Friday, 5 June 2009

Derek And Clive Tackle a Conundrum.

Clive: "From beginning to end, the Soviet product of political correctness sodden left liberalism is one big 'effing suicidal contradiction, Derek. It's such a very old load of unbelievably back-dated bollocks, that most lefties have to take enormous amounts of bleeding drugs to not only understand any of it which can't be done, but to believe and personally act on even a single shred of it. Thus their greatest wish is to convince every dissenter by force and state controlled conformity via intimidation and violence. Such phony baloney and moral vanity driven fraud can only be swallowed whole, if like a drug addicted whore in a toilet, one disguises the true flavor of morally and rationally going down, with ample helpings of cough syrup. This dear Derek, is the true face of left liberal smiley faced fascism".

Derek: "They're all arseholes!"

Clive: "Exactly, Derek".

Derek [on piano]: “Oh, John Pilger came into the lav to film his latest doc. ‘Ee said I need more bleeding funding, so can I suck your cock!”

Clive: “It’s a funny coincidence that you should mention John Pilchard, the avid fan of all things Marxist and nihilist thus deemed er, “progressive” Derek, because I never think of him. A progressive is someone who develops ever more acceptable versions of the exact same thing by simply changing the name.

The non-religion that is trying to kill us all and invariably is offended or threatens violence at any criticism of their murderous antics, is a religion of er, peace. Conversely the Judeo Christian faith that is the basis of our enormous free flow of ideas, choice and innovation, freedom and prosperity of capitalist democracy, free speech and natural rights [and ironically your homosexual right not to be killed by Islam] is called intolerant. 
Thus as they say at the peoples cube, truth telling is now hate speech and hate speech = sensitivity training. Targeting terrorists = indiscriminate murder of civilians, indiscriminate murder of civilians = resistance to imperialism.Destruction of the family = social progress. Clinical paranoia = outstanding film making. Free country = oppressive regime, oppressive regime = workers' paradise. Electoral process = failing democracy, Socialist dictatorship = will of the people. Export of capitalist democracy = imperialist war for oil, export of communist revolution = true democracy.  
Terrorists = freedom fighters, freedom fighters = imperialist occupiers, rapists and murderers. Rambling communist thug = idealistic romantic dreamer, hard-working productive individual = corporate fascist. Lowering standards = raising awareness, degeneracy = striving urban culture, and so on ad nauseum, Derek”.
Derek: “What if I said comfortable, unchallenged, phony, leftist radical arsehole?”

Clive: “Pilchard!”

Derek: “Oh, George Negus came into the bog to interview Hamas, they had a lot of inane laughs and George Needless kissed some arse!”

Clive: “Very good. You’ve finished. Now don’t call us, and we’ll never call you.

Now I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed the latest conundrum regarding the mentality of the average dhimmie leftard arsehole prick vomit bag, when it comes to the utter joy and light of Islamic terror, Derek?

As you know, I would never be so un-pc as to call a thing exactly what it is. No, circular wanking and denial is the way to go. Anyway Derek, have you had any contact with the people of whom I speak?”

Derek: “You mean your bog-standard apologist and Jew-hating mob loons of the left? All the fucking time, mate! They're always in my fucking bog! Always raving about "I need more government funding! More taxpayer gravy! Where are my bulging checks from the Melbourne Age, Green Left Retarded Socialist and the New York Times? And please cut my fucking head off cos’ I love it! They're 'orrible!”

Clive: “Exactly. There’s a curious contradiction that shows that their entire allegedly tolerant position regards Islam is an irresponsible fraud”.

Derek: “They’re all full of shit, mate!”

Clive: “Positively bursting. Well, this it how it works when you are stupidly determined to tolerate the intolerant vis a vis Islam. Anyone who says they are a Muslim is ipso facto a Muslim and their faith, Islam is untouchable by mirth or critique of any kind by us Infidels and filthy Kafirs, except in the er, positive”.

Derek: “I love the light hearted cheer and the good will to all, the most!”

Clive: “Who doesn’t? And the screaming. Then as if by magic, the same people who we must be ever vigilant never to offend, can be deemed as “not real Muslims” by the same Left pricks who say they will then arrest you for saying something they don't like or on behalf of Muslims everywhere, for something they don’t like, from only a moment before. This is the pure joy of left liberal fascism today, Derek”.

Derek: “Bloody ‘ell! It’s all a little fucking neurotic and complicated innit? What kind of things offend many Muslims around the world then, Clive?”

Clive: “The things that offend many Muslims around the world today Derek, can be narrowed down to everything and nothing”.

Derek: “Lovely. Er, how can a Muslim go instantly from being a Muslim, to not being a "real" Muslim, Clive?”

Clive: “It’s surprisingly easy and there in lies the conundrum of the politically correct loser, as it were. A Muslim just has to act appallingly or kill someone and they are no longer a Muslim. At least until they stop killing and start complaining about people screaming as they're beheaded. And oddly, neither terrifying behavior nor murder is always seen as bad, per se. There are many er, "conditions" that can apply at any time to the religion of peace or else, but not really for anyone else. And they can change back again without any notice whatsoever too. Thus, it is technically impossible for a Muslim to ever set off a bomb, behead or murder someone, because..."

Derek: "They're naturally not real Muslims!"

Clive: " Exactly, Derek. So even if you don't know you're offending Islam by your mere Infidel or Jewish existence, you probably are.

Thus what happens is, that even though someone has been a Muslim all their life, and their entire family is Muslim going back generation after generation, and they go to the Mosque, they live in a Muslim community or state, they read the Koran, they dress and look like Muslims, they speak and eat like a Muslim and they say they are Muslims and may want to spread Islam globally by any means, exactly as Mohammad and the Koran clearly proscribes, no, no. The moment one cuts off a head and sets off a bomb, hey presto! The Western media, academia, governments, church leaders, celebrities and pop stars all decree as one “...but they are not real Muslims!” Amazingly, these people are yet to say this on a street corner in say Tehran, Riyadh or Cairo”.

Derek: “Why not, Clive?”

Clive: “Because many of the local Muslims would be real Muslims only up to a certain point. And I believe that exact point would be where they become not real Muslims as if by magic, and cut the real Infidels heads off”.

Derek: “That's a real puzzler, Clive! So, I guess Taoists, Hindu’s and Christians are not real whenever they do anything naughty then, too?”

Clive: “Oddly no. Taoists, Hindu’s and your cargo cultists, don’t really fit into the current lefts paradigm, so are largely invisible, though Christians do fit nicely. Just remember, when a Christian does something bad, they are always a real Christian, unless they do something good. Then they don’t exist. Yes, it’s a real conundrum, as you say”.

Derek: “Unless the conundrum cuts the heads off Christian school girls in Thailand because they're Christians and not Muslims, Clive?”

Clive: “Nope, such an orgy or relentless violence can be and is simply ignored. Remember they’re not real Muslims who have murdered over 150,000 people in Northern no-go zones of Thailand over the last twenty years”.

Derek: “Who did it then?”

Clive: “Oh, random and anonymous people who shall remain nameless, even though they look, sound, act, walk, talk and appear exactly like Muslims. It could have been Hawaiian Anglicans or animists from Toronto. Nobody knows, Derek, nobody knows. Even though not real Muslim jihadist groups have repeatedly declared it was them and they want to kill all non-believers. This is a mere incredible coincidence spread over decades. According to our elitist betters, its hate speech churned up by Asian journalists reporting the empirical facts. Facts are no excuse for speaking the truth, Derek. So remember, there are 1.2 billion Muslims in the world, but none of them are doing any of the mountains of atrocity you can see everyday”.

Derek: “Who is?”

Clive: “Someone else, Derek, it’s always someone else. And it pays to remember that. Or else”.

Derek [on piano]: “Oh, Steve Bracks came into my room and sat upon me bed. He said I’ve passed a fucking anti-free speech law and now you’ll end up dead, oy!”

Clive: “Bravo! All together now! The natural totalitarian fascism of the left and Islam is always all for our own good! Now once more without the music and lyrics!”

[Here's over 350 five star reviews for Mark Steyn's great empirical paperback opus, America Alone: the end of the world as we know it. A returning best-seller for two years running! I should be so lucky.]


Anonymous said...

How extraordinary! You are a toad,that you would use two of the most anti establishment, and funniest fuckers in the world, to further your warped politics.

Peter Cook would have you horse whipped you fucking weirdo.

Colonel Neville said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Colonel Neville said...

Dear anonymous cunt arsehole prick shitbag shove it up your catheter fuck head full of twat cream cheese. Did you dimly notice I can do them, but you can't and gee, not even yourself, which is worth almost nothing at today's prices.

So nonsense, Drimble. Peter Cook was entirely establishment, thus he had the wit you possess not at all. Pete despised all phony rebels and cant like gee, yours, you stupid fucker.

That's why Cook offered to have the visiting Idi Amin shot by his batman and loved the ineffective absurdity of punk. Pete loved lager, talking, Pal Mals marriage, home life and TV, you pathetic drivelling ball free prick.

Establishment conservatism IS rebellion today, you mass produced Marxist fraud leftard turd tit and twerp. Dudley Moore was establishment, thus the marriage and grand piano, symphony orchestra jazz combo fun.

Cook and Moore both went to Cambridge and Moore's a classical trained jazz prodigy genius and a rich mvie star. Cook was the editor of Private Eye and had a comedy club called the Establishment to double the irony. THIS IS THE ESTABLISHMENT you stupid bog smoking arse greasing snot eating cuntoid doodle.

Toodle ooh, you spineless clueless jackass monkey puller. Fuck the family disease you grease poleing seat licker.

Wishing you well in your endeavours, Colonel Neville.

Anonymous said...

Colonel you are indeed on drugs.

But you keep up the dream,I told you cunt face they were both anti establishment not your version of it, wankstain.

You wouldn't know I was up you until I pulled out and a wind blew up your arse you fucking fraud.

And a question for you dogs breath, are you as ugly as most right wingers seem to be? I mean it should be against the law to be a fucking conservative, dumb and fucking ugly, a combination you know doubt have in spades.

I bet you love having a good pull looking at the pictures of your heroes like John Howard and George Bush, I bet you cream yourself dreaming of those effeminate fags in the conservative drug cloud you live on, tonging your arse.

You fucking cunts are a fucking poison to the normal people, a cancer on mankind, a fucking disease if the world goes for another million years they wont find a cure for.

The only good thing conservatives are good for is fucking fertilizer,but you fuckers would poison a crop of fucking toadstools.

Conservatives should have their fucking balls cut out at birth to stop them contaminating the human race.

Your parents should be tracked down and sentenced to death for producing another conservative retard.

Pete Cook wouldn't piss on you, you cunt, if you were on fire.Spare me any more of your fucked up story's about Cook and Moore you stupid cunt you know fuck all.

One more think don't try trading insults with me you puller, you aint in the same league.

Colonel Neville said...

Dear Analmouse: Er, did you say something? I was doing the laundry. Incoherently emotional and ineffective gibberish, old boy.

Gee, as long as your not an anonymous, spineless criminal fascistic Marxist sodden leftard liberal fraud then, eh? Oh you are? Lovely.

Er, ain't I clearly more confident than you seein' as I'm not the anonymous phony twerp an' all, dig? And I noticed that you exhausted your feeble supply of rhetorical attack pretty damn rapidly...Hahahahahaha! What an ineffective putz you are. Bye and remember to smile as you bore.

Colonel Neville.

Anonymous said...

Colonel, what a good laff you are. Colonel,well that's bullshit from the start, you wouldn't make an army cook you useless cunt.

Your insults are at the schoolboy prefect level, I bet you have been to the best soggy biscuit party's going, what's it like taking it up the arse whilst some other fag is reciting Shakespeare over you? You dumb prick.

You haven't got an original thought in that fucking space between your ears, all of your insults are plagiarised, nothing original, I seen them all before you pile of rabid right wing fascist shit.

The word twerp gave you away, I suggest the private school you went to you moron, should refund your mothers money. I will take it for granted you're a bastard, your father having fucked off when he clapped eyes on your skinny emaciated wrinkly sweaty body.

Probably having been born to a prostitute,you probably had a disease right from the start.

Next time you are having a suck on someones pink oboe,watch some fucker doesn't slam the shit house seat down on your fucking ugly head, whilst you're washing out your mouth.

You wouldn't know Peter Cook if he was fucking you.

Colonel Neville said...

Dear Aninnylouse: Er, riiight. Gosh, you guessed that I'm working class based on the word twerp? Oh, you didn't? Too bad. The rest?

Ineffectual toilet cubicle gibberish, but take one Owl Badge for effort. Er, you sure are OBSESSED with violence, homosexual urinal frolics and feeble accusations of "fascist!"...Interesting.

Still, carry on writing your best seller and outstanding blog, and good luck with the constant demands for your witty, urbane and unique interviews...Oh, nothing? Zilcho? Bravo and five stars then.

Colnel Neville.

Anonymous said...

Colonel Smeg you just don't get it do you? Your a would be if you could be, your inferiority complex sticks out like fucking dogs balls.

Oh and I almost forgot, my fascination for violence!This from a fucking conservative fucktard who has Adolph Hitler as his poster child.And please spare me the "Socialist workers Party" bullshit routine moron, they were righties just like you, fascinistas just like your other drunken heros Winston fatty Churchill, and Charlton Heston.

But keep dreaming Colonel Smeg,I will keep in touch from time to time, to check on your dementia and visions of granduar.

The inferiority complex can be cured just do a bit of research on the fourth international.

No shit for brains not the cricket.

Colonel Neville said...

Dear low-achiever: "...visions of granduar", eh? And all the time I thought...

I note you said "inferiority complex" twice. Interesting.

You'll drop in from time to time? I await with baited breath. Well, drop in sure, though I see you've already dropped out. The English language is not your thing I see.

"..poster child." Did you just er, coin a phrase? Nope.

Hardeehardar! Are you an embarrassment or merely a saddening bore and non-entity? Go for the whole mediocre package, kid. You have! Bravo.

Colonel Neville.

Lt Scrounge said...

Dear Colonel,

The good Lord must love idiots, he allows so many of them to populate the earth. How else can anyone account for the election of the Bamster or Gordon Brown? As for the idiot who compared Hitler to Churchill, I just have to say, I do believe your educational system is about as fouled up as ours is. He was obviously an idiot. If it weren't for the nonsense going down in this country, I'd tell you to move to the US. These morons in DC can't quite understand that the 15,000,000+ firearms sold in the last 16 months aren't being bought by liberals. Why, we had a shortage of semi auto AK 47s and AR 15s for months. Some calibers of ammo are still in short supply. Of course the guys buying it 10,000 rounds at a time probably contributed to that a bit. LOL I've seen individuals carrying more ammo out of gun shows (flea markets for guns and ammo) than I saw my entire time on active duty and I ran more than my share of rifle ranges. The libs must have failed math in school. I've been busting peoples' chops over this politically correct nonsense for years. I've gotten to where I don't only have my blog I started doing a show called "Lt Scrounge Speaks out" on BTW I got my nickname from my last battalion commander. I was the resident expert at unconventional supply and repair parts acquisition. LOL

Anonymous said...

What is Islam Marx Che the child killer left liberal ecofascism.
Honestly what is it and how is happening?