Derek and Clive examine left liberal civility that leads only to ever more love and kindness. The left are a progressive kinda love. It's a wonderful thang.
Clive: Did I tell you I had the kitchen repainted?
Derek: Er, no. You didn’t.
Clive: Yes, I had to. It was the violence. It had to be stopped.
Derek: What violence Clive?
Clive: Not only the violence but the vitriol, Derek. The vitriol and the wallpaper combined lead directly to the violence.
Derek: Er, do go on.
Clive: Well, you know I like a nice pattern on my wallpaper, maybe a concentric circle in soft orange or a bamboo jungle on a soft golden yet roughly tactile raised rustic finish. Or repeated Balinese fishermen on pastel.
Clive: Well, it all had to fucking go. Every time I sat eating a nice bowl of Rice Crispies I became enraged with vitriol. The vitriol if it was anything, was enraged. Whenever I heard any vitriol, out of the blue I’d start raving about 'is furniture real' and 'what are the government doing about adverbs.' And then the wallpaper patterns would set me off. I could see meanings in the patterns, Derek. If the patterns were filled with anything, they were filled with meanings. Dark and terrible meanings, especially the flock cubes.
Derek: A very nasty business your vitriol. Er, what is vitriol exactly, Clive?
Clive: Vitriol is anything said by people who don’t agree with Marxist sodden left liberals but is never anything the left say themselves. Remember Derek, the left are never wrong, thus their 100% failure rate.
Derek: Those leftist hypocrite arseholes sure do like to project logical fallacy, don't they?
Clive: Projecting is their modus and logical fallacy is their operandi, Derek. On a good day they are narcissist control freaks.
Derek: Any examples of the beauty of leftist non-vitriol, Clive?
Clive: Fucking millions. When one says “Sarah Palin Is A Cunt” or “Kill BushHitler”, or that “my big black brothers will gang rape” Palin, that is er...
Clive: Er, no. That is left liberal Democrat civility. If I say I believe in the freedom of the individual above the group and in a respect for The Constitution, in limited government and low tax, respect for life and in personal responsibility, THAT is vitriol.
There are many beautiful and entirely acceptable and respectable left words except when it's problematic to mention them, and none have ever caused or been associated with a shred of violence ever, only misunderstandings. As the left always says, all their lies and violence are entirely necessary.
Beautiful words like The Baader Meinhoff Gang or the affluent Marxist killers The Weathermen, or perhaps the more stupid than mud Black Panthers, the SLA, the BLA, the left's natural mega-treason, The Democratic Party created KKK and Jim Crow Segregation ad nauseum, FDR the double-down Depression extender and his mutual penpal Mussolini, people hating atheist psychopaths Marx, Lenin and Stalin - who was not an anomaly but a genuine well-versed Marxist communist ideologue and the logical result of any communist system, the Jew-hating nihilist Marxist collectivist left and their natural bedfellow Jew-hating pals of the Islamofascist global jihad out to destroy Israel and the Jews and the entire free West etc, etc, and leftard hero and tshirt salesman Che the child killer Guevara and his compadre the commie gangster rapist and pedophile pimp pig Castro...Derek: It’s all very complicated Doctor. Nurse! The sheets!
...Charles Manson the true spirit of 1960's collectivist commune ecofascist mass murdering hippiedom, Green ecofascism control freaks eager to exterminate five billion plus human "cancers" for Gaia, Marxist Ira Einhorn the Earth Day co-founder and girlfriend murdering fugitive, Marxist Critical Theory to our destruction, ACORN the sub-prime enablers and voter fraud specialists, the SEIU and endless myriad uber-criminal thug unions, BIG ever expanding ever more controlling government, disarming the people intoripped-off indoctrinated slaves ripe for mass murder...
...nationalisation to taxpayer subsidised bankruptcy, socialism, collectivism, communism, liberalism, progressivism, George Soros and his hundreds of front groups, racist rapist La Raza, Noam Chomsky endorsed Khmer Rouge and Noam Chomsky the nihilist Marxist Critical Theory parasite and uber-traitor, filthy Mao now with over eighty million murdered, the left's eternal and never arriving Utopianism, Viet Cong with 2,000 Catholics murdered in 48 hours, North Korea the concentration extermination camp state, Pathet Lao the roaming mutilating rapist psychopath killers, Shining Path ditto, Red Brigades ditto, S11 affluent rebel cred, WTO riots, Hitler’s National Socialist Workers Party a perfect socialist mob nightmare...
...International Socialist as your guarantee of disgusting nihilsm, Marxist Odinga his Islamisation and Sharia pals and the Obamessiah, Islam Murder Inc, mythical moderate Muslims, Bill Ayers the tenured terrorist, every leftards true guide and guru Saul Alinsky, Gramsci, Columbia University guest speaker Ahmadinejad, millions of Saudi dollars bought and sold Columbia University and the Frankfurt School of Political Correctness...
...instant Palestinians, Hamass public crucifixion, Hezbollah beheading videos, multiculturalism, identity politics, abortion, the Hitler admired Margaret Sanger's eugenics and so on.
Clive: Now you see how the toxic mix of that tufted paisley in the kitchen and my own conservative Constitutional vitriol naturally turned into mayhem and violence.
Derek: What kind of violence?
Clive: Well, as I said, the wallpaper pushed me over the edge about Thursday morning. I heard the word beehive and I just had to unleash millions of killer bees onto Mrs Colombo next door.
Derek: Oh no, Mrs Colombo hates killer bees!
Clive: Exactly. And as I was out and about Tuesday, I walked past a Target store. Well naturally I had to attack my local MP with a flame thrower. It was that enormous bullseye they have up on the wall. I couldn’t help myself. Did I tell you what happened after I watched that documentary on WW2?
Derek: Er, no, the one with Shirley Temple as Himmler?
Clive: Yes. Well, I missed it. But after The Good Ship Lolly Reich finished, I noticed that the mainstream media started spreading Sarah Palin’s target poster all over the world, thus exposing most of the non-blind to it’s evil influences, and now two billion people have lined up to shoot their local politician. It’s THAT powerful. Do not look at it Derek! It will make you into a crazed assassin especially if you hear any vitriol at the same time.
Derek: Don’t worry Clive, I won’t! I’m deaf, blind and fucking incredibly stupid and it’s lucky that I am, or I could be so easily manipulated.
Clive: [rings a small bell] You are drooling, Derek.