” is I feel, perhaps even for arguments sake, allegedly but not necessarily so, aimed at insulting my tribe cum group known as The Bullshit Detectors. I feel that allegedly YOU think, I feel, that people would naturally be “shocked, appalled and embarrassed” by us! I feel. Allegedly. What do I know...

Yet we’re a grand bunch from an ancient culture steeped in recognising bullshit as a basic mechanism to maintain our universal and inalienable Creator Endowed First Amendment Rights. [Our mortal enemies The Bullshitter’s are a swarming sort of leftist collectivist mob, marked by their deceptive and naturally thievin’ big government, high taxin', ever regulatin' and downright dangerous to liberty ways, but I digress.]

Now I feel this must be an insult allegedly I feel squarely aimed at us, because no-one honest and NOT for example only of course, not a sanctimonious, self-serving, phony shakedown artist would think, say or much less write such a steaming pile of logical fallacy buffalo pies, I feel. Allegedly. Whatever. Real baloney perhaps entirely coincidentally like that, can even cause us existential pain! It’s as if someone wants to destroy our freedom and thus our very life, much like those awful promiscuous Bullshitter's who are known to be infected with a socialist disease!

I felt for example and just throwing it up in the air here, how could any non-rent seeking lawyer for arguments sake, just for example, I feel, make such an allegedly insensitive and wholly inappropriate slanderous drivel blizzard I feel, for example if someone did, against say the use of an honorary Bullshit Detector's Constitutional right to free speech, which empirically critiqued the recent hijacking of a service held in Tucson, Arizona. But not necessarily, for example. I feel.

As soon as I and the rest of my tribe became aware of your alleged posting, we took immediate action to deal firmly with this unfortunate situation. Accordingly, after sniffing the air to gauge the size of your alleged excreted poundage, the Bullshit Detector’s Big Kahunaroonie, John Adams, [no relation] issued the following statement:

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

We liked it so much that a couple of us guys got into an old Time Machine we had just lyin’ around and travelled back in time! We gave our John Adams idea to the actual second American President of the same name! How cool is that?!

No, really. Colonel Neville.

Zucotti Park Is Melting In The Dark.

2011-11-24T20:57:00.024+11:00

Zucotti Park. [MacArthur Park]

Sting was never waiting for us, girl
His Learjet is overhead
As I wallow like a dunce
Between the unshaved legs and the badly dressed,
I’d love my Mom's electric iron
For my striped pair of pants!

Zucotti Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, Green icing flowing down...
Some dumb leftard fakes out of our brain
I don't think that I can take it
'cause it’s the same old half-baked shit
and l'll never have The Sixties again
Oh, no!

I recall the yellow spreading mess foaming like a wave
on the ground around your knees
The turds, the rabies of our demands
and the old men molesting children by the trees

Zucotti Park is melting in the dark
All ecofascism flowing down...
Some dumb leftard fakes out of our brain
I don't think that I can take it
'cause it’s the same ugly Marxist Mob
and we'll never have The Sixties again
Oh, no!

(BRIDGE)
There will be another bong for me
For I will deal it
There will be a trust fund for me
My parents will bring it
I stink of urine while it is warm
and then I let you catch my advanced STD’s
And after all the love of myself
after all the love of myself
I'll still be the one.

I will take my wang into my hands
and I will use it
I will win the worship of stoned eyes
and I will abuse it
I will have the things that I desire
and my passion flows like sewage through pig sties.
And after all the love of myself
After all the love of myself
I will think of me
and wondering why.

Zucotti Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, Green icing flowing down...
Some dumb leftard fakes out of our brain
I don't think that I can take it
'cause we're the same old nihilist brats
and l'll never have The Sixties again
Oh, no!

Unemployed Labourer Discovers Economic Cause and Effect.

2011-10-28T12:30:00.020+11:00

Jimmy McOates, unemployed labourer and economist relaxing at home.

'It's a miracle!' say world leaders.

A statement presented today at a hastily convened press conference by an unemployed 'gardener', is being hailed as possibly the greatest breakthrough in improving the standard of living for the worlds poor since the Industrial Revolution or cannibalism. A man, who until recently had been working as a labourer, claimed that he had found the actual and surprisingly single cause of world poverty.

Jimmy McOates of South Node stated that it came to him while he was watching the Academy Awards. "I had been spreading some gravel. I had just come home and had begun to watch the television. I noticed that all these so called stars were wearing expensive jewellery and quick as a flash, I put two and two together", he said in his incredibly thick accent while adding that, "I'm not a racist, and wouldn't even know how to spell bigot. How can they wear expensive jewellery while there are people starving in Africa?” said McOates, with a concerned upturn of the eyebrow. "Well, once I'd said it, I realised that it was pure gold and I had to get it out to the world".

And of course the impact of this profound revelation has been felt around the globe as politicians, academics, scientists, business people and celebrities have reacted with a mixture of shock, surprise and relief that one of the great puzzles and misconceptions of the century has finally been exposed.

African President and philanphropist Robert Zimbabwe, said that "It's a complete turn-up for the books. All this time foreign conspirators that I cannot name for security reasons, have spread lies that our problems were caused by murderous, incompetent, corrupt, oppressive, undemocratic and non-civil mob supported mobster governments with even crazier economic systems, which shows how wrong you can be".

He was speaking at the launch of his governments 'Fifteenth Economic Conference on the Implementation of a Straw Based Economy' held at Club Med.

"I knew all along that it was something like this, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Of course we don't need any Western mumbo jumbo interfering in our country. We have our own. I know what my people want as I have told them on many occasions", he said.

Part of President Zimbabwe's 'New Economy' has included providing shoes only to his supporters. A country that had once been the world's biggest exporter of two-tones, now has an almost entirely shoeless populace, leaving only one rapidly depleting domestic footwear source. It comes from the forced takeover of the usually Hawaiian owned, 'Arthur Lyman Dance Academies'.

These schools are a legacy of Robert Zimbabwe's failed 'Non-Stop Disco Dancing to Wealth' economic experiment of the mid-eighties. He has been aided by a disgruntled group of former dance students and freelance gang rapists who, according to a school spokesman, "Couldn't actually dance at all and had no interest in it but just came to jealously eye the other students coveted Florsheims".

Jimmy McOates said that now he had discovered his financial 'wonder formula', he felt that it could be applied endlessly. Speaking at a packed conference attended by Government leaders, various dignitaries and pop musicians from across the world, he enthralled his audience when he showed how simply by never wasting money on new underwear he could increase the GDP of New Guinea by 50%.

Mr McOates said in a final statement that "I believe if I wear track pants all the time even formally, in fact especially formally, I feel I can reduce the foreign debt of Belize or Macaroon". He added that the wonderful thing was he would not have to modify his lifestyle. In fact, it would most likely enhance it.

Curiously, when asked by the news conference cleaner if according to his incredible new theory it follows that Africans buying expensive jewellery would have a negative effect on any other economy, or upon their own, there was some hesitation.

When queried on how much of his own money he was currently sending to African cannibal king warlord's that would otherwise be wasted on living, Mr McOates looked puzzled. Jimmy then suddenly announced that he was feeling quite ill and that he had to go to the bathroom.

So far, he has not returned.

Clinton's. Meet The Clinton's.

2011-10-04T20:51:00.012+11:00

Bill Clinton has always seen things differently to normal people. Getting up always means going down and going down is always coming up.

The Clinton's. [The Flintstones]

Clinton's. Meet the Clinton's.
They're the modern stoned age family.
From the, town of Bedhop,
They're a page right out of perjury.

Clinton's. Saudi money.
They're the venal liberal family.
From cash, of George Soros,
They're a page right out of Alinsky.

Let's ride with the Democrats raking dough.
Through the courtesy of Bill’s big blow.

Clinton's. Bankrupt Russia.
They're the crim two-faced family.
Stole cash, from tax payers,
They're a page right out of larceny.

Let's ride with the Democrat raping hoes.
Through the crimes of George Soros.

Clinton's, SEIU.
Unions and Gambino family.
Marxists, mob thug leftists,
It's treason right out of Gramsci.

When raped, by Bill Clinton,
You'll have a grabba a Bubba dong time,
A stabba you time,
You'll have a stained old time.

"Soros! Soros!"

Obama. [Maria]

The most meaningless sound I ever heard:
Obama, Obama, Obama, Odinga.
All the fraudulent sounds of the world in a single word:
Obama, Obama, Obama, Obama, Obama, Alinsky.

Obama, you can’t know a man named Obama,
and now the verb “change” will never be the same to me.
Obama! I've just dissed a man named Obama.

And typically I've found how fraudulent the left can be.
Obama, say it loud and there's Soros playing.
Jerking off and it's almost like praying,
Obama, they never stop saying: "Obama!"

Obama, Obama, Obama, Obama, Obama, Bill Ayers.
Obama, Obama, Obama, Obama, Obama, Revrin' Wright.

Al Gore. [Alfie]

What’s it all about, Al Gore?
Is it just for the moment you lie?
What’s your ass about when you’re spreading out, Al Gore?
And you mean to take more than you give,
Or are you just a behind?

And if only fools are blind, Al Gore,
Then I guess its wise to be Green.
And if life belongs only to the rich, Al Gore,
What will you bend on ev'ry golden rule?

As sure as I believe there’s a sun spot above, Al Gore,
I know there’s something much more,
Something even non-believers can believe in.

I believe it’s fraud, Al Gore.
Without bullshit you just exist, Al Gore.
Until you find the fame you’ve missed you’re nothing, Al Gore.
When you talk let your ass lead the way,
And you’ll find less every day, Al Gore, Al Gore.

Butterball. [Thunderball]

Mike always waddles while others walk.
Mike eats while other men just talk.
He looks at this world, and wants it all,
Mike Moore lies, like Butterball.

He knows the meaning of success.
His needs are more, so he gives less.
They call him the whiner who takes all.
And he cheats, like Butterball.

Any kudo he wants, he'll get.
He will break any chair without regret.
His days of basting are not gone.
His fat goes on and on and on.
But he thinks that the fat is worth it all.
So he slides like Butterball.

Sean Penn. [Born Free]

Sean Penn, unstable the films blow,
As his treason shows,
Born free to follow his ass.

Live rich and stupid surrounds you.
L.A still astounds me,
Each time I look at a star.

Chavez freak, where no crime offends Sean,
You're dumb as a roaring toad,
So there's no need to know.

Bored me, your films are not worth paying,
But only worth fingering,
'cause you bore me.

Cocaine, and life is worth living,
But only worth living,
'cause you're over there.

George is still single. [George of the Jungle]

George, George, George is still single,
Dumb as he can be. (Ahhhhhhhh)
Came out of TV.

George, George, Clooney loves jingo,
Lives a life that's free. (Ahhhhhhhh)
Girlfriend on her knees.

Hanoi Jane. [Helen Wheels]

Hanoi (Hanoi) Hanoi Jane,
And a Commie rats gonna know the way guns feel.
Hanoi (Hanoi) Hanoi Jane,
And they never gonna take her away.

Diarrhoea’s a girls best friend. [Diamonds are a girls best friend]

The Greeks are glad to die for ass,
They delight in pounding stools.
But I refer to the men who give,
And have extensive tools.

A schlong in the butt,
May be quite continental,
But diarrhoea’s a girl's best friend.

A wizz may be grand,
But it won't clean the rectal.
With a humble splat,
Or help you at, the autoshat.

Men grow cold as girls grow old,
And we all lose our bowels in the end.
But square-cut or pear-shaped,
These dicks don't loose their shape.
Diarrhoea’s a girl's best friend.

Stiffany's! Fartier! Black Starr!
Frost Gorham! Talk to me Harry Reems!
Tell me all about shite!

There may come a time,
When an ass needs a reamer,
But diarrhoea’s a girl's best friend.

There may come a time,
When a hard-oiled impaler,
Thinks you're awful tight,
But get that grease, or else no night.

He's your guy, when wangs are high,
But beware when they start to descend.
It's then that those gasser's,
Go back to your asses.
Diarrhoea’s a girl's best friend.

I've heard of affairs that are strictly colonic,
But diarrhoea's a girl's best friend.

And I think affairs that you must keep Ebonic,
Are better bets, if little pets squirt bigger jets.

Time rolls on, and youth is gone,
And you can't straighten up your end.
So stiff, slack or boobies,
Can't hand crank that jack I see.

Diarrhoea! Diarrhoea!
I don't mean Rhino horn!
But diarrhoea’s a girl's best friend.

The Para Legal Brothers.

2011-10-01T13:23:00.063+10:00

Pictured is Joffa Clunk wearing a traditional since lunchtime, turkey and baloney basting lyre bird dress, perhaps modelled on the once popular ginger coloured Macintosh. At The Department of Offence you’ll see it’s some catch that Catch ‘Impossible for the Untrained Wrong Colour People to Say What Colour a Fractional Colour Is’ 22. Ah, yes "we thought we were free..."

“Bolt used...sarcasm. He knew all the tricks.”

Criminologist: It is easy for us to judge Clunk too harshly. After all he only did what many of the insane left simply dream of doing. And we should remember that any crude, intimidating, leftist thug could merely be just another violently well-meaning and influence peddling, dismissed government employee. And are we not all a little like that? While Clunk was a talentless opportunistic bore, he was nonetheless an immensely laughable, wonderfully violent phony, loved by many.

Presenter: Most of the laughable logical fallacy based massively intimidating yet fair random law-making, concerns the head of the infamous Para Legal Brothers, ‘Monkeyboy’ Boobberg, but what about Bolt, the man they hated? One man who met him was Luigi Vercotti.

Vercotti: I had been running a successful identity grievance politics agency -- high class, no really, high class leftists - we didn't have any of “that”. No, strictly legit. Cannibalism was right out as was ritual mutilation, your voodoo and child brides. We always insisted on only top-shelf tribalism. None of your violently enforced conformity and sexual barbarity and that's not just your usually affluent white activists. I decided... (Phone rings) Excuse me. (Answers phone)

Hello......no, not now......shtoom...shtoom....right......yes, we'll have the job, er, watch ready for you at midnight.......the watch.....the government watch....yes, right-oh, bye-bye.....mother. (He hangs up phone)

Anyway I decided to open a high class night club for people of a provisional colour at Biggotswide, with International Communism and critical theory and top line Marxists, and not a cheap clip joint for picking up grants -- that was right out, I deny that completely - and one evening in walks Clunk with a couple of big lads, wearing the entire skins of twenty seven water buffaloes, thirteen kangaroos, seventeen baboons and a newt. They said I had bought one of their Tone Adjustment MachinesTM and would I pay for it.

2nd Interviewer: How much did they want?

Vercotti: Complete silence with absolutely zero criticism or questioning of the Shakedown Socialism of identity politics and no one must ever laugh at their fascistic mediocrity. And their government jobs back.

2nd Interviewer: Why didn't you call the Thought Police first?

Vercotti: Well I hadn’t thought of that, but then I noticed that the lad with the armed tactical legislative device, was the er, local judge like, and freelance masseuse for the area. So no point really. A week later they called again and told me that to understand why Clunk was suddenly dressed as a traditional mentally ill fancy dress clown, I had to read...Bolt.

2nd Interviewer: Bolt?

Vercotti: Bolt... (Takes a drink) Well, I was terrified. Everyone was terrified of reading Bolt. I've seen grown twerps enlist venal lawyers using the Nazi logical fallacy rather than read Bolt. Or read. Even Boobberg was frightened of Bolt. Actually, no he wasn’t.

2nd Interviewer: What did Bolt do?

Vercotti: He used...sarcasm. He made “a liberal use of sarcasm and mockery”. He knew all the tricks, dramatic irony, metaphor, bathos, puns, parody, litotes and... satire. His use of language and structure was “highly suggestive and designed to excite". His style was "not careful, precise or exact" and his language "not moderate or temperate but often strong and emphatic". He was vicious.

Well, everyone knows that "language of that kind has a heightened capacity to convey implications beyond the literal meaning of the words utilised. It is language which invites the reader to not only read the lines, but to also read between the lines." Or something like that, guv.

Presenter: But isn’t it blank between the fucking lines and isn't Boobberg describing actual writing and indeed any writing worth reading?

So, by a combination of bad leftist control freak legislation, random yet laughably elastic interpretations of the law and The Constitution, a fear of sarcasm and any humour or empirical facts whatsoever, the Para Legal Brothers by September 2011, controlled Australian’s God given right to free speech.

Perhaps it was Orwell or Charles Manson who said that good and correct writing should never express anything of value or meaning beyond the literal words used, as anything more intelligent would merely upset stupid people. Good writing should be like pornography, a race guide or Robert Manne. Only the hopelessly mad would say otherwise. Anything else is unacceptable and rude.

But it was in September though that Boobberg and Clunk both displayed further signs of the profound madness that would later render them unemployable outside of government.

Gloria: Boobberg had become increasingly obsessed about the ghost of John Milton, whom he was convinced was following him carrying a phantom ukulele. Boobberg had come to the conclusion that Milton was actually residing in his broom closet and that when Boobberg fell asleep, John Milton would emerge with his ectoplasmic uke in hand and implant George Formby songs into Boobberg’s mind, especially the tune ‘When I’m Cleaning Windows’.

Boobberg later commented that he had to “destroy truth and freedom of speech in order to save them!” and that he was possessed of a “nuclear device” that he would use to finally “make facts more fair” especially to the “oppressed” minorities in the government and at International Socialist.

Clunk too, believed that he was being followed by an apparition, a flying “two headed circus python” called “Monty.” “I shall cut off its head with my powerful traditional Death Ray to save the precious environmental dirt of Gaia! It will be powered by my own non-fossil fuel based body fat, as soon as I get that government grant” said Clunk, late at night at a local park, standing completely naked except for his trademark newt skin hat.

Marxist Left Sodden Identity Politics Are DoublePlusGood!

2011-09-28T21:05:00.013+10:00

Winston Bolt must learn to love Big Provisional Colour Brother! “Yes, I can see it now! White really IS black! Even 1/8th black IS completely black!” [Unless The Party Collective says today black is now red, comrade.]

“Yes! The Supreme Court and Ministry Of Love IS a Love Supreme! 2+2=5!” [Unless The Party Collective says today 2+2 now equals 9, comrade.] "All drones are equally offended!" [But some drones are always entitled to be more offended than others, comrade. ] “Freedom IS conformity and fear IS good! I love Big Brown Brother!” Winston Bolt too, must learn to love Big Impossible for the Untrained Wrong Colour People to Say What Colour a Colour Is Brother! Only through lies and conformity can we be free to conform to the mass delusion of laughably witless rent-seeking leftard lies...Conform to The Current Truth, comrades.

'We, the Party, control all records, and we control all memories. Then we control the past, do we not?'

'But how can you stop people remembering things?' cried Winston again momentarily forgetting the dial. 'It is involuntary. It is outside oneself. How can you control memory? You have not controlled mine!'

O'Brien's manner grew stern again. He laid his hand on the dial.

'On the contrary,' he said, 'you have not controlled it. That is what has brought you here. You are here because you have failed in humility, in self-discipline. You would not make the act of submission which is the price of sanity. You preferred to be a lunatic, a minority of one.

Only the disciplined mind can see reality, Winston. You believe that reality is something objective, external, existing in its own right. You also believe that the nature of reality is self-evident. When you delude yourself into thinking that you see something, you assume that everyone else sees the same thing as you. But I tell you, Winston, that reality is not external. Reality exists in the human mind, and nowhere else. Not in the individual mind, which can make mistakes, and in any case soon perishes: only in the mind of the Party, which is collective and immortal.

Whatever the Party holds to be the truth, is truth. It is impossible to see reality except by looking through the eyes of the Party. That is the fact that you have got to relearn, Winston. It needs an act of self-destruction, an effort of the will. You must humble yourself before you can become sane.'

He paused for a few moments, as though to allow what he had been saying to sink in.

'Do you remember,' he went on, 'writing in your diary, "Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four"?'

'Yes,' said Winston.

O'Brien held up his left hand, its back towards Winston, with the thumb hidden and the four fingers extended.

'How many fingers am I holding up, Winston?'

'Four.'

'And if the party says that it is not four but five -- then how many?'

'Four.'

The word ended in a gasp of pain. The needle of the dial had shot up to fifty-five. The sweat had sprung out all over Winston's body. The air tore into his lungs and issued again in deep groans which even by clenching his teeth he could not stop. O'Brien watched him, the four fingers still extended. He drew back the lever. This time the pain was only slightly eased.

'How many fingers, Winston?'

'Four.'

The needle went up to sixty.

'How many fingers, Winston?'

'Four! Four! What else can I say? Four!'

The needle must have risen again, but he did not look at it. The heavy, stern face and the four fingers filled his vision. The fingers stood up before his eyes like pillars, enormous, blurry, and seeming to vibrate, but unmistakably four.

'How many fingers, Winston?'

'Four! Stop it, stop it! How can you go on? Four! Four!'

'How many fingers, Winston?'

'Five! Five! Five!'

'No, Winston, that is no use. You are lying. You still think there are four. How many fingers, please?'

'Four! five! Four! Anything you like. Only stop it, stop the pain!'

Abruptly he was sitting up with O'Brien's arm round his shoulders. He had perhaps lost consciousness for a few seconds. The bonds that had held his body down were loosened. He felt very cold, he was shaking uncontrollably, his teeth were chattering, the tears were rolling down his cheeks. For a moment he clung to O'Brien like a baby, curiously comforted by the heavy arm round his shoulders. He had the feeling that O'Brien was his protector, that the pain was something that came from outside, from some other source, and that it was O'Brien who would save him from it.

'You are a slow learner, Winston,' said O'Brien gently.

'How can I help it?' he blubbered. 'How can I help seeing what is in front of my eyes? Two and two are four.'

'Sometimes, Winston. Sometimes they are five. Sometimes they are three. Sometimes they are all of them at once. You must try harder. It is not easy to become sane.'

He laid Winston down on the bed. The grip of his limbs tightened again, but the pain had ebbed away and the trembling had stopped, leaving him merely weak and cold. O'Brien motioned with his head to the man in the white coat, who had stood immobile throughout the proceedings. The man in the white coat bent down and looked closely into Winston's eyes, felt his pulse, laid an ear against his chest, tapped here and there, then he nodded to O'Brien.

'Again,' said O'Brien.

The pain flowed into Winston's body. The needle must be at seventy, seventy-five. He had shut his eyes this time. He knew that the fingers were still there, and still four. All that mattered was somehow to stay alive until the spasm was over. He had ceased to notice whether he was crying out or not. The pain lessened again. He opened his eyes. O'Brien had drawn back the lever.

'How many fingers, Winston?'

'Four. I suppose there are four. I would see five if I could. I am trying to see five.'

'Which do you wish: to persuade me that you see five, or really to see them?'

'Really to see them.'

'Again,' said O'Brien.

Perhaps the needle was eighty -- ninety. Winston could not intermittently remember why the pain was happening. Behind his screwed-up eyelids a forest of fingers seemed to be moving in a sort of dance, weaving in and out, disappearing behind one another and reappearing again. He was trying to count them, he could not remember why. He knew only that it was impossible to count them, and that this was somehow due to the mysterious identity between five and four. The pain died down again. When he opened his eyes it was to find that he was still seeing the same thing. Innumerable fingers, like moving trees, were still streaming past in either direction, crossing and recrossing. He shut his eyes again.

'How many fingers am I holding up, Winston?'

'I don't know. I don't know. You will kill me if you do that again. Four, five, six -- in all honesty I don't know.'

'Better,' said O'Brien.'

Mo The Knife.

2011-09-24T21:46:00.011+10:00

Mohammad you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind.
Hey Dhimmi. Hey Dhimmi!

Maybe It’s Because I’m an Islamist. [Maybe It’s Because I’m a Londoner.]

Maybe it's because I'm an Islamist,
That I hate London so.
Maybe it's because I'm a terrorist.
That I think of Mo whenever I blow.

I get an angry feeling inside of me,
When jumping up and down.
Maybe it's because I'm a Muslim,
That I bomb London Town.

Jihad Boy. [Georgie Girl.]

Hey there! Jihad boy,
Swinging down the street a total freak.
Nobody you meet could ever see,
The explosives there, inside you.

Hey there! Jihad Boy,
Why do all you boys just hate women?
Could it be you just a perv, or is it the rags you wear?

You're always widow shopping but never stopping to build.
Unsheathe those old box cutters and fly, a little bit.

Hey there! Jihad boy,
There's another Koran creep inside.
Bring out all the hate you hide and oh,
What a change there'll be,
The world will see, the true Jihad Boy.

Hey there! Jihad boy,
Dreaming of the virgins you believe.
Death is a reality, you can always blow away.
Don't be so scared of changing and rearranging yourself.
Its time for blowing up all of yourself, to little bits.

Well Halal Dhimmi. [Well Hello Dolly.]

I said Halal, dhimmi. Well, Halal, dhimmi.
It’s so sad to have you back where you went wrong.
You’re lookin’ Hell, dhimmi. I can tell, dhimmi.

Bombs still blowin’, you’re denyin’, we’re still goin’ down.
I feel that room swayin’, while the Imam's prayin’,
One of their old favourite Hadiths from way back when.
So, take their crap, fellas. Find you an empty sack, fellas.
Dhimmi you’ll blow away again.

So golly, gee, fellas. Find an empty train, fellas.
Dhimmi you ought to learn today, a dhimmi’s sure to die someday,
Dhimmi we’ll never come this way again.

What a Waleed Full World. [What a Wonderful World.]

I hear deception, what phoneys do,
I see them doom, both me and you.
And l think to myself, what a Waleed full world.

I see lies are true, and black is white,
The white cursed all day,
The dhimmie scared to fight.
And l think to myself, what a Waleed full world.

The canards of baloney, so pretty in the lie.
Are also on the faces of people going by.
I see friends shakin' heads, sayin' "What do we do?
They're really saying, they fooled you!"

I hear students cryin', I watch them groan,
They'll learn nothing, that I really know.
And I think to myself, what a Waleed full world.
Yes, I think to myself, what a Waleed full world.

Mo the Knife. [Mack The Knife, Sinatra version]

Oh, the sheik had, shitty teeth dear,
And beheaded, Pearl all right.
Just a jack knife, for Jihad dear,
And he keeps it, way out of sight.

When Islam bites, with its teeth, dear,
Scarlet billows, begin to spread.
Fancy words though, has Mohammad,
So there’s never, never the truth that’s read.

On the sidewalk, on Sunday morning,
Lies a body, oozin’ life.
Someone’s sneaking, round the corner,
Could that someone, be Mo the knife?

From a car bomb, an intersection going slow,
An IED is blowing downtown.
You know that bomb blast, is for Islam dear,
You can make a large bet, Mo is back in town.

Their man Zarqawi, he's split the scene, babe,
After making mountains of dead, with Saudi cash.
Now Osama, spends like an Arab,
Do you suppose our boy, he caught some kind of rash?

Old Saddam, O bin Laden, Old Sheik Yassin.
Did this song nice, lady Yasser too.
They all sang it, with so much feeling,
That old dead eyes, he aint gonna add nothing new.

But with the Saudi, Kingdom behind them,
Lying hard, CAIR, they know they can’t lose.
When I tell you, all about Mo the knife babe,
Its an offer, you can never refuse.

We got dhimmitude, media playing that piano,
And the great big lie, bringing up the rear.
All the left cats, in this band now,
They make the greatest sounds, you’re ever gonna hear.

Oh so its tawdry, phony bastards, can’t teach ‘em, old Mohammad got around.

Hey the line forms, on the left dear,
Now Mohammads back in town.
You’d better lock your doors, they changed the law,
Because Mohammads back in town.

"A Basketball Jones is when you think of basketball so much, you are like a basketball!" Cheech and Chong.

Like a Killing Jones. [Like a Rolling Stone.]

Once upon a time you dressed so fine.
You blew five bombs a time with the prime, didn't you?
People'd call, say, "Beware Mo, you're bound to fall"
You thought that Mossad’s hittin' you.

You used to laugh about,
Everybody that was hangin' out.
Now the bang sounds so loud,
Now you do seem so proud,
About having to be scraping up the human meal.

How does it feel?
How does it feel?
To kill with just a phone,
Like a complete unknown,
Like a killing Jones?

You've gone to the Islamic school all right, Mr Lonely,
But you know you only used to hate Jews in it.
And Hezbollah has really taught you how to flatten the street,
And now we find out we're just gonna have to get used to it.

You said you'd never compromise,
With the West and man, but now you realize,
The press are selling all your alibis,
As they stare into the vacuum of your eyes,
And ask you, do you want to make a deal?

How does it feel?
How does it feel?
To be on your way,
With a direction home,
Like a complete unknown,
Like a killing Jones?

You always turn around to see dumb frowns on the media and the clowns,
When they all come down and do tricks for you.
You always understood that it sure is good,
You can let all the dhimmies make up bullshit for you.

You always lie on the tv show like a diplomat,
You go right over the head of a BBC prat.
Ain't it nice when you discover that,
He really was just where it's at,
After you took from him everything you could steal.

How does it feel?
How does it feel?
To be on your own,
With no direction home,
Like a complete unknown,
Like a killing Jones?

Prince Abdullah’s steeple, and all the ugly people,
They're drinkin', thinkin' that they got it made.
Emirates have all kinds of enslaved kids and things,
But we'd better stop taking it in the ass, we better deport ‘em babe.

You used to be so abused,
At the madrassa in rags and the language that he used.
Go to him now, he calls you, you can't refuse.
When you got Islam, you got nothing to lose.
You're so visible now, you got nuke secrets to conceal.

How does it feel?
How does it feel?
To be on your own,
With no direction home,
Like a complete unknown,
Like a killing Jones?

A Book Filled Entirely With Words.

2011-09-22T21:16:00.009+10:00

Award winning author Miles O'Cant, pictured arriving at a recent book signing and sweat lodge.

The following is a transcript of an interview from 'Authors and People' aired on the tax-payer funded broadcaster the ABC, [Australian Bolshevik Knitting Circle] during the dark days of any conservative government which are always worse than Hitler. Nay, 10,000 Hitler's!

"Good evening and welcome to an hour of government funded rebellion with your host Tim Comfortable. My guest tonight is author and social critic Miles O’Cant. I’ll be discussing his latest uncontroversial book ‘If You Don’t Agree With Me, You’re a Racist and a Fascist: how me and my left friends are never wrong thus our one hundred percent failure rate’.

Thank you for coming on the show tonight Miles, and congratulations on also winning the State Government Funded Award for ‘A Book Filled Entirely With Words’. I believe that brings your total of prestigious taxpayer funded awards to around 127?"

Miles: “ Thank you Tony. Yes, but awards mean nothing to me. They’re meaningless, absolutely without meaning. As is the $850,000 prize money. Just yesterday I received a financial statement from my accountant and I thought how this enormous cash deposit is meaningless. Money means nothing to me. It’s the writing, the art of it all and making a difference. Especially to my bank account. And it’s actually 128 awards but again, this is entirely meaningless”.

Tim: “I agree, I find even the perks meaningless. The free gifts, being virtually impossible to fire and having an unaccountable free reign to push my leftard opinions sans action or a shred of supporting empirical evidence for decades on end and then there's the mutual backslapping. All meaningless. Ah, the backslapping...

But I digress. Now, your first published title and winner of the prestigious 'Boredom Award' established you as a major literary force. And that was for the Teacher’s Union EnforcedTM children’s book ‘This Fascist Racist Government Gave Me Cancer and Welfare’. It was thought controversial at the time mostly by the religious right merely because of the cannibalism. What was your inspiration and motive for the book?

Miles: “I wanted to show realistically and without hyperbole or exaggeration the hopelessly depressing, suicidal and voiceless reality of young people’s crushed lives as they’ve grown up in the fascist regime of the current Nazi government that is doing everything to destroy any dissent or freedom whatsoever. They're worse than ten million Hitler's! It’s an inspiring and entertaining read too”.

Tim: “You’re good friends with the government funded playwright Glib Plaistow of course”.

Miles: “Yes, but Glib has an entirely different style to me. His plays are about the hopelessly depressing, suicidal and voiceless reality of middle-aged people’s crushed lives as they’ve grown up in the fascist regime of the current Nazi government that is doing everything to destroy any dissent or freedom whatsoever”.

Tim: “Yes, like many people, I too feel they're worse than ten million Hitler's! Maybe even twenty million Hitler's! Now, could you describe for the listeners who may have not read your first book, some of the areas you cover?

Miles: “I felt that the true experiences of young people’s lives as I imagined them almost entirely in my mind, has been ignored by much of the so called mainstream. I wanted to focus not just on the cannibalism, but gun running, international drug rings, madness, ritual suicide, Devil worshipping, arson and golf”.

Tim: "I’ve never understood golf, it’s so elitist. Now some people, mostly of the religious right, have tried to silence you by calling you “insane” and “a dangerous bore”. Your thoughts Miles?"

Miles: “Aren’t we all really a little insane and dangerously boring? Especially those who have abducted children? But who are we to say just because of outmoded and indeed judgemental ideas of right and wrong? I prefer to blend these subjective concepts into what I call "rung and rot". I don’t know what they mean, but they certainly don’t discriminate”.

Tim: “Some critics, mostly of the religious right, have said that your books are absurdly focused on a laughably bogus and dark vision of young people, when the reality is that most of those in affluent capitalist democracies have pretty good and normal lives. Nonsense?”

Miles: “It's nonsense to not realise that any child like that is a brainwashed weirdo!”

Tim: “Where do your ideas come from, apart from real life as you see it?”

Miles: “It all comes from my mind, Tim. My mind is like a vast landscape. Of course there’s dirt, small shrubs and even deciduous trees and is that a zebra?”

Tim: “A zebra? No that’s Doris, our tea lady”.

Miles: “She looks like a zebra! Get away from me!”

Tim: “Miles, is that a gun or a knife with a trigger?”

Miles: “You’re a fascist and a zebra and therefore you must die! Death to the zebra fascists!”

The Wonderful World of Satire, the Left and Hijacking.

2011-08-27T11:06:00.020+10:00

The subscription death-spiral newspaper The Age, like most of the Australian media and fellow travellers, simply adore any Marxist leftist creep or Islamofascist nihilist and thus EU funded, mass murdering pedophile rapist frauds like Arafat say, and without serious er, caveat, cos' gee, he's a psychopathic gangster jihadist who well, "never gave up hope" in his brave "fight[s] against the Jews" an' all. Ah, Global Hope N'ChangeTM...Turn away "Jenna"! and while there is still er, a chance for redemption.

Dear “Jenna Price”:

I’ve been re-reading and enjoying more favourites from over the years of your sadly under-recognised and very clever parodies of the left from The Canberra Times. While I don’t get all the humour as quite frankly, I lack the sophistication and intelligence, and find some of it just too true and awful; your writing is nonetheless boldly brilliant satire. Oh, the layers of irony. Quite fantastical, but I guess it comes down to the central fictitious character of “Jenna Price” being so authentic, yet a wacky oft spooky parody of the left university trained journalist.

But then that’s why you are the successful satirist and I’m not, and you work for the outstanding Canberra Times and I never could. If only. Sigh.

On further examination, the character of “Jenna” comes over as a semi-decent person apparently offering disturbingly kind meals to “climate denialists”, and would be a rather pleasant neighbour I’d wager, as long as you didn’t mention anything too er, well, just don’t. But I have hope for “Jenna”, if only she could learn something true.

Matched with a few of the usual dissonant, casually horrible and laughable left views, that give a real one two punch of dark satirical laughs whenever the character of “Jenna” makes her odd logical fallacy sodden and confused socialist statements and in a broadsheet yet regards Israel, dissent from leftism and other things such as this:

“...I don't want that state [Israel] to be built on the corpses of another forgotten nation,..”

Wow! But ain’t the building codes in Israel pretty strict regards building “on corpses” an’ all? So pretty nonsensical laughs already! But then there are many affluent lefties who actually do say this kind of junk, which is beyond belief really but gives it the ring of believability. Yep, stop earning those 149 Nobel Prizes in every area of science, medicine, technology and the arts etc, and stop contributing so massively and positively to the modern world, Israel!

And this bitter classic was placed toward the end of your brilliant mock review as “Jenna”, of a rotten self-loathing book by the hideous and venally spoiled Hamass supporting Marxist leftist, Antony Lowenstein. And Antony doesn’t even suspect you’re having him on! What a poo-poo pants. How do you do it?

Hey, this is why you are successful where as I am not. Sigh. Pure genius.

In your recent column, perhaps you could have had the militant Green activist that dies so tragically young, as the first and only Green to criticise the Green’s eagerly criminal support and incitement of the global Islamic and Marxist BDS movement to destroy Israel? This could have been ironic if somewhat unbelievable regards leftoid activists, especially after your added flourish of a “kind” mention from the Stalinist atheist anti-Semite cum Jew-hater organiser du jour Lee Rhiannon, so I guess that too, rules out such a possibility.

But then like Islamisation, the natural logical end result of leftism is always mass destruction, limitless criminality, complete moral collapse, irrational nihilism and total ruin, just like that showcase of over half a century of leftarded socialism called Detroit. But I digress.

Another of “Jenna’s” hilarious columns that I won’t go into too much was on alleged “racism!” It ticked all the funny and stupid boxes such as the deliberately lame joke conceit of the title that “my daughter is a racist”, when it’s not racist if you like the race!

Hilarious stuff. And so was your satirising of the tired lefty tactic cum baseless accusation that Kevin Andrews is somehow a “racist!” Hey, who isn’t a “racist!?” Everyone not left apparently.

Are cats racist? It’s a thought.

And all for Kevin Andrew’s pointing out now entirely confirmed African crime facts. As “Jenna” you also exposed the phony lefty media accusation that Pauline Hanson is a “racist!” too, and always it’s without sighting a single racist quote, and then “Jenna” builds a preposterous “rapist, thieves” etc straw man joke cum argument, then tops it all off by insinuating an opportunistic and callous racism on the part of John Howard! Hey, outstanding ABC style filth and fun. Five stars.

So all in all a great little piece satirising how for the naturally racist left, their argument is almost entirely based on first accusing everyone and anything of racism. Go figure.

But what do I know about comedy? Compared to you, nothing!

Now about your following piece in The Canberra Times..[Curiously it no longer seems to be available on The Canberra Times site, yet rather ironically is still on the journalistically unemployable yet repellent Hamass liar Antony Lowenstein's blog. Go figure.]

In your wonderfully twerpy piece, “Jenna” seemingly lauds dirtbag Lowenstein and his usual hideous, nihilist Marxist Critical Theory sodden leftist activist tropes about Israel which again, proves your satire street cred.

Humbly, I’ve added my humble thoughts in the character of a “right wing maniac” or RWR for short. I happen to be hosting a “raving right-wing maniac” dinner party this Friday night, but I’m short of maniacs. To expand my list, could you name some names? It would be most appreciated.

“Mad world: daring to question the role of Israel. Canberra Times July 23rd, 2006. Jenna Price:

Jenna: “I can't write about Israel. It is way too hard.”

RWM: Hey, if writing honestly based on easily observable empirical facts, what lefty can? Especially the glaring truth about how the enormously progressive, prosperous, constructive, moral and contributing Israel is the only great, beautiful and decent democracy based on the rule of law and human rights in the Middle-East, and it is surrounded by twenty-four variants on rather dysfunctional, corrupt and evil terror supporting Islamofascist theocracy states.

Jenna: “In my family, I am alone in supporting Israel.”

RWM: Jesus, some family. I’d keep that to myself, “Jenna”. Sounds like a real laugh track. See, even I forget it’s all a fictitious satirical joke.

Jenna: “In my country, there would be few who would support Israel and its actions - and the others are all raving right-wing maniacs.”

RWM: Poor Jenna. She lives in Leftist Country! In my country, most everyone sane support Israel, thus they use computers and so many modern miracles without hypocrisy. Oh the irony is that every “raving right-wing maniac” I know including me, support Israel, and conversely virtually nobody of the Marxist sodden left does. They commonly hate any non-left Jew, conservative Australian or American etc. Go figure.

Jenna: “Well, when I say support, I think it should exist.”

RWM: This is very generous of you. So it’s one step up from Hamass then. Yes, existing, nothing but existing. Like say a rock or a plant. I love existing and yet it never seems somehow enough.

Jenna: “My husband and children all believe that it would make more sense to have Israel in, say, Poland. What's the point in being surrounded by enemies, they ask.”

RWM: Hey, maybe it would make more sense to have your family in Poland, except to the Polish. Or better yet, work at the ABC, SBS and The Age etc. You'll be surronded by friends of Hamass. Yes, what’s the point of running the entirely legal Max Brenner store in Melbourne Central surrounded by Marxist and Islamofascist enemies? Ah, that might be why management, the state government and the police are decently and courageously and legally working to stop swarming globally organised militant Marxist leftards and Muslim mobs of Jew-haters targeting any Jewish business just like the Nazi’s did.

Could be.

Jenna: “So I won't go into the whole thing about how for centuries, Jews felt as if they were surrounded by enemies, even in Europe. Israel was founded as a giant refugee camp, an idea to which most of us would be sympathetic.”

RWM: And here I was thinking Israel is a country with an almost 3,000 year-old history that Jewish people built into a sophisticated, great democratic miracle of positive moral and technological achievement contributing massively to the world. Gee, just shows how wrong you can be.

Jenna: “But right now I'm even more sympathetic to Lebanese families who are getting bombed to death, when they were just minding their own business and living family lives.”

RWM: Yes, quietly "minding thir own business" such as bomb making, customised beheading videos and generally supporting Islamic jihad. I think I get “Jenna’s” point though. Utter depravity without limits and women murdering Hizbollah dominated Lebanon intent on destroying Israel and murdering all Jews, good. Democratic, highly moral, free and prosperous Israel, the only Middle Eastern land of female freedom is ergo, bad.

Jenna: “Lebanon in summer is beautiful and I was delighted to hear that a young family friend was to visit Lebanon this month and get a crash course in Arabic.”

RWM: Yep, the crashing could be those 10,000 plus rockets landing in Israel. I hear the crash course in homicide suicide bombing martyrdom can be done in a single morning, especially for the mentally retarded. Sit in on any daily and hourly “Death to Israel!” mosque sermon, and there’s a crash course in Arabic right there.

Jenna: “He, of course, is trapped there and getting more than a crash course. It is no longer fashionable among assimilated Jews like myself to support the existence of the state of Israel, and if you do, you had better want it to be in pre-1967 borders or you lose your licence. Joking. In regular circles, however, Jews who criticise Israel are in big, big trouble.”

RWM: Nope, the fashionable and in-thing among much of the left and our betters is Jew-hatred. It’s authentic yet sad, sad satire, bub. Tony is actually trapped in the peculiarities of bog-standard leftist self-loathing Jewish suicide and treason. But hey, we all need a hobby.

In the above laugh filled mess, “Jenna” seems to dimly recognise that in the regular circles of normal land, the alleged “criticism of Israel” fraud meme is recognised as the Big Lie it clearly is. The only difference between the “anti-Zionist” and a Jew-hater, apart from craftily changing “Jewish” to “Zionist”, is that the anti-Zionist creep lacks the guts to admit that they’re just another slimy and Jew-hating fuck.

All criticism of Israel will only stop when Israel is annihilated. Then it’s the West’s turn to fall. But I digress.

Jenna: “Ask Antony Lowenstein.”

RWM: Let’s not. About anything, except when he’s finally leaving Australia to live permanently in Gaza or Cuba. Like any Che the child killer fan.. never of course. Affluent leftard brats just like to wear the tshirt.

Jenna: “He is the author of My Israel Question, soon to be published by Melbourne University Press. He grew up in a traditional Melbourne Jewish family, went to a conservative private boys' school and did honours in arts at Monash.”

RWM: Actually he is more likely as he relentlessly presents himself: a phony, rotten, treasonously congenital lying circus geek seemingly without a shred of decency. But I digress. Expensive private school and a comfortable, privileged upbringing, eh? And yet he turned out it appears to be a lying, loud mouthed nihilist and naturally shitbag leftard brat. Gee, what an effing surprise. Er, no.

Jenna: “But a few years ago, he started questioning the role of Israel in the Middle East.”

RWM: Yes, how brave...He must live in fear of dentists, accountants, neuro-surgeons, physicists and bespoke tailors. I guess Tony the phony means Israel’s role as a sanctuary in regards to Israel, gee, being the only advanced and free state in the entire area where homosexuals are not murdered in their thousands.

Jenna: “He started questioning his parents. And, they started questioning themselves. Now, they've changed their position - lost a few friends along the way - but accepted their son's view that maybe the Israeli way is not the right way. (In 1975, I remember helping a charming Palestinian boy screen print some anti-Zionist posters. My mother went off her head. The Lowenstein parents sound far more moderate.)"

RWM: Balls. Yes, so “moderate” meaning leftist ergo self-loathing and thus suicidal Jew, or repulsive white bread left Marxist Hamass supporter or an active Hamass, Al Aqsa, Hizbollah, Al Qaeda member. Got it. Yes, anti-Zionist posters…Charming. Again this is brilliant satire. Did Marx Antony ever ask his parent’s why they spent so much money on his worthless and treasonous hide?

Jenna: “Antony, 31, is an only child so maybe they get more sway with their doting parents, but his ability to change the way his parents thought might augur well for the success of his book. And I don't mean the kind of success where the book goes to number one (although I'm sure he'd like that too). The success we need is to bring, to Jews, the frustrating topic of Israel out into the open. To non-Jews, what Israel has done to recently rebuilt Beirut is a disgrace.”

RWM: Tony twerp is an “only child”. Ya don’t say. Yes, nihilist radicals all through history have wanted to “bring” something to the Jews. Usually a pogrom or variant. “..out in the open...” Not really the case is it, when the Muslim terrorist brings the bomb inside the Israeli bus and detonates.

Funny how much of the left and many millions of Muslims apparently feel virtually no need for any serious self-examination. Ah, but then they are good intention brimming Utopian and Caliphate dreamers and thus it’s always, well, ALWAYS the Jews fault. Or the West’s fault, or America, or Christians, or conservative “right wing maniacs” who believe in crazy ideas like respect for The Constitution, in limited government, low taxes, a respect for life and in personal responsibility. Madness.

And as for “a disgrace”, it’s hard to beat January 18th 2009 Marxist and Islamofascist Jew and free West hating festival in the CBD.

Jenna: “And if that was happening to any other country in the universe, Jews would feel the same way.”

RWM: There are no other countries in the universe. Planets yes, Islamofascist shitholes, no. There is no Workers paradise on Mars either. It’s on the moon.

Jenna: “It's raising that consciousness…”

RWM: Careful with that axe, Eugene. Your Marxist Critical Theory is showing.

Jenna: “...to reflect what is happening in Lebanon which will be a challenge.”

RWM: That’s what beheading videos are for.

Jenna: “Why should Israel exist? For Jews, it was built as a haven and in our minds,”

RWM: In your er, “minds”. Quite. Funny, but all the great Israeli, Jewish inventions and products I use every day seem so real…

Jenna: “...continues as one, just in case there is another Holocaust.”

RWM: Here’s a great way to avoid “another Holocaust”: DON’T SUPPORT THE PEOPLE WHO WANT ONE, like say much of the left and their Hamass pals.

Jenna: “But I don't want that state to be built on the corpses of another forgotten nation,..”

RWM: Ah, again the “Jenna” money shot. This is so wonderfully repellent and eerily common among the left that it’s almost funny. That’s the thing with satire. Sometimes it works and sometimes I wish I could wake up and find it’s all a nightmare. And it is.

Jenna: “...as Jews were forgotten during the Second World War.”

RWM: Ironically the reality of the existential threat the Jews face in relentless and permanent harsh reality is readily forgotten while it’s actually happening! And conversely as the Grand Mufti and Hitler, the Muslim Brotherhood, Qtub and the problematic ever present facts of Hizbollah, PLO and Hamass etc, etc, ad nauseum, are conveniently inverted and forgotten.

Jenna: “I know the Israel question. I wish I knew the answer.”

RWM: Here’s a question. If seventy-five percent of ‘Palestinians’ vote for Hamass who have declared a war of annihilation on Israel, can one expect less war or more and all the attendant consequences? Here’s another. Is it not true that in a single morning if they did not care about civilian casualties, the Israeli military could if they wanted to, carpet bomb Gaza and the West Bank and or any surrounding Islamic state out of existence? And yet they do not do this.

Conversely, what would any and all of the Muslim states do within the next 24 hours if they had that same power?

Hilariously, the entirely fictitious “Jenna” knows neither the questions nor comprehends the answers. As Ronald Reagan said: “It’s not that [left] liberals know nothing, it’s that they know so much that isn’t true.” But then, what do I know about satire? Nothing.

Morelandberg Council Celebrates Multicultism with Al Qaeda and Nazi Diversity.

2011-08-14T13:26:00.003+10:00

General Von Schrager pictured here with Morelandberg City Council Diversity Officer Mrs Helga Gestapo, playfully wrestling over who is the more inclusive and sharia friendly. "I tell you, I'll host the Australian Union of Lebanese Gang Rapists!" insisted the ever cheerful Helga. Von Schrager responded in his light-hearted Prussian way that "Nein! I vill host der Baader Meinhoff Glee Club und zer Amalgamated Dubai und Sri Lankan Federation of Pedophile Imams! It'll be a gasser! Man, Islam's a scream! It's great for der kinder too!"

A phone call is made to Morelandberg City Council:

"Good Morning. Zis is General Von Schrager. May I say zat I salute your courageous council members voting to host der vonderful Al Qaeda franchise Hizb ut Tahrir Australian Local at Morelandberg Council premises last Sunday. If only more people ver so eager to include everyvun in our moving ever vorwerts. Of course you are right not to accept such extremists as Jews, conservatives, Christians und sceptics. Zat vould be madness!

And in zat very schpirit of multicultural diversity zat makes verboten any shallow moral judgement at Morelandberg, I look vorwart to our annual beer hall putsch-over vizzin your humble council gas-heated chambers of zer Class of '43 Old Panzergruppen Boys. Today Morelandberg, tommorrow zer world!

Shall ve say about 20:00 hours?"

PM Julian Willard Lunch Launches Enormous Christine Nixon Fat Cop Profile.

2011-08-03T21:31:00.045+10:00

"Oh, the afternoon tea..." Ironically and for all her gravitass, Christine 'What Me Worry?' Nixon often found it difficult to connect down to earth, if at all. Now when such a vast flammable baseload carries an enormous amount of self-generated explosive gas and then attracts a terrifying set of charges, well, the destructive results are entirely predictable.

As PM Julian Willard butter toasted the Whitmanesque talents of Christine Nixon - author, the PM made a rare error in accidentally referring to Nixon's book 'Fat Cop' as "The Concise History of the Communist Socialist Forum".

Even these wonderful wrong words and chocolate eclairs, Savoy truffles and pineapple tarts were not enough as the free lunch-seeking whordes of journalists fell over gigantic piled sweet trays in a futile attempt at measuring and weighing the massive achievements of the maverick pioneer of guilt free eating, ex-Police Commissioner Christine ‘Let’s Eat!’ Nixon. While not all the Big Red One's stellar triumphs involve a humbly detailed bogography or Himalaya's of whipped cinnamon cream buns, Camembert cheese and or wheel barrows of mushroom rissotto - some involve an ever grateful proxy state of Victoria represented graciously by media hacks, political geeks and union creeps applauding her as one, minus one hundred and seventy three dead.

The courage and sacrifice was palpable as the last cement-mixer of Royal Chocolate Mousse Deluxe was scraped out and sucked down and the final semi-trailer of Petite Fours were consumed en masse and after every piece of the John Brumby Desalinated Union Sponge Spectacular was carried home in the back of many a utility truck and as Christine’s personal conveyor belt of Caramel Swirls finally fell silent, the reviews of the furniture shattering tome were in...

They proved that 'Fat Cop' was indeed a book and that if anything, it contained words, words that in turn brought up other words and often straight to the throat. Sadly, it did not contain the words "My God, I am so very, very sorry. I was and continue to be wrong about most everything", or "I just want to take my enormous bulky pension, crawl away to nowhere and never be heard from again".

Other words and whole sentences wonderfully missing from Chrissie's book about Nixit herself, and the many other great men and women in power who lead us to victory are - inadequate, unqualified, unfit, unable, incapable, unskilled, inept, maladroit, inexpert, awkward, floundering, clumsy, bungling, gauche, insufficient, ineffectual, Wayne Mr Potato Head Swan and inefficient.

Low, abject, contemptible, dead to honor, debased, degraded, derogatory, disgraceful, dishonorable, dereliction, disingenuous, disloyal, double, emptitious, faithless, false, fishy, ignominious, indign, infamous, inglorious, insidious, knavish, lost to shame, of bad faith, one, perfidious, perjured, pettifogging and shabby.

Slippery, the left are mostly Jew-haters and Hamass bedpals, Lee Rhiannon, sneaking, the classic grey Prince Valiant socialist frump hag bob, treacherous, Lee Rhiannon, trothless, trustless, truthless, unauthenticated, unbecoming, unbefitting, unbeseeming, unchivalric, unconscientious, unconscionable, undignified, unfair, unfaithful, Julia Gillard has the same comical body shape as New Zealand's native Kiwi bird, mediocrity, afflent university student graduates filled with an ironic hatred of capitalism, nausea, you fill me with inertia and untrustworthy.

Unintelligent, fatuous, irrational, cognitive dissonant, logical fallacy sodden, obtuse, bovine, dull, dense, lumpish, doltish, simple, simple-minded, moronic, imbecilic, cretinous, Boeotian, subnormal, feebleminded, Michael Leunig, weakminded, stolid, dullwitted, dim, dimwitted, halfwitted, thick, thickwitted and thickheaded.

Twit, twerp, clod, pinhead, fluffball, fucker, eternal student union crisis meeting, foolish, silly, frivolous, asinine, hare-brained, crazy, insane, mad, crack-brained, working-class militant union cripples, scatterbrained, absurd, inane, middle-class rabble, Sarah Hanson-Young, idiotic, ridiculous, risible, laughable, ludicrous, Christine Milne, nonsensical, senseless, bootless, irresponsible, irrational, ill-advised, Sarah Hanson-Young and foolhardy.

Insipid, dull, tedious, boring, tiresome, humdrum, prosaic, monotonous, unimaginative, uninspired, uninteresting, vapid, vacuous, Kevin Rudd and ho-hum. Style-free, jerk, putz, anti-Semite, Che the child killer Guevara tshirt wearer, asshat, badly groomed, drunk, drug addicts, perverts, pansies, militant parasite, flunkies, unread, incurious, laughable faux poetry, mediocre, uncool, fucked up, repulsive, Bob Ellis and carpetbagger.

Peek-a-boo, globular pyramid, mountain of cholesterol, Jenny Craig will need garage doors, where's the Chihuaha gone?, Tony Toby Jug' Jones is full of shit, Australian Bolshevik Circle, Q&A naturally treats the Green MP Rhiannon the Jew hating Marxist atheist with respect and insults any conservative or Christian and gee, there's not really a lot of Zionist Jews on the ABC is there.

The mother of all camel toes, do not wear spandex, any Jew hating two-faced Taquiyaa spouting Jihadist PR fraud is cool at the ABC, the Michael Moore All You Can Eat Smorgasboard, take my wife..POLICE!, The Age subscripton rate bankrupt this year or next, I blame the powerless and any newspaper that reports any unpleasant facts about me, if I had my time again I would have done things differently and instead ordered the mains Lasagna.

Drivel, bullshit, blame-shifting, censorious, unaccountable, unreachable, untouchable, cant, two-faced, logical fallacy, ad hominem, politically correct, socialist, Marxist Critical Theory, feminist, feminisation, leftist, crime wave, unread, favouritism, identity politics, sycophants, bedpals, ecofascism, bankrupt, sell-out, betrayal, death, injury, loss, heartbreak, total failure, environmentalism, nincompoop, newt, mega-liar, Bob Brown and control freak.

Obese, corpulent, stout, overweight, heavy, plump, rotund, portly, chubby, podgy, pudgy, tubby, fleshy, paunchy, flabby, oleaginous, unctuous, greasy, fatty, pinguid, sebaceous, roly-poly, adipose, pot-bellied, overfed, flabby, elephantine, broad in the beam, beamy and beefy.

Profitable, remunerative, cushy, affluent, well off, elitist faux royalty, creeping snob, Paul Keating and loaded.

Mushroom Rissotto. Pagan Gaia worship. Marxist front groups. Manipulation. Power. Money. Control. Lies. Burnt to death. Dead Australians. Bastards.

Derek and Clive Discuss One Terrorist Attack in Around 17,504 Since 9/11 That Was Not By Muslims.

2011-07-29T23:43:00.078+10:00

The black deluded heart of inhuman darkness. Oh, the crushing hideous irony. Horribly murdered by a twisted and deluded psychopath, the Norwegian Marxist leftist teenage variants concerned were members of the Norwegian LABOUR Party youth wing - and together with more than a few middle-aged Hamass groupies on the island of Utoyo had rather ironically been er, um, gee, celebrating the wonderful Jew-hating nihilist and mass-murdering psychopaths of Hamass and their Charter an' all their ongoing Islamofascist and leftist plans to demonise, economically destroy and annihilate the Jews and Israel. Like, totally rad, dudes. Gee, some of the students were wearing fashionable Jew hatin’ Hamass head slicer scarves. Radically sick, bro. I guess that's why the leftist director of the House of Literature in Oslo and former leader of the RED Electoral Alliance, [no, really] Mr Aslak Sira Myreh the current liar and fraud, would call these Hamas pals if even by mere default, the more anodine term of "young political activists", instead of the more ugly yet accurate term for what many and perhaps all, sadly were. But hey, that's The disgusting Guardian via the equally screwy newtpaper 'The Age.'

Yet the endearing mop tops never had the chance to protest against all the rapes of Norwegian women and girls in the last five years being committed by wonderful peace loving Muslim immigrants. Cos’ er, you know, naturally they would have, wouldn’t they, bein’ all feminist an’ all. I’m sure it was on the agenda. Oh, there it is, pencilled in an’ all. Nope, that says how Hamass are just swell and to get some more Rage Against the Machine downloads.

[Post dedicated to the great Walid Shoebat. Shoebat com.]

UPDATE: Frontpagemag with incredible Breivik et al insights. Sultankinish with more and more. BRILLIANT video takedown on the radicalisation of Anders Breivik via answeringmuslims com. Hat tip to Jill.

UPDATE: Peter Hitchens on the massive anabolic steroid drug taking Breivik.

Clive: Now here’s an idea. Regards the family backround of the all round repellent Anders Breivik, the plastic faced Norwegian mass murderer, psychopath and Thunderbird puppet freakishly devoid of humour..Breiviks is a pro-eugenics, pro-abortion Darwinist racialist, an identity politics spouting welfare state advocate and an oddly self-admitted crippled son of a Euroweenie liberal, socialist feminist mother and the estranged son of a largely absent lefty father. It's hardly your typical er, Christian Church going conservative family type profile like say, the Palin's, is it, Derek?

Derek: He sounds utterly fucking horrible. If it wasn't for this toasted cheese sandwich, I'd be filled with despair.

Clive: That's the power of melted cheese, Derek. Clearly Breivik was influenced by the well-known rabble-rousing fringe extremist wackos that he referenced such as er, gee, Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, John F. Kennedy, Andrew Jackson, Thomas Jefferson, George Washington, Lao Tzu, John Locke, Rudyard Kipling, George Orwell, Mark Twain, John Stuart Mill, William James and the Founding Fathers etc.

Naturally, we can expect at least a billion more Breiviks at any moment to start screaming out of every reference library. It's those evil books full of historical figures and other people recklessly discussing facts and values. Oh dear, he also referenced Freidrich Nietzche, Marx and Mohammad. So the left have just admitted that Nazism, Communism and Islam are a perfect three-way match. Well, I'll be a Darwinian conundrum.

Derek: The wilful cognitive dissonance of the left usually sickens me. 'Ere, funny I thought, but a lot of lazy lefty media fuckers have been trying to connect Breivik to the very working class EDL, the English Defence League, but 'ere I said, 'ere! The Australian newspaper reported that, and I fucking quote: "He came from an affluent background, shared an Oslo flat with his wealthy mother and went to a middle-class secondary school in the city." I imagine she polished his bottom every Thursday to make it all shiny.

Clive: Quote you do Derek and no, not very lager and crisps is he.

Derek: Hang on a minute! It's just like those wealthy upper middle-class shits of Baader Meinhoff, Patty Hearst and the SLA and the Weathermen etc, fucking ad nauseum.

Clive: Ah, classic nihilist mass murderers of the left as they always have been. I once had a Bill Ayers arsehole ashtray.

Derek: Lovely.

Clive: Coincidentally, Breiviks the mumsy boy, said his shocking crimes were "necessary", which is exactly what the left always say about their own relentless nihilist political ideology of destruction on the way to their creep Utopia yet a road to serfdom for us, and exactly what their hero Che the child killer Guevara said about his endless murder sprees.

Laughably, the dirtbag Breivik now requests a platform to drone on about his witless, uncomprehending psycopathy. As a platform, I suggest a high wooden one with a short rope.

Derek: Everyone loves Norwegian wood.

Clive: Not to mention Norwegian rope, Derek. Not to mention smashing in Breiviks knees with a German trench shovel, yet I am a man of peace, Derek. If I am a man of anything, it would be peace. Fucking peace is my thing. Call me an old stick in the mud conservative, but I cannot stand mass murdering psychopaths.

Derek: Typical fucking intolerant conservative!

Clive: Exactly, Derek. And here's an interesting fact. The Norwegian island of Utoya where the next generation of Marxist socialist pro-Jew-hating leftist teens were frollicking, until their leftoid, to quote the great Mark Steyn, "fantasy life completely supported by the system they despise", collided with a criminal and disgusting unhinged reality, was also a er, gee, my, my, a FATAH PLO political and terrorist training camp, another criminal, disgusting and unhinged reality. In fact PLO creeps have had a presense there for around er, golly, fifteen years, as you do. And lauded by the idiot dhimmie Norwegian Prime Miniature! What a surprise that Euroweenie socialist twerps and Marxist totalitarians are eager and praising bedpals with Islamfascist terror groups an' all! Er, no. Hey, when Jew haters meet.

And look 'ere Derek, the Islamocunts of FATAH/PLO have issued a heart-warming statement of condolences for their teenage "comrades" on Commie Island. Beware of the irony overload, Derek, beware of the overload..

Via Debbie Schlussel: 'BETHLEHEM Fatah/the PLO was founded in part by Yasser Arafat, relative of Hitler’s best buddy, Hajj Amin Al-Husseini, the Grand Mufti of Jerusalem who begged Hitler to speed up the Final Solution of the Jews and export it to the Middle East.

(Ma’an) — Fatah Youth released a statement on Saturday condemning attacks in Norway which have reportedly killed over 90 people.

FATAH: “It is with consternation that we have received the dramatic news of an awful terrorist attack against a summer camp ran by our comrades of Norwegian Labor Youth ‘AUF,’” the statement said.

The Fatah Youth group had taken part in the summer camp in the past on the Island of Utoya, near Oslo, where over 90 people were reportedly killed in a shooting spree on the Island and a bomb attack in Oslo on Friday, news reports said.

“Fatah Youth declares its consternation about the terror attack. There are no words to describe an attack against people that have been our comrades in our struggle for freedom and independence. Very few people have stood by our side as much as the Norwegian people, and particularly our AUF comrades.”

“We know those who have been cowardly assassinated. Those are people that have stood for the human and national rights of the Palestinian people both in Europe and while visiting Palestine.

“Fatah Youth has participated for almost 15 years in the same summer camp and our youth has benefited by learning and sharing experiences on democracy and advocacy for peace and justice.

“We hope that those responsible for this criminal terror attack will be brought to justice. Such sick minds should not have a place in any society."

Clive: And here's a crushing video on the murder and decapitation of the Jewish Fogel Family that shows what the Islamofascist Palestinian idea of 'peace' looks like.

Funny innit Derek, how the left media immediately attacked every conservative blogger, writer, politician and waiter in the world before expressing how much they allegedly naturally care about over ninety murdered teenagers. The left are the go-to creeps for crocodile tears and contrived outrage. They are a mob. They thrive on lies, manipulation, mayhem and the wreckage that they do. Then they instantly move on to a newly useful pet and front, with never an apology for their invariably utter failures. There's a negative side too.

Derek: They sicken me yet I have to listen to the parasitical shits 24 hours a day. The left believe they are never wrong, thus their 100 percent failure rate. Arseholes.

Clive: Exactly. The twerps of the mainstream media say that Breivik, arsehole of the month, is naturally a “fundamentalist Christian” because he followed the dictum of er, “slay them where you find them”. Oddly that’s one of Mohammad’s. Clearly they do not read, especially the truly outstanding objective analytical and research skills of PRODOS on this. Bastards.

Derek: Mohammad. He was fucking ‘orrible. Where’s my cheese sandwich? I was just moulding it into a rough hewn creamcheese nude of Bob Brown. I thought that the more that you followed the words and deeds of Jesus Christ and the fundamentals of Christianity, like the Golden Rule of love your neighbour and treat people as you would want to be treated etc, the nicer you’d be. I thought the more you follow Marxist left radicalism and the words and deeds of Mohammad, the more of a dangerous nihilist lying fuck you'd be.

Clive: Au contraire Derek, it just shows you how wrong you can be if you don’t accept the cognitive dissonant grovelling betrayal and venally opportunistic lies of our leftist betters, Derek. accept the dominant left paradigm, Derek, or they'll smash your face in. The stupid fuckers have ignored the fact that every conservative and conservative group are instantly and naturally repelled by Breivik, and that he acted it appears, alone. There are precisely zero conservative movements based on intimidation, coercion and mass murder. The left and Islam have thousands and always have. It's what they are. But then, conservatives value the freedom of the individual and people above all, while the left and Islamofascists always value absurd and abstract collectivist and tribal ideas over human beings. Now Derek, you’ve heard of the left dominated mainstream media? It was in all the papers.

Derek: Of course! How do you think I got VD? So you mean the dying media. The relentlessly incompetent, grossly lying ideology perverts, fraudulently opportunistic ends justify the means, hideously venal, logical fallacy spouting zombies, dumber than dog hair living dead, cognitive dissonant and laughably irrelevant affluent Invasion of the Body Politic Snatcher asshats of the dominant leftist mob of the MSM? The weirdo bores that will use any pet cause to keep and gain total raw power, to delegitimize any dissent and to annihilate their enemies and advance their dissonant, treasonous ideology? You mean those laughably phony yet spineless lying circus geek cunts? The delightful clods who try their best to dehumanise Jews?

Clive: As usual you are too kind, Derek.

Derek: I can’t be cruel to a dying medium. Apparently Clive, there's little chance of the average Norwegian being an actual Christ believing Christian if you read this miserable study I was reading in the bog.

Clive: What's in it, Derek? Anything about cheese?

Derek: If fucking only. "In Sweden, church is for 'unbelievers', Three-quarters of Swedes belong to the country's official church, but only 15 percent believe in Jesus."

Clive: Hardly a basis for your Christian belief. More like a have your Christ and eat it wankers guild. Which reminds me..

Derek: Funny innit, how after every hourly bag of shit Islamic terror attack that the media don’t report, the same leftist filth take forever to mention gee, Islam, and that’s if they ever do mention it. Then they say they’re not real Muslims and that they are a tiny teeny minority that have hijacked the fun filled love of global Islamic jihad. This is the bleeding opposite of what they do to the virtually once a decade non-Muslim terror attacks. Then it’s anything but the harsh facts, Ma’am. Fuck ‘em all.

Clive: Yes, Derek. Interesting how Islam is so often hijacked by actual hijackers. Well, the neutered lady boys and semi-women of the leftoid media say that Breivik is apparently a Christian and this is based on the fact that he said he is and that he murdered over ninety people.

Thus the usually ridiculous Peter Hartcher can report nevertheless the simple fact that, "..Europol this year reported that there were no right-wing terrorist attacks in Europe last year. There were, however, 45 left-wing and anarchist attacks and 160 separatist attacks..."

Derek: I must have negelected to read the front page of The fucking cunt up your arsehole prick Age on those days, Clive. So the left say that Anders is like er, The Salvation Army, John F Kennedy, The Pope, Jesus and ah, anyone who goes to Church like black Somali Christians then? Stupid turds.

Clive: That’s the logic such as it is in Saul Alinsky and Marxist Critical Theory tactics land, Derek. 15,000 black Ethiopian Jews living free in Israel mean nothing to the left as do millions and millions of Asian and black Christians throughout the world. The left are a mindless demonic mob. Did I tell you how I had a problem getting into the tourist line at The Vatican because the Pope had us pinned down with automatic fire? It’s the Christianity that drives him to it, you see.

Derek: It’s the Pope with a scope!

Clive: I had the same problem with heavy calibre crossfire when I tried to drop off an old pie griddle at the Salvation Army. If it wasn’t for the airstrike, I would never have got past the pile of armless dolls and soiled Twister games.

This is why Albert Einstein, so noted for his free and easy way with the standard patois of Lord Jim Far-East waterfront saloon slang said of journalism, and I quote, that it was “full of stupid collectivist cunts and other Marxist boobs, who would fuck a cancerous pig in a cesspool of shit if it suited their laughably fraudulent socialist control freak house of cards.” End quote.

Derek: Yes, but is George Galloway the snot sucking chimp rapist available?

Clive: At very short notice if there’s a free arse reaming involved. Though I hear Chomsky always brings his own excrement and Guy Rundle at The fucking Age actually is cancer. It’s a little known fact that Rundle, raconteur, skunk molester and Cairo toilet acrobat, has given virtually everyone cancer since 1987. He’s given my Aunt Dolly cancer and as she said to me during her weekly enema cum art installation, “if I wanted to lose control of my bowels and vomit on the couch, I’d subscribe to the fucking Age!” Trundling Rundle is a Marxist twerp and squirrel strangler, which at The Age is CV norm and where it’s entirely cool to follow a totalitarian ideology that has murdered over one hundred million people and counting, based on mass murder, lies, theft, conformity, envy, spite and madness.

Derek: Cunts, they’re all cunts! Arsehole Bundle Rundle used to call me all the fucking time. He asked me what kind of underwear I had on, the dirty fucker. I said you’d like me to tell that wouldn’t you, you shit headed bedpan wearing bastard, just so that you can imagine wearing my Y fronts on your fucking shrunken head, the turd. Clear off Rundle, you stripe assed baboon polisher, I said.

Clive: Ah, the famous Rundle Reamer Gambit. The left care so much, Derek, just not about anyone else, anything factual or anything of actual worth. They notice many things that have never happened but are wilfully oblivious to any relentless and actual moment by moment events of importance. If only any of the over17,000 murderous jihadist terror attacks since 9/11 got so much attention to the lefts imaginary detail. Or massive and organised global Jew hatred say, or North Korea, or The Congo, or Sudan or millions of child brides, or 6,000 genital mutilations a day leaving 120 million Muslim females victims in the world today, or Lebanese rape gangs, or 270 million people murdered over the centuries by Islamic expansion and infiltration or fourteen year-old Charlene Downes being kidnapped, raped, tortured and turned into food by Muslims in Britain etc, etc, etc, etc. Of course it’s not all this wonderful.

Derek: I blame the Anglicans.

Clive: Exactly.

Support the GREAT Barnabas Fund Org. "Hope and aid for the persecuted Church.."

The brilliant analytical skills and insights of Prodos at prodos com and thinkertothinker com.

"Howdy,

Karma is a bitch . . . especially for Jew-haters who were Fatah's bitch. You hang out with snakes, you get bitten.

The idea is that the murdered anti-Israeli lefties brought their murder upon themselves.

However, my study of Breivik's "2083" Manifesto indicates that there is no such Cosmic Justice operating here.

Indeed, even Breivik's claimed support for Israel (as well as his claimed support for "Cultural Christianity") is merely a pragmatic device serving a "higher" purpose.

I believe that should the Breivik types get their way and form their "monocultural" ... "European Federation", Israel and the Jews will be next on the chopping block.

What will Debbie Schlussel say then?

Furthermore, the idea that "if you hang out with snakes, you get bitten" is supposed to mean that the Islamists (the "snakes") with whom the Norwegian Left is schmoozing with will ultimately "bite" the Norwegian Schmoozers.

Not that some wilder-eyed more brutally efficient Norwegian will annhialate the the Islamists + the Lefties + those whom both the Islamists actually hate and the middle class Lefties who play the hate-game (i.e. Israel & the Jews).

Don't underestimate the mechanically efficient brutality of the European. The Islamists are amateurs in comparison to the European Killing Machine, should it be stirred from its slumbers. Should it get its taste of blood.

Breivik: " ... we are a relatively cynical/cruel/goal oriented armed resistance group"

Debbie Schlussel doesn't seem to recognise a Rehearsal for Slaughter when she sees it. My guess is that she hasn't actually studied the "2083" manifesto.

That's like talking about Hitler without studying Mein Kampf. And then being surprised by the outcome.

Very stupid.

Prodos."

Derek and Clive Discuss How Wallpaper Patterns Lead to Violence.

2011-07-06T21:17:00.016+10:00

Derek and Clive examine left liberal civility that leads only to ever more love and kindness. The left are a progressive kinda love. It's a wonderful thang.

Clive: Did I tell you I had the kitchen repainted?

Derek: Er, no. You didn’t.

Clive: Yes, I had to. It was the violence. It had to be stopped.

Derek: What violence Clive?

Clive: Not only the violence but the vitriol, Derek. The vitriol and the wallpaper combined lead directly to the violence.

Derek: Er, do go on.

Clive: Well, you know I like a nice pattern on my wallpaper, maybe a concentric circle in soft orange or a bamboo jungle on a soft golden yet roughly tactile raised rustic finish. Or repeated Balinese fishermen on pastel.

Derek: Lovely.

Clive: Well, it all had to fucking go. Every time I sat eating a nice bowl of Rice Crispies I became enraged with vitriol. The vitriol if it was anything, was enraged. Whenever I heard any vitriol, out of the blue I’d start raving about 'is furniture real' and 'what are the government doing about adverbs.' And then the wallpaper patterns would set me off. I could see meanings in the patterns, Derek. If the patterns were filled with anything, they were filled with meanings. Dark and terrible meanings, especially the flock cubes.

Derek: A very nasty business your vitriol. Er, what is vitriol exactly, Clive?

Clive: Vitriol is anything said by people who don’t agree with Marxist sodden left liberals but is never anything the left say themselves. Remember Derek, the left are never wrong, thus their 100% failure rate.

Derek: Those leftist hypocrite arseholes sure do like to logical fallacy project, don't they?

Clive: Projecting is their modus and logical fallacy is their operandi, Derek. On a good day they are narcissist control freaks.

Derek: Any examples of the beauty of leftist non-vitriol, Clive?

Clive: Fucking millions. When one says “Sarah Palin Is A Cunt” or “Kill BushHitler”, or that “my big black brothers will gang rape” Palin, that is er...

Derek: Vitriol?

Clive: Er, no. That is left liberal Democrat civility. If I say I believe in the freedom of the individual above the group and in a respect for The Constitution, in limited government and low tax, respect for life and in personal responsibility, THAT is vitriol.

There are many beautiful and entirely acceptable and respectable left words except when it's problematic to mention them, and none have ever caused or been associated with a shred of violence ever, only misunderstandings. As the left always says, all their lies and violence are entirely necessary.

Beautiful words like The Baader Meinhoff Gang, the affluent Marxist killers of The Weathermen, the more stupid than mud Black Panthers, the SLA, the BLA, the left's natural mega-treason, The Democratic Party created KKK and Jim Crow Segregation ad nauseum, FDR penpal Mussolini, people hating atheists Marx, Lenin and Stalin the best natural commie of all time and the logical result of Communism, the Jew-hating nihilist Marxist collectivist left and their natural bedfellow Jew-hating pals of the Islamofascist global jihad to destroy Israel and the Jews and the entire free West etc, their hero and tshirt salesman Che the child killer Guevara, commie gangster rapist and pedophile pimp and pig Castro...

...Charles Manson the full blown true spirit of the 1960's commune enviromentalist and mass murdering hippie, Green ecofascism control freaks eager to exterminate five billion plus people "cancers" for Gaia, Ira Einhorn the Earth Day co-founder and girlfriend murdering fugitive, Marxist Critical Theory to our destruction, ACORN sub-prime enablers and voter fraud specialists, SEIU the uber-criminal thug union, BIG ever expanding ever more controlling government, disarming the people into slaves ripe for mass murder...

...nationalisation to taxpayer subsidised bankruptcy, socialism, collectivism, communism, liberalism, progressivism, George Soros and his hundreds of front groups, racist rapist La Raza, Noam Chomsky endorsed Khmer Rouge and Noam Chomsky the nihilist Marxist Critical Theory parasite and uber-traitor, filthy Mao now with over eighty million murdered, the left's eternal and never arriving Utopianism, Viet Cong with 2,000 Catholics murdered in 48 hours, North Korea the concentration extermination camp state, Pathet Lao the roaming mutilating rapist psychopath killers, Shining Path ditto, Red Brigades ditto, S11 affluent rebel cred, WTO riots, Hitler’s National Socialist Workers Party a perfect socialist mob nightmare...

...International Socialist as your guarantee of disgusting nihilsm, Marxist Odinga his Islamisation and Sharia pals and the Obamessiah, Islam Murder Inc, mythical moderate Muslims, Bill Ayers the tenured terrorist, every leftards true guide and guru Saul Alinsky, Gramsci, Columbia University guest speaker Ahmadinejad, millions of Saudi dollars bought and sold Columbia University and the Frankfurt School of Political Correctness...

...instant Palestinians, Hamass public crucifixion, Hezbollah beheading videos, multiculturalism, identity politics, abortion, the Hitler admired Margaret Sanger's eugenics and so on.

Derek: It’s all very complicated Doctor. Nurse! The sheets!

Clive: Now you see how the toxic mix of that tufted paisley in the kitchen and my own conservative Constitutional vitriol naturally turned into mayhem and violence.

Derek: What kind of violence?

Clive: Well, as I said, the wallpaper pushed me over the edge about Thursday morning. I heard the word beehive and I just had to unleash millions of killer bees onto Mrs Colombo next door.

Derek: Oh no, Mrs Colombo hates killer bees!

Clive: Exactly. And as I was out and about Tuesday, I walked past a Target store. Well naturally I had to attack my local MP with a flame thrower. It was that enormous bullseye they have up on the wall. I couldn’t help myself. Did I tell you what happened after I watched that documentary on WW2?

Derek: Er, no, the one with Shirley Temple as Himmler?

Clive: Yes. Well, I missed it. But after The Good Ship Lolly Reich finished, I noticed that the mainstream media started spreading Sarah Palin’s target poster all over the world, thus exposing most of the non-blind to it’s evil influences, and now two billion people have lined up to shoot their local politician. It’s THAT powerful. Do not look at it Derek! It will make you into a crazed assassin especially if you hear any vitriol at the same time.

Derek: Don’t worry Clive, I won’t! I’m deaf, blind and fucking incredibly stupid and it’s lucky that I am, or I could be so easily manipulated.

Clive: [rings a small bell] You are drooling, Derek.

Derek: Uuuurk!

Russell Crowe Makes An Important Announcement.

2011-06-26T21:38:00.025+10:00

Russell Crowe in his most challenging role as 'Fatima', a six year-old Muslim girl in the film ‘Cate Blanchet’, the strange story of the highly respected geo-political analyst, physicist, economist, inventor, ethicist, lauded screenplay writer, acrobat and bore. Cate is played by Russell Crowe as Fatima, one of the 6,000 Muslim girls genitally mutilated a day. The film has had such an impact on Crowe, that in his private life on Twitter, he bravely and wisely attacks Jews and anyone else, for the entirely normal practice of the circumcision of boys in the free West.

There was a hush as actor and higher mathematician Russell Crowe, took the stage at his recently convened press conference. The great man and poet first took the time to humbly thank the assembled and distinguished people of the press for listening to his golden insights.

“I don’t fucking care. Circumcision is worse than Hitler or even a million Hitler’s! In fact I wrote a poem about it. Circumcision is a terrible thing. It almost ended the world! I think of the gradient of tumultuous visions as I put on my hat of wonder and then I...”

Unable to contain their desire to know what the next pronouncement from the great Russ will be, an eager professional of the journalistic arts deigns to interrupt another prose gem from The Great One.

“Er, Mr Crowe. Please! What is your important message? We must all know. The WORLD must know!” Russell Crowe, at first startled, throws the microphone stand at a Fox reporter standing at the front of the press pack, as everyone else laughs at the serious head injury. Says Crowe “Well, it may be too much for your inferior minds, but here goes, you losers...I have the same views as every other unread, stupid, spoiled, narcissistic, leftard Hollywood twerp!” Gasps are heard from the assembled media talents who have so much to offer.

“No, no. It’s true. I’ve just added more bullying, public aggression, fights and my poetry, especially when I’m out with my massive security. Of course the average bar pleb is incapable of appreciating the beauty of original prose. And another thing, my acting range is limited and kind of a fraud. Fer’ instance, in the film where I pretend to be a crazy mathematics guy instead of a boring shithead, I just copied Herman Munster! Apparently I’m a casual inciter of Jew haters too, and by liberal standards it's of some kind of inverted 'respectable' stripe.“

The faces of the diverse, outstanding and courageous people of the MSM are now pale and transfixed in shock at this beyond belief news. Calls of “No, NO!” are heard and cries of “Hollywood people are the best of people!” A single waiter in the shadows shouts out “Rich asshat fucker!”, but is ignored and hustled out with the vague promise of a supporting part in the upcoming Kevin Spacey movie, ‘Our Cunt In Havana’.

With a sweep of his hand, Russell Crowe, philosopher king, gentleman and bore, bids the audience to please be quiet. “Shut up you bastards! After all these fucking years, can’t you see most of us actor twits have the same bog-standard incredibly boring leftard liberal views?! Can’t cha’ tell? It’s freakin’ obvious, even to you clowns. We have nothing, now listen, NOTHING to say! It’s all written for us!”

Several of pressdom’s brilliant minds are shatteringly overcome. The greatest of the great is the great moral sage Keith Olbermann, who faints.

“Most of us shit-turds squawk the same by the numbers logical fallacy cognitive dissonant laughable drivel at the drop of a hat. Look! I drop this hat and hey presto! Socialism for you capitalism for me! Global Warming is real thus I live at Malibu! Conservatives are all evil yet Che the child killer is my hero! The US military is evil but Hamass is good! Obama is a foreign policy genius! See?! We cannot help it. We are the unread incurious drones of Dumbass Boulevard.

We’re hypocritical freaks living in a fantasy life entirely supported by the system we despise. We’re uber-rich filth who praise and admire mass murdering dictators as long as they’re America hating Marxists and Islamofascist child rapists. Neurotic eh? But that’s Bel Air rebellion for ya. It’s mostly for the desperate rebel credit of which we have none in any reality. We just play act at rebellion.

We’re actually five star hotel pampered wimps with fifty assistants. That’s what actually makes us so entertaining. God knows it’s not usually the nine out of ten box office failures that make up the dreadful films we barely act in. In fact the average actor and bigot cum leftard activist standard drivel, is at the the level of a comic book. Literally. And now I have a special treat. My latest poem titled ‘I look at myself and wonder why...”

So demoralised are the simple folks of the media by Russ’s incredible revelations, that the entire press corp are willing to forgo a rare chance to hear Crowe’s newest ode, and reluctantly they stampede as one for the exit. But the generous spirit of Mr Crowe never loses its sensitivity for the common man as he speaks to the one man left and who will understand.

“Hey Olby. Ya wanna hear a poem? It’s fuckin’ grouse, mate.” A single gunshot echoes around the room as Russell begins to recite. “I look at myself and I wonder why. Wonder I do. The actor and poet are as one and as the brilliant sun reflects in turn upon the brilliance of...”

Andrew Wilkie Claims He Wrote the Original Screenplay for The Film 'Inglourious Basterds.'

2011-04-15T19:50:00.016+10:00

A young Andrew Wilkie in the uniform of a Duntroon Senior Bully, relaxes with a cigarette after terrifying a rather ironically defenceless teenager. "I often came up with some of the best scenes right after humiliating a child" said Wilkie. "We all did. We were only following orders after all, yet I'm the only one who really made a career out of it."

“In the 1980’s, Duntroon Military College was one big party, only it was a Nazi Party!” said Andrew Wilkie the turncoat, traitor and lovable attention seeker. Famous for his liplessness, Wilkie was in town to suddenly gab about having written the original screenplay for 'Inglourious Basterds’ way back in 1983, though it was then simply called ‘Bastardisation’.

“Of course in my far superior version the Nazi’s are played by Duntroon Cadet Officer’s. I wanted to play the Fuhrer, but after ritualistically humiliating, assaulting and destroying many a teenage cadet, it worked better when I then force them all to salute Hitler’s birthday! It’s some kind of ironic 70’s thing I guess, whatever that means.

Like all artists I'm never really satisfied and thus you'll often find me updating this or working on some other script in some way. F'instance, during Iraq I made Saddam out to be the shy victim of groundless and wrongful accusations, while the Allies are like you know, totally lying for their hidden agenda of evil!

I'm working on a new one called 'Heroes of Marrickville' about a brave band of Labour enabling Marxist ecofascist Green leftards and their courageous inner-city Jew hating guerilla war against some country or whatever. People take things like way too seriously, it's just entertainment."

While Wilkie has been criticised for producing “comic book drivel” and being “laughably histrionic, wildly superficial and more inflated than any known reality” while “utterly lacking in actual character" and "a liar", this has never daunted Wilkie in his ambitious rise to the bottom.

“I’m a chameleon, man. Who is the real Andrew Wilkie? I’m whoever you think I am or whatever the order was”, he says with his famous lipless smile. Andrew continued that “Yep, I wrote it all baby, and probably a lot of other great films. It’s up to courageous men like myself to expose the fraud, the lies, the rank opportunism and the hypocrisy. If I don’t, who will?” Who indeed.

Riots Erupt Across the Nazi World After the Burning of the Nazi Holy Book Mein Kampf.

2011-04-08T23:04:00.022+10:00

The American born performance artist Winston Churchill remains unrepentant while pictured reclining with the cigar he used to burn Mein Kampf. "I'll do it again and again and until victory and only victory" said Churchill. "I put it in the dustbin of history. No one likes a mess."

Nazi fundamentalists across the Nazi world including a minority of extremists from among the clear majority of moderate Nazi immigrants to the West, have rioted for a second day over the burning of Mein Kampf by the American performance artist Winston Churchill, at the Guggenheimy Museum. The burning is part of the current controversial 'Mass Murdering Nazi Totalitarianism' exhibition, with many artists attacking Nazism as "fascist and evil" and it's founder as a "deceptive psychopath".

The Director of the Guggenheimy, General Petraeus, has said that he “will always stand with any artist and their unalienable right to free speech and indeed freedom itself. I refuse to side with totalitarian fascist psychopaths against American citizens. To ever state any other position would be a betrayal of all I believe in. This is something I would never do."

In the city of Berlin, marauding Hitler Youth have killed dozens of people when four homicide suicide attackers disguised as Herman Goering, blew themselves up even larger.

Unlike the General, who is a courageous and staunch defender of the Western values of individual freedom, other officials were quick to condemn the burning of the Holy Mein Kampf which was written in a cave over a century ago by the founder of Nazism, Mohammad Hitler. Hitler subsequently married a six year-old child, then spread the peaceful message of Nazism with his peaceful Wermacht Divisions throughout Europe and up to the present day.

Senator Pointdexter Quisling lll, said the burning of Mein Kampf, which translates as ’My Struggle’ or ‘Jihad’, was “hateful, extremely disrespectful and enormously intolerant”, and that this is merely “provoking moderate Nazi’s around the world to side with the extreme minority of Nazis who have hijacked Nazism.”

Pointdexter Quisling pointed out quite pointedly emphasising several points, that with this single Kampf fire “years of building trust between the Gestapo and Washington may now be in jeopardy”, and added that without “endlessly wringing our hands over everything we say and do or don’t say and don't do, or are accused of something entirely imaginary or of being, well, er, gee, anyway, things could get even worse if we don't! So whatever it is that we should do or not do, we should definately do or not do now! If that's ok with the majority of entirely moderate Nazis, of course.”

Quisling elaborated even further that “Our moderate Nazi friends, while essentially a mob if you will, especially one that can be influenced by individuals that want to incite freedom as opposed to the understandable, violently insane passions of the violently insane yet understandably violently insane, who want to try to hijack their understandable and legitimately violently insane passions, in this case, perhaps understandable violently insane passions being from ironically often actual hijackers. But this is beside the point. Nazism is a religion of peace! Or else.”

The protests come at a critical juncture as the US-led coalition gears up for a Springtime For Hitler Revue and with Germany’s mercurial Fuhrer Jim Karzy, denouncing the burning of his favourite book as "an act of extreme intolerance und zer bigotry!”

Karzy protested that “Zey say zey vant to help usss! Zis is a vaw for our bratvurst! Nussink more, uhntless zey haff come for zer cheese und der sauerkraut too?!” Reich Chancellor Karzy's brother Willie Krunt, is the biggest supplier of Benzadrine and pickled Herrings in Germany.

Proud Jew Hating Islamofascist Pal and Marxist Daughter of Stalinist Creeps Leer 'Rhiannon' Stevinix, Saves Furry Friend From Certain Death!

2011-04-01T22:01:00.023+11:00

Keen ecofascist Comrade Stevinix, is pictured in her favourite Burqua known affectionately as 'Bobby', only moments after the dramatic rescue of 'Hymie' the caterpillar. "I could smell the fear" she said at the time.

Comrade Leer Stevinix The Geeks newest MP, has been lauded by the mainstream media for coming to the rescue of a cute and lovable insect friend. “I was just helping a local pre-teen jihadist adjust her very first bomb training-bra, when out of the corner of my spinning eyes I saw an adorable little caterpillar in terrible danger! He’d fallen off the wonderful sign this darling moderate Muslim child was holding and was out on the sidewalk! Exposed to pedestrian traffic! It could have ended in tragedy. We must care for our multitudes of disgusting creatures with their blue and green gut juice” said The Geek MP, [or Moral Pervert.]

Comrade Stevinix continued:”I love bugs and rolling around in filth. Always have. Any Stalinist Marxist leftist socialist front group slime is right up my alley. Yep, I love creepy crawlies to death! I’ve found Palestinian caterpillars are very useful pets. I’ve got one called the Blind Sheik and another called Zarquawi. I had one called Arafat but he died of AIDS. Yep, I love caterpillars. It’s just those fucking Jews I can’t stand”.

Asked how she came by the nickname 'Rhiannon', Comrade Stevinix replied that it's mainly due to the fact that it's "only other drug-addled and laughably decadent asshats who can see any rhyme, sense or reason in any of the incoherent nihilist collectivist shite that I babble. And yet they do".

"I am not delusional!" said Comrade Stevinix with a final flourish. "Important people and the ordinary voters all really, really love me!"

International Community Fails To Act On Kittens In Burning Tree House Crisis.

2011-03-12T07:51:00.041+11:00

The International Community spring into lunch. President Obamessiah is pictured wearing his wife's favourite checked pants, [known by the adoring public as 'Checkers"] while the President adopts his trademark "cool and uninvolved in mere events" reclining posture. PM Julian Willard is just behind the President wearing her own trademark red fright wig that has so "charmed" the President. On the right is Australian Minister for Seafood Penny Wang in a white toy hat and with her hand right up. Right up behind Wang in a red wig is the Australian Treasurer and Deputy Prime Minister Mr Potato Head. President Himmler of Germany is in the green striped top hat, while the Italian Gnocchi Minister is in a striped top.

As PM and socialist race baiter Julian Willard flew to the United States for crisis talks on football and Vegemite and to recall how “as a small girl I walked on the moon”, President Obamessiah adopted a “wait and watch and then play some more golf” position, on the growing crisis caused by a deliberate arson attack on a roughly hewn tree house known by local children as ‘God’s Monkey House’ in the North African state of Labya, where an unknown number of kittens are apparently trapped and under mortal threat.

Said the President: “Any effective action by the amazingly still free West, could be misinterpreted by the surrounding Monkey Houses as a virile ability to see reality clearly and may actually frighten our mortal enemies. This could then be used by terrorist groups like Al Gore as a recreational tool. Let me repeat. America is not at war with the misunderstood people who wish to asymmetrically destroy us.

There are no enemies as FBI racists have claimed, there are merely 'people we have not accomodated yet.' There are no people who mean us harm in the entire Middle-East either in delightful Sorded Arabia or especially in wonderful Egypt, birthplace of The Bangles.”

The President warned that competence could lead to “unforeseen circumstances such as freeing millions of amusing pets around the world from certain death.” President Obamessiah warned that “with the right timing America could get bogged down in a free, prosperous and grateful country for up to a week, or maybe not. No matter how wonderful, fluffy and adorable these kittens can be, this particular situation is best resolved by the jihadist kittens themselves.

If the we and our great allies, friends and super pals in the International Community do decide on acting, which is something I have enormous experience in, a failure of my judgement or their more nuanced sophistication is impossible.”

Most EU [EUroweenie] states have agreed to disappoint unless you never expect anything, on what level of inaction or disastrous steps to take, and on the catering for the eighteen emergency meetings to be held next spring. Germany has refused to accept any Russian Borscht on the menu, while Moscow has sided with China in ruling out any Sauerkraut as “simply unacceptable”.

PM Willard suggested the conciliatory and as she called it the “highly addictive Vegemite”, [a waste bi-product of leather tanning and Australia’s staple food eaten at virtually every meal.] This resulted in some puzzlement at the headquarters of NATO, [No Action Talk Only] and was rejected with good humour by the US President. “I had a Vegemite pie made and it was horrible!” he said.

The UN’s, [UNrepresentative Swill] President Monkey Boon was emphatic. “It is imperative that the International Community speak on and on and on and on and on with one droning wimpy and utterly bankrupt neutered voice. This way we can all be certain of avoiding not only any timely historical achievements, but any personal responsibility and leadership too. Most of us sophisticated bores feel pretty comfortable with this. Of course our kind can easily go the exact opposite way and give massive aid to say, Al Qaeda backed psychopaths, not that there's anything wrong with that".

Mr ‘Babs’ Boob as he is affectionately known by grateful millions around the world, said that he was “much more animated about Global Warming fantasies. After all, we wonderful elites have the total control of our disarmed populace and billions of dollars in other people’s money via massive tax theft, all riding on it. I have to thank my agreeing like an ass hat wearing puppet to the Global Warming Global Socialism Super Scam, for my bankrupt well paid head idiot position at the UN, otherwise I’d be a convenience store box boy in a backstreet of Seoul, again. Actually I'm so dimwitted that I may even believe the junk I spout! Unbelievable, innit?”

The Security Council whose members include the embalmed body of Lenin and Hitler’s scalp, will meet next spring in Tripoli, as guests of the Middle-East's leading drag Queen Colonel Gadaffy Duce, who is also well known as a virulent cat hater.

Bob Brown Says Global Warming Caused by Marxism, Anal Sex and Jew Hating.

2011-03-05T21:54:00.036+11:00

Bob Brown's assumed position on Quantum Physics, economics, democracy, logical fallacy, honesty, ethics and morals.

In a frank and trademark addled admission, Geeks Leader Bob Brown stated he had “never really heard of” the very successful leftist fund raising and massive wealth redistribution of Global Warming, not until he had discovered “the wonderful world” of Marxism by socialist stealth and subsequently became an “avid sodomite".

The Geek Leader added somewhat wistfully that "we all did. It was the prepackaged revolutionary slogans we all knew by heart mixed with bleak repetitive dance tracks, and the butter."

Brown: “As a child I grew on a plantation. I am as Tim Blair noted ‘more tree than man’. Though it was not until I became a dirty lying ecofascist commie that I thought hey, which came first, me or Roger? And where are those Wet Wipes?”

But this was not the only turning point in the long hard leftard Green journey into the very Red centre of Bobby Brown. “It was the sodomy really” said Bob, with a slight watering of the eyes. "And the Jew hatred. Always with the Jew hatred."

“Until yesterday, I hadn’t realised that there was zero mention of Global Warming until I got into collectivism and pederasty. Saving the world is all about me really and my deep almost sublime thoughts, the kind of thoughts that climate deniers could never have, not with their hatred of Mother Earth and her precious dirt.“

Brown went on and on in his beautiful trademark monotone. “I started receiving messages from Gaia anally at the precise moment that Global Warming really took off as a real ‘ass roots’ movement. And I was a Marxist shit too! Coincidence? I think not! Just ask Australia’s leading lisping Comrade Adam Bundt.

His very close friend Dorothy, has often noted how Adam always “loved the party Line and reaming.” This was at the same time that he became a convenient eco-fraud fellow traveller! Another mere coincidence? Of course not. Like leading lisper Adam Bundt, I'm proud to have been a leftard asshat for all of my semi-adult life.”

Warming to his profound trademark atheist meme, Brown continued. “Naturally, my logic dictates that Marxism, anal sex and Jew hatred are therefore the true causes of Global Warming! Also just think of the heat caused by the friction and all those red flags! The firing squads in North Korea and Cuba alone generate enough Greenhouse Gases to run a Turkish Bathhouse for six months, and that includes towel boys and amphetamines! Thus we can save the world.

My logic also dictates that a decadent Marxist and homosexual atheist ecofascist minority, should naturally be able to enforce the heterosexual Christian majority to define themselves on our nihilist terms. Again, this makes perfect collectivist sense to me."

Brown became ever more still in his trademark stillness though it was hard to tell. “Ah, Global Warming is either about saving the world or er, grabbing total power by any means in order to completely control everything and everyone. It is confusing, especially with ethyl-nitrate abuse. Now where the hell are those Wet Wipes?!”

One thing is for certain. The relentless pounding power of Bob Brown leaves his rough trademark Marx on everything.

Charlie Sheen Advising President Obama Since 2005.

2011-03-01T22:41:00.023+11:00

Charlie Sheen: "Policy hard and party harder!"

“Sure, I was the main adviser to the President. Still am. Who else can or would even try? Nobody that's who. Only I, The Fabulous Zeb of Hydrogon. Yessiree, I taught Barry everything he knows. I drink the universe every morning for breakfast and yet phwooo! I got bored with that."

These were the confessional words of actor and avid pubic shaver Charlie Sheen, from an edited transcript of an uninterrupted twenty-six hour interview in which he reveals his key role in guiding Obama’s rise to power.

Charlie Sheen: "Sure, I've been the intellectual and spiritual guide to Oby since 2005 man, the year of the Great Three Week Crank Party at Sean Penn’s. Hey, and Sean was the Chavez Teacher and collectivist conduit to our swingin’ Prez. Hey baby, like most celebrities, Penn and Obama really clicked over their mutual love of Bel Air Marxist Lenininist socialism and The Great Zeb of Hydrogon. Collectivism not for themselves of course, but for others, which is so typically generous and selfless of those two who struggle on with the burdens of free market capitalism.

Naturally this is too high thinking for the average person. Replace the inner with the outer space of the Hydrogon dance! Think about that.

Man, Penn polished Barack’s shoe soles with his tongue moaning in his Spicoli voice that “I want your socialist son of a 19th century anti-colonialist semi-blackness in my throat!” Do you understand that only I have zebra’s who dance in my incommunicado? Know what I mean? Nope, being ordinary, you cannot possibly grasp these concepts.

I especially worked hard on his foreign policy. Get with the mellow and take some of this, man! And he did! I taught him the little bowing thing. Do a line while ya down there. Nobody'll know. It's a real experience that I can give you as a gift, forever.”

Sheen added that, “Of course I advised him that all our so-called friends like Britain, Israel and the Tea Party and so on, were our true enemies, and that he should get freaking hip to and big pals with complete Commie madmen like Chavez and China and every jihadist scumbag from Hamass to Abass to CAIR. And he did! Hey, that kinda rhymes! From Hamass to Abass to Cair! From Hamass to...Think the opposite of sane! And he did! It’s crazy enough to work!

Do you know that George Bush personally infected millions with smallpox? Sure, they covered their tracks by making it appear they died of “natural causes” or as “collateral damage”, all while apparently just catching a taxi in Jersey.

Man, that Colonel Kurtz is a freakin’ genius man! He had to behead all those people! Had to! Can’t you see that? It was the only way for him to free us all and bring his perfect plan into being, like a beautiful garden. Oh then it all went wrong...and then I got bored with that and no normal mind can conceive of my specialness. Nobody outside of the Hydrogon!”

Charlie Sheen is currently appearing.

PM Julian Gillard Says He Really Does Have Cancer This Time.

2011-02-25T23:10:00.017+11:00

Pm Julian Willard pictured participating in 'Grow A Beard For Gaia Day'. Quipped the PM: "I didn't shave for a week! Remember Mother Earth can't shave or grow a beard or even sideburns!"

After claiming for over three years that he had developed terminal cancer, and then stating in 2010 that he didn’t have the often fatal disease after all, PM Willard has again claimed that he does now indeed have cancer.

On Alan A’Dale’s morning talkback radio program Australia's first openly gay PM said that “I never said I never had cancer”, prompting Alan to play audio of Willard saying exactly that “I never had cancer.”

A’Dale then asked, “Are you telling me you never said you didn’t have cancer?”

The PM replied that, “When my party and I meet people from the media, or buy a pair of shoes or even some cheese, I look at say the cheese for example from all angles, holding it up to the light and then sometimes I hire a small boat during the holidays. Many people enjoy boating but let me say that the Opposition Leader Herp Albert, is an empty man, an empty volunteer fire fighter and empty lifeguard and boxer, an empty Bachelor of Economics and Laws and a meaningless Rhodes Scholar with a Master of Arts in Politics and Philosophy and a very fit, much loved married man with two daughters and other negative non-progressive fear mongering.

As the only real alternative, I offer Australian the brilliance of my life as a militant union lawyer and my university experience as a Communist Socialist secretary and the thrilling wonder of barely repackaged Marxist left socialist ecofascism. Now if that's not undeniable proof my very progressive cancer, I don't know what is. And unlike the fear mongering Herp Albert, I have a boyfriend.”

Alan then demanded that the PM say whether she actually has cancer or not, to which the PM answered, “I would if you didn’t interrupt my irrelevent babble everytime I go on and on and on and on and on and on and...”

A’Dale: “Just answer the...”

The PM: “I was just trying to Alan, If you’d let me finish. My boyfriend always does. And Bob Brown will back me up on this. Often repeatedly.”

Mark Riley Admits He Is A Racist.

2011-02-20T13:17:00.034+11:00

Mark Riley performs the song 'You Say Bush, I Say Hitler!' live on stage at the Communist Bolshevik Society.

Part-time journalist impressionist, volunteer Turkish bathhouse towel assistant and Roger Whittaker fan Mark Riley, admitted today that he is “a racist.” In a frank admission during rehearsals for his one man act ‘I Was A Teenage Marxist Boob’, Riley stated that “I’m a racist because clearly for me everything is about race”.

Mark explained that “this is why leftoids, strangled and indoctrinated as they are with the Soviet Era Communist product of the 'Frankfurt School' of political correctness, relentlessly shout “racist!” at hell, anything and everything! It’s all we’ve got.

Basically we're idiots, two-bit race hustling identity politics peddling circus geeks, incapable of forming a single, authentic, honest, decent, original thought, and of ever mounting a coherent empirical argument based on evidential merit. Our absurd doomed non-ideas are invariably utter failures if you simply just wait long enough. In short, we’re eternally juvenile shits. We're useless, we're laughable, yet amazingly often employed and tenured for life and thus expensive, destructive and dangerous. We're laughably clueless and wrong about everything, especially individual human nature, how to create wealth, what is freedom and history and its lessons etc. Sickening, eh? But what can ya do?

Thus we make a hell of a lot of noise because we're actually unwanted and not needed in any practical sense. Ever heard anyone sane say "gee, what this place needs is more freaking commie activists!?" or "hey, let's liven things up and invite lotsa stupid lefty journalist's like Mark Riley!" Never happens.”

Expanding on his recent epiphany, Riley went on and on adding that “I think P.J O’Rourke said it best when he wrote that leftist socialist Green Democrat and Labour creeps et al “hate anyone who has any guts”. We’re sickening really. It’s the fashionable hypocritical fraud of our screeching that is most repellent. This is why I felt I just had to cleanse myself today with this ironically Godless left mass media clod confession."

Riley added that he had a virtual Pavlovian ability to simply react to words, much like the dog in Pavlov’s famous experiments. In this remarkable admission Riley said that "when I hear a word or a sentence containing a complex series of facts or even a simple harsh reality, I invariably think of a logical fallacy. A babbling blizzard of witless ad hominem's first, then legions of strawmen, false arguments, false dichotomy’s and circular argument’s ad nauseum; that’s our stock method. As a media cripple, when I'm not lying, I’m really quite irrational. We all are. Is that a zebra?”

Riley said that he had once sought treatment for as he called it, his “inept paranoia and laughably unread fraud” but that his own “natural incompetence got the better” of him.

“I’ve always been a phony, a twerp if you will” he said. “But then much of the mainstream media is fake. Generally, the average media ass hat is a not too bright leftard. Narcissism and moral vanity is our main thing. Of course we’re big consumers of drugs, prostitutes, gambling, general vice and rather ironically, enormous consumers of un-researched MSM junk ourselves which is where we get most of our own utterly biased twit tripe and largely worthless dull material from. It’s quite the recycling loop,” Riley explained.

For all his self-confessed inner-turmoil, Riley ended on a somewhat positive note with some hope for the future, though tinged with regret for a largely wasted life. "While most leftards are self-loathing and curiously projecting types, we're basically suicidal. We have a kind of insane, hideous, repellent death wish, but without the laughs. Even I hate me as we all do, naturally. Sadly, we aim to drag everyone down with us if we can."

Mark Riley is appearing Monday night at the Communist Bolshevik Society in the Hitler Lounge, performing in ‘I Was A Teenage Marxist Boob: the Phillip Adams Story’, for half a performance only.

Obama Calls Egyptian Protesters "Middle-East Tea Baggers Inciting Violence."

2011-02-19T22:46:00.011+11:00

Obama shares a decent and civil joke with ACORN, Barack Hussein's long term associates and supporters, the very civil and decent Marxist communist socialist leftist child prostitute business advisers.

As the decent and civil Egyptian based Muslim Brotherhood supported demands for reform that they would never use to grab total power, President Barack Obama called out the Egyptian protests as “nothing but Middle Eastern tea-baggers”.

The President stated that while he had neither “the time nor the interest” in listening first hand to what the mass movement had to say, he “er, like, just knew” from the briefs supplied to him by his staff, that “they’re clearly people who are not only divisive but racist, ignorant and frightened of change while clinging to their guns, bomb vests, beheading videos and Korans”.

President Obama added that:

“in all candour I say this to be consistent with my values of enormous honesty and any absurd charges of dissonant addle-headed progressivism and out of depth left liberal opportunism are false, like the Republicans. Lying is something only those who disagree with me do because they are petty and misguided. For me to do otherwise rather than be consistent in this would be hypocritical or close to patently psychopathic. And this again, would not be nice.

If I have been anything, it is consistent. Consistency is the defining value I grew up with and has been the guiding principle in my life as well as in my political career, and continues to define my choices. Choices that may not please everyone, but they are consistent. Yep, consistency is the thing. Good old consistency. Ya can’t beat it.

I ask a simple question that any decent and civil person would ask. If the Tea Party were indeed a wide range of ordinary decent Americans and not pure evil, why would they not automatically agree with everything I say and do? I cannot conceive of an answer to such a question.

Next question please? You in the back smoking a Meerschaum Pipe I believe and wearing the straw boater, kilt and an appealing fright wig.”

Mark Riley Reacts Badly To Accusation That He Still Beats His Wife.

2011-02-09T20:02:00.011+11:00

An alleged photo of Mark Riley possibly attempting to run down a small child, a scampering beetle or perhaps an innocent caterpillar.

Alleged drug addict, sexual pervert and journalist Mark Riley, was caught speechless when confronted with damning video evidence that he still beats his wife. The two second clip of Riley, who was also once accused of kidnapping the Lindbergh baby and was rumoured to be connected with the murder of corrupt union boss Jimmy Hoffa, clearly shows the alleged goat fancier saying “Er, yes, splutt!” in response to being asked “do you still beat your wife?”

When shown the shocking evidence of his own words by veteran reporter Charles Manson, Mark began to cry in loud shoulder-jarring sobs that lasted for almost a full minute, as an ever widening pool of urine surrounded his shoes, [a noticeably budget line of Florsheim's favoured by journalists and pimps.] He fled the scene on a small three-wheeler child's bicycle similar to the one pictured.

This is not the only scandal involving the alleged serial rabbit-fondler and fondue-thief. In another one second clip showing his response to a soldier asking the alleged one-time supplier of crack cocaine and child prostitutes to alleged news reporters at Channel Seven, to the question “what kind of music do you like?”, Riley is clearly heard saying “cunt..”

Mark Riley denies ever saying or reporting anything.

Muslim Brotherhood Founder Admits That Islam Sucks.

2011-02-08T19:46:00.024+11:00

”Warning! Imam! Keep away from children, women, men and pets! It’s funny cos’ it’s true! I used to say this all the time just for the laughs, being an Imam myself, until the laughs stopped”, says the founder of The Muslim Brotherhood Imam Hassan al-Banna.

Hassan al-Banna, the founder of both The Muslim Brotherhood and the Karthoum Knitting Club, has taken what many consider a startling, controversial and even "daring" break with the standard Muslim jihadist line that Islam is a "religion of peace and a million wonderful laughs." The founding Imam says that “au contraire! Anyone can easily show" that in every way Islam is empirically “awful."

During an exclusive interview at Bernstein’s Kosher Dumpling Palace, al-Banna emphasised that “Let’s face it. Islam sucks! Everything about it is a total mad failure and an embarrassing violent drag. Islam is a disgrace! Always has been. Just look at our official [The Muslim Brotherhood's] credo. “Allah is our objective. The Prophet is our leader. Qur’an is our law. Jihad is our way. Dying in the way of Allah is our highest hope”. That’s poetry? It stinks! ! Like every jackass Islamic bigmouth from here to Cairo, it’s the best I could come up with. Like, ever! The Muslim Brotherhood are supposed to be the foundational Islamic influence in the world today! Sheesh! And we are!

Look Hymie, can I call you Hymie? We keep on outbreeding and inbreeding new recruits at 3.5 to 7 or 9 per female on average! Now outside of this ancient schtick of marrying our first cousins 40 to 75% of the time, and making it compulsory for everyone born into God’s Monkey House to be a Muslim on pain of death and a fine, well, mostly we rely for a lotta new blood on invasion, enslavement and by attracting mostly mentally ill criminal misfits. Of course there’s a negative side too.

Look, ya wanna help Muslims? I mean really help? Help them leave nutso Islam! It makes sense. I'm leaving next Thursday, but don't tell anyone. I might give the Quakers a go. I've always liked oatmeal.

And don’t get me started on that Krazy Koran! Ya ever tried reading it and making a shred of sense out of it? Impossible. What a pile of insane, convoluted poop! Frankly, whenever I see a Koran I want to burn it,” said al-Banna in clear frustration at what he sees as the failings of his enforced faith or as he likes to call it, “fucking Islam”.

The Imam continued with his views on the Prophet Mohammad. “Hey, now there’s your problem right there. What a crazy bastard. Hideous. I try to come up with a nice endorsement of Mad Mo and what have I got to work with? Pedophilia, rape, mass murder, uber-deception, lies, madness, necrophilia, banditry, pointless behavioural proscriptions for every mundane detail of life and this 7th century kept-boy is hallucinating in a lice ridden cave! You try and find an appealing fun product slogan in that mess. Freaking can’t be done! Only a low IQ illiterate idiot would buy it, which is pretty much what we end up with.”

The Imam then leant over and asked in a hushed tone if he can “let me in on a little secret?

Well, I have a screech owl that I’ve called Mohammad. I also have a baboon and a chimpanzee named Mohammad. I have a dozen lovable newts, a hamster, a gnu, three aardvarks, a poodle, two mice, a rattlesnake and a sloth all named Mohammad. I also have a centipede, a slug, a blow fish, a family of Sea Monkeys and a Petri dish of bacteria all named Mohammad. I can say ‘hey Mohammad!’ and they all appear at once, alighting in photogenic pose. Pretty funny, eh? Nya. I guess not, but I gotta get some laughs somewhere out this Islamic crap.

Hey, I used to come up with all these hilarious lines during bomb-making and beheading video downtime. Just don’t tell anyone. Ya know what Muslim’s are like! They get offended at everything and nothing. No, really. Jesus what a God awful disaster Islamisation is. ”

Hassan al-Banna is appearing for one night only at the ‘Carlos the Jackal Lounge’ in Yemen, supported by The 'Explosive!' Six Mohammad’s. [Below are just some of Hassan's favourite Islamic flavoured one-liners.]

Islam. The Religion of Peace...or else!

Hey! Did somebody just Mohammad?

Frankly my dear, I don’t give a Koran.

Oh John! Oh Mohammad!

Oh God! I think I’m going to Mohammad!

Removes most bathroom Mohammad’s with a single wipe!

Removes even the most stubborn Mohammad’s in the wash!

I think we may have to put Mother into a home. She’s becoming more Mohammad everyday.

I’m afraid your tests are positive Mr Kowalski. You have Mohammad.

Sir! I said drop the Koran and move away from the nuclear device, now!

Your towel, sir.

In all my years of medical and psychiatric practice, I’ve never seen a Mohammad like it.

Islam? No, it’s beef!

Islam treats women like a precious gift. That’s why they wrap them up.

Larry, Mohammad and Curly.

Hey Mo! Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!

And then he says, ‘you should have seen the other Mohammad!’

Hey Mohammad! Here boy!

All units respond to a Mohammad at 12th and Vine. Suspect is armed, has a history of psychological illness and is considered extremely dangerous.

In zis experiment I vill transfer zer brain of zis Mohammad into zer brain of zis chicken!

Of course I love you but we’re so different. You’re just way too Mohammad!

It looks like Mohammad is going for the triple play.

Hey Dude, like that Mohammad is like totally radical!

Early behead and early to lies, makes Mohammad unhinged wacky and despised.

Hey Kor-an, you’re the girl for me.

My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my Mohammad!

My Mother caught me having a Mohammad.

Hey, that’s like, totally Islam!

Adventurous cross dresser wishes to meet midget acrobat for casual fun times. Must be into Mohammad.

Oh, Mr President! I'll never get your Dhimmi stains out of my new dress!

Hey buddy. Interested in half an hour with a really hot little Mohammad?

I woke up this mornin’ and got myself Mohammad!

Are you some kind of Mohammad?

They Came From Outer The Koran!

I Was A Teenage Mohammad!

I never had sexual relations with that Mohammad.

I am not a Mohammad!

Dhimmi, Dhimmi coco pop!

The Australian Labour Party stands for all Mohammad's.

Read my lips. No more Mohammad's.

That curry gave me terrible Sharia.

Islam ah bad?

Life is but a dream...kaboom, kaboom!

Congress has just outlawed Islam. We commence bombing of Mecca in five minutes.

Whoh oh Black Betty, Ramadan. Damn things gone wild. Ramadan.

I just met a girl called Sharia.

Bewitched, bothered and beheaded am I.

In the merry, merry month of Ramadan.

A full Burqa looks like Gort the robot in drag.

Islamic puzzle book. Join the heads!

It looks like Mohammad is going for the red in the side pocket.

Now Mohammad, I just want you to relax and close your eyes and tell me, why do you hate everyone’s Mother?

That’s Mohammad ahead by two points.

Crazier than an Imam.

After washing thoroughly, please place all Mohammad’s in the bin provided.

I’ll have the Mohammad and eggs and a coffee, thanks.

I’ve been seeing another Mohammad, and we’re in love!

How could you spend all our savings on a Mohammad!

Hey man, this is Grade A Mohammad!

I’m sorry. We just sold our last Mohammad. We’re expecting more by Thursday at the latest.

They tried to tell us we were Mohammad.

Here’s looking at you, Mohammad.

Ramadan a ding dong.

Iraq me baby, all night long.

Hey, I’m gonna Mecca summa spaghetti!

Try ‘New’ Mohammad! Now with five times more Jihad!

Is your hair dry, lifeless and hard to Mohammad?

There is nothing to fear but Islam itself.

This is a day that will live in Islam, see.

Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for Dhimmitude.

The truth about Islam? You can’t handle the truth!

Israel is real. Islam is unreal.

Islam gave me cancer!

Islamism. It’s the crème de’ la crude.

Harem Jane Fonda. Haram Jane Fonda.

Progressive Lawyers, Guns and Money: The Colonel Neville Lettuce.

2011-02-01T21:03:00.043+11:00

Pictured above, James T. Meggesto was famous for his party trick of 'eerie' Saul Alinsky impressions, unless of course there was a lampshade handy. “The first time he did an Alinsky I thought it was Alinsky!” says a friend who wished to remain anonymous and would only give the pseudonym of ‘Barry O’. Said the friend: “Oh yeah, I remember ‘Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it and polarize it’. Jimmy used to get us all to sing chorus after endless freakin’ chorus of that song. It used to drive Hillary nuts. She'd just sit there all in a funk alone in the corner with a lampshade on her head.”

Dear James T. Meggesto:

Washington D.C. T. [1] 202.887.4147
immeggesto@akingump.com

Having read your masterpiece statement regards Paul Mirengoff’s post at the Powerline blog via Mark Steyn and legalinsurrection, I must inform you that your use of the phrase “shocked, appalled and embarrassed” is also the title of the famous Spaghetti Western of the same name by Sergio Leoni: “The Shocked, The Appalled and The Embarrassing”, starring Clint Eastwood.

In the film, Clint plays "The Man With No Identity Politics” who makes the mistake of riding into the town of ‘Socialist Shakedown’, a long-term Democrat voter base and thus largely welfare dependent and vice ridden, and run by Madoff Manson Hyde Alinsky and Goebbels, a notoriously corrupt gang of lawyers who feign outrage on behalf of the Raquit Indian tribe, all in order to silence and extract money from any objecting local townspeople, and anyone else who happens to innocently wander into their own 'personal' town.

Of course in the film it’s Clint who rides into this very town or as he calls it: "a liberal shithole", while coolly ignoring the sign at the city limits that menacingly reads “WELCOME TO SOCIALIST SHAKEDOWN. IT’S A PROGRESSIVE DEMOCRAT KINDA PLACE AND WE WANT IT TO STAY THE SAME WAY! FOREVER!!”

Clint enters the saloon where everyone is singing an ode to Raquit Indians with a chorus that goes “Oh great wise and superior to all are the Raquit Indian ways! None can come close to their brilliance, fun and advanced laughter techniques! All bow down before The Great Raquit!”

While Clint orders his drink at the bar he’s approached by a stranger who asks him to remove his hat and why he alone is not joining in the group praise. “Mebbe I don’t want to” answers Clint. “But everyone wants to! I got their written confessions that they do right here!”, says the stranger.

Eastwood as “The Man With No Ideology” looks him right in the eye and drawls, “All I see is a bunch of pathetic yellow belly Yankees scared of their own shadows. ‘Sides, there ain’t no money in it fer me. Now if you’ll be so kind..” Clint puts his drink to his lips just as the stranger knocks it from his hand, spilling Clint’s tumbler of 'That Old Bastard Owl Whiskey’ on the floor.

Clint squints hard at the stranger and reaches for his Colt Equaliser as the entire room of people including the stranger, run out the door crying like the yella bellies they are. The stranger then peeps through one of the saloon doors and says in a high pitched voice, “You’ll be hearing from Socialist Shakedown’s lawyers!”, before scampering down the street like a polecat.

Boy, what a coincidence, eh?!

Now the problem I have is that I feel that your statement “shocked, appalled and embarrassed” is I feel, perhaps even for arguments sake, allegedly but not necessarily so, aimed at insulting my Down Under tribe known as The Bullshit Detectors. I feel that allegedly YOU think, I feel, that people would naturally be “shocked, appalled and embarrassed” by us! I feel. Allegedly. What do I know...

Yet we’re a grand bunch from an ancient culture steeped in recognising bullshit as a basic mechanism to maintain our universal and unalienable Creator Endowed First Amendment Rights. [Our mortal enemies The Bullshitter’s are a swarming sort of tribe, marked by their deceptive and naturally thievin’ big government and downright dangerous to liberty ways, but I digress.]

Now I feel this must be an insult allegedly, I feel, squarely aimed at us because no-one honest and NOT for example only, not a sanctimonious, self-serving, phony shakedown artist would think, say or much less write such a steaming pile of logical fallacy buffalo pies, I feel. Allegedly. Whatever. Real baloney perhaps entirely coincidentally like that, can even cause us existential pain! It’s as if someone wants to destroy our liberty and thus our very life, much like those awful Bullshitter's!

I felt for example and just throwing it up in the air here, how could any non-rent seeking lawyer for arguments sake, for example, I feel, make such an allegedly insensitive and wholly inappropriate slanderous drivel blizzard I feel, for example, against say the use of an honorary Bullshit Detector's Constitutional right to free speech, which empirically critiqued the recent hijacking of a service held in Tucson, Arizona. But not necessarily, for example. I feel.

As soon as I and the rest of my tribe became aware of your alleged posting, we took immediate action to deal firmly with this unfortunate situation. Accordingly, after sniffing the air to gauge the size of your alleged excreted poundage, the Bullshit Detector’s Big Kahunaroonie, John Adams [no relation] issued the following statement:

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

We liked it so much that a couple of us guys got into an old Time Machine we had just lyin’ around and travelled back in time! We gave John Adams idea to the actual second American President of the same name. How cool is that?!

No, really. Colonel Neville.

Derek and Clive Discuss How Wallpaper Patterns Lead to Violence.

2011-01-15T00:50:00.023+11:00

Beautiful words like Baader Meinhoff Gang, The Weathermen, Black Panthers, SLA, BLA, treason, The Democratic Party created KKK and Jim Crow, Mussolini, Marx, Lenin, Stalin, the left and the Islamic divest Israel movement, Jew hatred, Che the child killer Guevara, Castro, Green ecofascism, ACORN, SEIU, big government, disarming the people, nationalisation, socialism, collectivism, communism, liberalism, progressivism, George Soros, La Raza, Khmer Rouge, Mao, Utopianism, Viet Cong, North Korea, Pathet Lao, Shining Path, Red Brigades, S11, WTO riots, Hitler’s National Socialist Workers Party, International Socialist, Odinga and Obama, Islam, Muslims, Bill Ayers, Saul Alinsky, Gramsci, Ahmadinejad, Columbia University and the Frankfurt School of PC, Palestinians, Hamass, Hezbollah, multiculturalism, identity politics, abortion, eugenics and so on.

Local Muslim Community Protest Against Islamic Terrorism Held in Undisclosed Elevator.

2010-12-18T14:07:00.005+11:00

Yep, it was standing room only at the recent Muslim anti-terror protest. "What do we want? Blame everyone but ourselves! When do we want it? I'm not sure as I used my mobile for a bomb timer, but I know it's all the Jews fault!" Mohammad Mohammad Wilson. [no relation]

"I’m beginning to think that everything causes terrorism: 1. Free Speech. 2. Kermit the Frog. 3. Britney Spears. 4. The price of arugula. 5. Those stupid looking Smart Cars. 6. Women wearing sweatpants with “juicy” written on their bums. 7. Debates about Creationism/evolution. 8. The Oscars. Everything causes terrorism, except you know, terrorists and their stupid beliefs". mjk on Hotair July 30, 2008.

Mohammad: "Alright. We’re all here then?

Mohammad: Allah Akbar!

Mohammad: Great. Ok. I think I speak for all of us when I say I totally condemn terrorism.

Mohammad: Absolutely, Roger, er Mohammad. Who doesn’t?

Mohammad: Thanks Mohammad. And I believe we all want to eliminate not only terrorists but the causes of terror as well?

Mohammad: Couldn’t agree more, old cheese.

Mohammad: And I believe that our Muslim scholars have identified both of these things.

Mohammad: Naturally. What hasn't the superior Islamic faith discovered? I mean our last big discovery was literally the idea of zero! And even less since! Ha, ha! But I digress. Now whose been cutting off all those heads and blowing up girls schools and so on?

Mohammad: I’m afraid it’s as our superior Islamic Universities suspected all along. It’s the Jews.

Mohammad: Excellent. So now we know what to protest about. I knew no Muslims were ever involved in terror. Outrageous!

Mohammad: So it’s unanimous then? Let the protest against terror begin!

Mohammad: Wait! We need a slogan!

Mohammad: Er, what about “Stop Terrorism! And really, it has nothing to do with Islam and Muslims, so don’t even think it. Not even a bit. No, really. It doesn’t. No. Even if you have millions of photographs, documents, a massive death toll and a crushing empirical Himalaya of profoundly researched and analytical evidence, it’s still not true. Just dismiss it. Please? Or we’ll kill you. And anyway, it’s all the Jews”.

Mohammad: It’s a bit long.

Mohammad: Ok, what about this one from Mohammad? “I am made triumphant through terror”.

Mohammad: I admit it’s got a certain sparkle , but anything else? Perhaps more Cabaret?

Mohammad: Here’s a Koran one. “Qur’an 3:151: "We shall cast terror into the hearts of those who disbelieve”.

Mohammad: It’s good but something more, I don’t know, short, catchy and to the point.

Mohammad: Hey! “Death to the Infidels! Allah Akbar!”

Mohammad: I like it!"

“In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is stoned to death”. Joan D. Vinge.

“When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth”. George Bernard Shaw.

“I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell”. Harry S. Truman.

Kevin Gershwin and Julian Willard’s 'Siren Song' a Smash Hit Now Into Third Year!

2010-12-16T21:02:00.018+11:00

The pivotal dramatic scene in 'Siren Song'. Lyrics and music by Kevin Gershwin [no relation] and starring Julian Willard as The Spinster, the lead 'Bird Woman' of The Sirens.

After yesterday’s explosive Christmas matinee which left them "laying in the isles" according to Search and Rescue Gazette, and with audiences screaming about the most "stunning performance" by the lead that they have ever witnessed, the combined talent's of Julian Willard and Kevin Gershwin have gone from rumour to Greek myth.

The lyrics and book of 'Siren' were originally written by Kevin Gershwin as a one man act, until Willard contributed her unique voice to the libretto. As Psychology Today stated: "this show" has an "unbelievable soliloquy, among many by the leading lady." 'Siren Song' has now run for over three years since opening in November 2007, bringing in ever more people and according to the entertainment bible Venality, “by the boat load.”

It displaced the previous eleven-year run hit of ‘No Showboat’, a tragedy starring Howard Keel as the unassuming accountant who attempts to transform a quiet backwater of predictable song and chorus ensembles, into a semi-paradise for solo voices. While ‘John’, Howard’s character ultimately fails, in exile he eventually finds a kind of redemption.

The “groundbreaking performance” as Marine Salvage Journal has called it of 'Siren', has left some critics confused such as David Marr known for his catchphrase “I can’t believe its butter!” Said Marr in a theatre toilet cubicle immediately after yesterday’s performance:

“I hate songs like ‘In the Navy’, even though that song wasn’t in it. I blame the Navy for this. Sometimes I look inside the back of my TV set and I find a banana. I don’t know why I’m here.”

Unless unforeseen events in the fickle world of showbiz decide otherwise, Kevin Gershwin's and Julian Willard's outstanding achievement in 'Siren Song' is set for a very long and deservedly successful run indeed.

President of Iran Sees the Image of Mohammad in a Vomit Bucket.

2010-12-15T20:27:00.016+11:00

Inspired by the 'Holy Chuck Soup' as it's now become known, the Iranian Minister for Raping School Girls, spontaneously pays homage to the numerous historical examples of the Prophet.

Ahmadinejad: "I felt it myself. I felt that the atmosphere suddenly changed, and for those 27 or 28 minutes, all the leaders of the world did not blink. When I say they didn't move an eyelid, I'm not exaggerating. They were looking as if a hand was holding them there, and had just opened their eyes to the message of the Islamic Republic.

Oh, Allah, please facilitate Imam Mahdi's early return and make us one of his supporters!”

“Hassan! Come quickly! It’s a miracle!” shouted Iran’s President Armachimphead, [real name Roger Cumquat] to his long time companion and masseuse, Hassan the Imam. The reason for Roger's joy was that sometime after Sunday tiffin, the head Goon of Iran had allegedly discovered the face of the Prophet revealed in a simple throw pale.

And it was a miracle typical of the region. In fact the Middle-East has more miracles per square kilometre than anywhere else on earth outside of the Highlands of New Guinea’s cannibal regions. From such wonders as the Koran having been revealed in a humble cave to a lice ridden rapist, to every invention and discovery being made exclusively by Muslims and incredibly before anyone else.

This includes the Chinese "stealing" all their ideas from Muslims, thousands of years before the founding of Islam, according to the Iranian Science and Goat Cheese Minister Mr Abhoub Adoodle Dhou, because the wily Chinese "knew it was coming".

According to both the President and Hassan, who like the President and his entire government is a highly respected killer, the President had found nestled amongst the carrots and sputum the clear image of Mohammad. Mohammad, [last name Styrofoam] was the founder of Islam and the prime mover in making child rape a legitimate after hours pursuit.

Explained Armachimphead to the independent state-run newspaper, Armachimphead Is The Greatest Man In The World Daily,“Last night when I partook of that extra bowl of camels snout, I could feel I was being guided by the Prophet! 'Eat of the camel and I shall reveal myself to you!', said a great voice!”

The President, or Chuckles as he is affectionately known for his spiritual banning of jokes with a punchline as un-Islamic, is more than the unqualified imbecile he is often called by critics. In fact, he's highly qualified. Known as the 'Persian Dough Boy' at Carlos the Jackal University while Majoring in Kidnapping Kudos, gaining an Advanced Diploma in Construction Crane Gay Lynching and finishing his Masters in Sodomy, the President is now an eager student of Goatism: a specialised Shia course at the Tehran University and Torture Chamber of Theology.

The discovery of Mohammads face in the perk container has been screened continuously on Iranian TV, run by the Council Un-Islamic Neutralising Television Station or CUINTS. CUINTS known lovingly by locals as “living death on a screen”, broadcast what appears to be Mohammad's face floating half-submerged in the now holy bucket of intestinal swill. The eyes are two meat ball remnants while his nose is perhaps the religiously inspired piece of camel snout, and the mouth is made of what is most likely pizza crust, while the Prophet's beard is formed largely of phlegm.

Says Hassan: “Pilgrims have been rounded up all day and Allah willing, I can make a few rial a piece too!” Rial is the local currency and is unique among world monetary systems, being rather ironically pegged to the value of actual wooden pegs.

The loon in the spittoon has been a sensation in Iran where people have been dancing in the streets in compulsory celebration. As one festive Burqua clad reveller stated, “This bucket of puke shows the superiority of Islam to everyone and everything that’s ever been anywhere! Even outer space! And especially the Jews, whom Allah has decreed can never have a superior bucket of Koranic hurl because they are decended from apes and pigs!”

Sadly, most of those dancing were later arrested and executed for said dancing. Many also had to pay a "Frivolity Fine" before either being shot or hung. “No one can say that Iran is not a place of freedom of choice!” said Mohammad Mohammad Mohammad Wilson, the Iranian Minister for the Eradication of Laughter, with a mischievious giggle. In a final light hearted moment the Minister and child-killer said, “Now we can say pieces of carrot be upon him!”

Al Gore The Great Bloat of St Ives.

2010-12-14T20:05:00.004+11:00

Al Gore: The only head that can be seen from space.

People still speak today about The Great Bloat of St. Ives. Sadly, I am that person, as no one had ever heard of The Great Bloat of St. Ives, until now. Have you heard of The Bloat of St. Ives? I believe you have.

Oh, The Great Bloat of St. Ives is a wondrous thing, a wondrous thing to behold, is The Great Bloat of St. Ives. People come from far and wide to admire its width and pay homage. "Oh, show us the way, Great Bloat of St. Ives!" they implore, and the Great Bloat obliges like clockwork, expanding itself to enormous proportions until it reaches a full and majestic bloatedness. Hence the name, The Great Bloat of St. Ives.

Excuse me, but have you heard of The Great Bloat of St.Ives?

The Great Bloat of St. Ives has said many wise and profound things. If The Great Bloat of St. Ives is about anything, wisdom and profound things are what The Great Bloat of St. Ives is all about. For example, The Great Bloat of St. Ives has said that, “one word sums up probably the responsibility of any Vice President, and that one word is to be prepared”.

Yes, if you want to be ready for anything, anything at all, being prepared is one thing I always recommend, even to the deaf and blind. Be prepared, I say, be prepared!

Hence, The Great Bloat sayeth “we are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur”.

The Great Bloat of St. Ives is a wondrous source of pure gold, a source of pure gold is he. If you can’t get pure gold from The Great Bloat of St. Ives, I can’t help you. Nay, you are beyond helping. I cannot reach you no matter how much reaching I may do. Such as the following, which is something I live by religiously.

The Great Bloat of St. Ives: “It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it”. And they are. I can feel them doing it now, even through the linoleum.

The Great Bloat of St. Ives: "For NASA, space is still a high priority”.

Space is something that The Great Bloat of St.Ives is determined to fill.

The Great Bloat of St. Ives: "It's time for the human race to enter the solar system”. I myself have taken serious steps to enter the solar system by leaving my lounge room to go to the local shop and get another pack of Pall Malls. It’s a small step for a Mars Bar but I’ll have a packet of crisps too, thankyou.

Again, I can put my hand on my heart and say as The Great Bloat of St. Ives has said, "Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children”.

Aah, yes, a wondrous thing is an education. I myself am the product of one.

The Great Bloat of St. Ives: "The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century”. Oh yes, a nasty business was your Hitler. Do you know that Hitler invented Auto Barn?

The Great Bloat of St. Ives: "We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made”.

I myself am only capable of mistakes. When I have foolishly done something that makes any practical sense whatsoever, quick as a flash, I cover it up with something stupid, leaving no one the wiser.

The Great Bloat of St. Ives: "I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy, but that could change”. Irreversible we are indeed. No matter how many times I have stood in my front garden covered in soup imploring to the Heavens, "Reverse! Reverse!", not once have I been able to return to last Tuesday.

The Great Bloat of St. Ives: "Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things”. Indeed it does. I was saying to my Aunty Doris only last Tuesday, I think I’ve reversed, Aunty Doris. Every Tuesday Aunty Doris says to me "You say that every Tuesday. You must be reversing again, dear".

"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future”. Sadly, I have never had the privilege of making any good judgements as I can never get the right kind of timber. I’m afraid of using chipboard, fear it I do, as it expands in the rain and we don’t have a ceiling.

The Great Bloat of St. Ives: "The future will be better tomorrow”.

Aunty Doris: "What day is it?"

Colonel Neville: "It’s Tuesday. Everyday it’s Tuesday, especially on Thursdays. In fact, it’s been Tuesday all week. Wednesday is not until Monday. And Saturday was last Monday. Friday has been postponed due to a lack of interest and they’re replaying Sunday".

The Great Bloat of St. Ives: "We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world”.

Aunty Doris: "Are you Mr Barnes?"

Colonel Neville: "Yes I am. I’m Mr Barnes as I’ve been all my life, both man and boy".

Aunty Doris: "Is there any lettuce? Don’t threaten me with your salad!"

Colonel Neville: "Not with my legs".

The Great Bloat of St. Ives: "We have a firm commitment to NATO; we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe”.

Aunty Doris: "When does this film end?"

Colonel Neville: "At the beginning, around July".

Aunty Doris: "I don’t like the people in it!"

Colonel Neville: "Who does? They’re all actors".

Aunty Doris: "Well, when does it start?"

Colonel Neville: "It never does, I’m afraid".

Aunty Doris: "But it’s half way through!"

Colonel Neville: "See what I mean".

Aunty Doris: "You can’t keep me here like a caged lion!"

Colonel Neville: "Hence the fleas".

Aunty Doris: "What day is it?"

The Great Bloat of St. Ives: "I stand by all the misstatements that I've made”.

Have you heard about The Great Bloat of St. Ives? So wondrous is he. I believe you may have...

Hollywood Celebrities Renew Their Pledge to The Obamessiah's Elitist Collectivism as the Latest Fad of 'Semi-Honesty' Sweeps Tinsel Town!

2010-11-13T13:21:00.030+11:00

Profundity, the Original Pledge: “I pledge to be a servant to our President and to all of mankind because together we can, together we are, and together we will be the change that we seek.” Etc...

The all NEW Pledge!

“I Pledge to Continue Being a Venal Celebrity Circus Geek.

They say that the job of the President is the loneliest job in the world. Not if it’s a blow job. We’d like you to know that we are all Marxist product sodden Bel Air left liberal drones spouting socialism for you, but capitalist free markets for me drivel. Let’s continue our disgusting treason and never do anything if there is an assistant available, who would otherwise waste time with their own anonymous plebeian family.

1. I pledge to continue being a total phony 'living in a fantasy life completely supported by the system I despise.'

2. I pledge to spout that I care about “the people” while wearing a Che the child killer t-shirt and using enormous amounts of the drugs that destroy third-world societies which makes me like, totally cool.

3. I pledge to laugh out of context with the help of the latest new age dope, and to keep reaching for the seemingly impossible goal of loving myself even more.

4. I pledge to help children battling serious illness er, somehow, unless they are Cuban children battling to get to Miami. These children are naturally little neo-con right wing BushHitlers, especially the thousands that have drowned.

5. I pledge to continue being a complete Mother.

6. I pledge to be a mouthpiece propagandist for the uber-corrupt paedophiles of the UN and the OIC, the UN’s largest voting block of Jew hating Muslims while I rather ironically work in Hollywood for Jews.

7. I pledge to always reprimand my country with Marxist critical theory talking points and treasonous lies while in love with and or stoned out of my gourd with, real murdering fascists in Gaza, Havana and Venezuela.

8. I pledge to support any left activist group using Saul Alinsky’s Rules for Radicals and to work for the revolution “from the inside” by shopping on Rodeo Drive.

9. I pledge to say meaningless gibberish like I will always swallow any baloney from the "funkadelicatessen." This is what great creative talents do.

10. I pledge to never see the humour in a single one of my absurdly ignorant logical fallacy pronouncements. I am an artist.

11. I pledge to build a time machine and discover a cure for cancer while signing autographs and getting my make-up applied. My self-proclaimed bravery comes with great AIRCON.

12. I pledge to push failed socialised government run medicine for you, and a private suite at Cedars Sinai and the Mayo Clinic for me.

13. I pledge to spread the awareness of autism er, somehow, but not the causes of my own profound and startling cognitive dissonance.

14. I pledge to meet my neighbours who are people like Jack Nicholson, Sean Penn, a major drug dealer, a supplier of call girls and a paedophile Sheik, even if I have to get my chauffer to drive me there.

15. I pledge to ask more plebs how I can be of service to them that doesn’t involve me performing degrading sex or my own public suicide.

16. I pledge to be a mentor to other rich drug using celebrity sluts and sleazebags.

17. I pledge to continue to be simpatico with Obama. As a laughable Hollywood rebel, I’m always happiest lecturing other people to conform to the agitprop I drivel, while hawking often largely failed products that relentlessly ignore the Islamofascist elephant in the room and well, so many other forbidden and unpleasant facts.

18. I pledge to be the absurd and cracked voice for those without a voice, so that they never have the chance to have a voice of their own. No one could ever say anything as important, professionally produced and right on as me.

19. I pledge to bring awareness to mental disease in Hollywood, the media and celebrity in general.

20. I pledge to adopt meaningless and pointless behaviour such as uselessly never using plastic bags as one of my many assistant's does all my grocery shopping.

21. I pledge to turn the lights off in my head but leave on those illuminating my enormous swimming pool in Bel Air.

22. I pledge to sell you a culture of ignorance instead of understanding. I have superior opinions on subjects of which I have never read a single book.

23. I pledge to only flush the toilet after I piss all over the audience and when I offer up this pure shit. My products routinely promote outstanding narcissism; bizzarre inversions of reality; Utopian junk; evil as good and good as evil; the puerile; depravity; mediocrity; despair; death and nihilism. There is also as I see it a negative side.

24. I pledge to be a mindless celebrity cheerleader closet fascist for the Obamessiah and to kiss his ass like this...

25. I pledge to never have any self-reflection whatsoever regards my moral vanity driven smug liberal conceits and uber-rich fraud.

26. I pledge to show that my black heart is the same as my empty celebrity head.

27. I pledge to change my appearance with plastic surgery and that you dreary civilian non-stars will always find me simply fascinating, authentic and will always really, REALLY love me.

28. I pledge to associate with and champion every and any vicious totalitarian murderous leftist, Communist and Islamofascist dictatorship or Jew hating terror group in the world as long as they hate America, Israel and the free West.

29. I pledge that YOU and never me, will obey the doomed socialist junk of the Big Obamessiah.

30. I pledge that I will say hell yeah!, if Obama offers to share a hilarious kind of cigarette in the Whitehouse.

31. I pledge to never know anything about Obama and to never WANT to know anything about Obama except how wonderfully Obama He is.

Derek and Clive Misunderstand Fucking Islam.

2010-11-03T21:42:00.011+11:00

Dud: "I said 'ere, Pete. What the fuck is this then?"
Pete: "This is a man's mind in turmoil, Dud. Or in layman's terms, your standard fucking Islam".

Derek: Ere’ Pete. Um, you know what I don’t understand? It’s that fucking Islam. I don’t understand a fucking bit of it. It’s mostly for cunts. They’re all cunts, the fucking lot of ‘em!

Clive: Er, what I don’t understand is why Prime Minister Julia socialist scrubber Gillard has not replied to my letter.

Derek: Er, what was your correspondence concerning, Pete?

Clive: Well Dud, it was a simple message really. "Dear Prime Minister, why are you such a boring, dreary little lefty bint? I have sent you a crazed Bengal Tiger. Please let him fly around the Lodge ripping your stupid fucking head off. If you do not like the Bengal Tiger gift, please forward it to the Green's Bob Brown, who is also a Marxist fuck. Yours sincerely, Doris". Doris being my non de plume.

Derek: Lovely. You don’t have a plume then, Pete?

Clive: Non.

Clive: As you well know Dud, I’ve thought long and hard that a major part of the training of any celebrity or MSM journalist, should involve compulsory wrestling with a Bengal Tiger within a locked room.

Derek: A day not spent setting one of the great cats onto one of the great arseholes is a day fucking wasted, Pete. Actually 'ere I said! I may be long and hard now! No the horn has gone. I am sans horn.

Clive: Here here Dudley and over there as well. Though I do feel we have discussed your horn sufficiently in the past rather ad nauseum, so to speak. Now you mentioned earlier your er, misunderstanding of Islam or as we like to call it at the Hippie Eradication Death Squad: the religion of peace or else!

Derek: It’s bollocks!

Clive: Yes, but that’s only the parts that make the slightest sense which unfortunately none of it manages to do at all. The last thing we unenlightened Westerners must never do with our meaningless and unlimited freedom; awesome art and triumphant science; vast economic success and great traditions of human rights is to misunderstand Islam. This almost inevitably leads to an explosion. In fact Dud, you will find that more people have exploded, due entirely to misunderstanding the filth of Islam, than all other religions combined since cannibalism.

Derek: Ere, Pete, that Mohammad was a cunt. What a fucker!

[On piano.] A fucker was he, oh yes! What a fucker was Mohammad! His wife was nine when she was hammered, not by fucking Christ, but Mohammad! What a shit! You may be a lover but you ain’t no dancer! Islam gave me fucking cancer!

Clive: Very nice Dud. And I do just happen to know a fashionable baboon from Surrey who’d be very interested in appearing in a lovely art-style film clip for your ballad in praise of the Prophet of Fuck All. Now regarding our favourite paedophile, rapist, bandit, mass murdering and Jew hating sand freak, Mohammad, well there are rumours and the word has got about that he also had a negative side.

Derek: It wouldn’t be a side of bacon would it, Pete?

Clive: No, sadly it wouldn’t Dud. Mass murdering kiddie fiddlers covered in lice, filth and sand consider our friend the pig an unclean creature. An unclean creature they consider it to be. Present any raving Islamist psychopath with a nice sucking pig and unlike us Infidels, they have the depth of religious and moral conviction and the discipline to say, “No, take away your accursed swine cakes and bring me the nine year-old childbride instead and with extra butter”.

Derek: Well, that’s your superior faith for you. So I’m a fucking Infidel then, Pete?

Clive: Yes Dud. Sadly anyone who is happy, free and enjoying the natural depth, width, variety, human meaning, dynamics and nuance of a normal life is er, ipso facto, an infidel.

Derek: So being a Muslim is a fucking insane laugh then, Pete?

Clive: Yes, Dud. You can do anything you like at anytime, to anyone and anywhere, as long as you keep screaming loud enough and kill thousands of people. As a religion, it’s ideal for the unemployable or your common garden variety child killer. I even considered becoming a Muslim myself but I couldn’t stand the endless screaming and the rivers of blood everywhere of those who had the slightest reservations or felt somehow unconvinced by Islam’s peaceful message.

Derek: What is that peaceful message, Pete?

Clive: Islam wants you dead.

Derek: Four little words that say I love you.

Clive: Exactly Dud. In short and if I’ve read the brochure right, the truth of Islam is for the most crazy and dangerous bastards on earth.

Derek: The brochure, Pete?

Clive: Yes Dud or in layman’s terms the fucking Krazy Koran.

Derek: What’s it like to read, Pete?

Clive: There is nothing to like when you read it, Dud. That’s the problem. To get a real taste of the claustrophobia and nausea inducing feel of the Koran well, do you remember that psycho bint you went out with, the one from the council flats?

Derek: Er, you mean the one with seventy three children, a turban and a beard?

Clive: You have never mentioned the beard before, Dud.

Derek: Didn’t I? Fucking Hell! I thought I mentioned it. Anyway I don’t see that cunt anymore, fucking Mona Hammad.

Clive: Mona Hammad?

Derek: Yes, she was always looking up at the sky and scribbling into a Spirax folder.

Clive: What was in the Spirax, Dud?

Derek: I couldn’t really always tell as most of the pages were stuck together but er, pretty much unreadable, turgid, crude and insane bollocks, Pete.

Clive: I think you used to fuck Mohammad, Dud. Again.

Derek: What a cunt!

T. Gort Coddington Tripe lll: Conservative Maverick.

2010-11-01T11:41:00.013+11:00

T. Gort Coddington Tripe lll places his hat in the ring. "I stand for decency and sanity. I lay down for everything else" said 'The Cod', as he is affectionately known around Hyannis Port.

"T. Gort Coddington Tripe lll here, of the Connecticut Republicans, home of authentic conservative values and dare I say, rebellion.

At the RINOFS Polo Club, [Republicans Instigating Nuanced Obama Friendly Sophistication] the fellows and I were discussing these boorish ‘Tea Party’ types with their misguided, crude, simplistic and outdated references to ‘The Constitution’ and ‘the people’.

Appalling people like Glenn Beck with his populist buffoonery threaten to undo decades of hard-won total compromise, taking us back weeks, even months to the dark days of non-member polo days. I will fight THIS kind of perfidy with every ounce of my being! Are you with me, patriots?!

Sincerely yours:

T. Gort Coddington Tripe lll."

Welshman offended at the questioning of his aboriginality by columnist.

2010-09-23T21:09:00.014+10:00

Mr Bryce Jones is pictured at the Annual Sock Darning Championships in Pontifrackcake, Wales.

“Race should be based on how you don’t look!" says Mr Jones who claims he identified as an Australian aboriginal after his Mother spoke to him of her memories of an old box of Aunt Jemima’s Pancake Mix, that had once held pride of place in the family’s pantry. “At that moment I became an aborigine. The experience was that powerful," he said.

“So naturally when I read the outrageous comments of Drewan Blat in The Harold newspaper, I was offended." This was as Jones says, “..merely the latest” of the many, many things that have regularly offended him. “Having such high standards does come with a high cost. In fact it’s extremely rare that I’m not offended. Whenever I feel unoffended I know that somewhere I've let a minority down.”

Mr Bryce was once offended by an injustice that appeared in a dream. “When I awoke I realised that the Australian bull ant wasn’t actually under threat. While this was a disappointment at first, I then read Mr Blat’s column which made up for it somewhat.”

Mr Jones has since been recognised by experts in Random Identity Manifestation or RIM, as one of the now surprisingly common cases of “spontaneous indigenous koorieism”, or SIK. Mr Bryce Jones has gone on to explore his own experience of this phenomenon in his performance piece ‘Suddenly Black’, which uses the dynamic interplay of dance, music and over fifteen government grants.

Bryce’s older brother Griff also happens to have a deep spiritual identity both as a Japanese salary man and a traditional Norwegian fax salesman, identities which he only discovered in his twenties through an “eerie” affinity for painting Tamiya model kits and assembling pack furniture. Says Griff's brother Bryce Jones: “His given tribal names are Mr Yamato and Sten Grurd,” respectively. The name giving of Sten Grurd was a "moving experience" held at a Canon wholesaler in Farsund, where "dried fish and marshmallows" were served. Griff's only regret is that self-identified members of successful cultures are not eligible for certain government jobs or funding.

Judge says that Muslim terrorists directly quoting the Koran and spreading Islam by force exactly as Mohammad did have nothing to do with Islam.

2010-09-19T17:28:00.014+10:00

A large Muslim crowd from the 1300 year-old extremely long line of millions and millions of Muslims who have misunderstood Islam.

Judge Barry Boob: “It’s mere coincidence that millions of Muslims who are descended from generations of Muslims who marry only other Muslims, who dress, speak, eat and act as Muslims always have, who go to the Mosque and read the Koran regularly, who follow the words, teachings and actions of Mohammad exactly and are entirely Muslim in every respect can appear to the layman, as identical to these mysterious and as yet unnamed global terrorists, whomsoever they may be.

Let me say that that any Muslim is always a Muslim if they say so and are automatically deserving of our utmost grovelling dhimmie respect, right up until the point of their planning to and then murdering thousands of people, at which point they become the aforementioned mysterious and as yet unnamed global terrorists, though in no way connected to Islam, which is a peace loving religion.

For example: after reviewing the alleged evidence of the unpleasant misunderstanding regarding the clearly non-Muslim related incident at Fort Hood, a nasty business, nasty, of the Allah Akbar shouting behead all infidels and pour oil down their necks Power Point presenting, eager Al Qaeda contacting, avid strip club frequenting Major Nidal, the authorities and I in all our learned and profound wisdom have come to a conclusion. Indeed the only conclusion presented by these meaningless facts: Fort Hood was clearly the work of a typical Anglican.

Again, many if not most words and facts to the unqualified plebeian layman such as say you, are so very easy to misinterpret and thus misunderstand. For example, my wife and I were out last month when two dark tanned men advised us in their own wonderful patois as it were, and in what makes our diverse multiculture so colourful, that they were going to “smash in" my "stupid white kuffar face" and then "rape da Missus Leb style, you Infidel cracker dog”.

I naturally pointed out their faux pas in that they were not Lebanese but African, but before I had the chance to congratulate them on their freelance celebrating of cultural diversity, I realised too late my own error in neglecting to offer them a grant. Through my broken and bloody teeth I apologised for 19th century imperialism and for their appalling current lack of said government funding.

Fortunately I did manage to gurgle that my now naked wife and I understood what they actually meant and what their message through their entirely justified actions was, and that was a message of peace. A violent and terrifying peace that we should all embrace, and that has absolutely nothing to do with any unfortunate misunderstanding or misinterpretation of either culture or Islam. Indeed, any negativity towards vicious gang-rape is entirely on our heads, while we still have them.

So in conclusion, I shall paraphrase and say that if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, sounds like a duck, it may indeed be a giraffe though of course conditions apply, naturally."

Media to Muslims: Please Don't Hurt Me!

2010-09-12T12:54:00.022+10:00

What would Judas do? The head of CNN, Judas Benedict Quisling pre-emptively commits cultural suicide so as not to risk offending Muslims by continuing to live. Said Quisling in his suicide note: "I'm sure this is what moderate Muslims would want."

A spokesman for the journalist group 'Cooperation Under Neutered Dhimmitude', [or CUND] said in a joint statement that:

"We in the media utterly condemn a previously unknown pastor for announcing that he would burn the absolutely super duper, fantastic, great, wonderful, brilliant, excellent, entirely true and again, very, very, very, very holy Koran, which we in the media all completely respect and love and read all the time and recommend to everyone and again, that we respect so very, very, very much. The Koran that is.

And we congratulate and give many, many thanks to the millions of Muslims all over the world for their entirely reasonable, fair minded and within proportion violence that is not really violence per se but tolerance. A beautiful peace loving violent tolerance that proves conclusively everyday and in so many ways that Islam, which is a wonderful religion, has absolutely nothing to do with and never has had a single connection whatsoever to the actual burning of 2,700 people on 9/11.

Nope, nothing. Nor indeed does Islam the Koran or Muslims have anything to do with global terrorism; thousands of beheading videos; the blowing up of thousands of girls schools; the beheading of Christian school girls; murdering all kinds of children on planes; endless car bombs; homicide suicide bombers; millions of child brides; 140 million Muslim females being genitally mutilated; mass inbreeding; relentless acted upon world-wide threats and murder; the 57 utterly criminal and dysfunctional Islamic theocracies of the OIC or, phew!

..the huge numbers of gang rapes, assaults, robbery, extortion and child prostitution virtually wherever Muslims immigrate; the massive crime funds funnelling and Saudi financing of terror; co-ordinated financial and political stealth jihad; the murder of Jews or the destruction of Israel and the West or the imposition of a global Islamic Caliphate by any means up to and including the detonation of nuclear weapons. No! That's those Anglicans!

And that damn pastor whom we've investigated in enormous detail over the last week revealing how he's worse than Hitler. Of course we never needed to do any investigating of Obama! We already knew how wonderful he was. But I digress.

Nay. We all love Islam! It's the best thing since sliced heads! Everything about Islam is grand! S'wonderful. Fabulous. It's the cat's pyjamas!"

BREAKING NEWS: 'Muslims across the world are violently offended by the recent comparison of Islam to "cats pyjamas" by a CUND spokesman..

CUND has issued the following statement: "We absolutely apologise for any offense that may have occurred due to a recent unfortunate statement either made or not made or even thought of by any CUND spokesman either now or in any future. We love and fear the peace loving religion of Islam! No, really we do. We would never ever, never even think of not respecting Islam. And he's the one that said it, not me! I was always so pro-Islam it hurts! So kill him! Just please don't hurt me!"

dePRAVDA: Comrades Madame Bundt And Lear Stevinix Rhiannovski Triumph In Glorious March Through Bourgeois Ecofascist Front Group!

2010-09-01T17:01:00.030+10:00

Comrade Madame Bundt pictured here in her youth.

Comrade Lear Stevinix Rhiannovski pictured here at a recent anti-Zionist pro-Hamass mass murdering psychopaths and other comrades rally, where he performed his popular Party Member trick of impersonating Stalin's moustache.

After the long-term infiltration of the ecofascist collective the Geeks, Comrade Bundt along with other key operative's has been elected as local Kommissar in the satellite state of Mebournistan.

Reinforcing the Communist ideal Comrade Madame Bundt said: “Bringing the revolution many steps closer has been made easy as we have many Soviet and East German agents and others in the media, government, education and especially entertainment." [Cuban agent's have gained revolutionary credit for their redistribution of complementary 100% cotton traditional Che the child killer t-shirts available in sizes 8 to 20.]

"Indoctrinating the young with correct thought is like training a dog, only much easier. What dog is stupid enough to willingly brainwash itself?” said Comrade Madame Bundt with a laugh.

Comrade Madame Bundt has responded quickly to criticism by the Australian Bolshevik Committee [ABC], regards the non-implementation of firing squads to liquidate all class-enemies of Gaia and the poisonous promoters of incorrect thought. Comrade Madame Bundt: “Remember your Gramsci and Saul Alinsky! We must be patient, comrades. When we have full revolutionary power all those who refuse to see the beauty of the progressive dream will be sent to the gulag or shot or both!”

Current Kommissar Comrade Lear Stevinix Rhiannovski was supportive of Comrade Madame Bundt with correct revolutionary zeal. Wiping away tears of joy Comrade Rhiannovski exhorted that “Class enemies such as conservatives, Christians, sceptics, Zionist’s, non-left artists and Roger Whittaker fans will be ruthlessly eliminated! Read my moustache! No more class-enemies!”

The reactionary tabloid The Australian failed in trying to expose Comrade Bundt in a negative light and merely reinforced his commitment to the inevitable victory of the proletariat. Capitalist enemy of the working-class The Australian reported that Comrade Madame Bundt said that he had: "...always been towards an anti-capitalist, anti-social democratic, internationalist movement" and that "the parliamentary road to socialism is non-existent". He called the [Geeks] a "bourgeois" party but said supporting them might be the most effective strategy.”

"Communists can't fetishise alternative political parties, but should always make some kind of materially based assessment about the effectiveness of any given strategy come election time," he wrote in the 1995 memo.” The Geeks General Secretary Bobby Backdoor used superior Marxist mathematics to endorse Comrade Madame Bundt and said that he ‘continued to have his "160 per cent support". This is correct REVOLUTIONARY thought, comrades!

Peoples Update!: Counter-Revolutionary Capitalist Double-Agent Rhiannovski Arrested and Purged! Comrade Rhiannovski has stated that: “Socialist countries naturally do make errors and therefore criticism and self-criticism will be forthcoming!” Socialist countries do not make mistakes! No apologies for current truth are necessary! All failures are due to bourgeois and Zionist counter-revolutionary forces! Down with class enemy Rhiannovski!

Morelandberg Council Celebrates Multicultism with Al Qaeda and Nazi Diversity.

2010-08-07T20:44:00.025+10:00

General Von Schrager pictured here with Morelandberg City Council Diversity Officer Mrs Helga Gestapo, playfully wrestling over who is the more inclusive and sharia friendly. "I tell you, I'll host the Australian Union of Lebanese Gang Rapists!" insisted the ever cheerful Helga. Von Schrager responded in his light-hearted Prussian way that "Nein! I vill host der Baader Meinhoff Glee Club und zer Amalgamated Dubai und Sri Lankan Federation of Pedophile Imams! It'll be a gasser! Man, Islam's a scream! It's great for der kinder too!"

A phone call is made to Morelandberg City Council:

"Good Morning. Zis is General Von Schrager. May I say zat I salute your courageous council members voting to host der vonderful Al Qaeda franchise Hizb ut Tahrir Australian Local at Morelandberg Council premises last Sunday. If only more people ver so eager to include everyvun in our moving ever vorwerts. Of course you are right not to accept such extremists as Jews, conservatives, Christians und sceptics. Zat vould be madness!

And in zat very schpirit of multicultural diversity zat makes verboten any shallow moral judgement at Morelandberg, I look vorwart to our annual beer hall putsch-over vizzin your humble council gas-heated chambers of the Class of '43 Old Panzergruppen Boys. Today Morelandberg, tommorrow zer world!

Shall ve say about 20:00 hours?"

Hairdresser's Girlfriend Maid PM.

2010-07-23T22:05:00.039+10:00

PM Julian Willard pictured here with officials of The Amalgamated Rat and Affiliated Rat-Fraggers Union. [Julian's long-time companion is on the PM's shoulder.]

"It shows that a simple Marxist Socialist Forum President or humble frag-hag can achieve anything with the brutal support of the glorious peoples revolutionary committee!" said the PM's boyfriend, a very proud Leslie Beard. With the planned advent of same-old sex marriage, the First Couple plan to become the First Coupler's.

Said PM Willard: "My simpatico compadre the Minister for Global Warming and Global Socialism Suzie Wong, with her great profundity and her sublime almost opaque genius will be as it were, my bridesmaid revisited. Perhaps the French rather naturally and rightly so, would afford Suzie due homage and egalite' with the requisite sophisticate-enable' as they say, while I myself prefer the original German: "der embershlaushtingerbling zatz einer cruntsburn."] The Deputy PM and Treasurer Mr Potato Head will of course be the best man my government can assemble."

During the Prime Minister's policy speech on the threat of giant radio-active spiders, protesters who demanded the government immediately put in place firing squads for sceptics, conservatives, Christians and Jews could be heard chanting "Macho macho man! I wanna be a macho man now!"

The PM, dressed in a fabulous pinstripe suit with a smart red tie, matching waist-jacket and delightful flat-heeled very sensible shoes spoke of her love of riding a bike. "Leslie has always said I have a face made for cycling and that I actually have a Bicycle Jones! That's where you love bicycling so much you even sleep with a bicycle and one becomes in a sense, a bicycle! He is a dear."

The PM then spoke with enthusiasm of her "true love and biggest Jones" being her "beloved and wonderful socialist communism." Willard continued: "In fact I organised a glorious people's conference and wrote a pamphlet or two on "Being a Socialist Teacher". Oops, maybe I shouldn't mention it but then if I don't who will? Nobody."