Thursday, 20 December 2007

I can’t laugh, don’t ask me.

Derek: "You know that Jane Fonda, Pete?"

Clive: "Dud, do you mean the treasonous mattress athlete, serial Leftard loon, venal, monstrously spoiled neurotic narcissist, multi millionairess Hollywood decadent and thus a media and public darling?"

Derek: "That's our Hanoi Jane, Pete!"

Clive: "Never fucking heard of her, Dud".

My Mother was sadly born without arms…or legs, or a body. I came home once, and once was enough, and found her in the garden relaxing amongst the tomatoes, wearing a nice propeller hat. I said "It’s great to see you getting around, Ma. How about those Redsox?"

She answered quick as a flash "You know I can't wear 'em in my bleeding condition!"

"One's real life is often the life that one does not lead".
Oscar Wilde.

In one of my many hideous employs, I was once trying to clean around an obese woman who looked a lot like General Burchalter from Hogan’s Heroes, except not as feminine. Her vast legs were like two full hog sides and I had to get between them as they stuck out horizontally on the ‘Whatever happened to Gilbert Grape? Extendo Chair’.

As I was crouching into her raised groin while attempting to vacuum up the assorted food scraps and broken dentures covered in Statue of Liberty green, she said to me, “Can you get in there and suck it all up?”

“Sure, but if I don’t return by lunch, send in an obstetrician”.

If your life is as dull and drab as mine, there are several things you may not have to concern yourself too much about running into on a regular or daily basis. Such as being challenged by lots of dynamic individuals with a great sense of humour, terrific general knowledge, that are interested and curious about the world around them, that are witty, irreverent, serious when required and well, damn inspiring to be around.

No pressure of looking forward to folks having the grasp or awareness of Logical Fallacy’s, how the MSM works, or that read, are funky, who criticise any position of any side because it’s incorrect and so on, and all from a core of rational understanding. Yep, it's a carefree lifestyle from where I float.

“I wish I’d listened to what my Mother told me…”
“Why? What did she say?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t listen!”

It doesn’t mean they’re not otherwise good people, and sometimes they ain't, but it can seem that the folks one sometimes interact with can make ya feel like you're walking underwater, in a bad dream, maybe taken an overdose of mundane pills, or are in some alternate world of tedium. Hey, such good people, they're killing me. Seems competence and functioning at all is because thank God, we have a specialty. Maybe it appears this way because I’ve lost my mind, don't get around much or I’m a snobby old bastard. What the Hell do I know, and get off my damn lawn!

Quite frankly, I blame myself for getting out of bed, because that's when all the trouble begins.

"You are not superior just because you see the world in an odious light". Vicomte de Chateaubriand.

Now, I tested the possibility of insanity by climbing out of the ice box and watching what passes for news on the generally pathetic and useless Oz MSM. I then checked their facts via the Net and print, and yep, it’s still crap. So, my depth of analysis still seems to be there. But just to double check I gave my toe a good whack with a vitamiser. I knew it would hurt, and loh and behold, it did. So an understanding of cause and effect seems pretty compus. Hey, I’m no snobby old bastard fella, or I wouldn’t have married my wife.

My crazy way out conclusion is that something is wrong and many people have been entirely cheated by either their education, the MSM, the dominant PC Leftoid Liberal ethos, their peers, our cultural expectations and the general mind set of the public itself or all the previous. Gotta be. Maybe I'm just unlucky.

But shouldn't people be vastly more aware, educated and clear thinking with the incredible level of info that's now available and the absurd length of time we spend at school, doing er, something? Yep, somethings wrong, sports.

"Everyone rises to their level of incompetence".
Laurence J. Peter.

How could so many be so misinformed for so long about virtually every topic, and sometimes even their specialty? How? Why are there so many Leftards? Is it just the coincidence of my experience, admittedly meagre as it is? If I deviate from small talk, generally I regret it, because what do I get out of it?

Sure, there’s the passing excitement of the tar and feathers and burning torches of the angry mobs, but definitely not a lot of laughs unless I make ‘em.

Gee, ya can’t even talk about the weather sometimes, without people actually being upset about er, the rain, the heat, the wind and the mild weather we're having etc. Hey, don’t worry. According to Muslims it’s all Islamic rain anyway. There is none of ya nasty Judeo Christian Heavenly rain. It’s a downpour of diversity and inclusion that doesn’t ever include and diversify to er, you and I! The weather, eh? And what’s the government doing about it?

This my nimble friends, is what happens when one becomes Conservative Libertarian while ‘Fisking’ away at everything. My wife says “Just don’t piss people off!” This can mean Ultra Diplomacy, attack of the tact, or the old neutral agreeing with anything they say while steering the conversation always to the innocuous, no matter what.

"There is still a difference between something and nothing, but it is purely geometrical and there is nothing behind the geometry".
Martin Gardner.

“Crystals have special powers, eh? Send me a dozen!”

“Americans are morons, eh? Gee, you mean the same Americans that produce more scientific papers than the whole world combined? Or the ones that either eradicated many of the major diseases of the world, have the cure or will develop them eventually? Fantastic!”

Curiously, a common response to humour is that it just doesn’t register, is taken literally, it puzzles or is only defined as sarcastic by those totally lacking in humour that have said little worth hearing in their entire lives. Not humorous, light hearted, witty, irreverent, fun, abstract, a great line or a vital part of what makes life worth living. Nope, a laugh is drag for some. Or a drag is a laugh. Hence German Circus clowns.

While it's not a crime, I can find the humourless, even though I prefer not to find them at all, at best painfully dull, oddly functional and maybe not that pressing to know, or at worst, plain dangerous. Think screaming Islamist, a Hitler speech or a Sean Penn interview.

Oh yes, everyday can be another adventure in inspiration.

“Oh, you bought some shoes and a fan belt for your sedan? It’s blue you say? Well, I never. Oh, it was $7.95 and not $12.95! I didn’t see that coming! What a kicker! And you don’t like certain kinds of cheese, eh? Pray tell me more".

“And then she said, and he said, and did I see it on TV last night! The thing with the guy and he did that thing and then he said, and my friend called me and I got so drunk and …yeah, Bush is worse than Hitler and anyway, I reckon everything is fu…”

"Hey, just ignore me. I’m just putting a rope over this beam. Could you kick the chair away for me after the count of three? Thanks”.

I’m sorry kid, but I just don’t believe in, care about or am even microscopically interested in a lot of things that many do, say, think or believe are important, or I may have once, at least when I still had acne.

"Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see".Arthur Schopenhauer.

And man, sadly, folks say the saddest things. Er, have ya ever, ever thought about doing research on something “you heard” instead of just hearing it? It does tend to eliminate the guesswork. Give it a try just once! Could work.

Yeah, Michael Moore doesn’t care about you or any objective truth. Islam’s is not a religion of peace. Al Gore is neither genuine nor serious. The Left have no Quality Control whatsoever. Not even a little. The major political parties in the US, UK and Oz have not come up with a new leader worth a Churchillian damn and maybe never will. No sirree, Jim. Global Warming is not an observable fact.

The MSM is the fickle friend of the elites and celebrities and the enemy of the people. Ah, yes it is.

Here’s a fact. All baloney can be analysed, dismantled, exposed, understood and discredited via the scientific method, Logical Fallacy, Cognitive Bias, Ockham’s Razor, rational thought and other proven ‘Fisking’ methods.

Sadly, even a Himalaya of facts are irrelevant to someone who believes in anything but the facts. Your intelligence is no match for their ignorance, reinforced with regular updates via the permanent media platform of their Gurus. I saw a great line from a commenter on Hot air dot com:

"Global Warming = Global Socialism".

I think it says it all, as there’s no such thing as a stopping point with Left, Lib or Radical ideology. They're NEVER satisfied.

"Must ruin & or individual".

And I believe they have, and sports, this is where we now are. For many, there’s a bizarre disconnect between reality, what we should all be grateful for and what empirically makes our economy and culture actually work so well, and then there’s the junk that many do so believe.

It seems that a professed intent now often trumps any actuality.

"One man that has a mind and knows it can always beat ten men who haven't and don't".George Bernard Shaw.

Maybe. The worst part is, the thing that gives me the cold sweats, a horrible creeping nausea and that can wake me at 3:AM, in a re-enactment of a scene from the film ‘Wake in Fright’, except set in the inner city, is that damn it, I’ve spent quite a bit of my own life being just like ‘em.

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