Derek and Clive Misunderstand Fucking Islam.

Dud: "I said 'ere, Pete. What the fuck is this then?"
Pete: "This is a man's mind in turmoil, Dud. Or in layman's terms, your standard fucking Islam".



Derek: Ere’ Pete. Um, you know what I don’t understand? It’s that fucking Islam. I don’t understand a fucking bit of it. It’s mostly for cunts. They’re all cunts, the fucking lot of ‘em!

Clive: Er, what I don’t understand is why Prime Minister Julia socialist scrubber Gillard has not replied to my letter.

Derek: Er, what was your correspondence concerning, Pete?

Clive: Well Dud, it was a simple message really. "Dear Prime Minister, why are you such a boring, dreary little lefty bint? I have sent you a crazed Bengal Tiger. Please let him fly around the Lodge ripping your stupid fucking head off. If you do not like the Bengal Tiger gift, please forward it to the Green's Bob Brown, who is also a Marxist fuck. Yours sincerely, Doris". Doris being my non de plume.

Derek: Lovely. You don’t have a plume then, Pete?

Clive: Non.

Clive: As you well know Dud, I’ve thought long and hard that a major part of the training of any celebrity or MSM journalist, should involve compulsory wrestling with a Bengal Tiger within a locked room.

Derek: A day not spent setting one of the great cats onto one of the great arseholes is a day fucking wasted, Pete. Actually 'ere I said! I may be long and hard now! No the horn has gone. I am sans horn.

Clive: Here here Dudley and over there as well. Though I do feel we have discussed your horn sufficiently in the past rather ad nauseum, so to speak. Now you mentioned earlier your er, misunderstanding of Islam or as we like to call it at the Hippie Eradication Death Squad: the religion of peace or else!

Derek: It’s bollocks!

Clive: Yes, but that’s only the parts that make the slightest sense which unfortunately none of it manages to do at all. The last thing we unenlightened Westerners must never do with our meaningless and unlimited freedom; awesome art and triumphant science; vast economic success and great traditions of human rights is to misunderstand Islam. This almost inevitably leads to an explosion. In fact Dud, you will find that more people have exploded, due entirely to misunderstanding the filth of Islam, than all other religions combined since cannibalism.

Derek: Ere, Pete, that Mohammad was a cunt. What a fucker!

[On piano.] A fucker was he, oh yes! What a fucker was Mohammad! His wife was nine when she was hammered, not by fucking Christ, but Mohammad! What a shit! You may be a lover but you ain’t no dancer! Islam gave me fucking cancer!

Clive: Very nice Dud. And I do just happen to know a fashionable baboon from Surrey who’d be very interested in appearing in a lovely art-style film clip for your ballad in praise of the Prophet of Fuck All. Now regarding our favourite paedophile, rapist, bandit, mass murdering and Jew hating sand freak, Mohammad, well there are rumours and the word has got about that he also had a negative side.

Derek: It wouldn’t be a side of bacon would it, Pete?

Clive: No, sadly it wouldn’t Dud. Mass murdering kiddie fiddlers covered in lice, filth and sand consider our friend the pig an unclean creature. An unclean creature they consider it to be. Present any raving Islamist psychopath with a nice sucking pig and unlike us Infidels, they have the depth of religious and moral conviction and the discipline to say, “No, take away your accursed swine cakes and bring me the nine year-old childbride instead and with extra butter”.

Derek: Well, that’s your superior faith for you. So I’m a fucking Infidel then, Pete?

Clive: Yes Dud. Sadly anyone who is happy, free and enjoying the natural depth, width, variety, human meaning, dynamics and nuance of a normal life is er, ipso facto, an infidel.

Derek: So being a Muslim is a fucking insane laugh then, Pete?

Clive: Yes, Dud. You can do anything you like at anytime, to anyone and anywhere, as long as you keep screaming loud enough and kill thousands of people. As a religion, it’s ideal for the unemployable or your common garden variety child killer. I even considered becoming a Muslim myself but I couldn’t stand the endless screaming and the rivers of blood everywhere of those who had the slightest reservations or felt somehow unconvinced by Islam’s peaceful message.

Derek: What is that peaceful message, Pete?

Clive: Islam wants you dead.

Derek: Four little words that say I love you.

Clive: Exactly Dud. In short and if I’ve read the brochure right, the truth of Islam is for the most crazy and dangerous bastards on earth.

Derek: The brochure, Pete?

Clive: Yes Dud or in layman’s terms the fucking Krazy Koran.

Derek: What’s it like to read, Pete?

Clive: There is nothing to like when you read it, Dud. That’s the problem. To get a real taste of the claustrophobia and nausea inducing feel of the Koran well, do you remember that psycho bint you went out with, the one from the council flats?

Derek: Er, you mean the one with seventy three children, a turban and a beard?

Clive: You have never mentioned the beard before, Dud.

Derek: Didn’t I? Fucking Hell! I thought I mentioned it. Anyway I don’t see that cunt anymore, fucking Mona Hammad.

Clive: Mona Hammad?

Derek: Yes, she was always looking up at the sky and scribbling into a Spirax folder.

Clive: What was in the Spirax, Dud?

Derek: I couldn’t really always tell as most of the pages were stuck together but er, pretty much unreadable, turgid, crude and insane bollocks, Pete.

Clive: I think you used to fuck Mohammad, Dud. Again.

Derek: What a cunt!

We had a million identical laughs.

P.J O’Rourke’s swingin' speech on how all things left liberal are inevitably discredited in utter failure, if you just wait long enough Pt 1.

P.J O’Rourke, Evan Sayet, Peter Cook [Clive] and Dudley Moore [Derek], Mark Steyn, Al Sonja Schmidt, Anne Coulter on the dominance of left liberal logical fallacy and cognitive dissonance.


“How modern [left] liberals think”. Monday, March 5, 2007 featuring Evan Sayet. Writer, lecturer and pundit hosted by Becky Norton, Dunlop Vice President External Relations at The Heritage Foundation.






Now here’s the thing. I may be the only conservative, satirical, rational, libertarian and pro-Israel individual talent for 5,000 miles. No really. I'm also non-self-loathing and thus perhaps entirely and deliciously alone. I’ve done a meagre handful of naff gigs which is a word very similar to geek, as in circus. And I aim to do a hell of a lot more if I live long enough. But then the one with the regular and paying gigs is by default, the better act. Aye, there's the rub.

One of my favourite Peter Cook impromtu moments, was when he offered to have his chauffer pick up Idi Amin from the airport on Amin's bizzaro visit attempt to Britain. As Peter made clear, his "batman" always carried a loaded shotgun with him and would be more than happy to blow Idi's fucking head off. The chances of a similar statement of disdain today by the average comedian for any authentic totalitarian, cannibal or otherwise, is rather slim.

There's a rather disturbing book by Graham Greene called The Comedians, about the murderously depraved Papa Doc Duvalier of Haiti and his Tontons Macoute freaks. Whenever I see the word comedian, I tend to think of screaming and machetes.

Graham always had these wonderfully ambiguous and evocative titles, that hint at so much more in the undergrowth and rivers and so on, and then he always delivers so viscerally. That's maybe a workable guide for comedy. Without the machetes of course.


The overwhelming hordes of hilarious comedians are gee, left. It’s like The 3,000 Stooges sans relentless apolitical anarchy leaving just the lame B movie script. Most of the arts are objectively left and that’s why they’re often so bad. It hasn’t occurred to quite a few that the ridiculous paradigms and ideology of the 1960’s and 70’s do NOT apply to anything connected to reality today, if they ever did. But apply they still do and what sometimes passes for an audience applauds. Go figure.

The incurious, indoctrinated and the unread. Artists have maybe always often misunderstood the world around them and then blamed others for not seeing their er, vision, but now it's so strangely pronounced, innit? "You suck!" is now the audiences fault for not accepting a shrivelled, dire paradigm in aspic. And when they do, it's a sure sign of a clear minded group agreement on a hip fact. Nope.

"Labour camps are full of people who opposed someones beautiful dream".

"A [left] liberal without guilt is no liberal at all".

"Citing global warming yields mor cash than a gun".

"Morality has it's limits. Moral relatavism has none". bestobamafacts com.

Comedians, actors and musicians et al, are often wonderfully amusing but today, appear to be largely emotional children having the equivalent of a life long five year-olds tantrum as the intellectual basis of their product.

“The worlds all wrong!" [Meaning complex, nuanced and paradoxical.] "It should all be my way and now!” [Meaning impossibly juvenile, stupid and largely insane.]

Good fucking luck but since the virtual death of the grown up adult, it amazingly is mostly their way. Thus the range of references such as they are, are beyond belief uniformly narrow and malnourished. Pick any subject and you can phone in the opinions of the average left boob and by the numbers.

Don’t get me wrong. There are obviously many wonderfully talented people around even if most of them are dead. I should be so lucky. But what’s with the curiously predictable conformity and tinsel town faux rebellion? Hmmm?

Most children and teenagers used to aspire to being effective adults in an adult world and now they aspire to staying as they are, while the alleged adults perversely aspire down, and to an imagined and often embarrassing hipness.

Thus Peter Garret the ex-pop star and now Labour politician is criticised for maturing almost into an adult, and lauded for being a preposterous middle-aged pretend teen by the same.

Not just the world of stand up comedy brims with people with a curiously similar template, views and passively received opinions. No really. And while amusing the rebellion is well, generally phony. I saw a tedious vid called I think, “Acmed the terrorist.” So it’s about fucking Islam, right? Er, apparently not.

The only er, joke about any religion was not about Muslims per se, but two typical fake ones about golly, Jews and Christians. How freaking daring. Maybe the ones about Koran inspired head slicers were later on, but I wouldn’t count on it.

“The Prophet Mohammad walks into a bar and after beheading the bar staff and taking all the women as sex slaves, he burns it to the ground!” Nope, won’t happen.

Yeah, if the Chaser did a world tour parodying Christianity, they could support an aged Dave Allen and nothing would happen. If they did one seriously mocking Islam, the headline would more likely be “CHASER TOUR CANCELLED DUE TO THE DEATH OF ENTIRE CAST”.

I get creeped out at the universal acceptance of the same old ripe canards presented as observable facts when they ain’t.

Once at the Esplanade hotel, after watching ten alleged comics in a row do their wiener spined conceit of “John Howard is a fucker, fascist, Hitler and The Borg” shtick, it occurred to me that left comedians doing left comedy at a left hangout to a left audience is not really a challenge.

The idea of merely just doing stand-up is not actually that appealing to me per se. Why bother if it ain't explosively outstanding damn good value for your money and time and leads to something else? Something more than say old carpet? Still, it's a larf.

In the latest edition on page two of the official Port Phillip Council newsletter with the more than ironic and predictable banner of “Divercity”, is a picture of Cr Frank O’Connor with his arm around a couple of guys dressed as nuns for er, gay pride day. Proud to dress as a done to death joke I guess. I guess their standards would find blackface unacceptable.


Of course the bleeding obvious total safety of ragging Christians with tiresome camp deviancy is viewed as wacky, daring and thus entirely acceptable. It’s entirely normal cos people are dumber than dog hair.

What are the chances of seeing Adrian and Sandy dressed in a full burkha and as an Imam respectively, so to speak? Zero. That’s how fake and enforced their idea of freedom and rebellion is. A diversity of their opinions only and read as left.

It’s like the ads I used to see for musicians wanted scrawled illegibly on an instrument store notice board. The alleged influences almost invariably a tedious list of twenty teen bands just like them. But of course in such dullard minds the old joke of “we play both country and western” could never apply to their alternative delusions.

This is why the opinions of musicians, actors, artists and comedians are basically interchangeable. They reference mostly each other who reference each other who...

But I don't digress. No matter how much comedians are the latest thang, it's bucketing from the same predictably shallow political and ideological well. Even last nights which was a lot of fun and had a lot of potential talent, still had a compulsory and compulsive “Bush is dumb” joke. Yes, an unexpected and inspiring riot.

As Christopher Hitchens perfectly said, “This is the stupid joke that all stupid people can always laugh at”.

There is no courage, originality or truth in this mating call of the leftard. When I hear such a cry of the mediocre in a wasteland of original ideas, I can almost feel what little air there was in the room being sucked out like a scene from an air disaster film. When the choice of material is more laughable than the act, well, you have no act.

If ones supposed creative armoury contains this kind of fatuous level of innate boredom, then you have no material. And once I hear it, I don’t care about anything they may happen to parrot drivel after that.

"Courage is not merely one of the virtues, it is the essence of all virtues at the testing point". C.S Lewis.

One last thing. How many comedians are not nominally employed but fully qualified FA4 jet pilots and ex-Presidents or equivalent? Apparently most of them cos’ they’re all so much smarter than George W.




Evan Sayet on the Mike Church Show.






Evan Sayet and Al Sonja Schmidt Part Two.




Derek and Clive get the horn.






TPM's Matt Cooper talks with Evan Sayet at the heritage foundation on March 3, 2009.







Evan Sayet at David Horowitz's Restoration Weekend in Palm Beach Florida, 11/16/07. Part 1.






Conversations with history: Mark Steyn.

“Conversations host Harry Kreisler welcomes writer/critic Mark Steyn, the 2007 Nimitz Lecturer at Berkeley. Focusing on his new book, "America Alone: The End of the World As We Know It," they discuss Europe and America's relations with the Islamic world. In the interview, their conversation also focuses on the craft of writing in a multi media globalized world”.






Evan Sayet on why the alleged comedians of the left have so far apparently refuse to tell a single Obama joke.






Ann Coulter on the Mike Church Show 05 November 2007. 1 of 2.

The Fury of Derek and Clive Review's the Filth of the Fucking Age Newspaper.

Clive: Ere' Derek. Do you know I sent a missive to the Age? I did the whole relentlessly irrational letters to the fucking editor pantomime. The first one was merely measured, and I spoke of how the earth revolves around the sun, and that the speed of light is approximately 300,000 kilometers per second.

Derek: What happened?

Clive: I got a form letter from the head cunt saying that they will not print, and I quote, "racist, earth centre denialists and speed freaks" as they termed my kind. So I wrote another under the name of Jeremy Moss, a Socialist fool at the University of Melbourne, and thus another regular contributor to the Age. I just wrote "BushHitler! Fascist! Racist!" over and over again, like that axe wielding prick in the Shining.

Derek: How did you go?

Clive: My column starts Saturday.







Clive: I don’t know if you’ve ever attempted to read the fucking Age newspaper, Derek? Or as its known in the sane and moral world: an unaccountable urinal for the untalented and unoriginal.

Derek: You mean Jew hater and treasonous moral inversion central? You mean THE place for all your Leftard hack lies, incompetence and bias? I have, but I always keep a bucket handy. Funny you should mention toilets Clive, cos’ I was in those very editorial room slash toilets last week. Naturally Jaspin was in a cubicle blowing all comers if they’d just subscribe.

Clive: To Al Age, home of the venal Uni grad twerp?

Derek: No, subscribe to the fucking crap they print. Leunig was sprinting from cubicle to cubicle with his pencil out screaming “Fuck me in Hamas!” What a stupid cunt. I said this is no way to run a fucking editorial staffroom and left.

Clive: Well, they do call Jaspin the friend of the white wine Marxist and Islamist shit wherever they may be. Anyway, I found a free copy of today’s fraudspread, stuck on the head of a pissing goat. Naturally I stooped down to pop it in the nearest receptacle, when I spied the usual collection of perverted and perverse filth on the er, opinion pages.

You will note that at Al Age, opinion is just that. Utterly unmoored from any empirical reality, morality and sense of decency or journalistic standards whatsoever. That’s their idea of a diversity of opinion for you.

Derek: Anything good?

Clive: Even when good, the Age is horrid. Though Barry Dickins has somehow managed to slip inside the hideous Age paradigm with facts and individual talent. Thus Barry alone is crowned Dickins the Worthy.

Derek: As per usual, Clive.

Clive: Exactly. The editorial headline for Saturday 2 to the 3 January 2009 reads “Killing civilians will not make Israel safer”. Naturally for a moment I thought yes, letting the Islamic freaks of Hamas murder all and any Jews as policy and with impunity for decades, will never make Israel safer. But no, Al Age means that Israel will be far better off if it takes the eager advice and dearest wish of the Age staff, safe in Melbourne, and let Muslim terrorists murder Israeli's, and then Israel discusses this forever with the terrorists concerned.

How many of the 6,500 Hamas rockets fired into Israel, the Age would be willing to accept crashing into their new office complex, they didn’t say.

Derek: That’s cos they were all gorging on Jaspin’s cock, mate! They’re all Lefty cunts, the fucking lot of 'em!

Clive: Exactly, Derek. A few quotes from the dirt bag editor, Derek. “It must be hoped that they, [the Joooos] do not seriously believe that a religious and political movement such as Hamas can be eliminated by blowing up buildings and killing non-combatants alongside intended targets such as Sheik Rayan”.

Derek: Lovely. Quite. Real pro-terrorist fuckers, ain’t they?

Clive: But of the right and completely acceptable kind, Derek. By default, Hamas are not a religious group, as they follow Islam, which is not a religion, but a total doctrinaire ideology for relentless warfare, founded by a paedophile rapist, mass murdering and totally insane bandit way back in the 7th century. Of course he had a more negative side too.

Hamas is an Islamic fascist terrorist and mass crime organisation, dedicated entirely to the murder of every Jewish man, woman and child and the annihilation of Israel by any means. Because most Palestinians voted for Hamas, and 80% of them said they will never be happy until all the Jews are all dead and Israel is gone, they too are naturally part of this death cult.

The outrageous slur that the Israeli’s are targeting civilians by the disgusting pages of the Age, will never be brought to account. Nope, the MSM is untouchable, especially by facts or ethics, because they are our betters, Derek.

Derek: So the Age says if Israel just gave Hamas a big hug and let said Muslim loons kill everyone in Israel, that would amazingly create peace?

Clive: It would certainly get rid of the only free and succesful country in God's Monkey House of the Middle-East. Sadly Derek, the ONLY way of ending Hamas etc, is to completely break their will to murder children. One does this by killing every Hamas geek, destroying their entire infrastructure and leadership, removing their finances and converting and normalising the entire region, and teaching them a useful trade or macrame for instance.

This is known as victory, Derek. The MSM prefers that Jews die en masse on behalf of the moral vanity of editorial staff. This is known as defeat. Are you ok Derek?

Derek: I’m just filling my bucket.

Clive: I see you have a picture of Jaspin on the bottom of your vomit collector.

Derek: The Age is a fucking vomit collector mate!

Clive: Here's another quote from the moral abyss of Al Age, Derek. “Whether or not Hamas fighters use civilians as shields...” They do and the editors know it. Note how they believe and make up any vile fantasy about Jews, but are monstrously disingenuous about Islamic mass murderers who teach teenagers to behead people live on film.

These cunts spout like Pavlovian dogs, the dead canard of your average neo-Marxist circus freak known as the two state solution. Presumably so Hamas has a permanent rocket base with which to destroy Israel and by instant demographic superiority. Much of the MSM are Israeli despising, Hamas apologising, unchanging moral equivalence and inverted arse hats.

Derek: What other toilet candy did you find in the piss trough of the Age, Clive?

Clive: Richard Gott the unrepentant Marxist scumbag thinks Cuba is just swell. Gott the twisted fuck said and I quote, “like hundreds I could not wait to get there...” But as per usual not fucking stay there of course. He clearly loves the “youthful guerrillas...especially Che”, the dead Commie bastard.

Che the child killer Guevara who loved to shoot unarmed boys in the head. Che the narcissistic coward and imbecile who had a wall removed so he could watch the firing squads.

The Left is in love with the ugly fascist totalitarian killer Fidel, because he sells them an eagerly believed big lie of free Cuban medical care etc. There is none. Thus Fidel goes to Spain for private care, when he’s not running his island wide Mafiosi monopolies, or the 300 prisons he’s built.

Gott thinks it’s great to be black in Cuba. The worst thing to be on Cuba is black, homosexual or any kind of free minded and normal individual. Thus the longest serving political prisoner in the world is a black Doctor, kept in a toilet sized cell for decades. Gee, for handing out the works of the late Martin Luther King. Oh, the bloody irony.

Che despised blacks, hated long haired hippies and loved murdering rock and roll bands, as does the Cuban dictatorship of fat fuck Fidel.

Derek: The Age is for boring, conceited urban arseholes and phonies.

Clive: Exactly Derek. More venal quotes from Gott who was as he says one of the “Cuban enthusiasts of my generation...” He was “disillusioned” with Castro going Soviet which he always clearly was, instead of that nice fascist Marxism based on mass murder, lies, conformity, spite, envy and insanity.

It was America’s fault Gott und Himmel says: “Faced with the implacable hostility of the United States, he decided that he had no alternative except to ally himself with Moscow”.

And even though following Soviet idiocy and every other kind, ruined Cuba completely, especially with Che the psychopath running the economy into the ground and the people via execution into mass graves, to Gott the fucking arsehole shit, prick, geek and turd, it’s still all America’s fault. To every Marxist Leftard shithead and their timeless fraud, NOTHING is ever a Communist dictator’s fault, unless of course and entirely by accident, something actually works .

Got goes to Cuba and finds it unsurprisingly “unchanged” and “preserved in aspic”. This Marxist and treasonous cunt then says: “...nothing seemed to have changed-one of the unique and neglected charms of Communism”.

Not enough to live there. No, that inhuman Hell experiment is strictly for Cubans.

Oh there’s so much more. Cuba has "An intelligent, healthy and well-educated population..” Which is technically true. They're all dead or in Miami though.

Sadly for Cubans, a Communist collective idiocy education is naturally less than worthless.

Permanent starvation and despair is the truth of Cuba, thus the delightful 75% abortion rate. You can never have enough abortions if your Left, mate.

80,000 men, women and children drowned trying to escape Cuba, two million fled to exile and thousands oppressed, spied on 24/7, tortured, exploited, executed without any trial and 150,000 prostitutes for visiting celebrities and tourists etc. There were 10,000 in 1959.

Currently many of the prostitutes are now children, Derek.

Pre-revolution Cuba had 11 jails. Now there's 300 prisons on a tiny island. Remember, to a Left hero of the people, one Guantanamo with a high level of nutrition and health care than most Cubans ever receive is worse than any of the large scale torture and murder factories throughtout the Mid East.

That's even without the tiny percentage of a few crap personell out of a half-million standing US army, who were arrested and court marshalled. But 300 permanent Cuban torture chambers and firing squad pits for men, women and children as long-standing extreme government policy for half a century, are entirely acceptable.

Gee, any bad apples in Cuban jails that have been exposed in the Western MSM and naturally punished by Fidel for violating Stalinist values? Nope, only promoted to government positions. Still, thee are all those stylish Che the child killer t-shirts. That's the main thing.

Gott says Cubans are “slow to attack the revolution or the leadership”. That’s because you will be arrested and shot.

Gott says "there revolution has been a peaceful affair”. No, really. Apart from the blood and screaming day and night for fifty years.

Gott the fuck out of here ends by saying Obama visiting Cuba will be a hoot, implying that he too loves a half-century of Cuban Marxist Murder Incorporated.

“...an event as spectacular as that moment 50 years ago when Castro and Guevara acknowledged the plaudits of the crowd: the dawn of hope”.

Derek: So Gott is your bog standard Marxist fucker living high on the hog in the free West, and I’d like to kick his fucking teeth in and arrest him for treason. How come he’s such a cunt and the Age sees fit to publish him?

Clive: He’s from the Guardian.

Derek: Oh, of course. Any other filth?

Clive: Yes. Not so oddly, the mediocrity and Taquiyaa pusher for Islam Murder Inc...

Derek: Waleed Ali!

Clive: Exactly. Well, Ali went to Japan to find an angle for his absurd and bankrupt sub-Socialist and anti-Capitalist drivel.

Derek: Why Clive?

Clive: Simple Derek. Old baloney pants needs the Islamist bedfellows of the Left and their totally discredited neo-collectivist non-economic fantasy’s a la Utopia.

Control a destroyed economy via control freak and ever bigger government and you control the people very easily because they're broke. That way the Left can enable their pals the Muslim loons to Islamise the parts of the state that they haven't Marxoided. It’s a brilliant ploy and plan, and only someone as smooth, two-faced, manipulative and mediocre as Waleed Ali can do it. Thus any shit he scrawls gets published in the blank pages of Al Age, the Toorak Marxist and Islamist Taquiyaa tract of choice.

Derek: Jesus fucking Christ! Could it get any worse?

Clive: Oh it will Derek, it will. Just like in Eurabia, Londonistan and the never get of here alive Netherlands.

Derek: [On piano] Oh Jaspin came into my room and sat upon my bed...

Derek And Clive Tackle a Conundrum.

Clive: "From beginning to end, the Soviet product of political correctness sodden left liberalism is one big 'effing suicidal contradiction, Derek. It's such a very old load of unbelievably back-dated bollocks, that most lefties have to take enormous amounts of bleeding drugs to not only understand any of it which can't be done, but to believe and personally act on even a single shred of it. Thus their greatest wish is to convince every dissenter by force and state controlled conformity via intimidation and violence. Such phony baloney and moral vanity driven fraud can only be swallowed whole, if like a drug addicted whore in a toilet, one disguises the true flavor of morally and rationally going down, with ample helpings of cough syrup. This dear Derek, is the true face of left liberal smiley faced fascism".

Derek: "They're all arseholes!"

Clive: "Exactly, Derek".





Derek [on piano]: “Oh, John Pilger came into the lav to film his latest doc. ‘Ee said I need more bleeding funding, so can I suck your cock!”

Clive: “It’s a funny coincidence that you should mention John Pilchard, the avid fan of all things Marxist and nihilist thus deemed er, “progressive” Derek, because I never think of him. A progressive is someone who develops ever more acceptable versions of the exact same thing by simply changing the name.

The non-religion that is trying to kill us all and invariably is offended or threatens violence at any criticism of their murderous antics, is a religion of er, peace. Conversely the Judeo Christian faith that is the basis of our enormous free flow of ideas, choice and innovation, freedom and prosperity of capitalist democracy, free speech and natural rights [and ironically your homosexual right not to be killed by Islam] is called intolerant. 

Thus as they say at the peoples cube, truth telling is now hate speech and hate speech = sensitivity training. Targeting terrorists = indiscriminate murder of civilians, indiscriminate murder of civilians = resistance to imperialism.Destruction of the family = social progress. Clinical paranoia = outstanding film making. Free country = oppressive regime, oppressive regime = workers' paradise. Electoral process = failing democracy, Socialist dictatorship = will of the people. Export of capitalist democracy = imperialist war for oil, export of communist revolution = true democracy.  

Terrorists = freedom fighters, freedom fighters = imperialist occupiers, rapists and murderers. Rambling communist thug = idealistic romantic dreamer, hard-working productive individual = corporate fascist. Lowering standards = raising awareness, degeneracy = striving urban culture, and so on ad nauseum, Derek”.

Derek: “What if I said comfortable, unchallenged, phony, leftist radical arsehole?”

Clive: “Pilchard!”

Derek: “Oh, George Negus came into the bog to interview Hamas, they had a lot of inane laughs and George Needless kissed some arse!”

Clive: “Very good. You’ve finished. Now don’t call us, and we’ll never call you.

Now I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed the latest conundrum regarding the mentality of the average dhimmie leftard arsehole prick vomit bag, when it comes to the utter joy and light of Islamic terror, Derek?

As you know, I would never be so un-pc as to call a thing exactly what it is. No, circular wanking and denial is the way to go. Anyway Derek, have you had any contact with the people of whom I speak?”

Derek: “You mean your bog-standard apologist and Jew-hating mob loons of the left? All the fucking time, mate! They're always in my fucking bog! Always raving about "I need more government funding! More taxpayer gravy! Where are my bulging checks from the Melbourne Age, Green Left Retarded Socialist and the New York Times? And please cut my fucking head off cos’ I love it! They're 'orrible!”

Clive: “Exactly. There’s a curious contradiction that shows that their entire allegedly tolerant position regards Islam is an irresponsible fraud”.

Derek: “They’re all full of shit, mate!”

Clive: “Positively bursting. Well, this it how it works when you are stupidly determined to tolerate the intolerant vis a vis Islam. Anyone who says they are a Muslim is ipso facto a Muslim and their faith, Islam is untouchable by mirth or critique of any kind by us Infidels and filthy Kafirs, except in the er, positive”.

Derek: “I love the light hearted cheer and the good will to all, the most!”

Clive: “Who doesn’t? And the screaming. Then as if by magic, the same people who we must be ever vigilant never to offend, can be deemed as “not real Muslims” by the same Left pricks who say they will then arrest you for saying something they don't like or on behalf of Muslims everywhere, for something they don’t like, from only a moment before. This is the pure joy of left liberal fascism today, Derek”.

Derek: “Bloody ‘ell! It’s all a little fucking neurotic and complicated innit? What kind of things offend many Muslims around the world then, Clive?”

Clive: “The things that offend many Muslims around the world today Derek, can be narrowed down to everything and nothing”.

Derek: “Lovely. Er, how can a Muslim go instantly from being a Muslim, to not being a "real" Muslim, Clive?”

Clive: “It’s surprisingly easy and there in lies the conundrum of the politically correct loser, as it were. A Muslim just has to act appallingly or kill someone and they are no longer a Muslim. At least until they stop killing and start complaining about people screaming as they're beheaded. And oddly, neither terrifying behavior nor murder is always seen as bad, per se. There are many er, "conditions" that can apply at any time to the religion of peace or else, but not really for anyone else. And they can change back again without any notice whatsoever too. Thus, it is technically impossible for a Muslim to ever set off a bomb, behead or murder someone, because..."

Derek: "They're naturally not real Muslims!"

Clive: " Exactly, Derek. So even if you don't know you're offending Islam by your mere Infidel or Jewish existence, you probably are.

Thus what happens is, that even though someone has been a Muslim all their life, and their entire family is Muslim going back generation after generation, and they go to the Mosque, they live in a Muslim community or state, they read the Koran, they dress and look like Muslims, they speak and eat like a Muslim and they say they are Muslims and may want to spread Islam globally by any means, exactly as Mohammad and the Koran clearly proscribes, no, no. The moment one cuts off a head and sets off a bomb, hey presto! The Western media, academia, governments, church leaders, celebrities and pop stars all decree as one “...but they are not real Muslims!” Amazingly, these people are yet to say this on a street corner in say Tehran, Riyadh or Cairo”.

Derek: “Why not, Clive?”

Clive: “Because many of the local Muslims would be real Muslims only up to a certain point. And I believe that exact point would be where they become not real Muslims as if by magic, and cut the real Infidels heads off”.

Derek: “That's a real puzzler, Clive! So, I guess Taoists, Hindu’s and Christians are not real whenever they do anything naughty then, too?”

Clive: “Oddly no. Taoists, Hindu’s and your cargo cultists, don’t really fit into the current lefts paradigm, so are largely invisible, though Christians do fit nicely. Just remember, when a Christian does something bad, they are always a real Christian, unless they do something good. Then they don’t exist. Yes, it’s a real conundrum, as you say”.

Derek: “Unless the conundrum cuts the heads off Christian school girls in Thailand because they're Christians and not Muslims, Clive?”

Clive: “Nope, such an orgy or relentless violence can be and is simply ignored. Remember they’re not real Muslims who have murdered over 150,000 people in Northern no-go zones of Thailand over the last twenty years”.

Derek: “Who did it then?”

Clive: “Oh, random and anonymous people who shall remain nameless, even though they look, sound, act, walk, talk and appear exactly like Muslims. It could have been Hawaiian Anglicans or animists from Toronto. Nobody knows, Derek, nobody knows. Even though not real Muslim jihadist groups have repeatedly declared it was them and they want to kill all non-believers. This is a mere incredible coincidence spread over decades. According to our elitist betters, its hate speech churned up by Asian journalists reporting the empirical facts. Facts are no excuse for speaking the truth, Derek. So remember, there are 1.2 billion Muslims in the world, but none of them are doing any of the mountains of atrocity you can see everyday”.

Derek: “Who is?”

Clive: “Someone else, Derek, it’s always someone else. And it pays to remember that. Or else”.

Derek [on piano]: “Oh, Steve Bracks came into my room and sat upon me bed. He said I’ve passed a fucking anti-free speech law and now you’ll end up dead, oy!”

Clive: “Bravo! All together now! The natural totalitarian fascism of the left and Islam is always all for our own good! Now once more without the music and lyrics!”




[Here's over 350 five star reviews for Mark Steyn's great empirical paperback opus, America Alone: the end of the world as we know it. A returning best-seller for two years running! I should be so lucky.]