Andrew Wilkie Claims He Wrote the Original Screenplay for The Film 'Inglourious Basterds.'

A young Andrew Wilkie [no relation] in the uniform of a Duntroon Senior Bully, relaxes with a cigarette after terrifying a rather ironically defenceless teenager. "I often came up with some of the best scenes right after humiliating a child" said Wilkie. "We all did. We were only following orders after all, yet I'm the only one who really made a career out of it."


“In the 1980’s, Duntroon Military College was one big party, only it was a Nazi Party!” said Andrew Wilkie the turncoat, traitor and lovable attention seeker. Famous for his liplessness, Wilkie was in town to suddenly gab about having written the original screenplay for 'Inglourious Basterds’ way back in 1983, though it was then simply called ‘Bastardisation’.

“Of course in my far superior version the Nazi’s are played by Duntroon Cadet Officer’s. I wanted to play the Fuhrer, but after ritualistically humiliating, assaulting and destroying many a teenage cadet, it worked better when I then force them all to salute Hitler’s birthday! It’s some kind of ironic 70’s thing I guess, whatever that means.

Like all artists I'm never really satisfied and thus you'll often find me updating this or working on some other script in some way. F'instance, during Iraq I made Saddam out to be the shy victim of groundless and wrongful accusations, while the Allies are like you know, totally lying for their hidden agenda of evil!

I'm working on a new one called 'Heroes of Marrickville' about a brave band of Labour enabling Marxist ecofascist Green leftards and their courageous inner-city Jew hating guerilla war against some country or whatever. People take things like way too seriously, it's just entertainment."

While Wilkie has been criticised for producing “comic book drivel” and being “laughably histrionic, wildly superficial and more inflated than any known reality” while “utterly lacking in actual character" and "a liar", this has never daunted Wilkie in his ambitious rise to the bottom.

“I’m a chameleon, man. Who is the real Andrew Wilkie? I’m whoever you think I am or whatever the order was”, he says with his famous lipless smile. Andrew continued that “Yep, I wrote it all baby, and probably a lot of other great films. It’s up to courageous men like myself to expose the fraud, the lies, the rank opportunism and the hypocrisy. If I don’t, who will?” Who indeed.