Tuesday, 1 February 2011

Progressive Lawyers, Guns and Money: The Colonel Neville Lettuce.

Pictured above, James T. Meggesto was famous for his party trick of 'eerie' Saul Alinsky impressions, unless of course there was a lampshade handy. “The first time he did an Alinsky I thought it was Alinsky!” says a friend who wished to remain anonymous and would only give the pseudonym of ‘Barry O’. Said the friend: “Oh yeah, I remember ‘Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it and polarize it’. Jimmy used to get us all to sing chorus after endless freakin’ chorus of that song. It used to drive Hillary nuts. She'd just sit there all in a funk alone in the corner with a lampshade on her head.”

Dear James T. Meggesto:

Washington D.C. T. [1] 202.887.4147

Having read your masterpiece statement regards Paul Mirengoff’s post at the Powerline blog via Mark Steyn and legalinsurrection, I must inform you that your use of the phrase “shocked, appalled and embarrassed” is also the title of the famous Spaghetti Western of the same name by Sergio Leoni: “The Shocked, The Appalled and The Embarrassing”, starring Clint Eastwood.

In the film, Clint plays "The Man With No Identity Politics” who makes the mistake of riding into the town of ‘Socialist Shakedown’, a long-term Democrat voter base and thus largely welfare dependent and vice ridden, and run by Madoff Manson Hyde Alinsky and Goebbels, a notoriously corrupt gang of lawyers who feign outrage on behalf of the Raquit Indian tribe, all in order to silence and extract money from any objecting local townspeople, and anyone else who happens to innocently wander into their own 'personal' town.

Of course in the film it’s Clint who rides into this very town or as he calls it: "a liberal shithole", while coolly ignoring the sign at the city limits that menacingly reads “WELCOME TO SOCIALIST SHAKEDOWN. IT’S A PROGRESSIVE DEMOCRAT KINDA PLACE AND WE WANT IT TO STAY THE SAME WAY! FOREVER!!”

Clint enters the saloon where everyone is singing an ode to Raquit Indians with a chorus that goes “Oh great wise and superior to all are the Raquit Indian ways! None can come close to their brilliance, fun and advanced laughter techniques! All bow down before The Great Raquit!”

While Clint orders his drink at the bar he’s approached by a stranger who asks him to remove his hat and why he alone is not joining in the group praise. “Mebbe I don’t want to” answers Clint. “But everyone wants to! I got their written confessions that they do right here!”, says the stranger.

Eastwood as “The Man With No Ideology” looks him right in the eye and drawls, “All I see is a bunch of pathetic yellow belly Yankees scared of their own shadows. ‘Sides, there ain’t no money in it fer me. Now if you’ll be so kind..” Clint puts his drink to his lips just as the stranger knocks it from his hand, spilling Clint’s tumbler of 'That Old Bastard Owl Whiskey’ on the floor.

Clint squints hard at the stranger and reaches for his Colt Equaliser as the entire room of people including the stranger, run out the door crying like the yella bellies they are. The stranger then peeps through one of the saloon doors and says in a high pitched voice, “You’ll be hearing from Socialist Shakedown’s lawyers!”, before scampering down the street like a polecat.

Boy, what a coincidence, eh?!

Now the problem I have is that I feel that your statement “shocked, appalled and embarrassed” is I feel, perhaps even for arguments sake, allegedly but not necessarily so, aimed at insulting my Down Under tribe known as The Bullshit Detectors. I feel that allegedly YOU think, I feel, that people would naturally be “shocked, appalled and embarrassed” by us! I feel. Allegedly. What do I know...

Yet we’re a grand bunch from an ancient culture steeped in recognising bullshit as a basic mechanism to maintain our universal and unalienable Creator Endowed First Amendment Rights. [Our mortal enemies The Bullshitter’s are a swarming sort of tribe, marked by their deceptive and naturally thievin’ big government and downright dangerous to liberty ways, but I digress.]

Now I feel this must be an insult allegedly, I feel, squarely aimed at us because no-one honest and NOT for example only, not a sanctimonious, self-serving, phony shakedown artist would think, say or much less write such a steaming pile of logical fallacy buffalo pies, I feel. Allegedly. Whatever. Real baloney perhaps entirely coincidentally like that, can even cause us existential pain! It’s as if someone wants to destroy our liberty and thus our very life, much like those awful Bullshitter's!

I felt for example and just throwing it up in the air here, how could any non-rent seeking lawyer for arguments sake, for example, I feel, make such an allegedly insensitive and wholly inappropriate slanderous drivel blizzard I feel, for example, against say the use of an honorary Bullshit Detector's Constitutional right to free speech, which empirically critiqued the recent hijacking of a service held in Tucson, Arizona. But not necessarily, for example. I feel.

As soon as I and the rest of my tribe became aware of your alleged posting, we took immediate action to deal firmly with this unfortunate situation. Accordingly, after sniffing the air to gauge the size of your alleged excreted poundage, the Bullshit Detector’s Big Kahunaroonie, John Adams [no relation] issued the following statement:

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

We liked it so much that a couple of us guys got into an old Time Machine we had just lyin’ around and travelled back in time! We gave John Adams idea to the actual second American President of the same name. How cool is that?!

No, really. Colonel Neville.


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Colonel Robert Neville said...

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Gee, thanks you three witless and worthless automated clods. Er, no.

No, really. Colonel Neville.

Eowyn said...

My dear Colonel; you mean you AREN'T flattered that someone was looking for "it" "for a while now" (and you are IT)?

Or, that you are perceived as a professional marketer? (Ugh -- I'd rather be a streetwalker, but hey, might happen, if finances pinch enough) --

Or that Harry's life is now complete because of the "very nice information [he] get[s]."

Or teeth. *grin*

Anyway -- I'm back on the 'net again, my dear sir, after a long hiatus, and shall address individual points on subsequent posts as they occur -- just now, though, couldn't help tweaking just a bit :)

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Colonel Neville.

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All the best from Colonel Neville.