Friday, 25 July 2008

Derek And Clive Discuss Islam Expo Neglecting To Expose Itself.

One of the many interactive displays at IslamExpo 2008 in London. So remember folks, there's plenty for the kids, too!

[Thought crime warning!]

Derek: “Christ! I can’t stop sneezing Clive!”

Clive: “Here have a Koran”.

Derek: “Isn’t that blasphemy?”

Clive: “By all means, have a blast for me, Derek”.

Derek: “Braaaat!”

Clive: “What do you know about Islam, Derek, apart from it being a religion of peace and mayhem?”

Derek: “Well, that fucking Mohammad never gave me the horn at all”.

Clive: “Would it be fair to say that when you peruse the mighty and creepy works of the Prophet of Doom, you are sans horn, Derek?”

Derek: “Absolutely. They used to call me was Allah all the time! But what about this er, Islam balls, Clive?”

Clive: “Well, Derek. Islam as you know is nothing if not interactive. In fact even though the vast majority of the world does not give a shit about Islam or the incredibly stupid Koran, many Muslims are nonetheless relentlessly eager to make sure that we do notice them, ad nauseum.

Sadly, this is not done via positive achievement like ironically the Jews, but by nihilistic destruction, murder, lying, whining, bizarre blame shifting and moving fifteen people into a house in your street. This can only happen if you can’t afford to live somewhere else, unlike say the leading Leftard proponents of multiculturalism”.

Derek: “Islam, eh? Anything for a laugh! So did you go to Islam Exposes its knob?”

Clive: “Yes, I did Derek, and oddly Islam was not exposed at all. Exposed it was not. It was a Twilight Zone of alternate Islam. It was the only kind of Islam, the imaginary kind, that is now compulsory to believe in because the hideous truth of Islam really is out there”.

Derek: “What were the highlights, so to speak, Clive?”

Clive: “Well Derek, due to the bogus nature of said pseudo Islamfest, there was no Beheading Pavilion. And it’s a big draw card back in Gods Monkey House. Quite frankly, I can’t stand the blood and screaming, with George Galloway shouting endlessly that “this is an understandable reaction to the hegemony of the free West!”

Derek: “He does go on, like most arseholes”.

Clive: “George Give it away as you say, is a Socialist, and ergo an arsehole. I did venture to the Islam Expo Fun Zone! No, really, Derek. This would be a new experience as whenever I think of Islam, I surprisingly never think of fun. Do you?”

Derek: “Oddly I do, ever since I was forced to do that government Cultural Awareness Programming. The interrogator, er, class instructor, Comrade Kim, asked the class what we think of when he says Islam and we all instantly yelled “Fuck off!” and “Suck shit!”

Comrade Kim explained that whenever we express how we naturally feel as a direct result of our own experience, that this is always the wrong answer. Thus we had to be modified en masse. Comrade Kim knows the correct version of everything, like The Glorious Peoples Struggle of the Palestinians. Of course it was all for our own good, he said. Now whenever I hear the magic word Jihad, I shout “Fun!”, “...and loving it!”

Clive: “Jihad!”

Derek: “ Fuck off and suck shit you rag headed heathen bastards!”

Clive: “You appear to be cured of your nasty case of PC, the intellectual venereal disease of our time, Derek”.

Derek: “It’s a miracle!”

Clive: “It’s another massively typical failure of nationalised health, Derek. Sadly, the Islamic idea of fun mostly centres around killing Jews, beating women to death and hanging homosexuals from cranes. Though they did have Celebrity Jihad. This is where various Western boobs from academia, the media, entertainment, the government and a very successful madhouse, compete for the most stupid excuse for Islamic terror”.

Derek: “I imagine the competition is fierce, Clive?”

Clive: “It certainly is Derek, especially among the staff of SBS and the ABC. Michael Leunig said that they don’t want to kill us at all, we’re merely imagining it. He said this while masturbating over the entire Age editorial staff.

Derek: “I bet Andrew Jaspin’s got a lot of spunk, eh?”

Clive: “Most of it, Derek. Waleed Aly said the reason for the Islamic terror that doesn’t actually exist because it’s our fault entirely, and we’re just misunderstanding Islam anyway, is that though he has tried to be as fucking stupid as possible, it’s still not enough. Millions of Muslims worldwide are still offended by anything and everything, and are thus forced to blow up girl’s schools, have no choice but to detonate pet markets and can’t avoid driving over children with trucks. I couldn’t really follow the logic per se, but I felt much better after I viciously kneed Wally in the groin”.

Derek: “Who doesn’t? Did they have anything Islamic worth the price of admission?”

Clive: “It would be more accurate to say that everything was worth the price of exiting. I would have paid even double the entry fee to leave. There was the 'Be Mohammad for a Day' at the Interactive Doctrine of Permanent Warfare Pavillion. This is where you sit hallucinating in a paper mache cave covered in pretend lice, while any rubbish that comes into your head is jotted down by an illiterate goat sodomist. Of course they had to leave out the rape, paedophilia, mass murder and continent wide banditry due to budget restraints”.

Derek: “Oh really? Why is that, Clive?”

Clive: “Well, the sponsors of Islam Expo, Hamas Corp, has billions of Saudi petro dollars. But most of it goes on Jihad, explosives, promoting global Wahabism, hotels, prostitutes, drugs, booze, porn, child sex slaves, buy ups, take overs, building Mosques, the BBC, Taquiyaa, journalists, politicians, advertising and George Galloway”.

Derek: “Jesus, I never realised it was so easy to misunderstand Islam! It’s a funny old world, innit?”

Clive: “It’s Burqua town, Derek”.


Nilk said...

Ooooh, you are wicked, Colonel!

hellosnackbar said...

Wouldn't it be refreshing if the BBC
were to let this little sketch be performed on television.
Little chance I suspect.

David in North Burnaby BC said...

Bravo! Bravo! Bravissimo!