In spite of every Western governments response time for apology and self-abasement after any Islamic terrorist attack being "cut to a nanosecond", many politicians, religious leaders, media commentators, musicians and Hollywood stars still feel there is much more work to be done before we reach their unified demands for “our own security and cultural suicide”.
According to Pedro Garrotte, the Shadow Minister for Paper Mache’ Figurines and Peripheral Issues, the authorities now automatic calls to "bring the different religious communities closer together" after any murderous plot or detonation and the constant affirmation of the government's "steadfast commitment to moral relativism" while admirable and deserving of credit, will "need to be boosted to a much higher standard of self-loathing and paralyzing doubt”.
This was in support of the nations Imam Sheik Yadown, who also called for another inter-faith conference in part to round out the number so far to an even 750 this month, and to reinforce that Islam was a “religion of peace or else". In a strongly worded blame-shifting statement, the Sheik said it was an "outrage" that various "bigots" in the community used “alleged terrorism” as a way of criticizing daily bomb blasts.
While Mr Garrotte added that it was natural for the host country to integrate endlessly to any immigrant group and its religion. “I think the ideal would be for all citizens as an example, to spend one week being like Muslim Arabs, then the following as tribal Africans, then say Animist Laplanders and so on. In this way the entire country could over a continuously rotating twelve month period, get through all ethnic identities while avoiding the now discredited idea of having a cohesive culture of our own”.Garrotte then cheekily added with a laugh, “While I’m against the atom, I’m all for the atomisation of society!”
He continued that only “right wing racists, neo-cons and other fascists” still believed that the West had ever offered anything of worth. “Pick any third-world or Islamic basket case, and they’re all superior to any Western country with it’s shallow and meaningless achievements of enormous economic triumphs, functioning democracies, scientific innovation, incredible freedoms, artistic expression and the full enjoyment of life. You call that living? Look, even if for arguments sake, Islam had some ‘sinister goal’ - and it does not, wouldn't the answer be to just keep on being ever more tolerant?”
Pop star and tax deductible philanthropist Bobo Tax-Shelter, said that just because “Mohammed was a murderous psychopathic warlord, a kept toy boy who spent a lot of time hallucinating the filth of the Koran in a cave, raped a nine year-old, and then ruthlessly ransacked half the known world, it was no reason to suspect in the slightest, that Islam may be even a little dodgy”. He was speaking by phone from the Barbados Secret Bank and Laundry.