Profundity, the Original Pledge: “I pledge to be a servant to our President and to all of mankind because together we can, together we are, and together we will be the change that we seek.” Etc...
The all NEW Pledge!
“I Pledge to Continue Being a Venal Celebrity Circus Geek.
They say that the job of the President is the loneliest job in the world. Not if it’s a Clinton blow job. We’d like you to know that we are all Marxist product sodden Bel Air left liberal drones spouting socialism for you, but capitalist free market riches for me drivel. Let us continue our disgusting treason and to never do anything ourselves if there is an assistant available, who would otherwise waste time with their own anonymous plebeian family.
1. I pledge to continue being a total phony 'living in a fantasy life completely supported by the system I despise.' [Mark Steyn.]
2. I pledge to spout that I care about “the people” while wearing a Che the child killer t-shirt and using enormous amounts of the drugs that destroy third-world societies which makes me like, totally cool.
3. I pledge to laugh out of context with the help of the latest new age dope and to keep reaching for the seemingly impossible goal of loving myself even more.
4. I pledge to help children battling serious illness er, somehow, unless they are Cuban children battling to get to Miami. These children are naturally little neocon, right-wing BushHitlers, especially the thousands that have drowned.
5. I pledge to continue being a complete mother.
6. I pledge to be a mouthpiece propagandist for the uber-corrupt pedophiles of the UN and the OIC which are the UN’s largest Muslim voting block of Jew-haters, while I rather ironically work in Hollywood for Jews.
7. I pledge to always reprimand my country with Marxist critical theory talking points and treasonous lies while in love with and or stoned out of my gourd with, real murdering fascists in Gaza, Havana, South Africa and Venezuela.
8. I pledge to support any violent left activist group using Saul Alinsky's 'Rules for Radicals' and to work for the revolution “from the inside” by shopping on Rodeo Drive.
9. I pledge to say meaningless gibberish such as I will always swallow any baloney from the "funkadelicatessen." This is what great creative talents do.
10. I pledge to never see the humour in a single one of my absurdly ignorant logical fallacy pronouncements. I am an artist.
11. I pledge to build a time machine and discover a cure for cancer while signing autographs and getting my make-up applied. My self-proclaimed bravery comes with great air con.
12. I pledge to push failed socialized government run medicine for you, and a private suite at Cedars Sinai and the Mayo Clinic for me.
13. I pledge to spread the awareness of autism er, somehow, but not the causes of my own profound and startling cognitive dissonance.
14. I pledge to meet my neighbors who are people like Jack Nicholson, Sean Penn, a major drug dealer, a supplier of call girls and a pedophile Arab sheik, even if I have to get my chauffeur to drive me there.
15. I pledge to ask more plebs how I can be of service to them that does not involve me performing degrading sex or my own public suicide.
16. I pledge to be a mentor to other rich drug using celebrity sluts and sleazebags.
17. I pledge to continue to be simpatico with Obama. As a laughable Hollywood rebel, I’m always happiest lecturing other people to conform to the agitprop I drivel, while hawking often largely failed products that relentlessly ignore the Islamofascist elephant in the room and well, so many other forbidden and unpleasant facts.
18. I pledge to be the absurd and cracked voice for those without a voice, so that they never have the chance to have a voice of their own. No one could ever say anything as important, professionally produced and right on as me.
19. I pledge to bring awareness to mental disease in Hollywood, the media and celebrity in general.
20. I pledge to adopt meaningless and pointless behaviour such as uselessly never using plastic bags as one of my many assistant's does all my grocery shopping.
21. I pledge to turn the lights off in my head but leave on those illuminating my enormous swimming pool in Bel Air.
22. I pledge to sell you a culture of ignorance instead of understanding. I have superior opinions on subjects of which I have never read a single book.
23. I pledge to only flush the toilet after I piss all over the audience and when I offer up this pure shit. My products routinely promote outstanding narcissism, bizarre inversions of reality, Utopian junk, evil as good and good as evil, the puerile, depravity, mediocrity, stupidity, despair, death and nihilism. There is also as I see it a negative side.
24. I pledge to be a mindless celebrity cheerleader closet fascist for the Obamessiah and to kiss his ass like this...
25. I pledge to never have any self-reflection whatsoever regards my moral vanity driven smug liberal conceits and uber-rich fraud.
26. I pledge to show that my black heart is the same as my empty celebrity head.
27. I pledge to change my appearance with plastic surgery so taht you dreary civilian non-stars will always find me simply fascinating, authentic and will always really, REALLY love me.
28. I pledge to associate with and champion every and any vicious totalitarian murderous leftist, communist and Islamofascist dictatorship cum Jew-hating terrorist group in the world as long as they hate America, Israel and the free West.
29. I pledge that YOU and never I, will obey the doomed socialist junk of the Obamessiah.
30. I pledge that I will say "hell yeah!" if Obumbler offers to share a hilarious special kind of cigarette in the White House.
31. I pledge to never know anything about Barry Barack Hussein Ubama Obama Sotuero and to never want to know anything about Obama except how wonderfully Obama He is.
