Tuesday, 17 July 2007

Protester neglects to insult George Bush.

Protesters bringing the gift of understanding and fire at a recent 'Be Nice to Everybody' Peace Riot.

On Monday, Benjamin Smythe-Browne, undergraduate medical student and radical protester, began a day of activism with a crisis meeting at the Campus Student Union Revolutionary Socialist Workers Support Group and Polo Club, where logistic preparations for violent protests demanding a nicer world were made in earnest.

Travelling in a loud, abusive and 'right on' group via public transport, the gang of idealists performed various acts that were planned to show “solidarity with workers oppressed by the Capitalist Death Machine”. Smyth-Browne, or as he is known in biology lectures, ‘Comrade Benny’, exposed the hypocrisy of fellow commuters as “slaves to consumerism”, by urinating out the window.

His commitment to “world peace” was consolidated with a heavy black marker on the carriage interior with the simple words, “Viva Che!”, the famous revolutionary icon and child killer. Smythe-Browne and his chums later joined the main protest march, where they listened to speeches by internationally respected activists such as Henry “Da bomb” Crankstein, former felon and now the public face of the Baader Meinhoff Gang.

Inspired by Cranksteins calls to “bring down the capitalist pigsty economy” and replace it with what he termed a system of “the revolutionary distribution of wealth based on the ideals of basket weaving, drum circles, collective organic vegetable plots and plastic explosives”, Benjamin and his friends then proceeded to hurl trash cans and small children through the front windows of various fast food chains. The days festivities continued with the boys pushing over a transit van driver before torching him.

Smythe-Browne said that, “While I really feel that we achieved something today and not just for ourselves, but for everybody, I do feel some disappointment. I didn’t realise until we were back home, and luckily just in time for dinner, that I had completely forgotten to insult George Bush all day, even once! All of us did. No one mentioned it. I don’t know what happened or what went wrong”.

A puzzled Benjamin explained that he and all his friends’ usually only need to hear the words Bush, USA, the President or George, and they instantly respond with terms of abuse such as “Poo-poo face” or “Wee-wee pants” and even “Roger Whitaker fan”.

Said Smythe-Browne, “I can only tell you it won’t happen again. We can’t ignore the poor of the world in their desires for whatever it is that poor people want, or whatever”. With a concerned look and furrowed brow, Benjamin stated that, “Its certainly given me something to think about next week while I’m skiing in Aspen”.

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