Friday, 8 June 2007

Plasticine Dinosaur Construction Delayed by Several Weeks














Voting at a recent Board of Directors meeting.




The problem plagued and completely hand crafted project to build Boobles, the marshmallow eating “T-Wex”, has been pushed forward another two weeks by Project Manager Jack Brown aged four and a half. In a tearful press conference earlier today, Jack stated that he had trouble making the arms and teeth properly. “I can’t do it! I can’t! I just want to go to sleep!” he said. Mr Brown surprised the assembled press when he asked for a piece of a chocolate bar being consumed by a photographer and stated that, “I never have any chocolate at home. Ever!”

The projects original budget has blown out by almost 300%, or roughly two more packets of modelling dough. This was due to a late decision to add some “fried purple eggs, bacon and a happy dancing cat” to the design by the Board of Directors, made up chiefly of Jack Brown, two headless action figures, Mrs Fuzzyball and a party hat.

Critics of the ill-fated project have commented on Jack's relative lack of experience at making recognizable figures with clear limbs or features. Most of his previous projects have involved either amorphous lumps, vaguely human shapes or something that may or may not be a “fast car". Though the same critics have admitted that there was a nice cup and saucer which was finished earlier this year and though lacking a handle, it was displayed on the top of the fridge for several days. That was until it fell onto the linoleum where it was completely flattened by a Mr 'Peter Brown.'

A supporter of the current project, a 'Mrs Brown', who wished to remain anonymous, confided that some of the problems associated with the building of ‘Boobles’ can be blamed on other distracting ongoing responsibilities such as TV watching, citrus fruit or chocolate milk. Mrs Brown stated that another major cause of delay, is that half-way through making a big eye ball or a funny nose, “Jack just loses interest, especially when it’s sunny. He’ll very easily drop everything and instead go out into the garden and sit up in a tree, saying random vowels such as 'ee, ooh, aah and oh”.

Brown still hopes to unveil the finally finished “T-Wex” on schedule, either at Show and Tell or on the lounge room bookcase. A new still secret project is rumored to involve space travel and the cutting edge use of cardboard, string and tinfoil.

5 comments:

pseudonym said...

One of the best articles I've read. Great work. Loved this especially.

'The projects original budget has blown out by almost 300%, or roughly two more packets of modelling dough. This was due to a late decision to add some “Fried purple eggs, bacon and a happy dancing cat.” to the design by the Board of Directors, made up chiefly of Kai Jones, two headless action figures, Mrs Fuzzyball and a party hat'.

mulley said...

I concur.

Keridwen said...

Think if we said "fuck off twat" we'd be thanked for our comments? All seriousness, hilarious. hanks for the read.

Whopd said...

From Chaser website posting.
Wait....was this dinosaur from the Pleistocene Period? CK.

Desmond said...

Hi Colonel, really loved the idea and thought it was really well written. Regards Desmond. [From Chaser website.]