Colonel Neville celebrates with good cheer, another personal milestone at his swingin' and happening pad! "Why the Hell can't you leave me alone?!"
"No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up". Lily Tomlin.
Aunty Doris: “Happy 200th post Colonel! And look, we’ve banded tugetha’ and got ya a wee packet a’ sweeties! And uh left most a’ the good wunz fer ya ta!”.
Colonel Neville: “Oh, gee Aunty. I don’t know what to say, except get out”.
Aunty Doris: “Och, ya were ulwayz a sentimental soul even as a child card sharp”.
Colonel Neville: “Yes, clearing up at retirement homes, often brought a tear to my innocent little eyes. I think it was either the stench or the curtains, but who can tell in these crazy times of random political correctness? I certainly can’t”.
"It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull".H.L Mencken.
But I digress, digest and divest. Ok, I re-posted some bogus requests of the week, to make up the numbers and thus win the coveted boiled sweets award. But they were all updated and improved to make them almost readable. Several readers asked “Who are you?, When do I get my money?” and “Is your hair dry, lifeless and hard to manage?”
“So what’s it like to be Colonel Neville?” you may ask but obviously don’t. Well, it’s a non-stop roller coaster ride of how can I say...tedium. And yet this has never stopped me writing about it. For instance, to celebrate this momentous event, I had a blood test, which often makes me feel quite faint. Do they really need seven litres?
Colonel Neville: “If I die, I want a Mariachi band at my funeral, but not the unsophisticated kind, more with an Oscar Peterson feel than a combine harvester out of control in a tin can factory”.
Nurse Le Strange: “Mr Colonel, don’t worry. I’m not listening and I’m not really a nurse!”
Colonel Neville: “It’s getting dark and I think I can see my Father in law…”
Nurse Le Strange: “That’s because it’s 7:PM and the door is open to the waiting room”.
The wife is very supportive and excited about the 200th post too, and we had a relaxing coffee in the sun to mark the occasion. As wives do, she offered words of encouragement. "I don't care about your stupid 200th post! Go to Hell!" Curiously, she said it was an accident but she thought my hand was an ashtray! Though I have my suspicions, and not least because she didn’t stop and also she doesn’t smoke. Odd, I thought. So boy, have I learnt a lot and really changed! Unbelievable changes! It’s all different now, baby! Er, not really. And yet, I have changed and sometimes even my shirts. It’s been an endless round of epiphany and revelation .
Sadly, a lot of ‘em have been a total drag. For instance, I always knew that while the inner-city was full to the espresso machines with plenty of affable and deluded boobs, I now realize we’re also largely spineless boobs. It’s a matching set! The standard issue hipster and right on political pose is to stand up bravely to any democratically elected leader and minor conservative at the drop of a pamphlet. And this is entirely because there is no threat whatsoever, no matter how stratospheric the hysterical hyperbole, and it always is. But bring on the real and daily threats from any theocratic Middle-Eastern monkey house, third-world hell hole, unstable freak nation, totalitarian communist kingdom n' shit pile outpost etc , and it’s a weak “Call the U.N!” but not to any gauche and actual actions.
Or it’s a standard left liberal free life-time pass to any mass murderer, as long as they’re anti-US, Jew-hating geeks or despisers of the West in general. All three is even better. Certainly not a single effective impoliteness will be aimed at any actual multiple killer’s like Iran's Ahmachimphead, Cuba's head pig Castro, Kim mentally Ill Sung, Rabid Mugabe, Charles Taylor type Congo or Africa wide cannibal clone, Assad the ass hat, any Saudi despot, Hamas my ass, Shining Path, Janjaweed, Al Aqsa or Weatheredmen ad nauseum etc, etcetera.
Nope, not much fuss at any genuinely malevolent force much anywhere, unless they’re way over there somewhere, like um, yes there is one, um, whatever, and nuttin’. That’s right, they’re angry at China, but only for killin’ Tibetan’s and not for er, communist nihilists per se. "Harrumph, cough, cough!" But show ‘em a faraway could-be-better Republican etc, and boy! The inner-city fluff ball is ready to whine and ad hominem with the best of the whiners and hyperbolers. And they say the latte set don’t like bowling!
Hey, and man, they’ll dare to smash a McDonald’s window, or throw bolts at police horses, thus freeing millions of oppressed people across the world. The inner-city really is a lot like Invasion of the Body Snatchers on a loop. A loopy loop. Much of the local political opinion is entirely opportunistic, provisional, backdated, nuance free, phony, irrelevant and as ineffective as a Mike Moore Subway endorsement.“I gained more weight than a Subway franchise by only eating everything I could find”. Mike ‘can I have a straw with that vat of lard?’ Moore.
Still, he has the money and I don’t, and all he had to do was lie relentlessly and commit high treason by making among other agitprop dross, a propaganda film for a Cuban dictator. “I love Cuban food!” says Mike. “All of it!” And show the average inner urban lefty groover a seriously driven Islamist loon, and they turn inside out and abandon every alleged 'value' they may have ever had, in a disgusting, frightening yet amusing paroxysm of moral inversion and abasement. Then they’ll attack you for not being a team player, in their relentlessly suicidal grovelfest.
"Courage", as C.S Lewis said, "is not merely one of the virtues, but THE virtue at the testing point".
But have I achieved anything? Well, have ya? Hmmm? Well, I did finally finish that feature wall and the towel rail is looking just great. And you should see what I did with the cutlery drawer. As for the tea towels, well, they speak for themselves, though not literally. So, gee, merely due to time constraints in my busy schedule, I could have written everyday and even multiple posts. Now that does bug me, cos’ they might have been nice, all those words an’ things, like “merry” and “haberdashery” or “elegiac”. Or big words like chocolate biscuit.
And speaking of gloom, the great Mark Steyn, the wonderful Phyllis Chessler and many other writers and blogger’s in the conservative sphere, seem to be feeling a little creeped out lately by the pressing facts of the rather dominant forces of the left, the radical and of the relentless Islamization of the once free West via Shariacreep. Well, concerned and creeped out at least a little more than usual. And I think they're completely on the money. Concerned? So am I. Creeped out? Quite a lot actually, kids."What, me worry?" Alfred E. Neuman. Something is very wrong and er, it's gettin' worse.
The most common trends are often anti-reason and conformist forms of cowardice, cloaked in for the good of all lies and mediocrity. As Andrew Bolt has said, the mass movement and fraud of Global Warming hysteria is the greatest attack on reason in our lifetime. Mark Steyn makes the case yet again, that the lefts idea of diversity of opinion means every opinion is valid except for yours and mine, which should be well, crushed and silenced.
"The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern. Every class is unfit to govern". Lord Acton.
Phyllis is charmingly urgent yet always personal as per usual, in saying that standards in much public discourse are buckling, and the empirical is being replaced piece by piece, with the ideological, the lazy, the mediocre and the fake. As usual with Phyllis, she's entirely correct. But hey, why waste another minute being depressed and bored by me. Mark Steyn is still running a great series of pieces on Frank Sinatra and Jimmy Stewart. So happy 200th post to me! Sheesh, it’s enough to drive ya crazy, innit? Hey, did I tell ya about my Pookah?
"Never give a party if you will be the most interesting person there". Mickey Friedman.
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