Thursday, 23 September 2010

Welshman offended at the questioning of his aboriginality by columnist.

Mr Bryce Jones is pictured at the Annual Sock Darning Championships in Pontifrackcake, Wales.

“Race should be based on how you don’t look!" says Mr Jones who claims he identified as an Australian aboriginal after his Mother spoke to him of her memories of an old box of Aunt Jemima’s Pancake Mix, that had once held pride of place in the family’s pantry. “At that moment I became an aborigine. The experience was that powerful," he said.

“So naturally when I read the outrageous comments of Drewan Blat in The Harold newspaper, I was offended." This was as Jones says, “..merely the latest” of the many, many things that have regularly offended him. “Having such high standards does come with a high cost. In fact it’s extremely rare that I’m not offended. Whenever I feel unoffended I know that somewhere I've let a minority down.”

Mr Bryce was once offended by an injustice that appeared in a dream. “When I awoke I realised that the Australian bull ant wasn’t actually under threat. While this was a disappointment at first, I then read Mr Blat’s column which made up for it somewhat.”

Mr Jones has since been recognised by experts in Random Identity Manifestation or RIM, as one of the now surprisingly common cases of “spontaneous indigenous koorieism”, or SIK. Mr Bryce Jones has gone on to explore his own experience of this phenomenon in his performance piece ‘Suddenly Black’, which uses the dynamic interplay of dance, music and over fifteen government grants.

Bryce’s older brother Griff also happens to have a deep spiritual identity both as a Japanese salary man and a traditional Norwegian fax salesman, identities which he only discovered in his twenties through an “eerie” affinity for painting Tamiya model kits and assembling pack furniture. Says Griff's brother Bryce Jones: “His given tribal names are Mr Yamato and Sten Grurd,” respectively. The name giving of Sten Grurd was a "moving experience" held at a Canon wholesaler in Farsund, where "dried fish and marshmallows" were served. Griff's only regret is that self-identified members of successful cultures are not eligible for certain government jobs or funding.

Sunday, 19 September 2010

Judge says that Muslim terrorists directly quoting the Koran and spreading Islam by force exactly as Mohammad did have nothing to do with Islam.

A large Muslim crowd from the 1300 year-old extremely long line of millions and millions of Muslims who have misunderstood Islam.

Judge Barry Boob: “It’s mere coincidence that millions of Muslims who are descended from generations of Muslims who marry only other Muslims, who dress, speak, eat and act as Muslims always have, who go to the Mosque and read the Koran regularly, who follow the words, teachings and actions of Mohammad exactly and are entirely Muslim in every respect can appear to the layman, as identical to these mysterious and as yet unnamed global terrorists, whomsoever they may be.

Let me say that that any Muslim is always a Muslim if they say so and are automatically deserving of our utmost grovelling dhimmie respect, right up until the point of their planning to and then murdering thousands of people, at which point they become the aforementioned mysterious and as yet unnamed global terrorists, though in no way connected to Islam, which is a peace loving religion.
For example: after reviewing the alleged evidence of the unpleasant misunderstanding regarding the clearly non-Muslim related incident at Fort Hood, a nasty business, nasty, of the Allah Akbar shouting behead all infidels and pour oil down their necks Power Point presenting, eager Al Qaeda contacting, avid strip club frequenting Major Nidal, the authorities and I in all our learned and profound wisdom have come to a conclusion. Indeed the only conclusion presented by these meaningless facts: Fort Hood was clearly the work of a typical Anglican.

Again, many if not most words and facts to the unqualified plebeian layman such as say you, are so very easy to misinterpret and thus misunderstand. For example, my wife and I were out last month when two dark tanned men advised us in their own wonderful patois as it were, and in what makes our diverse multiculture so colourful, that they were going to “smash in" my "stupid white kuffar face" and then "rape da Missus Leb style, you Infidel cracker dog”.

I naturally pointed out their faux pas in that they were not Lebanese but African, but before I had the chance to congratulate them on their freelance celebrating of cultural diversity, I realised too late my own error in neglecting to offer them a grant. Through my broken and bloody teeth I apologised for 19th century imperialism and for their appalling current lack of said government funding.

Fortunately I did manage to gurgle that my now naked wife and I understood what they actually meant and what their message through their entirely justified actions was, and that was a message of peace. A violent and terrifying peace that we should all embrace, and that has absolutely nothing to do with any unfortunate misunderstanding or misinterpretation of either culture or Islam. Indeed, any negativity towards vicious gang-rape is entirely on our heads, while we still have them.

So in conclusion, I shall paraphrase and say that if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, sounds like a duck, it may indeed be a giraffe though of course conditions apply, naturally."

Sunday, 12 September 2010

Media to Muslims: Please Don't Hurt Me!

What would Judas do? The head of CNN, Judas Benedict Quisling pre-emptively commits cultural suicide so as not to risk offending Muslims by continuing to live. Said Quisling in his suicide note: "I'm sure this is what moderate Muslims would want."

A spokesman for the journalist group 'Cooperation Under Neutered Dhimmitude', [or CUND] said in a joint statement that:
"We in the media utterly condemn a previously unknown pastor for announcing that he would burn the absolutely super duper, fantastic, great, wonderful, brilliant, excellent, entirely true and again, very, very, very, very holy Koran, which we in the media all completely respect and love and read all the time and recommend to everyone and again, that we respect so very, very, very much. The Koran that is.

And we congratulate and give many, many thanks to the millions of Muslims all over the world for their entirely reasonable, fair minded and within proportion violence that is not really violence per se but tolerance. A beautiful peace loving violent tolerance that proves conclusively everyday and in so many ways that Islam, which is a wonderful religion, has absolutely nothing to do with and never has had a single connection whatsoever to the actual burning of 2,700 people on 9/11.

Nope, nothing. Nor indeed does Islam the Koran or Muslims have anything to do with global terrorism; thousands of beheading videos; the blowing up of thousands of girls schools; the beheading of Christian school girls; murdering all kinds of children on planes; endless car bombs; homicide suicide bombers; millions of child brides; 140 million Muslim females being genitally mutilated; mass inbreeding; relentless acted upon world-wide threats and murder; the 57 utterly criminal and dysfunctional Islamic theocracies of the OIC or, phew!

..the huge numbers of gang rapes, assaults, robbery, extortion and child prostitution virtually wherever Muslims immigrate; the massive crime funds funnelling and Saudi financing of terror; co-ordinated financial and political stealth jihad; the murder of Jews or the destruction of Israel and the West or the imposition of a global Islamic Caliphate by any means up to and including the detonation of nuclear weapons. No! That's those Anglicans!

And that damn pastor whom we've investigated in enormous detail over the last week revealing how he's worse than Hitler. Of course we never needed to do any investigating of Obama! We already knew how wonderful he was. But I digress.

Nay. We all love Islam! It's the best thing since sliced heads! Everything about Islam is grand! S'wonderful. Fabulous. It's the cat's pyjamas!"

BREAKING NEWS: 'Muslims across the world are violently offended by the recent comparison of Islam to "cats pyjamas" by a CUND spokesman..

CUND has issued the following statement: "We absolutely apologise for any offense that may have occurred due to a recent unfortunate statement either made or not made or even thought of by any CUND spokesman either now or in any future. We love and fear the peace loving religion of Islam! No, really we do. We would never ever, never even think of not respecting Islam. And he's the one that said it, not me! I was always so pro-Islam it hurts! So kill him! Just please don't hurt me!"

Wednesday, 1 September 2010

dePRAVDA: Comrades Madame Bundt And Lear Stevinix Rhiannovski Triumph In Glorious March Through Bourgeois Ecofascist Front Group!

Comrade Madame Bundt pictured here in her youth.

Comrade Lear Stevinix Rhiannovski pictured here at a recent anti-Zionist pro-Hamass mass-murdering psychopaths and other comrades rally, where he performed his popular Party Member trick of impersonating Stalin's moustache.

After the long-term infiltration of the ecofascist collective the Geeks, Comrade Bundt along with other key operative's, has been elected as local Kommissar in the satellite state of Melbournistan. Reinforcing the communist ideal, Comrade Madame Bundt said: “Bringing the revolution many steps closer has been made easy as we have many Soviet and East German agents and others in the media, government, education and especially entertainment." [Cuban agent's have gained revolutionary credit for their redistribution of complementary 100% cotton traditional Che the child killer t-shirts available in sizes 8 to 20.]

"Indoctrinating the young with correct thought is like training a dog, only much easier. What dog is stupid enough to willingly brainwash itself?” said Comrade Madame Bundt with a laugh.

Comrade Madame Bundt has responded quickly to criticism by the Australian Bolshevik Committee [ABC], regards the non-implementation of firing squads to liquidate all class-enemies of Gaia and the poisonous promoters of incorrect thought. Comrade Madame Bundt: “Remember your Gramsci and Saul Alinsky! We must be patient, comrades. When we have full revolutionary power all those who refuse to see the beauty of the progressive dream will be sent to the gulag or shot or both!”

Current Kommissar Comrade Lear Stevinix Rhiannovski, was supportive of Comrade Madame Bundt with correct revolutionary zeal. Wiping away tears of joy, Comrade Rhiannovski exhorted that “class enemies such as conservatives, Christians, sceptics, Zionist’s, non-left artists and Roger Whittaker fans, will be ruthlessly eliminated! Read my moustache! No more class-enemies!”
The reactionary tabloid The Australian, failed in trying to expose Comrade Bundt in a negative light and merely reinforced his commitment to the inevitable victory of the proletariat. Capitalist enemy of the working-class The Australian, reported that Comrade Madame Bundt said that he had "..always been towards an anti-capitalist, anti-social democratic, internationalist movement" and that "the parliamentary road to socialism is non-existent". 
He called the [Geeks] a "bourgeois" party but said supporting them might be the most effective strategy..."Communists can't fetishize alternative political parties, but should always make some kind of materially based assessment about the effectiveness of any given strategy come election time," he wrote in the 1995 memo. The Geeks General Secretary Bobby Backdoor used superior Marxist mathematics to endorse Comrade Madame Bundt and said that he ‘continued to have his "160 per cent support". This is correct REVOLUTIONARY thought, comrades!
Peoples Update!: Counter-Revolutionary Capitalist Double-Agent Rhiannovski Arrested and Purged! Comrade Rhiannovski has stated that: “Socialist countries naturally do make errors and therefore criticism and self-criticism will be forthcoming!”

Socialist countries do not make mistakes! No apologies for current truth are necessary! All failures are due to bourgeois and Zionist counter-revolutionary forces! Down with class enemy Rhiannovski!