Monday, 17 September 2007
The Conspiracy Conspiracy Conspiracy.
A Conspiracy Theory Bore has an epiphany and discovers the true motivation behind their enthusiasm for Conspiracy jags.
When I think of conspiracy bores, there are actually only a few conspiracies of note.
There's clearly a conspiracy to make sure that conspiracy creeps are almost by default, unattractive to any mature, intelligent, professional, qualified, successful and attractive person of the opposite sex.
And there's a secret facility that keeps churning out tedious deluded conspiracy freaks, dorks, megadags, academics and Hollywood boobs who find that reality is simply just not good enough for them. Maybe it's in Area 51? And neither can any Himalaya of facts ever satisfy and only them. It‘s all about them really, innit?
'Conspiracy Theory' is a misnomer, there is no basis. But it's a great way for the undeserving to get noticed, much like the uncool nobody who yells at the supermarket checkout girl. They are the ad nauseum star of a melodramatic moment, before sinking back into a well deserved and instant anonymity upon leaving.
Conspiracy is also a great filler for those who have absolutely nothing coherent, individual or grounded to say, and no sense with which to say it. Like er, Oliver Stone.
Hey, but conspiracy dweebs can get very lucrative book deals with zero court ready or scientific evidence. Thus Noam Chomsky and Al Gore. Gnome Chumpsky now works almost entirely within the rigorously high academic standards of a tenured professional 'Conspiracy Theorist'. Why do so many movie stars dig conspiracy so much? Because that’s what insulated and pampered Hollywood fools do!
No faux rebel star wants to admit they're successful due to an odd confluence of luck and Capitalism. How gauche!
Charlie Sheen is damn sure that 9/11 is an inside job. Yep, and good old Charlie send around the waxed Asian twins again Sheen, has world class judgement and insight well, on everything.
Of course, no dreary underpaid or maybe overpaid College Professor is interested in the notoriety or the money that can come from publishing a lazy, by the numbers Leftist tract, exposing the evil of Capitalist Democracy and the Glory and delight of Socialism, Communism, Islamism and of Pol Pot's Year Zero etc. Er, yes.
If that’s the accepted standard, maybe it's a great opportunity to also expose the ‘Bush Regimes Secret Underwater Neo-Con Sea Monkey City’, or the ‘Hidden Zionist UFO Assembly Line and Take-Away’ in Nevada. Ask for Mortie.
And no Hollywood decadent likes the spotlight, or easily spouting fatuous and fashionable assumptions via totally unresearched and unsubstantiated hyperbole. Nope, not a smidgen. Never happens.
The old conspiracy geek prefers to spend twerpy time time, twittering away on meaningless minutiae that they've relentlessly collected like some concussed and rabidly obsessed myna bird. With scissors and chewed to the nub dirty finger nails, they photocopy and cello tape vast clumsily connected evidence spreads, paraded on city walkways all glued to collapsing cardboard, and carefully covered in plastic.
Why can’t the same twerps come up with an equally convoluted theory for anything in a proven reality, such as the combustion engine, or how to play golf well, or how to actually achieve something, or anything measurable and useful? It’s always, always something so out there, baby! Like the Civil War was staged, or that house flies have been genetically modified by the CIA to read our lips.
Why don't conspiracy newts take their urgent news to court and the mainstream media and let it stand on its own merits? Because it has no merit. Oh right, that’s part of the massive conspiracy too. To the conspiracy dud, the total absence of evidence, merely proves everything they say is true.
Hey, maybe take their non-info regards 9/11 etc, down to the New York Fire Department, the Police, the Medical Services and all the people who were part of the Ground Zero clean up crews? Maybe shop "the real truth" around Queens and Brooklyn? Maybe a little scared to present ‘the truth’ to those who may not always be so patient with yet another clueless misfit idiot? Hmmm? Off ya go. On ya little bicycle.
Why don't Conspiracy repellents notice any massive conspiracy before or as it happens and alert the police, media and other relevant authorities to some solid facts at the time? Cos’ it never happened so there ain’t none.
The "Truthers". A strange sort of illiterate and Puritan sounding name, are a group of oddballs, mediocrities and their supporters in agreement, more than a few famous and rich. They unsurprisingly fit in rather nicely with any Islamist Protocols of Zion creep, Holocaust denying history molester, or any other character free and mentally ill fantasists from Leftist radical weirdo land. Truthers shuffle around at Ground Zero presenting their 1/10th baked guff without any empathy whatsoever for well, anyone but themselves.
That’s because the Truthers are as separated from reality and the people in it as the fifth dimension is, but without the groovy style and appealing dance moves of the dance group of thesame name.
'Truthers!' Ha, ha! Sheesh, now if that doesn't define the smug assumptions and arrogance of the Loony Left right there. "There is one truth and it is mine" sayeth the deranged. No wonder their preposterous opinions align perfectly with Islamic terrorists. They believe and read from the same eternal victim and loser fantasy time wasting blame scripts.
"I'm a loser and I'm not what I appear to be".
Here's hoping. Curiously, only a few select fools have apparently been chosen to discover this great truth. In Australia, 'struth!' is an old slang term, as in "Struth, mate! That's bullshit!" Truther? Struther would be more apt.
Truthers travel in a seemingly alternate space to you and I, and have seemingly lots of idle time to spare. They make much sound and fury signifying absolutely nothing of proven substance on the narrow and isolated plain they inhabit, somewhere out there, as Frank Zappa used to say, in the vacuum of their own cosmic debris.
I remember a professional engineer and physicist who specialised in the the physical characteristics of steel, its construction, load, bearing and how it relates to various temperatures etc, being presented to a Truther right at Ground Zero. Er, gee, here a big chance to get some science and facts to back up a conspiracy theory!
Well, what a surprise. There was not a flicker of curiosity from this truthless bastard. He just kept babbling on and on. That's how much sense of any Quality Control they have and like all Truther horrors, this noob believed in everything and anything but a single verifiable fact.
A lot of the men of conspiracy, look like they may still live at home with Mother, spending their single guy evenings making plastic aeroplane kits.
“You know Iraq is all about boil!” At least I think that’s what she said. Yeah, that's right. It's all about oil. Er, no. And um, like oil ain't important? Oil is a commodity. You trade it and buy it, like sugar, gold, iron ore and beef. You don't need to go to war for it or the USA would have first attacked Canada, Norway, Venezuela and Texas. And er, how many wars over sugar so far?
Saddam was selling it so low that he even gave it away to UN officials. If the US wanted to, it could have traded for any amount of Iraqi Oil simply by dumping the usual annual US military obsolescence surplus, or buying oil at rock bottom prices or getting oil for virtually zero outlay by allowing Saddam various concessions and to trade his only real resource.
I think chums, you may find the majority of US oil comes from Canada, Norway, Latin America etc and domestically, not the Middle East. Remember Texas? It was in all the paper's.
Deliberate stockpiling by the hideous OPEC, does have an effect on world supplies and economics which the USA naturally has an interest in keeping ah, balanced.
Oil is sourced though, from the market, which will always want to sell to those who want to buy. Um, beyond OPEC, Arab and Chavez manniquin like Cartels, supply and demand pretty much dictate price. Like sugar, if one place can't supply the product or commodity at the price you are willing to pay, you get it somewhere else etc, etc. Most anyone can buy and trade oil via stocks and shares.
Spending billions to take perhaps conservatively about ten years or more to get a rundown Iraqi refinery system up over its currently poor 10% capacity is well, a strange and convoluted plan, eh? So sadly for millions of bizarre time-warp hippie girls and boys, it ain't about oil. But their hair seems to be.
It's about security, strategic truths and the kind of hard realities that will never go away, no matter how wishful our thinking.
As Mark Steyn has said, if the US only wanted oil, they could have just put a blockade from the sea to the oil fields and ignored the rest.
Gee, maybe some folks need to study how economics, geopolitics and security work in reality, including for their own privileged existence, instead of merely absorbing the affluent drool of Mike Moore and their bong.
Anyway, back at Rancho Dullard. The women of conspiracy remind me of the screw up in an over sized grubby puff coat that you try to avoid at a Parent Teacher night, on one of the outer rings of Seattle or Saturn.
She wants to "borrow" a cigarette, and then tells you about how the Utility company is unfairly threatening to cut her off, just because she didn’t pay the bill, because her current boyfriend Simon has a disorder and, and, and anyway, Halliburton is behind it all and are persecuting her, because she's getting too close to the truth...
I thought it would be neat to find out about members of the Truthers own families and friends who have died. Then we can return the favour and all stand outside their homes or wait until they visit the cemetery in a quiet glade, and rant about how their son Billy didn’t die from cancer in the way they think. Nope, he was injected with cancer cells because he got too close to "the truth!".
Maybe the truth is that their husband didn’t have a heart attack the way it was said! Bob’s final gasp was staged by Dick Cheney, jumping out of a shadowy car park with a bullhorn! And the reason you were a scholastic failure and uniformly unlucky in romance is not because you are a boring nebbish, but because of the hidden machinations of a secret Rhumba Society, headed by Ollie North and double agents from Arthur Murray. And we have all the incriminating evidence taped together and a website with lots of frames, colours, capitals and unexpected rows of exclamation marks like this!!!!
But hey, wish 'em luck with their innate mediocrity, mental gymnastic's and microscopic morality. It takes a lot of drive to drone on and on while making connections that aren’t ever there, and all to draw ones attention away from looking in the mirror at a failed, distracted, dull and largely useless existence.
Er, try connecting how being a loser and nonentity is connected to appearance and one's mentality. Connect how one would be perhaps totally ignored by the sane if one couldn't parasite off actual events, and the tragedies of real people with a life, a useful profession, a family and a purpose grounded in reality.
So life as a celebrity probably doesn't count, or friendships based entirely on a mutual wallowing in paranoia.
Connect this. You are here, it is now and if retarded by conspiracy, it's all fake. Deep down, in fact shallow down, all the cheap, absurd, complicated talk and grotty, fussy gaffer taped story boards are an embarrassing sub-nerd past time and one of mere avoidance. It's so deeply insulting to the dead and the truly alive.
Conspiracy is a profoundly sad waste of time and so inconsequential, that at best, one wil most likely die utterly anonymous. The real people and heroes of 9/11 such as Firemen, the Police and the rest, will be remembered for something worth a damn as opposed to entirely nothing.
Grinning in mindless and deluded lockstep, the repulsive and ineffective legions of chuckle heads and conspiracy bores, will alway's believe more in the Conspiracy Conspiracy Conspiracy than any blow to the head.