Celebrity Suicide and Hollywood Homicide: The best of both worlds.

When the Dalai Lama takes a much needed break from his world tour, performing readings of his endless supply of demotivation cliches, he likes nothing better than doing his famous impression of Christopher Hitchens.


“The widely and lazily held belief that "Oriental" religion is different from other faiths: less dogmatic, more contemplative, more ... transcendental. This blissful, thoughtless exceptionalism has been conveyed to the West through a succession of mediums and narratives, ‘Lost Horizon’ and ‘Seven Years in Tibet’…

China's foul conduct… combined with a Hollywood cult that almost exceeds the power of Scientology, has fused with weightless Maharishi and Bhagwan-type babble to create an image of an idealized Tibet and of a saintly God-king”. Christopher Hitchens.




Peter Cook once joked with Dudley Moore about a TV show called Celebrity Suicide where various celebrities came on the show and committed suicide. I was reminded of this when I saw a TV ad for an awful movie called 'Hollywood Homicide', starring everyone’s favourite incredibly wealthy sourpuss and Dalai Lama sychophant, Harrison 'Chuckles' Ford.

You know the Dalai Lama, the well known spouter of desk calendar wisdom and former CIA payroll receiver up until 1974. Hey, if you’re a Buddhist, appear on Celebrity Suicide, and you’ll simply come back albeit in a suitably ‘Bad Karma’ form. The DL believes that “Of course!” children who are born crippled or sick, are being punished for sins in a previous life. Ok…is that the time already?

Hey, the Dal is cool with oppressing gays and ipso facto, any uncritical licker of the Chosen Bowling Ball One is by default a supporter too, because that was the way of old Tibet and the compassionate philosophy of Tibetan Buddhism. So many precious memories.

”Yesterday, when I burnt dung…”

The reason Hollywood loves Buddhism is because it requires zero commitment and no responsibility, beyond not killing houseflies. Er, apparently Barbra Streisand fans are ok to knock off though. The other thing you must do as a Western Buddhist, is to walk around all pious and removed from reality because basically, you are and you don’t give a damn. Just swan around like some kinda Spock meets Richard ‘I imagine I have something to say’ Gere.

Throw in occasional vague piffle and alleged observations to the plebes like “You’re holding onto your anger and you value material things”.

Yeah, like food, shelter, medicine, clothes, the power grid, dialysis machines and enormous Hollywood actor’s fees.

“The entire Western mass media is uncritically at the service of a mere mortal who, at the very least, proclaims the utter nonsense of reincarnation and who affirms the sinister if not indeed crazy belief that death is but a stage in a grand cycle of what appears to be futility and subjection”.
Christopher Hitchens.


All the Tibetan Government in exile is made up entirely of Q-Balls family. All of it. What has the Lama baby ever achieved apart from receiving untold millions in donations and from the CIA? Apart from being held up by a horde of clueless Hollywood hypocrites, the modish, Left and teen of mind, as a great and wise jelly baby? He’s not kids. Nothing he’s ever said is worth much of a damn and probably not more than any schmaltzy Hallmark card.

Buddhism is filled with great philosophical points, yes it is. Though when applied more fully, they do tend to result in uninvolved and absurdly useless posturing sans backbone, or any central and effectively virile beliefs whatsoever. I’ve known a few ‘Buddhists’ who seem to adopt it out of moral vanity and a sense of superiority. Thus it’s perfectly suited to celebrities. The DL has nothing to say about anything that you can’t really get from any cheesy book of sayings and aphorisms read by a stoner.

The DL in full mediocre flight:

“We have seen that we cannot solve human problems by fighting”.

Have we? Get glasses. Like never? So passivity is always the answer? Every rapist, child molester, Islamist, killer and Dictator can rub their hands in glee. “I face an army of slaves to weakness and nullity. Big deal. I’m ready, anytime”.

Gee, it’s worked out great for Tibet, his advocating of more of this purely intellectual, helpless, spineless, castrated sponge approach? And that’s the great thing about throwing this crap out there; the only effort you’ll ever need to make is merely in the spouting of it. Your work is done. Then it’s continue with more drivelling platitudes, wash your hands of any of the dirty human business of standing for anything and maybe just have a little snooze. To show what you’re made of, do nothing, in fact, you’re doing it now. Bravo, we’ll know who to call in case of a crisis. A vertebrate.

“And you look around at all the jellyfish, and he says floatation is groovy baby. The poor jellyfish ain’t got a bone Lord, in his jelly back”. Jimi Hendrix.


“Problems resulting from differences in opinion must be resolved through the gradual process of dialogue”.

So, it’s just all a matter of opinion then? Nothing is real, good and evil are merely viewpoints and everything is equally valid? Er, no. The speed of light is measurable, a punch to the face will be unpleasant, the earth does revolve around the sun. Yeah, if we can just talk through mass murder, child rape, bank robbery and beating a cat to death...

Surely we can come to some sort of compromise? A real win-win situation! You kill, torture, steal and rape on Mondays, Thursdays and Saturdays, and on alternate days, I’ll do nothing about it…how does that sound?

I wouldn’t want to be judgemental an’ all. After all, having any kind of discrimination via rational adult thought is so un-PC, innit? The Dalai Lama can’t tell shit from clay. Indeed, old Thimble Top maybe thinks there is none, for the truly 'Enlightened'.

“Undoubtedly, wars produce victors and losers; but only temporarily. Victory or defeat resulting from wars cannot be long-lasting”.

Er, sure mate. The Third Reich, Imperial Japan and Fascist Italy were just temporarily flattened. They’re coming back any moment. Yeah, nothing as visceral, real, testing or naturally maturing as victory or defeat for you, eh? Well, ya don’t need to really. Gee, DL seems pretty comfortable with either, but then better men and women are bankrolling his and our security with their military service and sacrifice. How gauche and unspiritual... Room service!

So no war could ever be for anything noble, worthwhile, decent or about life and death? Oh, that's right. DL sees this life as a mere pass through of illusion and of no lasting warm blood in the veins consequence, except for that damn Karma thing...

“Secondly, our world has become so interdependent that the defeat of one country must impact the rest of the word, or cause all of us to suffer losses either directly or indirectly”.

Yep, after WWII, the victors and the countries they defeated and liberated were all successful. All those that were oppressed by Soviet Communism were utter failures.

“Today, the world is so small and so interdependent that the concept of war has become anachronistic, an outmoded approach”.

Nope, most dysfunctional states are completely ignorable and that’s why Islamist Hellholes only have their “Look at me!” belligerence as their only modus operandi.

“As a rule, we always talk about reform and changes”. Nope, many states talk only about total control and power, like Islamic dumps, Communist freak outs and Leftoid and Socialist moribunds. And er, gee, when was the last time Left Liberals bothered with the detail of actual economics? Must have missed it. I thought they mostly despised Capitalism, free markets, innovation, wealth creation, smaller government and incentive last time I looked.

“Among the old traditions, there are many aspects that are either ill-suited to our present reality or are counterproductive due to their short-sightedness. These, we have consigned to the dustbin of history. War too should be relegated to the dustbin of history”.

That about sums up old Tibet, Communism, Leftism, Islamism and any other freak ism prisms including Left Liberal celebrity elitism. No, the states, systems that need to be crushed and liberated need to be relegated to the old trash can, mate. Er, also hereditary superstitious God Kings may be on the way out too. But Shiny is cool with his own end too, so to speak. Do not stand to close to this man if you want to survive, folks!

“Unfortunately, although we are in the 21st century, we still have not been able to get rid of the habit of our older generations. I am talking about the belief or confidence that we can solve our problems with arms. It is because of this notion that the world continues to be dogged by all kinds of problems”.


Rubbish. It’s not merely war and guns that are problems; it’s always the same two things that determine if a place sucks, as P.J.O’Rourke has said. Places that do suck don’t have civil government by the rule of law and don’t possess viable, functionally effective economic systems. It’s as simple as that. Places that don’t suck have both these things. Then Dally old sport, you can keep your Kung Fool riffs for fortune cookies.

“But what can we do?…people in positions of power, or those who are responsible, will find safe places; they will escape the consequent hardship. They will find safety for themselves, one way or the other. But what about the poor people, the defenceless people, the children, the old and infirm. They are the ones who will have to bear the brunt of devastation….I don't know whether our prayers will be of any practical help. But this is all we can do for the moment”.

And there you have the full blown useless, hare brained, careless, banal, empty nihilism that old Easter Head seems pretty damn comfortable with. Yep, regards disgustingly abstract ideology, like Leftism, Communism and Death by Lama, the people as usual have to wear it. DL is incapable of spontaneous and effective action in the real world. Shoulda paid more attention in martial arts class, Eggman.

Here is exposed for all to see, the nihilistic and empty fraud of His Hokeyness. The plan is basically, “You lay down and die like a grub or a mouse for my strato cumulus based philosophy. Er, my flight is leaving in half an hour, so toodle-ooh!”

Hey, just like old Tibet…nice. Yeah, but “this is all we can do for the moment...” Damned if I will, you fat and cushioned waste of time. Move over for real men and women who actually defend everything you have, without the syrupy, irresponsible, frivolous flatulence.

The Dalai Lama believes that “Men to men sex and women to women sex is sexual misconduct”. He says masturbation is forbidden. Must find more hobbies. Cone head the Barbered says oral sex is not acceptable, even between a husband and wife, nor is anal sex. Hey, there goes Saturday nights. Having sex during the day is also sexual misconduct. And there goes Sunday mornings.

These are all answers to questions posed by Australian John Saffran on his wonderful show ‘John Saffran vs God’. John who is Jewish, walked around the streets with two guys, one dressed as Pope John II and another dressed as the Dalai Lama. He then asked random, regular people and those who most looked like WTO activist rabble with Central Casting nose rings, woollen hats and Dobie Gillis sidekick beards a series of posers, regards who said what bizarre, random and dated prohibitions.

All the common folk and the radical squares very easily said, “Oh, that’s the Pope!” and were genuinely puzzled when Saffran said er, no. It’s the DL, kids. The same happened with a series of enlightened and modern views, which were the Popes, but everyone imagined they were the DL’s. It’s all image and impression you see. No more substantial than the Tibetan Government in exile or the Dalai Lama’s hair. It turns out that the Pope was not only more swingin', but had the depth and more of a grasp of reality that's in the end, way over any of the opinions of the Great Bald Head in the Clouds.

“The Dalai Lama is never happier than when brooding in a celibate manner on the sex lives of people he has never met.”Sexual misconduct for men and women consists of oral and anal sex," he has repeatedly said in promoting his book on these matters. "Using one's hand, that is sexual misconduct." But, as ever with religious stipulations, there is a nutty escape clause. "To have sexual relations with a prostitute paid by you and not by a third person does not constitute improper behaviour." Christopher Hitchens.


A lot of these ridiculous “spiritual snake oil leaders” all have a creepy case of the Ghandi Horn, don’t they?

Millions of Free Tibet stickers have resulted in millions of Free Tibet stickers. Nothing more. It’s the passive, superficial and give yourself a moral vanity and smug conceited pat on your own back of DL style non insights that’s so appealing to people. His Hopelessness the Daily Lazy Boys actual life, is almost entirely the opposite of his meaningless platitudes that he riffs on endlessly, with other useless alleged Saints such as Nelson ‘I love you Che the child killer and Fidel the obese Dictator and I’ve done exactly zero to help any other African nation’ Mandela.

Yep, the last time the eight ball in a sheet came to Melbourne drivelling about how surprise, surprise, money is not important, especially to him. Well, it ain’t if millions are willing to pick up your tab for a chance at some of that golden light rubbing off. Er, he said this while flying First Class and staying at a Five Star hotel.

People mostly imagine old pre Communist Tibet as some kind of Shangri la, full of equality, a perfect balance of contemplation and a simple lifestyle. In truth, it was a feudal theocracy ruled by the same endless line of priests, monks and royals for hundreds of years. Punishment in the backward sub third world flea heap and slave owning dump for non conformity to said backwardness included beheading, torture, disembowelling, flaying and so on.

Tibetan society was made of only two classes; the priests, monks and royals and everybody else. The monastery of Drepung had 25,000 slaves. Yeah, DL was making some efforts to improve things in his own private Scrooge McDuck comic book adventure.

Yep, the old Communist invasion was about as much fun as er, Communism. Another two million murders to add to the 100 million destroyed so far by the Creature from the Communist Mass Murder Hellhole.

Ironic is it not, how most every supporter of a Free Tibet meaning a feudal theocracy, are usually Left, Liberal or Radical and who naturally support utterly, a non free Cuba and its evil Totalitarian Communist Dictatorship? Where would the Left be without their insane contradictions? The real world and behaving decently, I suppose.

“Shoko Asahara, leader of the Supreme Truth cult in Japan and spreader of sarin nerve gas on the Tokyo subway…donated about $1.2 million to the Dalai Lama and was rewarded for his efforts by several high-level meetings with the divine one”. Christopher Hitchens.





Source for Hitch quotes with my edit: http://www.salon.com/news/1998/07/13news.html