Wednesday, 28 November 2007

Islam sucks.

Warning! Imam! Keep away from children, women, men and pets!

From the great Roger Kimball: ‘Hassan al-Banna, the founder of the Muslim Brotherhood. Their credo: “Allah is our objective. The Prophet is our leader. Qur’an is our law. Jihad is our way. Dying in the way of Allah is our highest hope”.

I have a screech owl that I’ve called Mohammad. I also have a baboon and a chimpanzee named Mohammad. I have a dozen lovable newts, a hamster, a gnu, three aardvarks, a poodle, two mice, a rattlesnake and a sloth all named Mohammad. I also have a centipede, a slug, a blow fish, a family of Sea Monkeys and a Petri dish of bacteria all named Mohammad. I can say "Hey Mohammad!" and they all appear at once, alighting in photogenic pose.

The borderline insane and those that have rabidly leapt over that border of the mind, say that Mohammad is all. All lies? All insane? All over? All rubbish? All washed up? Allman Brothers? All I want to do is boogie?

Gee, the fact is there’s absolutely no need to try to er, 'understand’ Islam, or come to an ‘accommodation’ with Mohammad and the Krazy Koran etc. Nope, can’t be done. Not without signing your own death warrant. None of that irrational and suicidal PC floop for me, bub. Islam/Islamism has exactly NOTHING to offer the great Western Canon whatsoever, except for the abyssKlavan at PJTV com on "Does Islam Suck?"

Come on, let’s be honest. With Islam there’s always the clearly implied threat of violence, isn’t there? Yep, allegedly there are millions and millions of wonderful, fabulous and regular laugh a minute Muslims well, everywhere. Look! There's one! Er, no. Sadly, this means they are not authentic Muslims as defined clearly by Islam but apostates.

Also observe how any 'Muslim' dissident, feminist, journalist, intellectual folks etc, are in the West largely ignored, insulted and virtually completely unsupported by the MSM and left intelligentsia. It's empirical. In the Muslim world they're threatened or murdered. Going straight to the murder without the threats cuts down on the middle-Imam.

Name one left figure who supports a single courageous Iraqi er, semi-Muslim in their struggle for normality? I'd love to ask such illiberal boobs what kind of Iraq the people there should have. This 'logic' would mean either putting or allowing the Baathist Party back into power, or any dominant group of killers as long as they just love to hate America as the left indeed do.

So naturally reasonable semi-Muslim's are by default not generally the one's in charge in most if not all Islamic places I'm afraid, and in the way that counts, are they? Power in such peculiar states coming largely out of the oil fed barrel of a gun and the pages of the Koran, so to speak. Sadly and spelling theirs and our own doom, both Iraq and Afghanistan have placed Sharia Law within their Constitutions. Thus the West fights for Islamic Law! No really. Could things be any worse? Only if you have to listen to the Australian ABC's 24 hour faux news network.

In this year of 2010 our Assistant Treasurer Nick Sherry has with the support of Saudi stealth jihadists changed our tax laws to accommodate Sharia Law...No, REALLY. [Link via islammonitor org.]

And many earnest left infected folks seem to forget that Islam entirely sucks for million's of Muslim's too, and to the point of death which sucks. When in Riyadh and Iran etc, one must do as Islamofascists do, which is "Destroy Infidels!" One thing though, under any circumstances, don’t ever "misunderstand" Islam. Your head may come off and you may just explode.

So this is what I do. Some of the ways I have found to utilize Mohammad the all purpose 7th Century pedophile, rapist, madman, mass murdering lice ridden Jew hating bandit is simply in conversation, to replace random or key words with Mohammad and so on. Everyone knows what you mean as when one says "Frankly, Islam scares the Hell out of me".

And yet we can get some of the few laughs available out of the old bastard freak and the rest of the axis of medieval regards the Krazy Koran and as Christopher Hitchens correctly called it, "the filth of Islam". I have also thrown in some swingin’ bumper stickers. So try these. Remember as Islam goes ever more global and local with the help of not just the left, we're all dead anyway or will wish we were. Especially the female half of the population. Still, it's a larf innit, eh?

Islam Sucks!

Islam. The Religion of Peace...or else!

Hey! Did somebody just Mohammad?

Frankly my dear, I don’t give a Koran.

Oh John! Oh Mohammad!

Oh God! I think I’m going to Mohammad!

Removes most bathroom Mohammad’s with a single wipe!

Removes even the most stubborn Mohammad’s in the wash!

I think we may have to put Mother into a home. She’s becoming more Mohammad everyday.

I’m afraid your tests are positive Mr Kowalski. You have Mohammad.

Sir! I said drop the Koran and move away from the nuclear device, now!

Your towel, sir.

In all my years of medical and psychiatric practice, I’ve never seen a Mohammad like it.

Islam? No, it’s beef!

Islam treats women like a precious gift. That’s why they wrap them up.

Larry, Mohammad and Curly.

Hey Mo! Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!

And then he says, ‘you should have seen the other Mohammad!’

Hey Mohammad! Here boy!

All units respond to a Mohammad at 12th and Vine. Suspect is armed, has a history of psychological illness and is considered extremely dangerous.

In zis experiment I vill transfer zer brain of zis Mohammad into zer brain of zis chicken!

Of course I love you but we’re so different. You’re just way too Mohammad!

It looks like Mohammad is going for the triple play.

Hey Dude, like that Mohammad is like totally radical!

Early behead and early to lies, makes Mohammad unhinged wacky and despised.

Hey Kor-an, you’re the girl for me.

My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my Mohammad!

My Mother caught me having a Mohammad.

Hey, that’s like, totally Islam!

Adventurous cross dresser wishes to meet midget acrobat for casual fun times. Must be into Mohammad.

Oh, Mr President! I'll never get your Dhimmi stains out of my new dress!

Hey buddy. Interested in half an hour with a really hot little Mohammad?

I woke up this mornin’ and got myself Mohammad!

Are you some kind of Mohammad?

They Came From Outer The Koran!

I Was A Teenage Mohammad!

I never had sexual relations with that Mohammad.

I am not a Mohammad!

Dhimmi, Dhimmi coco pop!

The Australian Labour Party stands for all Mohammad's.

Read my lips. No more Mohammad's.

That curry gave me terrible Sharia.

Islam ah bad?

Life is but a dream...kaboom, kaboom!

Congress has just outlawed Islam. We commence bombing of Mecca in five minutes.

Whoh oh Black Betty, Ramadan. Damn things gone wild. Ramadan.

I just met a girl called Sharia.

Bewitched, bothered and beheaded am I.

In the merry, merry month of Ramadan.

A full Burqa looks like Gort the robot in drag.

Islamic puzzle book. Join the heads!

It looks like Mohammad is going for the red in the side pocket.

Now Mohammad, I just want you to relax and close your eyes and tell me, why do you hate everyone’s Mother?

That’s Mohammad ahead by two points.

Crazier than an Imam.

After washing thoroughly, please place all Mohammad’s in the bin provided.

I’ll have the Mohammad and eggs and a coffee, thanks.

I’ve been seeing another Mohammad, and we’re in love!

How could you spend all our savings on a Mohammad!

Hey man, this is Grade A Mohammad!

I’m sorry. We just sold our last Mohammad. We’re expecting more by Thursday at the latest.

They tried to tell us we were Mohammad.

Here’s looking at you, Mohammad.

Ramadan a ding dong.

Iraq me baby, all night long.

Hey, I’m gonna Mecca summa spaghetti!

Try ‘New’ Mohammad! Now with five times more Jihad!

Is your hair dry, lifeless and hard to Mohammad?

There is nothing to fear but Islam itself.

This is a day that will live in Islam, see.

Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for Dhimmitude.

The truth about Islam? You can’t handle the truth!

Israel is real. Islam is unreal.

Islam gave me cancer!

'Harem Jane' Fonda. 'Haram Jane' Fonda. 'Annoy Jane' Fonda!

Islamism. It’s the crème de’ la crude.


Aurora said...

NIce post but that is one sick perverted pic you've got up there, Col.
By the way, consider yourself blogrolled! ;)

Anonymous said...

F u...

Third Rail said...

Call in and check out our interview tonight at 8PM EST with Dr. Paul L. Williams, author of The Day of Islam at

Beth said...

Uh oh, looks like Anonymous doesn't appreciate Mohammed. Typical. ;-)

Love your blog!

AIM Admin. said...

AIM Admin:

Wonderful Colonel! I have for many years always said 'up yours/get stuffed/you bastard Allah/Mohammad' or similar refrains every time something went I regard them all as evils in the world! I call Mohammad 'Mo-mad' (Muslims hate ham), and if I ever get a black dog, what could you call it but Mohammad..

These comments are all too true--

"Sir! I said drop the Koran and move away from the nuclear device, now!"

"Early behead and early to lies, makes Mohammad unhinged, wacky and despised".

"There is nothing to fear but Islam itself".

I have printed your list off to carry with me, along with my book of Islamic laws, to show to people when I talk about the malignant cancer of Islam! Thank you.

Dan Z. said...

Anon, I must say I like most of them equally.

I can also picture a warning on each copy of the Quran: "WARNING! Content of this book is harmful to both readers and their victims."

Changing the subject a litte- Colonel, your pets deserve a little bit better than Muhammad, y'know. ;) (especially the newts).

Rosie. said...

Very funny Colonel!

Every time I read your story I burst into hysterical Sharia.
It must be one my bad Mo-days!

Blue Heeler said...

That photo, of the Imam kissing that poor little boy, is one the most revolting things I have ever seen. Every time I see it, I feel sick to my stomach. Wake up, Australia!

These sick perverts want to tell us what's normal and acceptable "cultural practices".

They want to lecture us about morality and probity.
They want a say in what is permissable in Australia.

They are demanding this in fact and to date, there's precious little resistance to them.

The Emirates Commonwealth of Australia has some ideas of what is and what isn't Australian and I suspect.... you aren't going to like it.

Kinda like some old pervert sticking his tongue down your throat.

Aim Admin. said...

My all time fovourite:

"That curry gave me terrible Sharia".

Amigo. said...

Very cool list.

Should be supplied as an appendix with every copy of the Koran.
Who knows, perhaps even the main part (all those 114 suras), will be eventually abandoned and replaced with your 114 one liners.

AIM said...


"Is that a fatwah in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?"

Colonel Robert Neville said...

Dear Anonymous:

You should feel no shame in supporting Fulham United. While maybe not the greatest team in Britain, they still do have much to offer, including gravy floaters at half time.

So all the best, you witty old wag.

Colonel Neville.

Cass. said...


I agree with Dan and I must say I found this article extremely offensive. How dare you name your centipede, slug, blow fish, family of Sea Monkeys and Petri dish of bacteria Mohammed.

It shows great insensitivity to their feelings. They have done nothing wrong: since when did a centipede plan world domination or the slug want to kill all non-slugs?

Leave harmless creatures alone and don't sully their reputation in this way. After all, you wouldn't call your pet dog Hitler, Stalin or Pol Pot.

AIM said...

WorldNetDaily printed an article about a pig called Mohamed

An American evangelist, Bill Keller, host of LivePrayer, has posted a video on YouTube featuring a pink, toy pig named Muhammad after the Muslim prophet.

"Indeed Muhammad was a man of murder," the pig, voiced by Keller himself, states in the video. "He was a pedophile, having a wife at the age of six.

In his latest devotional being sent to his subscribers, Keller states:

Of course there will be Muslim apologists who say that these are only the extremists, just like they try to distance themselves from their brothers in this "peaceful religion" who flew the planes into the World Trade Center ...

These people are not about love or peace or unity. They are about one thing. Converting the world to their false religion and those who get in their way or who refuse to follow their lies will be silenced and killed.

The word "Islam" literally means "submission." Maybe you don't understand what it means when their "holy book" says "death to all infidels."

"Bill Keller's pink pig is a terrific tribute to Muhammad!" said WND reader Stephen Mayfield.

"If only we could load B-52's with a week's take of Farmer John's swine intestines, and bombs-away them over Khartoum."

Now, there's a thought!

Anonymous said...

ur freak man insulting any relegion is sin and ur relegion too must not be allowing u to comment so .........

Anonymous said...

gosh! i love the whole: "hey mohammad, nyuck nyuck nyuck!" That was so funny! I am dying with laughter!!! i am doing yet again, another paper on islam and i am taking a break and i read this and it totally made my day! thank you so much!

Anonymous said...

First of all i am a muslim and im PROUD of it. All of yall haterz can kiss my arabian a**. All of yall are sayin that sh** cuz you all know that your religion is wrong but you dont wanna confess. That pic was photo shopped mr colonel robert neville , you stupid a** mother fu****!!!!!! You say our religion is stupid! In the past you jews were the dumbest people alive. You guys always went around askin for help cuz yall had no fu***n brains. So let me tell you something mr colonel robert.... BURN IN HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! B****!!!!!!!!

colonel roberts murderer said...

hi bi***es, first off you piece of sh** jew, i am a muslim and am proud of it. your parents know the truth they just want you to be like them. alot of people think that islam is dumb so that is why you see all sorts of sh** on the web about us. like anonymous said, that photo was photoshopped. you are a stupid a** desperate piece of sh** that will do anything to critisize islam. i am happy i have a chance to go to paradise. while you will go straight to hell with no questions asked BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

colonel robert is gay said...


anonymous said...


your article was outrageous and completely uncalled for. you seem to have a very definite opinion on a religion you dont seem to know much about. so i suggest that before you write something and post it on the internet that you do some research before influencing the thoughts of others and you seem to forget that the three major religious systems have much in common so in the words of my imam "Be careful of your knowledge and see from whom you get it." your are completely baise and off base.

Colonel Robert Neville said...

Dear er, "anonymous", "anonymous" and er, "anonymous" and gee, again, "anonymous" as per usual. Balls.

Everything I wrote is true and the photo is a sad typical authentic Muslim Monkey House fact. But good try at standard medicocre taquiyaa. Five stars.

All I have written is empirically true, unlike the entire basis of your miserable inbred existance, which is entirely fictitious. Toodle ooh, you tedious but laughable splendid criminal twerps.

Colonel Neville.

Anonymous said...

I think you're just pathetic! You're clearly not happy with your life and I promise that I will pray for you. everything you have said is out of ignorance. You want to call the Quran a disease, a bomb? then you might as well call the bible the same thing because they are all from ONE GOD. For the all the selfish, and ignorant jews who like to talk shit about Islam, go educate yourself because you all believe the same thing muslims do but we believe in Prophet Mohammed. I really shouldn't waste my time getting to your level as you are all just fools speaking nonsense, but I strongly advise that you to educate yourself or just shut the fuck up and stop critisizing muslims. Everyone knows that Islam is the true religion, but no one has the guts to admit it! It's truly sad but as I said I will pray for your sick twisted minds :)

Colonel Robert Neville said...

Dear er, Anonymous, I shall call you Fred. Fred Pastry.

You've convinced me with your brilliant arguments. I now completely respect your awesome intellect and love Islamic jihad! Sadly, no.

Golly, are you calling me Jewish? Gee, thanks. If only. Now I may be able to finally win that Nobel Prize! All I have to do is something very intelligent in science, medicine or technologyetc. Damn. I may have to wait...

Er, you forgot to focus on where I'm wrong and counter with gee, evidence. Nevermind. Maybe next time. Does this mean the date is off? I bought flowers and candy.

Thanks for praying. Does that include the daily Muslim Koranic prayer damning Jews, Infidels and unbelievers etc? Gee, no thanks.

Goodbye and good luck with your deep therapy. Colonel Neville.

Colonel Robert Neville said...

Dear "colonel roberts murderer".. Hey, catchy monicker! AND a brilliant comment on your part. Are you eating solid foods yet?

Colonel Neville.

Colonel Robert Neville said...

Dear "Colonel Neville is gay". Yep, I'm very gay. Young and gay with a bright skip in my step. I'm a Broadway Baby all the way, fella!

Colonel Neville.