Friday, 15 April 2011

Andrew Wilkie Claims He Wrote the Original Screenplay for The Film 'Inglourious Basterds.'

A young Andrew Wilkie [no relation] in the uniform of a Duntroon Senior Bully, relaxes with a cigarette after terrifying a rather ironically defenceless teenager. "I often came up with some of the best scenes right after humiliating a child" said Wilkie. "We all did. We were only following orders after all, yet I'm the only one who really made a career out of it."

“In the 1980’s, Duntroon Military College was one big party, only it was a Nazi Party!” said Andrew Wilkie the turncoat, traitor and lovable attention seeker. Famous for his liplessness, Wilkie was in town to suddenly gab about having written the original screenplay for 'Inglourious Basterds’ way back in 1983, though it was then simply called ‘Bastardisation’.

“Of course in my far superior version the Nazi’s are played by Duntroon Cadet Officer’s. I wanted to play the Fuhrer, but after ritualistically humiliating, assaulting and destroying many a teenage cadet, it worked better when I then force them all to salute Hitler’s birthday! It’s some kind of ironic 70’s thing I guess, whatever that means.

Like all artists I'm never really satisfied and thus you'll often find me updating this or working on some other script in some way. F'instance, during Iraq I made Saddam out to be the shy victim of groundless and wrongful accusations, while the Allies are like you know, totally lying for their hidden agenda of evil!

I'm working on a new one called 'Heroes of Marrickville' about a brave band of Labour enabling Marxist ecofascist Green leftards and their courageous inner-city Jew hating guerilla war against some country or whatever. People take things like way too seriously, it's just entertainment."

While Wilkie has been criticised for producing “comic book drivel” and being “laughably histrionic, wildly superficial and more inflated than any known reality” while “utterly lacking in actual character" and "a liar", this has never daunted Wilkie in his ambitious rise to the bottom.

“I’m a chameleon, man. Who is the real Andrew Wilkie? I’m whoever you think I am or whatever the order was”, he says with his famous lipless smile. Andrew continued that “Yep, I wrote it all baby, and probably a lot of other great films. It’s up to courageous men like myself to expose the fraud, the lies, the rank opportunism and the hypocrisy. If I don’t, who will?” Who indeed.

Friday, 8 April 2011

Riots Erupt Across the Nazi World After the Burning of the Nazi Holy Book Mein Kampf.

The American born performance artist Winston Churchill remains unrepentant while pictured reclining with the cigar he used to burn Mein Kampf. "I'll do it again and again and until victory and only victory" said Churchill. "I put it in the dustbin of history. No one likes a mess."

Nazi fundamentalists across the Nazi world, including a minority of extremists from among the clear majority of moderate Nazi immigrants to the West, have rioted for a second day over the burning of Mein Kampf at the Guggenheimy Museum by the American performance artist Winston Churchill. The burning is part of the current controversial 'Mass Murdering Nazi Totalitarianism' exhibition, with many courageous artists standing together and condemning Nazism as objectively "fascist and evil" and it's founder as a "deceptive psychopath".

The Director of the Guggenheimy, Jimmy Petraeus, has said that he “will always stand with any artist and their unalienable right to free speech and indeed freedom itself. I refuse to side with totalitarian fascist psychopaths against American citizens. To ever state any other position would be a betrayal of all I believe in. This is something I would never do."

In the city of Berlin, marauding Hitler Youth have killed dozens of people when four homicide suicide attackers disguised as Herman Goering, blew themselves up even larger.

Unlike Petreaus, who is a courageous and staunch defender of the Western values of individual freedom, other officials were quick to condemn the burning of the Holy Mein Kampf written in a cave over a century ago by the founder of Nazism, Mohammad Hitler.

'Mad Mo' as he was affectionately known, subsequently married a six year-old child, then spread the peaceful message of Nazism with his peaceful Wermacht Divisions throughout Europe and continues to do so right up to the present day.

Senator Pointdexter Quisling lll, said the burning of Mein Kampf, which translates as ’My Struggle’ or ‘Jihad’, was “hateful, extremely disrespectful and enormously intolerant”, and that this is merely “provoking moderate Nazi’s around the world to side with the extreme minority of Nazis who have hijacked Nazism.”

Pointdexter Quisling pointed out quite pointedly emphasising several points, that with this single Kampf fire “years of building trust between the Gestapo and Washington may now be in jeopardy”, and added that without “endlessly wringing our hands over everything we say and do or don’t say and don't do, or are accused of something entirely imaginary or of being, well, er, gee, anyway, things could get even worse if we don't! So whatever it is that we should do or not do, we should definately do or not do now! If that's ok with the majority of entirely moderate Nazis, of course.”

Quisling elaborated even further that “our moderate Nazi friends, while essentially a mob if you will, especially one that can be influenced by individuals that want to incite freedom as opposed to the understandable, violently insane passions of the violently insane yet understandably violently insane, who want to try to hijack their understandable and legitimately violently insane passions, in this case, perhaps understandable violently insane passions being from ironically often actual hijackers. But this is beside the point. Nazism is a religion of peace! Or else.”

The protests come at a critical juncture as the US-led coalition gears up for a Springtime For Hitler Revue and with Germany’s mercurial current Fuhrer Jim Karzy, denouncing the burning of his favorite book as "an act of extreme intolerance und zer bigotry!”

Karzy protested that “Zey say zey vant to help usss! Zis is a vaw for our bratvurst! Nussink more, uhntless zey haff come for zer cheese und der sauerkraut too?!”

[Reich Chancellor Karzy's brother Willie Krunt, is the biggest supplier of Benzadrine and pickled Herrings in Germany.]

Friday, 1 April 2011

Proud Jew Hating Islamofascist Pal and Marxist Daughter of Stalinist Creeps Leer 'Rhiannon' Stevinix, Saves Furry Friend From Certain Death!

Keen ecofascist Comrade Stevinix, is pictured in her favourite Burqua known affectionately as 'Bobby', only moments after the dramatic rescue of 'Hymie' the caterpillar. "I could smell the fear" she said at the time.

Comrade Leer Stevinix The Geeks newest MP, has been lauded by the mainstream media for coming to the rescue of a cute and lovable insect friend. “I was just helping a local pre-teen jihadist adjust her very first bomb training-bra, when out of the corner of my spinning eyes I saw an adorable little caterpillar in terrible danger! He’d fallen off the wonderful sign this darling moderate Muslim child was holding and was out on the sidewalk! Exposed to pedestrian traffic! It could have ended in tragedy. We must care for our multitudes of disgusting creatures with their blue and green gut juice” said The Geek MP, [or Moral Pervert.]

Comrade Stevinix continued:”I love bugs and rolling around in filth. Always have. Any Stalinist Marxist leftist socialist front group slime is right up my alley. Yep, I love creepy crawlies to death! I’ve found Palestinian caterpillars are very useful pets. I’ve got one called the Blind Sheik and another called Zarquawi. I had one called Arafat but he died of AIDS. Yep, I love caterpillars. It’s just those fucking Jews I can’t stand”.

Asked how she came by the nickname 'Rhiannon', Comrade Stevinix replied that it's mainly due to the fact that it's "only other drug-addled and laughably decadent asshats who can see any rhyme, sense or reason in any of the incoherent nihilist collectivist shite that I babble. And yet they do".

"I am not delusional!" said Comrade Stevinix with a final flourish. "Important people and the ordinary voters all really, really love me!"