Saturday, 12 March 2011
International Community Fails To Act On Kittens In Burning Tree House Crisis.
The International Community spring into lunch. President Obamessiah is pictured wearing his wife's favourite checked pants, [known by the adoring public as 'Checkers"] while the President adopts his trademark "cool and uninvolved in mere events" reclining posture. PM Julian Willard is just behind the President wearing her own trademark red fright wig that has so "charmed" the President. On the right is Australian Minister for Seafood Penny Wang in a white toy hat and with her hand right up. Right up behind Wang in a red wig is the Australian Treasurer and Deputy Prime Minister Mr Potato Head. President Himmler of Germany is in the green striped top hat, while the Italian Gnocchi Minister is in a striped top.
As PM and socialist race baiter Julian Willard flew to the United States for crisis talks on football and Vegemite and to recall how “as a small girl I walked on the moon”, President Obamessiah adopted a “wait and watch and then play some more golf” position, on the growing crisis caused by a deliberate arson attack on a roughly hewn tree house known by local children as ‘God’s Monkey House’ in the North African state of Labya, where an unknown number of kittens are apparently trapped and under mortal threat.
Said the President: “Any effective action by the amazingly still free West, could be misinterpreted by the surrounding Monkey Houses as a virile ability to see reality clearly and may actually frighten our mortal enemies. This could then be used by terrorist groups like Al Gore as a recreational tool. Let me repeat. America is not at war with the misunderstood people who wish to asymmetrically destroy us.
There are no enemies as FBI racists have claimed, there are merely 'people we have not accomodated yet.' There are no people who mean us harm in the entire Middle-East either in delightful Sorded Arabia or especially in wonderful Egypt, birthplace of The Bangles.”
The President warned that competence could lead to “unforeseen circumstances such as freeing millions of amusing pets around the world from certain death.” President Obamessiah warned that “with the right timing America could get bogged down in a free, prosperous and grateful country for up to a week, or maybe not. No matter how wonderful, fluffy and adorable these kittens can be, this particular situation is best resolved by the jihadist kittens themselves.
If the we and our great allies, friends and super pals in the International Community do decide on acting, which is something I have enormous experience in, a failure of my judgement or their more nuanced sophistication is impossible.”
Most EU [EUroweenie] states have agreed to disappoint unless you never expect anything, on what level of inaction or disastrous steps to take, and on the catering for the eighteen emergency meetings to be held next spring. Germany has refused to accept any Russian Borscht on the menu, while Moscow has sided with China in ruling out any Sauerkraut as “simply unacceptable”.
PM Willard suggested the conciliatory and as she called it the “highly addictive Vegemite”, [a waste bi-product of leather tanning and Australia’s staple food eaten at virtually every meal.] This resulted in some puzzlement at the headquarters of NATO, [No Action Talk Only] and was rejected with good humour by the US President. “I had a Vegemite pie made and it was horrible!” he said.
The UN’s, [UNrepresentative Swill] President Monkey Boon was emphatic. “It is imperative that the International Community speak on and on and on and on and on with one droning wimpy and utterly bankrupt neutered voice. This way we can all be certain of avoiding not only any timely historical achievements, but any personal responsibility and leadership too. Most of us sophisticated bores feel pretty comfortable with this. Of course our kind can easily go the exact opposite way and give massive aid to say, Al Qaeda backed psychopaths, not that there's anything wrong with that".
Mr ‘Babs’ Boob as he is affectionately known by grateful millions around the world, said that he was “much more animated about Global Warming fantasies. After all, we wonderful elites have the total control of our disarmed populace and billions of dollars in other people’s money via massive tax theft, all riding on it. I have to thank my agreeing like an ass hat wearing puppet to the Global Warming Global Socialism Super Scam, for my bankrupt well paid head idiot position at the UN, otherwise I’d be a convenience store box boy in a backstreet of Seoul, again. Actually I'm so dimwitted that I may even believe the junk I spout! Unbelievable, innit?”
The Security Council whose members include the embalmed body of Lenin and Hitler’s scalp, will meet next spring in Tripoli, as guests of the Middle-East's leading drag Queen Colonel Gadaffy Duce, who is also well known as a virulent cat hater.