Thursday, 3 July 2008

Derek And Clive Tackle A Conundrum.

Clive: "From beginning to end, the Soviet product of political correctness sodden left liberalism is one big 'effing suicidal contradiction, Derek. It's such a very old load of unbelievably back-dated bollocks, that most lefties have to take enormous amounts of bleeding drugs to not only understand any of it which can't be done, but to believe and personally act on even a single shred of it. Thus their greatest wish is to convince every dissenter by force and state controlled conformity via intimidation and violence. Such phony baloney and moral vanity driven fraud can only be swallowed whole, if like a drug addicted whore in a toilet, one disguises the true flavor of morally and rationally going down, with ample helpings of cough syrup. This dear Derek, is the true face of left liberal smiley faced fascism".

Derek: "They're all arseholes!"

Clive: "Exactly, Derek".

Derek [on piano]: “Oh, John Pilger came into the lav to film his latest doc. ‘Ee said I need more bleeding funding, so can I suck your cock!”

Clive: “It’s a funny coincidence that you should mention John Pilchard, the avid fan of all things Marxist and nihilist thus deemed er, “progressive” Derek, because I never think of him. A progressive is someone who develops ever more acceptable versions of the exact same thing by simply changing the name.

The non-religion that is trying to kill us all and invariably is offended or threatens violence at any criticism of their murderous antics, is a religion of er, peace. Conversely the Judeo Christian faith that is the basis of our enormous free flow of ideas, choice and innovation, freedom and prosperity of capitalist democracy, free speech and natural rights [and ironically your homosexual right not to be killed by Islam] is called intolerant. 
Thus as they say at the peoples cube, truth telling is now hate speech and hate speech = sensitivity training. Targeting terrorists = indiscriminate murder of civilians, indiscriminate murder of civilians = resistance to imperialism.Destruction of the family = social progress. Clinical paranoia = outstanding film making. Free country = oppressive regime, oppressive regime = workers' paradise. Electoral process = failing democracy, Socialist dictatorship = will of the people. Export of capitalist democracy = imperialist war for oil, export of communist revolution = true democracy.  
Terrorists = freedom fighters, freedom fighters = imperialist occupiers, rapists and murderers. Rambling communist thug = idealistic romantic dreamer, hard-working productive individual = corporate fascist. Lowering standards = raising awareness, degeneracy = striving urban culture, and so on ad nauseum, Derek”.
Derek: “What if I said comfortable, unchallenged, phony, leftist radical arsehole?”

Clive: “Pilchard!”

Derek: “Oh, George Negus came into the bog to interview Hamas, they had a lot of inane laughs and George Needless kissed some arse!”

Clive: “Very good. You’ve finished. Now don’t call us, and we’ll never call you.

Now I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed the latest conundrum regarding the mentality of the average dhimmie leftard arsehole prick vomit bag, when it comes to the utter joy and light of Islamic terror, Derek?

As you know, I would never be so un-pc as to call a thing exactly what it is. No, circular wanking and denial is the way to go. Anyway Derek, have you had any contact with the people of whom I speak?”

Derek: “You mean your bog-standard apologist and Jew-hating mob loons of the left? All the fucking time, mate! They're always in my fucking bog! Always raving about "I need more government funding! More taxpayer gravy! Where are my bulging checks from the Melbourne Age, Green Left Retarded Socialist and the New York Times? And please cut my fucking head off cos’ I love it! They're 'orrible!”

Clive: “Exactly. There’s a curious contradiction that shows that their entire allegedly tolerant position regards Islam is an irresponsible fraud”.

Derek: “They’re all full of shit, mate!”

Clive: “Positively bursting. Well, this it how it works when you are stupidly determined to tolerate the intolerant vis a vis Islam. Anyone who says they are a Muslim is ipso facto a Muslim and their faith, Islam is untouchable by mirth or critique of any kind by us Infidels and filthy Kafirs, except in the er, positive”.

Derek: “I love the light hearted cheer and the good will to all, the most!”

Clive: “Who doesn’t? And the screaming. Then as if by magic, the same people who we must be ever vigilant never to offend, can be deemed as “not real Muslims” by the same Left pricks who say they will then arrest you for saying something they don't like or on behalf of Muslims everywhere, for something they don’t like, from only a moment before. This is the pure joy of left liberal fascism today, Derek”.

Derek: “Bloody ‘ell! It’s all a little fucking neurotic and complicated innit? What kind of things offend many Muslims around the world then, Clive?”

Clive: “The things that offend many Muslims around the world today Derek, can be narrowed down to everything and nothing”.

Derek: “Lovely. Er, how can a Muslim go instantly from being a Muslim, to not being a "real" Muslim, Clive?”

Clive: “It’s surprisingly easy and there in lies the conundrum of the politically correct loser, as it were. A Muslim just has to act appallingly or kill someone and they are no longer a Muslim. At least until they stop killing and start complaining about people screaming as they're beheaded. And oddly, neither terrifying behavior nor murder is always seen as bad, per se. There are many er, "conditions" that can apply at any time to the religion of peace or else, but not really for anyone else. And they can change back again without any notice whatsoever too. Thus, it is technically impossible for a Muslim to ever set off a bomb, behead or murder someone, because..."

Derek: "They're naturally not real Muslims!"

Clive: " Exactly, Derek. So even if you don't know you're offending Islam by your mere Infidel or Jewish existence, you probably are.

Thus what happens is, that even though someone has been a Muslim all their life, and their entire family is Muslim going back generation after generation, and they go to the Mosque, they live in a Muslim community or state, they read the Koran, they dress and look like Muslims, they speak and eat like a Muslim and they say they are Muslims and may want to spread Islam globally by any means, exactly as Mohammad and the Koran clearly proscribes, no, no. The moment one cuts off a head and sets off a bomb, hey presto! The Western media, academia, governments, church leaders, celebrities and pop stars all decree as one “...but they are not real Muslims!” Amazingly, these people are yet to say this on a street corner in say Tehran, Riyadh or Cairo”.

Derek: “Why not, Clive?”

Clive: “Because many of the local Muslims would be real Muslims only up to a certain point. And I believe that exact point would be where they become not real Muslims as if by magic, and cut the real Infidels heads off”.

Derek: “That's a real puzzler, Clive! So, I guess Taoists, Hindu’s and Christians are not real whenever they do anything naughty then, too?”

Clive: “Oddly no. Taoists, Hindu’s and your cargo cultists, don’t really fit into the current lefts paradigm, so are largely invisible, though Christians do fit nicely. Just remember, when a Christian does something bad, they are always a real Christian, unless they do something good. Then they don’t exist. Yes, it’s a real conundrum, as you say”.

Derek: “Unless the conundrum cuts the heads off Christian school girls in Thailand because they're Christians and not Muslims, Clive?”

Clive: “Nope, such an orgy or relentless violence can be and is simply ignored. Remember they’re not real Muslims who have murdered over 150,000 people in Northern no-go zones of Thailand over the last twenty years”.

Derek: “Who did it then?”

Clive: “Oh, random and anonymous people who shall remain nameless, even though they look, sound, act, walk, talk and appear exactly like Muslims. It could have been Hawaiian Anglicans or animists from Toronto. Nobody knows, Derek, nobody knows. Even though not real Muslim jihadist groups have repeatedly declared it was them and they want to kill all non-believers. This is a mere incredible coincidence spread over decades. According to our elitist betters, its hate speech churned up by Asian journalists reporting the empirical facts. Facts are no excuse for speaking the truth, Derek. So remember, there are 1.2 billion Muslims in the world, but none of them are doing any of the mountains of atrocity you can see everyday”.

Derek: “Who is?”

Clive: “Someone else, Derek, it’s always someone else. And it pays to remember that. Or else”.

Derek [on piano]: “Oh, Steve Bracks came into my room and sat upon me bed. He said I’ve passed a fucking anti-free speech law and now you’ll end up dead, oy!”

Clive: “Bravo! All together now! The natural totalitarian fascism of the left and Islam is always all for our own good! Now once more without the music and lyrics!”

[Here's over 350 five star reviews for Mark Steyn's great empirical paperback opus, America Alone: the end of the world as we know it. A returning best-seller for two years running! I should be so lucky.]

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