Welshman offended at the questioning of his aboriginality by columnist.

Mr Bryce Jones is pictured at the Annual Sock Darning Championships in Pontifrackcake, Wales.


“Race should be based on how you don’t look!" says Mr Jones who claims he identified as an Australian aboriginal after his Mother spoke to him of her memories of an old box of Aunt Jemima’s Pancake Mix, that had once held pride of place in the family’s pantry. “At that moment I became an aborigine. The experience was that powerful," he said.

“So naturally when I read the outrageous comments of Drewan Blat in The Harold newspaper, I was offended." This was as Jones says, “..merely the latest” of the many, many things that have regularly offended him. “Having such high standards does come with a high cost. In fact it’s extremely rare that I’m not offended. Whenever I feel unoffended I know that somewhere I've let a minority down.”

Mr Bryce was once offended by an injustice that appeared in a dream. “When I awoke I realised that the Australian bull ant wasn’t actually under threat. While this was a disappointment at first, I then read Mr Blat’s column which made up for it somewhat.”

Mr Jones has since been recognised by experts in Random Identity Manifestation or RIM, as one of the now surprisingly common cases of “spontaneous indigenous koorieism”, or SIK. Mr Bryce Jones has gone on to explore his own experience of this phenomenon in his performance piece ‘Suddenly Black’, which uses the dynamic interplay of dance, music and over fifteen government grants.

Bryce’s older brother Griff also happens to have a deep spiritual identity both as a Japanese salary man and a traditional Norwegian fax salesman, identities which he only discovered in his twenties through an “eerie” affinity for painting Tamiya model kits and assembling pack furniture. Says Griff's brother Bryce Jones: “His given tribal names are Mr Yamato and Sten Grurd,” respectively. The name giving of Sten Grurd was a "moving experience" held at a Canon wholesaler in Farsund, where "dried fish and marshmallows" were served. Griff's only regret is that self-identified members of successful cultures are not eligible for certain government jobs or funding.