Cuban 'Revolution' lacks a laugh track. Part One.

Castro and Che in a pre-revolution conference huddle.

Castro: "You're stepping on my foot!"

Che: "I'm sorry comrade. I can be so insensitive!"


Dear sports, this will be my feeble series on Che the child killer Guevara, Fidel the Pig and Cuba Inc. It's a real killer and phony festival! A big hat tip to Humberto Fontova, one of the great sources of insight and information for this and the following posts in this series. Fontova is a successful journalist and the author of 'The Real Che Guevara: and the idiots who follow him', and 'Fidel Castro: Hollywood's favourite Tyrant'.

My motive for doing this in a series, is that this updated post from 2007 is so absurdly long. Not as long as Castro's reign, but you know. Now Che love, the love that dare's to speak its name, says almost everything you need to know about someone's mind or the lack there of.

The equation goes something like the following: If one thinks Che is a great and heroic role model, you're probably the kind of person who is er, passionate, though in quite the immature way. And being um, passionate, are more inclined to value emotions and self-image over anything else, especially any easily dismissed Himalaya of empirical evidence to the contrary. Rather problematic.

Thus one believes in anything but the facts. For the excitable, volatile and morally vain, reality and truth can be quite a damper and well, a real drag. So here is the first part, kids.




P.J O’Rourke once said that the only thing you need to know about Communism, is that for most or all of their respective histories, you couldn't get a decent Chinese take-away in China or a good Cuban cigar in Cuba.

Ah, Cuba. The images of Che the child killer Guevara, Fidel El Pig Castro, and pre and post Revolutionary Cuba are wrong on almost every count. In the West this is so, as it is in Heaven, er, Hollywood, on almost any Leftard University Campus and in the MSM. Oh yes, also amongst failed or successful killers, rapists and child prostitution aficionados.

Er, a lot of regular and organised crime digs Cuba too, though I've already mentioned Hollywood. A clear view of Fidel's er, Cuban miracle, is also probably a little off at Sunnyvale Sanatorium and Madhouse. So, naturally Che has a fan base in the Middle East, any African gangster cannibal state or dysfunctional powder keg in Latin America etc, and especially with er, affluent Westerners.

The rotten to the core delusions and lies of the Left Liberal celebrity fan club of Che and his revolutionary brain splattering machine, are delightfully sustained in their ardour, by literally millions of fashionably unresearched, ignorant and spoiled, free world rank and file rebels. Add a chorus of grudge bearing, dysfunctional, failed and failing states, and away ya go. Here's a neat piece on the growing and terrifying duo of Che lovin' Chavez and Iran's Ahmachimphead.

Humberto Fontova: 'Every third male in Miami has the same background of having his family and friends murdered, all property stolen and being the lucky one to have escaped alive. Castro sent his agents to torture to death American POWs in North Vietnam's Cu Loc POW camp outside Hanoi, in 1967'.

“The black is indolent where as the European is forward looking”. Che.

“If the missiles [nuclear] had remained in Cuba, we would have use them against the heart of the United States, including New York City”. Che.

For fifty years, the "right on!" and revolutionary scene of Fidel, Che and Cuba, has been pushed along nicely by bad TV shows and even worse films and docos. Dross that has perpetuated Che as a delight, and assumptions of Latinos as not having the same aspirations and abilities as say, you and l. Nope, they apparently need a uniquely experimental and shocking solution to their problems, not like er, us. It’s as if for some, certain nation states can only be comprehended as being almost entirely and naturally, comprised of people straight from Central Casting.

When it comes to national and international disgrace and scandal, bogus attitudes to Cuba, especially in the clueless MSM and Celebrityville, are the real deal.

Humberto Fontova: "A Cuban gentleman named Pierre San Martin was also among those jailed by the gallant Che. A few years ago he recalled the horrors in a El Nuevo Herald article. "32 of us were crammed into a cell" he recalls. "16 of us would stand while the other sixteen tried to sleep on the cold filthy floor. We took shifts that way. Actually, we considered ourselves lucky. After all, we were alive. Dozens were led from the cells to the firing squad daily. The volleys kept us awake. We felt that any one of those minutes would be our last".

"One morning the horrible sound of that rusty steel door swinging open startled us awake and Che's guards shoved a new prisoner into our cell. His face was bruised and smeared with blood. We could only gape. He was a boy, couldn't have been much older than 12, maybe 14.

"What did you do?" We asked horrified. "I tried to defend my Papa," gasped the bloodied boy. "I tried to keep these Communist sons of bitches from murdering him! But they sent him to the firing squad".

Soon Che's goons came back, the rusty steel door opened, and they yanked the valiant boy out of the cell. "We all rushed to the cell's window that faced the execution pit, " recalls Mr San Martin. "We simply couldn't believe they'd murder him!"

"Then we spotted him, strutting around the blood-drenched execution yard with his hands on his waist and barking orders: the gallant Che Guevara." Here Che was finally in his element. In battle he was a sad joke, a bumbler of epic proportions [For details see the book Fidel; Hollywood's Favorite Tyrant.] But up against disarmed and bloodied boys he was a snarling tiger.

"Kneel Down!" Che barked at the boy.

"Assassins!" We screamed for our window. "Murderers! How can you murder a little boy?!" "I said kneel down!" Che barked again.

The boy stared Che resolutely in the face. "If you're going to kill me," he yelled. "you'll have to do it while I'm standing! Men die standing!" "Cowards, murderers, son of bitches!" The men yelled desperately from their cells.

"Leave him alone!" How can...?! "And then we saw Che unholstering his pistol. It didn't seem possible. But Che raised his pistol, put the barrel to the back of the boys neck and blasted. The shot almost decapitated the young boy.

"We erupted. We were enraged, hysterical, banging on the bars. "Murderers! Assassins!" His murder finished, Che finally looked up at us, pointed his pistol, and Blam, blam, blam!, emptied his clip in our direction. Several of us were wounded by his shots."

To a man (and boy), Che's murder victims went down in a blaze of defiance and glory. So let's recall Che's own plea when the wheels of justice finally turned and he was cornered in Bolivia. "Don't Shoot!" he whimpered. "I'm Che! I'm worth more to you alive than dead!" This swinish and murdering coward, this child-killer, was the toast of the Oscars".

The many useful idiots and hypocrites of Hollywood have assisted enormously and enthusiastically in all this, and quite traditionally too, considering Tinsel Towns long, deep history of happy partnerships with drugs, prostitution, the Mafia and other organised crime. The same hopelessly crude, violent and sentimental Mafia goombahs who hung out on Cuba pre the revolutionary disaster and as professional criminals now, have worked freely among the many shallow, relentlessly self-indulgent and decadent creeps of Bel Air, and way before and all during the current ongoing Cuban murder spree.

So many Hollywood names have feted and received a cheery kickback holiday of thanks in the other Cuba, the one without firing squads but with imported Champagne and domestic child prostitutes, that one could throw up continuously all over the carpet of a rich celebrity Lear Jet. Just pity the poor cleaner.

"Yukka, Mr Hollywooda! How do I getta out a so many a stains? First a cocaine, then booze and cum, and now a the vomit!"

It's very complicated, Doctor. It's affluent people having a tedious guilt about their affluence, and the fortunate recipients of the benefits of Capitalist Democracies, finding that this just doesn't sit so well with their wished for rebel image. It's hard to hold a grudge and maintain the pose when you've got more than enough of nearly everything.

So, just make it all up and find a safe false enemy such as your folks, any US President, but preferably and almost always Republican, affluence in general or the price of cheese. It really doesn't matter. At every G8 protest rally cum violent riot, it's a sea of unresolved parental issues and a free for all festival of the disingenuous, the immature and the morally inverted.

After doing even a small amount of easily available research on Hollywood history and its often ugly, peculiar and fashionable attitudes, how can anyone decent ever respect a lot of these people and beyond their often mediocre, repetitive specialties, find them in the least bit interesting? Hey, it's not just Hollywood films either. It's the same for much of the alleged creative classes, baby. You can apply the same test to many celebrities, musicians and writers etc. They nearly all seem to love a nice Che T to enhance what is usually just their celebrity image and a tawdry one.

Just don't test me! It’s not just my image that’s tawdry. We're all human, but these people have real power, influence and opportunity and an incredible platform in which to indulge themselves and they usually do.

Don't get me wrong. I like a lot of Hollywood films and even some of the people, especially the technicians. But now I'm not the same as any other movie fan, cos' boy, when delving deeper into the shallows, the alleged star and celebrity dishonour roll is long. Celebrities, journalist's, academics and politiciansv have in their usually ignorant, lazy and research free zone, babbled on for almost fifty years with a sickening mix of delusion, out and out lies and mutual narcissism in the strange corrupt cult of celebrity complicit revolutionary Cubanism.

Humberto Fontova on Johnny Depp, who is just crazy about Che, about whom Depp knows fuck all factual. Depp doesn't want to know. Nope, it's just a romantic dream for our faux rocker and rebel. Well, cream dream on, white boy.

"Had Johnny Depp been born two decades earlier [and in Cuba], if he attempted the lifestyle of a U.S. teenager or campus rebel his "digging" would have been of a more literal nature. Depp would have found himself digging ditches and mass-graves in a prison camp system inspired by the man glorified on his little pendant. Had his digging lagged, a "groovy" Czech machine-gun butt might have shattered his teeth or perhaps some "groovy" Soviet bayonets slashed his buttocks.

Hugo Chavez recently labeled his regime's socio-economic model, "Mission Che Guevara." As I write Chavez' police goon squads [some mimicking their national leader by wearing Che t-shirts, as visible on Youtube], bludgeon, tear gas and arrest hundreds of rebellious college and high-school students.

Nothing could be more fitting. In a famous speech in 1961 Che Guevara denounced the very "spirit of rebellion" as "reprehensible." "Youth must refrain from ungrateful questioning of governmental mandates" commanded Guevara. "Instead they must dedicate themselves to study, work and military service."

And woe to those youths "who stayed up late at might and thus reported to work [government forced-labor] tardily." Youth, wrote Guevara, " should learn to think and act as a mass." "Those who chose their own path" [as in growing long hair and listening to Yankee-Imperialist Rock n' Roll], were denounced as worthless "lumpen" and "delinquents." In his famous speech Che Guevara even vowed, "to make individualism disappear from Cuba! It is criminal to think of individuals!"

Tens of thousands of Cuban youths learned that Che Guevara's admonitions were more than idle bombast. In Che Guevara the hundreds of Soviet KGB and East German secret police STASI "consultants" who flooded Cuba in the early 60's, found an extremely eager acolyte.

By the mid 60's the crime of a "rocker" lifestyle or effeminate behavior got thousands of youths yanked off Cuba's streets and parks by secret police and dumped in prison camps with "Work Will Make Men Out of You" in bold letters above the gate. The one at Auschwitz' gate read: "Work Will Set You Free", with machine gunners posted on the watchtowers. The initials for these camps were UMAP, not GULAG, but the conditions were much the same.

Today the world’s largest Che Guevara image adorns Cuba’s headquarters for its KGB-trained secret police. And Johnny Depp seems delighted to flaunt this emblem from his pendants, shirts and kerchiefs".


Yep, it's a Havanawood party in Cuba for a lot of celebrities, and Hollywood is a cool source of La-La Land polished propaganda for Fideliano. Cuba is great way for stars to get their right on rebel badge accreditation via a completely fake and dead revolution and some nice free prostitutes at US five dollars a night.

Well, they're only helping to maintain the half century crushing of anonymous Cubans, so who's to know? Almost no one, especially not in most of the MSM. And with such immoral lack of judgement, you wonder why so many movies are so very bad? What else would you get from immensely spoiled and privileged people whose main occupations are forever amplifying their own reflections via the creation of fantasy worlds, drug taking and getting laid?

Jack Nicholson said of Castro: “He’s a genius. We spoke of everything”. Of cabbages and Kings no doubt?

Kevin Costner said meeting the killer was: “An experience of a lifetime”. Movie wise, Costner is mostly remembered and still rides on the same one experience of his lifetime from about fifteen years ago. I should be so lucky.

Harry Belafonte’s anti-US rants and pro Castro boot licking is broadcast unbelievably from Havana State Radio. Unbearable boredom FM on your dial. It's interesting that Harry does seem to always return to the evil United States? But Belafonte couldn't possibly be a phony and a hypocrite, right?

No mention by Harry Bellalugosi that while Batista had eleven prisons in total, Castro now has three hundred! There were over four thousand firing squad executions without trial in the first three years of the er, revolution, and around two thousand of those were ordered by the lovely Che.

"Che's life is an inspiration for every human being who loves freedom", reckons Nelson Mandela. Right, and Mandela has done so much post Apartheid for South Africa, and to help the people of Zimbabwe and well, help Africa in general. Er, nope.

Ah, Nellie forgot to comment on the typical kind of useless imbecile er, leader, that curses the continent of Africa, described nicely in the er, Prime Minister of South Africa, Thabo Mbeki. For many years, Tab acted upon his belief that AIDS is not spread by HIV. Lot of protests at the deaths of millions of African people because of this kind of profound ignorance? Negative. Zilcho. Hey, Mandela is a living Saint and His miracles work in mysterious ways, right? I digress.

Steven Spielberg said meeting the Dictator was: “the greatest eight hours of my life”. For the worst eight hours of your life, go to the next Spielberg festival of sickening contrived sentimentality and mawkish shallowness: A Retrospective, and watch four of his films in a row.

Naomi Campbell opined that meeting the Debauched One was: “very spiritual” and “an inspiration”. So far no guy seems to have been as equally inspired by Naomi to stick around long-term.

Chevy Chase said: “Socialism works. Cuba might prove that”. None of his films have really worked regards quality and timelessness, have they?

Robert Redford asks Che's sister to approve his phony Motorcycle Diaries script. Spike Lee, Sidney Pollack, Oliver Stone, Woody Harrelson, Danny Glover, Shirley MacLaine, Alanis Morissette, Leonardo DiCaprio, Dan Rather, Ed Asner etc, etc, are all creepy and flaky fans of Fidel the creep, and have made various delightful endorsements of the old cigar sucker.

Old Bob Redford used Che's diaries for The Murder Cycle Diaries, with the crazy and perhaps not so marketable of Che's psycho rants of extreme violence, edited out by er, Fidel. Gee, I hope Bobby also submitted the script to Fidel for approval. Oh, he did! It just shows that the Golden Boy has still got that romantic touch.

Sara Lequerica De La Vega stated on UCLA Today, in an article titled "Che Show only glorifies ruthless killer", that the “The self-indulgence and frivolity of pampered Western pseudo revolutionaries, speaks clearly of their lack of critical objective analysis”. Mark Morano on CNSNews, titled an article "Critics Assail Fidel Castro’s Sickening Grip on Hollywood Celebrities".

The people who dig Che en masse, are perhaps never going to do any easily performed research about their sick hero, because they don’t really want to know. Once you start examining and removing pieces in this particular House of Leftard Cards, you’ll have to keep removing the many other lies and fantasy’s that have made up the dream scape of the Left for many, many tragic decades. It ain’t gonna happen, kids.

So they stay with the fantasy and defend it ever more from any evidence whatsoever. And there's plenty of company worldwide for 'em, with the millions of stubbornly deluded and curiously aggressive fans of Che the shit. But hey, that's a cool t-shirt ya wearin'! You must be a real rebel and a champion of the people!

Gotta be.