Sunday, 10 June 2007

Man finds ant in garden.

Hampton fruiterer, Mr Dringle Tweedy.

A surprise discovery alarms fruiterer.

A Hampton man expressed concern yesterday at finding a single ant in his suburban backyard. "I've never noticed one before" said Dringle Tweedy, a fifty-five year old fruiterer from Squint Street. Mr Tweedy had earlier called police claiming that there was a, "huge black animal" in his yard and that it was aggressively "staring and waving about".

A man identified as Mr Tweedy directed police to a Hampton address at around 3 PM Thursday. The ant concerned was rapidly subdued by a local foot patrol.

Constable Tony Thick of the Hampton police said that "This was an isolated incident and that there was no cause for alarm, even though we have had other members of the public finding things in gardens such as the caterpillar, or your common newt”. Mr Tweedy said that he would have noticed any previous ant presence as he spends "a lot of time in the dirt. I always have, even as a child”.

Though it is not clear at this stage whether any neighbouring homes have also experienced any ant activity, a Miss Joan Drabb, a woman who had initially agreed to comment, said that she was unaware of any problem and stated that "I don't want to know about any bleeding ants. I don't want to get involved wiv 'em”, and that she was “not a feminist”.

She later added that "People should not have to live under these conditions, with ants staring at them all afternoon and what was the government doing about it?"

A senior government spokesman from the Department of Ticks Gnats and Fleas, admitted that there was no formal plan for dealing with an unexpected ant arrival. "Though we are looking into it closely and will address the issue in full, at the appropriate point in time” adding that, "It was more than the opposition had done while in power”.

“One needs only a cursive look at their appallingly, short sighted and negative policies on the bedbug or indeed the gecko, to see that we have been left with the hard work of cleaning up the mess of their incompetence. This unpleasant ant business may be only the tip of the iceberg”, he said.

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