Tuesday, 26 August 2008

Derek and Clive compare Madonna to Hitler.

Clive: “Derek, I’d like to draw your attention to a holiday snap I took of Madonna, the singing aerobics instructor. It’s a lovely pic of the stringy one with her trademark moustache and swastika chic, saluting her fans on the way to a concert performance at Nuremberg. Madonna, or old granite head with matching soul as she is affectionately known, later performed many of her magical and wondrous hits.

Songs such as ‘Neurotic Bint’, ‘Like an Irrational Gutter Whore’, and I’m sure you’ll agree, the rather revealingly honest song ‘Obscenely Spoiled and Talented, Super Narcissistic, Shallow, Irrelevant Phony Celebrity Intellectual Mediocrity and Moral Geek’. It’s from her brand newt album ‘Beyond ‘Effing Belief’.

From Yahoo News: “Pop diva Madonna has upset US presidential hopeful John McCain by comparing the Republican with Adolf Hitler. During a concert in Cardiff, Madonna flashed images of Adolf Hitler and Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe followed by McCain.

In contrast Democrat candidate Barack Obama was in a sequence with John Lennon, Al Gore and Mahatma Gandhi. McCain's campaign hit back at the comparison and angrily condemned the segment.

Madonna's swipe at McCain came during a performance of the song "Get Stupid", when the Republican contenders image was flashed up alongside images of destruction and global warming. McCain campaign spokesman Tucker Bounds said it divisive.

"The comparisons are outrageous, unacceptable and crudely divisive all at the same time," Bounds said. "It clearly shows that when it comes to supporting Barack Obama, his fellow worldwide celebrities refuse to consider any smear or attack off limits."

Derek: Brand newt, Clive?

Clive: Yes Derek, she’s currently occupied with the newt and her cluelessly absurd Nazi fantasy's. But then MacDonut has always been at the very cutting edge of your garden variety facades of a laughable sexuality of the faux Weimar kind. And like many pop and movie stars and other celebrities, totally deluded in imagining she has any analytical ability, or anything useful, down to earth and interesting to say at all. Therefore like her old breast cones, the worlds of the Nazi and newt are two entirely logical reference points for such a curiously pinheaded and successful businesswoman.

Admittedly Madonna could one day do something less predictable like the manufacture of cardboard boxes or cans of Spam, but no Derek. With her oddly muscular finger ever firmly on the swollen Zeitgeist of nothing, Mundane is climbing the charts and the walls once again, with music that resonates for all time, especially with your looped soundtracks at gay gymnasiums. Think of the newt and the rallies at Nuremberg and think of the music of Madonna, Derek.

Ironically, one of the most famous newts was your Hitler. Hitler was a horrible control freak totally divorced from reality, much like your Madonna. Sadly, off stage Hitler had zero ability to command his own shrivelled horn to literally do a fucking thing. Coincidentally, Hitler and Madonna both shrink my knob and thus neither have ever given me the horn. In fact quite the opposite.

After listening to a single Madonna interview, the Doctor said he’d never seen such nasty results since her last album came out.

Derek: Maybe it’s the ridiculous uniforms and outfits; the posturing staged fraud of Nazi allusions; the dreadfully monotonous, bleak and bombastic martial music; the ugly, meaninglessly empty symbolism, the massed crowds of conformist drones and the total lack on the part of the main attraction of any self awareness, humour or charm whatsoever?

Clive: Yes Derek, and Hitler’s fucking worse. Lucky I was able to reverse the effects of exposure to Madonna’s standard rich idiot moonbat opinions, by listening to a BBC sound effects record at full bore of farm animals fucking their brains out while they roll in putrid mud.

Derek: Ere, Hitler was your first total pop star really.

Clive: Ah, that’s merely an illusion caused by the accumulated effects of the mass hypnotic boredom; fashionable insanity; being occasionally amusing; the fancy dress of a crap product with a limitless advertising budget and invading Poland.

Derek: Has Madonna ever invaded Poland?

Clive: No Derek, though many a pole has apparently invaded Madonna.

Derek: Bloody Hell! I think Madonna just gave me the horn, Clive!

Clive: That will be the moustache and jackboots no doubt. You have always been an easy score with the old facial hair and combat footwear, Derek. I remember well the trouble you had with Solzhenitsyn and Shirley Maclaine. Here Derek, here’s a pop quiz. In what film is Madonna best remembered for her nuanced vulnerability, deeply professional acting ability and profoundly moving natural warmth?

Derek: None whatsoever.

Clive: Exactly Derek.

Derek: [On Piano to the tune of the oxymoronic, Madonna's Erotic:] Neurotic, keep your hands off my fucking body!


Anonymous said...

Do me a favor please do some research and publish a list of Hollywood celebs and singers/musicians that support the Republicans and not the Party that the Islamists hope gets elected.

Anonymous said...

If Maddona = Hitler, I want to know who in the music world most closely parallels the likes of Stalin, Mussolini and other such notables?

I personally would like to compare Miley Cyrus to Barack Obama. I do not think an explanation of why is necessary :)

Keep up the great work.