Sunday, 28 October 2012

The Age to Feature Michelle Grattan as 'Page Three Girl' in Bid to Boost Sales.

Michelle Grattan pictured above in the famous Monty Python 'Dead Press Parrot Sketch'. Michelle was a regular Python player usually dressing in drag to play the part of a woman. Grattan's employer since 1926, Fairfax Media, has lost over 2.6 billion dollars and hopes to build on that success into the future.

Defiantly bankrupt broadsheet The Age will be giving the masthead some much needed Press Gallery sex appeal, featuring daily page three girls starting with the “mysterious allure” of Michelle Grattan. “Anything to give a hand” says Michelle cheekily who also likes water sports and beach volleyball.

Other “Sirens of the Left” will include Jenna Price who was coy about her birthdate. “I always lie about my Age!” she quipped. Fellow Green Sarah HansonYoung will star in a 'Marxist All Star n' Best Of Hamass n' Hizbollah BDS Double Spread.' “AllahuAkbah!” eh, boys? Sarah's face was originally "assembled in the dark" using largely recycled materials.

Wearing her trademark permanent death mask, The Green's Christine Milne will be the lead babe in a “Strange Butt True” pictorial along with ex-Green leader Bob Brown, made entirely from wood and the odd man out, as he poses with his column titled, “Who Needs A Gender Anyway?” Bob’s first post will be on the humble newt, which the ex-Senator has been trying to breed. Any success yet, Bob? “No, sadly I have found that newts, especially two males, cannot breed...yet.”

The Age Girls are right behind Bob and his column. “There’s a lot of Brown in all of us” they chorused. Editor of The Age Carlos T. Jackal explains the shake-up: “We have tried everything but nothing works. Over the years we have hired thousands of the best that progressive journalism schools have to offer, while searching out professionals from all walks of left. For The Age team,  thinking is always a group effort."

Why Michelle Grattan? Jackal: "Many people have asked that same question. Because she's a real professional. I've seen her express one firmly held viewpoint and then quick as a flash, the entire opposite one and on the same subject! Yes, brilliant. She not only moves her own goal posts but the entire field, most of the car park..and the mobile hot dog stand..and that cute little ice-cream van.    

Another big plus at Fairfax is that we have never allowed extremists such as right-wing extremists or extremists of the right-wing into our serious newsroom, turning off readers with their unappealing facts. Instead we have focused on quality international and local caring Marxists and jihadist moderates, many with entirely acceptable Jew-hating credentials.”

Apart from Fairfax as the leader in the exciting areas of massive debt and collapsing sales, were there any other particular turning points for such bold changes?

Carlos T. Jackal: “Well, we’re big on serious research at The Age, and our research has shown that most people want to see more women of the left who are so sadly under represented in the media, academia, government and in road construction. Let’s face it. Women of the left are filled with many things. They’re fun, sexy, fresh thinking and appealing, and not just to our lesbian feminist readers from Brunswick. So after waiting for over thirty years readers can now see even more of Michelle Grattan as well as men exactly like her. I believe we’re onto a real winner. Now if I could just get Laurie '"I don't see obvious bias in ABC news" Oakes to do a Greek Mount Olympus cum Star Wars themed thing I have in mind…”


rerevisionist said...

I see you can't spell 'relevant'.

However, let's be serious.

Nuclear weapons are yet another hoax.

It's deliberately been left as a forum, which makes very good points, but doesn't answer everything.

Find out about the hoax of Hiroshima and Nagasaki; why the fantasy 'H bomb' was invented; what the Jews in the USSR did; why Kennedy was murdered; the truth about nuclear subs/ aircraft carriers. And more!

Colonel Robert Neville said...

Dear chum: regards your peculiar comments at my blog...

Ah, the old "you can't spell" logical fallacy. I see that you can't BE relevant and comment on the RELEVANT post. Ironic, no? But thanks for the kind words. Excellent then.

Now regards your thoughts such as they are, on the embarrassingly witless yet wonderfully laughable scatter gun conspiracy theory site of nukelies org [oh the sites nincompoopery!]

I quote you: "...hoax of Hiroshima and Nagasaki; why the fantasy 'H bomb' was invented; what the Jews in the USSR did; why Kennedy was murdered; the truth about nuclear subs/ aircraft carriers. And more!" END QUOTE.

Quite. Sounds like “less” actually and it is. Do you actually believe this stuff? And if you do believe our governments are capable of this [while simultaneously so incompetent at so much else] why are you not running in fear to the airport to hide out in the jungle?

And I see on your empty profile you follow a Jew hating leftard Hamass whore dimmie dimwit to whit and I quote: “I also believe that world politics are controlled by Wall Street and London Bankers with Christian and Jewish Zionist at its heart.”

Of course. What a cunt Pete is.

[Your blog. Not much to say have you.]

Now the main problem with “the moon landing and 9/11 was faked!” Truther cum JFK ad nauseum conspiracy bores is that they believe in everything but the facts and cannot seem to be able to find personal meaning in any known reality.

In your dream state, either you made little to zero effort in reading my blog or you must be oblivious to think I would be interested in such mediocre drool except as raw comedy material.

Anyway. The "hoax" eh. My wife is Japanese...I'll let her know it was all a bad dream. "why the [bwahahaha!] fantasy bomb was invented”. Pass the bucket, Jim. The bomb? Gee whiz, invented to end WW2 I believe
"..what the Jews did in Russia...” Mostly ran or died as I recall. Or as the evidence free zone of nukelies org drivels nukes don’t exist and anyway, they were “mostly a Jewish invention...” Yes, I’ve seen the converted imaginary silos.

So the entire world’s nuclear armed forces and governments etc., etc. were in on it, eh? And the moon landings? And JFK? And the hula hoop too no doubt. Monstrous.
Ah, yes, the Jewish people are well known for their imaginary inventions. Er, no.

Oh oh, do I smell Jew hating lefty? Perhaps I do. "the truth about...subs..." Er, Read Jane's Weapons Systems...few secrets hidden about the “truth” of subs there, but pray tell.

"why JFK was..." Oh Christ. It never ends. JFK was murdered because Cuban Soviet trained misfit Lee Harvey Oswald wanted to JFK dead. Robert Kennedy was murdered by the Jew hating Palestinian because surprize, surprize, Robert the Attorney General supported Israel.

You really need some help. Perhaps Bill Whittle, P.J O'Rourke, John Stossel, Thomas Sowell, Alphonso Rachel, Milton Friedman and Mark Steyn could save what’s left of your feeble repellent yet laughable mind. Maybe even they can’t. Have you ever studied logical fallacy, empirical evidence and rational thought? Nope?

How come no conspiracy twit ever takes their astounding evidence to court? They could make millions in damages! Cos they have nothing. Not a court worthy shred. Are you a professional bore?

No, really. Colonel Neville.

Colonel Robert Neville said...

Dear dreary 'rerevisonist':

Regards your drivel of.."However, let's be serious. Nuclear weapons are yet another hoax."

Bwahahahahaha! Oh, the unaware irony. So you've suffered a recent trauma to the frontal lobe. Got it, you stupid, stupid Truther twit. No, really.