Wednesday, 11 February 2009

Colonel Neville Almost Sings!

I Lost My Memory.

She Can’t Wait.

Dear folks, Here's two uber-cheapo recordings of a couple of songs of mine. Firstly, a simple nightclub melody like the Great American Songbook of our dreams. And then a fast paced surf rock pop song straight from er, "P.J Klute" in Japan. Moshi moshi Surfin' Kamikaze!

Limited money, the wrong studio, and the wrong people at the wrong place and time, with two songs that should be re-recorded as hits, or as shits. Please send any old stocks, bonds or briefcases full of cash now. No, really.

Hey, maybe the government should bail me out?

[Original author unknown]Hey, you might be a Democrat if you are here, or here or here or in the following list:

If those shabby tunes didn't getcha laughing, dig these. You may be a Democrat if...My favourite would be you are addicted to subject change unless it's your favourite subject. Ie: "Bush is Hitler".

Runner up examples would be you may be a Democrat if you think that Obama is black, when he is by default of having a white Mother and a black Father, no more black than he is white, and yet you believe judging someone by their appearance is ALWAYS wrong, but you are unlikely to date someone specifically because they are ugly.

You may be a Democrat if you think an endorsement of something by lot's of Hollywood stars and pop stars lends validity to anything. But you want a written guarantee and warranty against faulty workmanship for a toaster.

You may be a Democrat if you think that the world will look kindly upon weakness, confusion and compromise if you can just show them your lack of determination. And by default of you being unarmed, most of the world that currently wants to kill you will then not shoot at you. Cos' you have no "threatening" ability to defend yourself...

Or that Islamic terrorists should be allowed into the country to get the same legal representation as anyone on Boston Legal.

...or you may be a Democrat if you think that Che the child killer Guevara was hero to anyone, when he was a totalitarian Marxist sadist coward and narcissist. You have his t-shirts and love the films, and you believe he freed millions and not just economically and saved lives [all unnamed], when he freed no-one economically but bankrupted millions, turned an Island into a prison and personally shot, strangled, tortured and beat hundreds to death, specialising in shooting young boys in the head.

But you think that the Reagan who saved over 70 people personally as a lifesaver, freed almost a billion from Soviet dominance and boosted the US economy, that has lasted until Clinton's sub-prime and other policy's took effect, is a very bad person. Even though Reagan was pro-freedom of the individual and economic freedom etc and never murdered anyone.

You may be a Democrat if you think that University educated people are smarter and that a tertiary education eradicates stupidity instead of reinforcing it.

You may be a Democrat if you think pop songs like Imagine have "meaning", that Dylan knew what the Hell he was talking about or that Green Day and NWA are "rebels", and that their amusing noises and antics can even effect change like perhaps I imagine, provide housing, roads and jobs.

You may be a Democrat if you think Matt Damon is smart and daring, Jack Nicholson is deep, Kevin Spacey is swell for loving Chavez too, that Jane Fonda is not a neurotic, rich and treasonous twerp or that celebrities who invariably hate George Bush, Christians and Conservatives are mature adults, with a clear mind and years of reading, experience and serous research and analysis to back up their opinions.

You are Left if you think that Michael Parkinson still had interesting guests with a wide range of intelligent views on George Bush.

You may be a Democrat if when you think of Al Gore the fat laughable bore and super liar, riding the uber-gravy train scam of the fraud of Global Warming for all it's worth as his carbon credit company stock goes through the roof, and his vast servanted house sucks up 22 times the average wattage while flying around the world in his private Gulf stream jet when there are 112 First Class flights available, while chauffeured everywhere in his limousine escorted by an SUV and another limo, you still believe Gore is an inspiring and caring saint with a profound, honest and vital message based on truth and science.

The list is endless, sports.

• You own something that says, “Dukakis for President” and still display it.

• You’ve ever said, “We really should call the ACLU about this.”

• You believe that a few hundred loggers can find another career, but the defenceless spotted owl must live in its preferred tree.

• You ever based an argument on the phrase, “But they can afford a tax hike because...”

• You keep count of how many people you know in each racial or ethnic category.

• You believe our government must do it because everyone in Europe does.

• You can’t talk about foreign policy without using the word conspiracy.

• You think Ralph Nader makes a lot of sense.

• You don’t understand why anyone was bothered by Jane’s trip to Hanoi.

. You think solar energy is being held back by those greedy oil companies.

• You’ve never been mugged.

• You actually expect to collect Social Security.

• You think the State of Florida should have tried to reform Ted Bundy.

• You think the Great Society has actually worked.

• You don’t see the similarity between WONK and WANK.

• You got teary-eyed during the film “The American President.”

• You think Ayn Rand is an African currency.

• Your house smells like a garbage dump because of your commitment to recycling.

• You think political patronage describes the Kennedy family.

• Your High School Year Book goals included the words “help people.”

• You think the Free Market is where they hand out Government cheese.

• You think Carter should be on Mt. Rushmore.

• You believe personal injury lawyers when they say they are just trying to defend the little guy.

• You know that those profit mongering drug companies could find a cure for AIDS if they really wanted to.

• You actually believe the NY Times and Washington Post.

• You know at least one Vegan.

• You trust Teddy Kennedy when he said that she was driving.

• You’d rather own Birkenstock than Merck Stock.

• You think public housing is great, but just NIMBY.

• You think the anti-war protesters from ’60s are the real heroes.

• You think that Supply Side Economics refers to your dope dealer’s stash.

• You think Michael Jackson is a great example of diversity.

• You actually think that poverty can be abolished.

• You think that Joan Baez had something to say.

• You admire the Swedish welfare system.

• You know that Jefferson really meant to say “Entitled to Happiness.”

• You think the Flat Tax should be at 95%.

• You go to Gay Pride Day parades so that no one can call you homophobic.

• After looking at your pay stub you can still say, “America is under taxed.”

• If you think that GWB lied about Saddam and WMDs and Bill Clinton told the truth about Saddam and WMDs when they both said the same thing, you might be a Democrat.

• If you hyped up the 2,000th death in Iraq while ignoring the passage of the Iraqi Constitution at the same time, you might be a Democrat.

• If you think Bill Clinton, who got 43 percent of the popular vote in his second run for the presidency, had a mandate, but GWB, who got 51 percent of the vote in his second run, doesn’t, you might be a Democrat.

• If you think Al Gore and John Kerry, respectively, actually won, you might be a Democrat.

• If you thought Newt Gingrich was wrong to accept a $4.5 million cash advance on his book, but had no problem with Hillary Clinton getting an $8 million cash advance on her book, you might be a Democrat.

• If you think funerals are appropriate places for making political jabs, you might be a Democrat.

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