Saturday, 9 February 2013

Obama Administration Bailout Of Aluminium Catering Wrap Maker As “Too Big to Foil”.

Pictured are BidenWrap CEO Ben Ghazi and President Obama as they organize confidential files. 

The Obama Administration's five hundred billion dollars in financial aid to tinfoil leaders ‘BidenWrapTM’ [with the iconic trademark of 'Joe the fool's' grinning face on each box and the slogan “pack your Sloppy Joe’s with Joe!”], has ended in bankruptcy and failure, ironically by lunch on the same day as the massive tax-payer funded bailout was signed by President Obama.

The heavily unionized sandwich wrap giant which saw losses of over $1200 on each two yard box of tinfoil sold, was unable to respond to consumer demands, instead focusing on ‘Green’ alternatives made of tree bark, lawn clippings and manure. There were virtually uniform complaints that such products simply “didn’t work” and were ill suited to wrapping food due to what one customer sighted as “the smell of shit”.  

In answer to a single question regarding the failure, Whitehouse Press Secretary Carmichael Ali stated that he will “not respond to racist Republican hatred of lawn clippings and manure”. Ali added that “the GOP just hates anything green or brown and even plaid as well as many pastel colors. Their racism knows no limits! I’ve seen GOP Senators attack dark colored curtains and deliberately step on black floor tiles. Republicans even hate off-whites such as Nancy Pelosi. They even hate John Brennan just because he loves and either converted to Islam or might as well have.”

When quizzed that the pun of "too big to foil" should actually read as "too big not to foil", Obama officials said that unlike "progressive Democrats," [Republicans] are "living in a grammatical past, a past that wants to oppress minorities and their word-play with so-called correct spelling. Spelling is an inherently racist construct" and that "there are no zebras in Nebraska". The official concerned declined to elaborate what such statements actually mean, beyond stating that he "liked pies especially with fruit filling but not on Thursdays".

1 comment:

Colonel Robert Neville said...

Is it wrong to stick sticky tape on your own testicles? Hey, then call me wrong. I like clean men, so sue me. Joe Biden.