Saturday, 13 November 2010

Hollywood Celebrities Renew Their Pledge to The Obamessiah's Elitist Collectivism as the Latest Fad of 'Semi-Honesty' Sweeps Tinsel Town!

Profundity, the Original Pledge: “I pledge to be a servant to our President and to all of mankind because together we can, together we are, and together we will be the change that we seek.” Etc...

The all NEW Pledge!

“I Pledge to Continue Being a Venal Celebrity Circus Geek.

They say that the job of the President is the loneliest job in the world. Not if it’s a Clinton blow job. We’d like you to know that we are all Marxist product sodden Bel Air left liberal drones spouting socialism for you, but capitalist free market riches for me drivel. Let us continue our disgusting treason and to never do anything ourselves if there is an assistant available, who would otherwise waste time with their own anonymous plebeian family.

1. I pledge to continue being a total phony 'living in a fantasy life completely supported by the system I despise.' [Mark Steyn.]

2. I pledge to spout that I care about “the people” while wearing a Che the child killer t-shirt and using enormous amounts of the drugs that destroy third-world societies which makes me like, totally cool.

3. I pledge to laugh out of context with the help of the latest new age dope and to keep reaching for the seemingly impossible goal of loving myself even more.

4. I pledge to help children battling serious illness er, somehow, unless they are Cuban children battling to get to Miami. These children are naturally little neocon, right-wing BushHitlers, especially the thousands that have drowned.

5. I pledge to continue being a complete mother.

6. I pledge to be a mouthpiece propagandist for the uber-corrupt pedophiles of the UN and the OIC which are the UN’s largest Muslim voting block of Jew-haters, while I rather ironically work in Hollywood for Jews.

7. I pledge to always reprimand my country with Marxist critical theory talking points and treasonous lies while in love with and or stoned out of my gourd with, real murdering fascists in Gaza, Havana, South Africa and Venezuela.

8. I pledge to support any violent left activist group using Saul Alinsky's 'Rules for Radicals' and to work for the revolution “from the inside” by shopping on Rodeo Drive.

9. I pledge to say meaningless gibberish such as I will always swallow any baloney from the "funkadelicatessen." This is what great creative talents do.

10. I pledge to never see the humour in a single one of my absurdly ignorant logical fallacy pronouncements. I am an artist.

11. I pledge to build a time machine and discover a cure for cancer while signing autographs and getting my make-up applied. My self-proclaimed bravery comes with great air con.

12. I pledge to push failed socialized government run medicine for you, and a private suite at Cedars Sinai and the Mayo Clinic for me.

13. I pledge to spread the awareness of autism er, somehow, but not the causes of my own profound and startling cognitive dissonance.

14. I pledge to meet my neighbors who are people like Jack Nicholson, Sean Penn, a major drug dealer, a supplier of call girls and a pedophile Arab sheik, even if I have to get my chauffeur to drive me there.

15. I pledge to ask more plebs how I can be of service to them that does not involve me performing degrading sex or my own public suicide.

16. I pledge to be a mentor to other rich drug using celebrity sluts and sleazebags.

17. I pledge to continue to be simpatico with Obama. As a laughable Hollywood rebel, I’m always happiest lecturing other people to conform to the agitprop I drivel, while hawking often largely failed products that relentlessly ignore the Islamofascist elephant in the room and well, so many other forbidden and unpleasant facts.

18. I pledge to be the absurd and cracked voice for those without a voice, so that they never have the chance to have a voice of their own. No one could ever say anything as important, professionally produced and right on as me.

19. I pledge to bring awareness to mental disease in Hollywood, the media and celebrity in general.

20. I pledge to adopt meaningless and pointless behaviour such as uselessly never using plastic bags as one of my many assistant's does all my grocery shopping.

21. I pledge to turn the lights off in my head but leave on those illuminating my enormous swimming pool in Bel Air.

22. I pledge to sell you a culture of ignorance instead of understanding. I have superior opinions on subjects of which I have never read a single book.

23. I pledge to only flush the toilet after I piss all over the audience and when I offer up this pure shit. My products routinely promote outstanding narcissism, bizarre inversions of reality, Utopian junk, evil as good and good as evil, the puerile, depravity, mediocrity, stupidity, despair, death and nihilism. There is also as I see it a negative side.

24. I pledge to be a mindless celebrity cheerleader closet fascist for the Obamessiah and to kiss his ass like this...

25. I pledge to never have any self-reflection whatsoever regards my moral vanity driven smug liberal conceits and uber-rich fraud.

26. I pledge to show that my black heart is the same as my empty celebrity head.

27. I pledge to change my appearance with plastic surgery so taht you dreary civilian non-stars will always find me simply fascinating, authentic and will always really, REALLY love me.

28. I pledge to associate with and champion every and any vicious totalitarian murderous leftist, communist and Islamofascist dictatorship cum Jew-hating terrorist group in the world as long as they hate America, Israel and the free West.

29. I pledge that YOU and never I, will obey the doomed socialist junk of the Obamessiah.

30. I pledge that I will say "hell yeah!" if Obumbler offers to share a hilarious special kind of cigarette in the White House.

31. I pledge to never know anything about Barry Barack Hussein Ubama Obama Sotuero and to never want to know anything about Obama except how wonderfully Obama He is.

Wednesday, 3 November 2010

Derek and Clive Misunderstand Fucking Islam.

Dud: "I said 'ere, Pete. What the fuck is this then?"
Pete: "This is a man's mind in turmoil, Dud. Or in layman's terms, your standard fucking Islam".

Derek: Ere’ Pete. Um, you know what I don’t understand? It’s that fucking Islam. I don’t understand a fucking bit of it. It’s mostly for cunts. They’re all cunts, the fucking lot of ‘em!

Clive: Er, what I don’t understand is why Prime Minister Julia socialist scrubber Gillard has not replied to my letter.

Derek: Er, what was your correspondence concerning, Pete?

Clive: Well Dud, it was a simple message really. "Dear Prime Minister, why are you such a boring, dreary little lefty bint? I have sent you a crazed Bengal Tiger. Please let him fly around the Lodge ripping your stupid fucking head off. If you do not like the Bengal Tiger gift, please forward it to the Green's Bob Brown, who is also a Marxist fuck. Yours sincerely, Doris". Doris being my non de plume.

Derek: Lovely. You don’t have a plume then, Pete?

Clive: Non.

Clive: As you well know Dud, I’ve thought long and hard that a major part of the training of any celebrity or MSM journalist, should involve compulsory wrestling with a Bengal Tiger within a locked room.

Derek: A day not spent setting one of the great cats onto one of the great arseholes is a day fucking wasted, Pete. Actually 'ere I said! I may be long and hard now! No the horn has gone. I am sans horn.

Clive: Here here Dudley and over there as well. Though I do feel we have discussed your horn sufficiently in the past rather ad nauseum, so to speak. Now you mentioned earlier your er, misunderstanding of Islam or as we like to call it at the Hippie Eradication Death Squad: the religion of peace or else!

Derek: It’s bollocks!

Clive: Yes, but that’s only the parts that make the slightest sense which unfortunately none of it manages to do at all. The last thing we unenlightened Westerners must never do with our meaningless and unlimited freedom; awesome art and triumphant science; vast economic success and great traditions of human rights is to misunderstand Islam. This almost inevitably leads to an explosion. In fact Dud, you will find that more people have exploded, due entirely to misunderstanding the filth of Islam, than all other religions combined since cannibalism.

Derek: Ere, Pete, that Mohammad was a cunt. What a fucker!

[On piano.] A fucker was he, oh yes! What a fucker was Mohammad! His wife was nine when she was hammered, not by fucking Christ, but Mohammad! What a shit! You may be a lover but you ain’t no dancer! Islam gave me fucking cancer!

Clive: Very nice Dud. And I do just happen to know a fashionable baboon from Surrey who’d be very interested in appearing in a lovely art-style film clip for your ballad in praise of the Prophet of Fuck All. Now regarding our favourite paedophile, rapist, bandit, mass murdering and Jew hating sand freak, Mohammad, well there are rumours and the word has got about that he also had a negative side.

Derek: It wouldn’t be a side of bacon would it, Pete?

Clive: No, sadly it wouldn’t Dud. Mass murdering kiddie fiddlers covered in lice, filth and sand consider our friend the pig an unclean creature. An unclean creature they consider it to be. Present any raving Islamist psychopath with a nice sucking pig and unlike us Infidels, they have the depth of religious and moral conviction and the discipline to say, “No, take away your accursed swine cakes and bring me the nine year-old childbride instead and with extra butter”.

Derek: Well, that’s your superior faith for you. So I’m a fucking Infidel then, Pete?

Clive: Yes Dud. Sadly anyone who is happy, free and enjoying the natural depth, width, variety, human meaning, dynamics and nuance of a normal life is er, ipso facto, an infidel.

Derek: So being a Muslim is a fucking insane laugh then, Pete?

Clive: Yes, Dud. You can do anything you like at anytime, to anyone and anywhere, as long as you keep screaming loud enough and kill thousands of people. As a religion, it’s ideal for the unemployable or your common garden variety child killer. I even considered becoming a Muslim myself but I couldn’t stand the endless screaming and the rivers of blood everywhere of those who had the slightest reservations or felt somehow unconvinced by Islam’s peaceful message.

Derek: What is that peaceful message, Pete?

Clive: Islam wants you dead.

Derek: Four little words that say I love you.

Clive: Exactly Dud. In short and if I’ve read the brochure right, the truth of Islam is for the most crazy and dangerous bastards on earth.

Derek: The brochure, Pete?

Clive: Yes Dud or in layman’s terms the fucking Krazy Koran.

Derek: What’s it like to read, Pete?

Clive: There is nothing to like when you read it, Dud. That’s the problem. To get a real taste of the claustrophobia and nausea inducing feel of the Koran well, do you remember that psycho bint you went out with, the one from the council flats?

Derek: Er, you mean the one with seventy three children, a turban and a beard?

Clive: You have never mentioned the beard before, Dud.

Derek: Didn’t I? Fucking Hell! I thought I mentioned it. Anyway I don’t see that cunt anymore, fucking Mona Hammad.

Clive: Mona Hammad?

Derek: Yes, she was always looking up at the sky and scribbling into a Spirax folder.

Clive: What was in the Spirax, Dud?

Derek: I couldn’t really always tell as most of the pages were stuck together but er, pretty much unreadable, turgid, crude and insane bollocks, Pete.

Clive: I think you used to fuck Mohammad, Dud. Again.

Derek: What a cunt!

Monday, 1 November 2010

T. Gort Coddington Tripe lll: Conservative Maverick.

T. Gort Coddington Tripe lll places his hat in the ring. "I stand for decency and sanity. I lay down for everything else" said 'The Cod', as he is affectionately known around Hyannis Port.

"T. Gort Coddington Tripe lll here, of the Connecticut Republicans, home of authentic conservative values and dare I say, rebellion.

At the RINOFS Polo Club, [Republicans Instigating Nuanced Obama Friendly Sophistication] the fellows and I were discussing these boorish ‘Tea Party’ types with their misguided, crude, simplistic and outdated references to ‘The Constitution’ and ‘the people’.

Appalling people like Glenn Beck with his populist buffoonery threaten to undo decades of hard-won total compromise, taking us back weeks, even months to the dark days of non-member polo days. I will fight THIS kind of perfidy with every ounce of my being! Are you with me, patriots?!

Sincerely yours:

T. Gort Coddington Tripe lll."