I am the Space Lizard King. I can do anything. Richard Warman recorded 'live' in the lav.

In one of his many persona's, a heavily disguised Richard Warman looks for something, in fact anything that is remotely like evidence. Or alternatively not like evidence at all, evidently. Baby you’re a rich man, baby you’re a rich man, baby you’re a Richard Warman!

Jim Morrison: “You're all a bunch of fucking slaves”.


Richard Warman is interviewed by Pierre La Chaise.

“I’m offended! Just offended, and not only for my own bank balance, but for all of the Mizzterhood!”, said Canada’s Space Lizard King Richard Warman, from his toilet cubicle at Toronto Railway Station. This is where I found Warman gathering “Some very hard evidence indeed. So hard it hurts!”, against a man who Warman alleges is Hawaii’s leading and indeed only neo-Nazi, one George Tahulah Kahuni Hoipoloi.

“See how George wrote on the back of this toilet door, ‘George was ‘ere?’ Note that the letter ‘S’ is clearly a Nazi SS lightning bolt! Sure, there’s only one to throw me off the trail, but I know which George it is and that he is indeed a Third Reich Re-constructionist!”

Jim Morrison: “I like people who shake other people up and make them feel uncomfortable”.

Jonah Goldberg: “Democracy is about disagreements. Tyranny is about enforced agreement”.

Warman has filed over 18,000 complaints through the CHRC, (Canadian Hubris Ratbag Crapola) since last Thursday, several of them “almost about something” says Warman. “It’s the principle of the something. And with a good principle and compound interest. If I don’t stand up for a huge share of the easy money of bogus tax payer funded damages payouts, who will? For years, I’ve carried half this heavy load of lovely money, but I can’t keep it up forever, not without Amyl nitrate. I’ve got expenses!” said Richard, with a concerned upturn of his scaly brow.

Jim Morrison. "When you make your peace with authority, you become an authority".

Warman is currently at lizard heads with Mark Steyn, the well known pedlar of facts, over Steyn's stubborn refusal to give Warman his money. Steyn has countered that Warman is actually “pining”, after Mark brushed off Richards desperate request for a date. Warman allegedly grabbed Steyn by the legs while Mark was buying a hot dog at a Trojans game. Warman pleaded “ I love you Mark! I’ve been a bad litigant and an even worse writer! You’ve beaten me literately, now hurt me literally! Oh God, you’re so literate! Why must I be 'the other team' player in love?!”

Jim Morrison. “How can I set free anyone who doesn't have the guts to stand up alone and declare his own freedom? I think it's a lie, people claim they want to be free, everybody insists that freedom is what they want the most, the most sacred and precious thing a man can possess. But that's bullshit! People are terrified to be set free, they hold on to their chains. They fight anyone who tries to break those chains. It's their security…How can they expect me or anyone else to set them free if they don't really want to be free”.

Warmans failed wooing of Steyn at the Super Bowl was projected onto the big screen, where it was witnessed by the entire audience of 40,000 people. “Hey, how about those Redsox?” says Warman suddenly. “This is all an endless lie! They're all lying! And I should know. I’m a lawyer. I’ve never eaten a hot dog or attended ball games, nor have I ever been in a cubicle, especially this one” he added with a flourish.

Jim Morrison: That's what real love amounts to; letting a person be what he really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending, performing. You get to love your pretence. It's true, we're locked in an image, an act. And the sad thing is, people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains. They forget all about who they really are. And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it, they feel like you're trying to steal their most precious possession".

Oddly, while Warman does have a lawyers natural reptilian charm, he’s one of the few that I’ve known of with actual greenish scales. I asked him about his opinions of Warren Kinsella. “Salmonella? The hot dogs again?” he asked. “No", I said, Warren Kinsella. How do you view him?” Richard answered that “Well, from here I’d have to stand on the toilet seat”.

Jim Morrison: “The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can't be any large-scale revolution until there's a personal revolution, on and individual level. It's got to happen inside first. You can take away a man's political freedom and you won't hurt him, unless you take away his freedom to feel. That can destroy him. That kind of freedom can't be granted. Nobody can win it for you”.

I asked Warman if he could be a little more specific and clearly put on the record once and for all, exactly what his complaint and his complaint and his complaint and his complaint is. “I see myself as a rebel, employed by the government, much like Marlon Brando in ‘The Wild One’. ‘What have ya’ got?!’ I’ll take it all, baby!” said Warman and then continued. “Are you upset or offended about anything? Even a little? Are you planning to be offended? Try…please!

Have I upset you? Just say the word and I’ll take me to the cleaners! And don’t think I won’t do it! If you hate yourself I can help you bankrupt you! No, but seriously. That David Icke is insane! There are no shape shifting space lizards! Not in this cubicle. Well, maybe one. But who knows which one of us it could be? It ain’t me, babe! Hey, is that a fly? Do you want it?”

It was at that precise moment that I looked away from Warman in the direction of the tasty insect, and when I turned back to where Richard had only seconds before been sunning himself on a rock, there was now a potted Aspidistra. It appears Richard Warman really can get away with anything.

Jim Morrison: “I think there's a whole region of images and feelings inside us that rarely are given outlet in daily life. And when they do come out, they can take perverse forms. It's the dark side. Everyone, when he sees it, recognizes the same thing in himself. It's a recognition of forces that rarely see the light of day. The more civilized we get on the surface, the more the other forces make their plea.

We're like actors, turned loose in this world to wander in search of a phantom, endlessly searching for a half-formed shadow of our lost reality. When others demand that we become the people they want us to be, they force us to destroy the person we really are. It's a subtle kind of murder. The most loving parents and relatives commit this murder with smiles on their faces.

Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.

People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up.

People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain".