You'll always find default positions at parties.

During the party, she said I was Right wing. Well, being a Leftard would be "Over my cold vodka and ice!"


Dear Sports: This is as the old song goes, a reply to a woman I met in the kitchen at a party. Which shows how popular I am. It's a post from Wednesday 11 July 2007. She thought I was, for a little while, a witty and charming chum that she wanted to get to know a little more. Now I know how little. Sadly, this all ended when she realised to her middle-aged and Kos kid horror, that I wasn't exactly like her, meaning exactly like a moon bat. The idea of actually meeting an actual Conservative as opposed to an abstraction seemed beyond my host. But then, finding a clean glass seemed beyond my host.

Sure, it's rough, but that's how I get my kicks. I never said I was one of those always pathetically nice Christians. I see myself more as a 'praise the Lord, pass the ammo and the vicious, crushing sarcasm type'...the best kind. Lord knows the world needs it. God bless Peter Cook and Dudley Moore!


Well, initially she wanted me to write on her website. Yep, a tragically Left Twilight Zone, kids. So I wrote something, she read it and it was goodbye from her! So long and au revoire to "diversity and tolerance". I forgot that means of their opinions only. Still, these kinda dopes are great sources of material. Ah, what ya gonna do?


Dear Lissa:

Gee, thanks for your kind and thoughtful reply to my efforts. As you said of me in your generous two lines, "...you're kinda intense, hey". And you may even write to me. Wow. I’ll put it in my diary. You really don’t have to bother, trust me. So, you’d prefer the company of celery? Or you’re kinda incapable of any er, 'intensity'? Whatever. Hey.

In reply, er, no. That's called writing. It's what intelligent and witty people sometimes known as writers, do. Even I’ve been known to do it. I thought I was just sending a humorous, worthwhile and kinda light piece to you. Guess not, eh? Didn't you give me your card, ask me to please give you a call and, "...we’ll organize a dinner party etc", and "Let’s do a musical and save the theatre!"

Maybe I could even write something too, you said merrily. Doesn't it make sense that I would well, 'write' to you?

Can't say I wasn't embarrassed and uncomfortable at your peculiar non-response. I thought from what you said that you appreciated a mature, talented, energetic, generous, warm, courageous and alive person, or even someone like me. I’m sure you mean well. Maybe you are a writer. You certainly managed to express a lot with so little. Or is that less with more, or more or less? Who knows? It’s a shame, as I did like you. Oh, well. What can you do? There’s trouble everywhere. Have you seen the cost of driveway gravel lately? It's an outrage!

Hey, maybe if you researched some obviously better examples of writing than me, to put it mildly. Like I dunno…P.J O'Rourke, Mark Twain, Mark Steyn, Oscar Wilde, Emile Zola, Spike Milligan, Peter Hitchens, Hemingway, Albert Camus, Plato, Walt Whitman, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Henry Miller, Truman Capote, Gore Vidal and Clive James or whoever etc, etc... Any one of 'em would show that it’s not that unusual to write or act with a kind of er, vitality. This is especially true if one has something um, individual, original and fully developed to say, with a natural dynamic to offer and the immediate ability to express it. I should be so lucky.

Didn't you say you were interested in writing, indeed that you were a writer? You don't need to answer that question. I've seen your site. A heart warming and wonderful parody. I really liked the 'right on' nihilism thing you got going there, rolling along on its little porridge-like wheels. It’s all so delightfully undergraduate, a kind of 'non' site. It's non this and non that. It's daringly regular surface post, modern! Yeah, it's a real thrill to see another thousand neo-MoveOn kids bravely fighting their deluded "BushHitlerCheney" fantasies. Er, no. Yawn.

Good for you girl, in sticking to your guns and not demonstrating what your site actually is. Crazy. It takes a lot of courage to put your own self out there with alternatively amorphous to absurd theories and the usual boilerplate.

"I don’t need any self-critique! I’m a Saint!" Good for you.

Should content have er, content? Not really. Out with passé ideas such as depth and wit, I say! Out damn plot! Down with the patriarchy of light and shade and er, entertainment! Who needs 'em?! Entertainment is so bourgeoisie, don’t you think? How much stale, badly written, rambling, amazingly incoherent and by the numbers amorphous polemic can people stomach? On the Left, reams of it apparently. What do I know? What do I care? Knock yourself out, I say.

You don’t see any internal contradictions say, between the sensitive neo-mountain earth Mother, Lady of the Lake and lost ski instructor thing you’ve got going on, and the harsh hatreds of the usual Left Liberal Fascism to those that are not approved of? In some parts it’s very hard to know where the contempt for fellow citizens and institutions end, and the self-loathing begins. Maybe it doesn't.

Some of your links were occupied by to quote Mark Steyn, “people who live in a fantasy life completely supported by the system that they despise”.

It all seemed either assembled from a kit while stoned and half asleep, or in a kind of semi-catatonia. It’s just got to, Mister!

One of your links may even be the ‘missing link’, though not as sophisticated. If someone doesn’t value enough about their own culture, are they really capable of understanding or appreciating another?

My wife is Japanese and my son is half Western and half Japanese. I've lived in Japan and I have not yet met a Japanese who didn’t value and respect much of their own culture, maybe sometimes too much of it, with it’s attributes and flaws. Indeed that unique, weird and cute 'Japaneseness' is central to who they are. They genuinely like, admire and are fascinated by other cultures, especially places like the United States and Australia, to the discomfort of those of a Leftish pose. Maybe some folks need to find out who they really are. No, I mean really.

I don't know your site intimately and I imagine there may be worthwhile stuff on there, but l’ll never know, as I just couldn’t go on. So at a certain point of endurance, I didn’t. It was either that or get out the cyanide capsule. Yep, it was mostly unreadable, insufferable and humourless and filled with available anywhere, PC 'Earth Mother' bilge water, to radical and extremist guff.

A little more nuance would have helped this reader to cut through the treacle of, how do I say this without being rude? Fatuous platitudes. It's easy and common these days, to use the facade of 'moral vanity'. Maybe you’re serious? Maybe they are! Ok.

"Let’s give it to the man! Burn down the Deans office! Anyone for Reiki and Rolfing?"

I can hear the out of time, 'Welfare State Financed' drum circle from here.

Isn’t this lack of adult thinking skills normally left behind with acne and earnest Student Union ‘crisis’ meetings? Do you edit at all? Obviously plenty of the links don’t. I guess you don’t have to when everything that comes out must be pure gold, because they are after all, the right views to have. Left ones, right? Have you tried reading your writing and some of these links out loud, without frightening the pets and children?

Lissa my dear, such material has the light touch and fluidity of a German jazz band. It's about as fresh and inspiring as a 1975 issue of Rabelais, the old University mag. As they say, maybe there are a lot of unresolved parental issues? Maybe they should, "...go up North and get their heads together, man!"

There was a lot of faux tolerance talk about bigotry. What that means is that everybody should be free to have your views, however default Left bigoted and intolerant you are, right?

Yes! They are there! You just can’t see 'em if you know that you can’t be wrong. That’s for other people. Where’s the quality control, or can anyone join as long as they adopt the same old oppositional stances, no matter how extreme, immature, neurotic, untested, and irresponsible or groupthink it is? Sure, there's a bad side too. Can’t allegedly good works be performed without the group drivel and rhetoric? Maybe try shifting that paradigm.

So often, those who don’t accept the whole square package of fashionable Left ennui and hubris, are nearly always thought of as just not good people, especially not as good as you are and their views are naturally, always without value. It’s a riot of irony. It’s easy to be tolerant of people and things that you like, agree with, or are neither responsible for nor connected to.

I should have taken the hint and moved away quickly away when I told you I was not interested in fitting into the box of the Left. It just ain't that interesting or effective among other things, such as the Left being boring, embarrassing and mostly stupidly wrong. Then you replied I believe, with something like, "That's alright, we sometimes have right-wing writers!" Right.... That's so deliciously polarized, I wish I had brought my Polaroid and captured the moment.

You seem to think you are going to do me some kind of big favour by replying. So maybe just don't, on both counts. I do wish you well whatever treatment you choose. Oh, the Hannity!

Sincerely, Colonel Neville.