Monday, 22 September 2008

Islam Sucks.

Warning! Imam! Keep away from children, women, men and pets!

[Here's an old favorite from Wednesday 28 November 2007. Scroll down for the amusing list. Later, go to the original to dig the swinging comments of the time.]

From the great Roger Kimball: ‘Hassan al-Banna, the founder of the Muslim Brotherhood. Their credo: “Allah is our objective. The Prophet is our leader. Qur’an is our law. Jihad is our way. Dying in the way of Allah is our highest hope”.

I have a screech owl that I’ve called Mohammad. I also have a baboon and a chimpanzee named Mohammad. I have a dozen lovable newts, a hamster, a gnu, three aardvarks, a poodle, two mice, a rattlesnake and a sloth all named Mohammad. I also have a centipede, a slug, a blow fish, a family of Sea Monkeys and a Petri dish of bacteria all named Mohammad. I can say "Hey Mohammad!" and they all appear at once, alighting in photogenic pose.

The borderline insane and those that have rabidly leapt over that border of the mind, say that Mohammad is all. All lies? All insane? All over? All rubbish? All washed up? Allman Brothers? All I want to do is boogie? Gee, the fact is there’s absolutely no need to try to er, 'understand’ Islam, or come to an ‘accommodation’ with Mohammad and the Krazy Koran etc. Nope, can’t be done. Not without signing your own death warrant. None of that irrational and suicidal PC floop for me, bub. Islam/Islamism has exactly NOTHING to offer the great Western Canon whatsoever, except for the abyssKlavan at PJTV com on "Does Islam Suck?"

Come on, let’s be honest. With Islam there’s always the clearly implied threat of violence, isn’t there? Yep, allegedly there are millions and millions of wonderful, fabulous and regular laugh a minute Muslims well, everywhere. Look! There's one! Er, no. Sadly, this means they are not authentic Muslims as defined clearly by Islam but apostates. Also observe how any 'Muslim' dissident, feminist, journalist, intellectual folks etc, are in the West largely ignored, insulted and virtually completely unsupported by the MSM and left intelligentsia. It's empirical. In the Muslim world they're threatened or murdered. Going straight to the murder without the threats cuts down on the middle-Imam.

Name one left figure who supports a single courageous Iraqi er, semi-Muslim in their struggle for normality? I'd love to ask such illiberal boobs what kind of Iraq the people there should have. This 'logic' would mean either putting or allowing the Baathist Party back into power, or any dominant group of killers as long as they just love to hate America as the left indeed do.

So naturally reasonable semi-Muslim's are by default not generally the one's in charge in most if not all Islamic places I'm afraid, and in the way that counts, are they? Power in such peculiar states coming largely out of the oil fed barrel of a gun and the pages of the Koran, so to speak. Sadly and spelling theirs and our own doom, both Iraq and Afghanistan have placed Sharia Law within their Constitutions. Thus the West fights for Islamic Law...No really. Could things be any worse? Only if you have to listen to the Australian ABC's 24 hour faux news network.

In this year of 2010 our Assistant Treasurer Nick Sherry has with the support of Saudi stealth jihadists changed our tax laws to accommodate Sharia Law...No, REALLY. [Link via islammonitor org.] And many earnest left infected folks seem to forget that Islam entirely sucks for million's of Muslim's too, and to the point of death which sucks. When in Riyadh and Iran etc, one must do as Islamofascists do, which is "Destroy Infidels!" One thing though, under any circumstances, don’t ever "misunderstand" Islam. Your head may come off and you may just explode.

So this is what I do. Some of the ways I have found to utilize Mohammad the all purpose 7th Century pedophile, rapist, madman, mass murdering lice ridden Jew hating bandit is simply in conversation, to replace random or key words with Mohammad and so on. Everyone knows what you mean as when one says "Frankly, Islam scares the Hell out of me".

And yet we can get some of the few laughs available out of the old bastard freak and the rest of the axis of medieval regards the Krazy Koran and as Christopher Hitchens correctly called it, "the filth of Islam". I have also thrown in some swingin’ bumper stickers. So try these. Remember as Islam goes ever more global and local with the help of not just the left, we're all dead anyway or will wish we were. Especially the female half of the population. Still, it's a larf innit, eh?


Islam. The Religion of Peace...or else!

Hey! Did somebody just Mohammad?

Frankly my dear, I don’t give a Koran.

Oh John! Oh Mohammad!

Oh God! I think I’m going to Mohammad!

Removes most bathroom Mohammad’s with a single wipe!

Removes even the most stubborn Mohammad’s in the wash!

I think we may have to put Mother into a home. She’s becoming more Mohammad everyday.

I’m afraid your tests are positive Mr Kowalski. You have Mohammad.

Sir! I said drop the Koran and move away from the nuclear device, now!

Your towel, sir.

In all my years of medical and psychiatric practice, I’ve never seen a Mohammad like it.

Islam? No, it’s beef!

Islam treats women like a precious gift. That’s why they wrap them up.

Larry, Mohammad and Curly.

Hey Mo! Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!

And then he says, ‘you should have seen the other Mohammad!’

Hey Mohammad! Here boy!

All units respond to a Mohammad at 12th and Vine. Suspect is armed, has a history of psychological illness and is considered extremely dangerous.

In zis experiment I vill transfer zer brain of zis Mohammad into zer brain of zis chicken!

Of course I love you but we’re so different. You’re just way too Mohammad!

It looks like Mohammad is going for the triple play.

Hey Dude, like that Mohammad is like totally radical!

Early behead and early to lies, makes Mohammad unhinged wacky and despised.

Hey Kor-an, you’re the girl for me.

My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my Mohammad!

My Mother caught me having a Mohammad.

Hey, that’s like, totally Islam!

Adventurous cross dresser wishes to meet midget acrobat for casual fun times. Must be into Mohammad.

Oh, Mr President! I'll never get your Dhimmi stains out of my new dress!

Hey buddy. Interested in half an hour with a really hot little Mohammad?

I woke up this mornin’ and got myself Mohammad!

Are you some kind of Mohammad?

They Came From Outer The Koran!

I Was A Teenage Mohammad!

I never had sexual relations with that Mohammad.

I am not a Mohammad!

Dhimmi, Dhimmi coco pop!

The Australian Labour Party stands for all Mohammad's.

Read my lips. No more Mohammad's.

That curry gave me terrible Sharia.

Islam ah bad?

Life is but a dream...kaboom, kaboom!

Congress has just outlawed Islam. We commence bombing of Mecca in five minutes.

Whoh oh Black Betty, Ramadan. Damn things gone wild. Ramadan.

I just met a girl called Sharia.

Bewitched, bothered and beheaded am I.

In the merry, merry month of Ramadan.

A full Burqa looks like Gort the robot in drag.

Islamic puzzle book. Join the heads!

It looks like Mohammad is going for the red in the side pocket.

Now Mohammad, I just want you to relax and close your eyes and tell me, why do you hate everyone’s Mother?

That’s Mohammad ahead by two points.

Crazier than an Imam.

After washing thoroughly, please place all Mohammad’s in the bin provided.

I’ll have the Mohammad and eggs and a coffee, thanks.

I’ve been seeing another Mohammad, and we’re in love!

How could you spend all our savings on a Mohammad!

Hey man, this is Grade A Mohammad!

I’m sorry. We just sold our last Mohammad. We’re expecting more by Thursday at the latest.

They tried to tell us we were Mohammad.

Here’s looking at you, Mohammad.

Ramadan a ding dong.

Iraq me baby, all night long.

Hey, I’m gonna Mecca summa spaghetti!

Try ‘New’ Mohammad! Now with five times more Jihad!

Is your hair dry, lifeless and hard to Mohammad?

There is nothing to fear but Islam itself.

This is a day that will live in Islam, see.

Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for Dhimmitude.

The truth about Islam? You can’t handle the truth!

Israel is real. Islam is unreal.

Islam gave me cancer!

'Harem Jane' Fonda. 'Haram Jane' Fonda. 'Annoy Jane' Fonda!

Islamism. It’s the crème de’ la crude.


Omar said...

Hello I would like to invite you to visit our website :

IKhwanweb is the Muslim Brotherhood"s only official English web site. The Main office is located in London, although Ikhwanweb has correspondents in most countries. Our staff is exclusively made of volunteers and stretched over the five continents.
The Muslim Brotherhood opinions and views can be found under the sections of MB statements and MB opinions, in addition to the Editorial Message.
Items posted under "other views" are usually different from these of the Muslim Brotherhood.
Ikhwanweb does not censor any articles or comments but has the right only to remove any inappropriate words that defy public taste
Ikhwanweb is not a news website, although we report news that matter to the Muslim Brotherhood"s cause. Our main misson is to present the Muslim Brotherhood vision right from the source and rebut misonceptions about the movement in western societies. We value debate on the issues and we welcome constructive criticism.

to help inform you about your subject matter,questions

If you have any addition questions you can email us at :

Colonel Neville said...

Dear sport, er, gee, "The Muslim Brotherhood?" Ya don't say. Are you sure you haven't confused the title of this post "Islam sucks" with "Islam rocks?!"

Did you er, read this? Hey, I'll bable with anybody, but I can't imagine you'll like what you find, as Dr Zaius said. Still I'll check it out. I'm sure it's a bundle of laughs...

Colonel Neville.

Anonymous said...

You are nothing but a geek!

Colonel Robert Neville said...

Dear as per usual "Anonymous", thanks for your classic example of an as per usual, authentic Muslim style logical fallacy circus GEEK. Five stars and keep up the inbreeding. Thus I'm entirely correct: Islam DOES suck and you along with it. Tally ho.

Colonel Neville.

Major General Mohammed said...

Mohammed, the other white meat.

Anonymous said...

I understand your disdain for the "left", however, I think that this term is a misnomer. let's face it, anyone to the left of Attila the Hun is a commie to the "right". That being said, I consider myself to be something of a "lefty" and I hate Islam as much as you do. Therefore, I guess we could say that some stereotypes hold true, while others don't....