Sunday, 12 September 2010

Media to Muslims: Please Don't Hurt Me!

What would Judas do? The head of CNN, Judas Benedict Quisling pre-emptively commits cultural suicide so as not to risk offending Muslims by continuing to live. Said Quisling in his suicide note: "I'm sure this is what moderate Muslims would want."

A spokesman for the journalist group 'Cooperation Under Neutered Dhimmitude', [or CUND] said in a joint statement that:
"We in the media utterly condemn a previously unknown pastor for announcing that he would burn the absolutely super duper, fantastic, great, wonderful, brilliant, excellent, entirely true and again, very, very, very, very holy Koran, which we in the media all completely respect and love and read all the time and recommend to everyone and again, that we respect so very, very, very much. The Koran that is.

And we congratulate and give many, many thanks to the millions of Muslims all over the world for their entirely reasonable, fair minded and within proportion violence that is not really violence per se but tolerance. A beautiful peace loving violent tolerance that proves conclusively everyday and in so many ways that Islam, which is a wonderful religion, has absolutely nothing to do with and never has had a single connection whatsoever to the actual burning of 2,700 people on 9/11.

Nope, nothing. Nor indeed does Islam the Koran or Muslims have anything to do with global terrorism; thousands of beheading videos; the blowing up of thousands of girls schools; the beheading of Christian school girls; murdering all kinds of children on planes; endless car bombs; homicide suicide bombers; millions of child brides; 140 million Muslim females being genitally mutilated; mass inbreeding; relentless acted upon world-wide threats and murder; the 57 utterly criminal and dysfunctional Islamic theocracies of the OIC or, phew!

..the huge numbers of gang rapes, assaults, robbery, extortion and child prostitution virtually wherever Muslims immigrate; the massive crime funds funnelling and Saudi financing of terror; co-ordinated financial and political stealth jihad; the murder of Jews or the destruction of Israel and the West or the imposition of a global Islamic Caliphate by any means up to and including the detonation of nuclear weapons. No! That's those Anglicans!

And that damn pastor whom we've investigated in enormous detail over the last week revealing how he's worse than Hitler. Of course we never needed to do any investigating of Obama! We already knew how wonderful he was. But I digress.

Nay. We all love Islam! It's the best thing since sliced heads! Everything about Islam is grand! S'wonderful. Fabulous. It's the cat's pyjamas!"

BREAKING NEWS: 'Muslims across the world are violently offended by the recent comparison of Islam to "cats pyjamas" by a CUND spokesman..

CUND has issued the following statement: "We absolutely apologise for any offense that may have occurred due to a recent unfortunate statement either made or not made or even thought of by any CUND spokesman either now or in any future. We love and fear the peace loving religion of Islam! No, really we do. We would never ever, never even think of not respecting Islam. And he's the one that said it, not me! I was always so pro-Islam it hurts! So kill him! Just please don't hurt me!"


Terra Blee Sorree said...

Aagh, you stole my line! It does make a great heading though.

Gillard Must Go said...

This is about the site in general.
Is there a reason for calling that noted Irish socialist G.B. Shaw Sir George?

Colonel Robert Neville said...

Dear GMG:

You didn't link to said article, but I guess it's a mistake. Now concerning George Bernard Shaw, using "Sir" was shorter than saying George the hideous collectivist eugenicist fascist creep scumbag old loon and thus natural a natural hero of the control freak socialist dirtbag left Shaw. No, really.

Colonel Neville.