Green Left Weekly Prints Rhetoric Free Edition On Postage Stamp.

In case of media scrum, point in the air and pull back side bolt.

[Scroll down for my many a fun-filled maybe not so fake news headlines.] Sometime during 2007, the The Age er, 'newspaper' advertised that they were looking for new cartooning talent! Riiight, sure they were. What a coincidence! I'm not looking for new cartooning talent either. So, I sends in me vastly superior scrawls, ahoy! The matron handling this phony pantomime was actually very nice. She said my stuff was interesting, original, funny, exciting and entertaining. In short, none of the things they were looking for. So no dice.

Quite a surprise, eh? About as surprizing as the ABC's 7:30 Report.

She asked me what I thought about their long term cartoonist, Michael Leunig. As I was only in the early stages of grovelling for the potential to non-existent um, position, I was very Diplomatic. I avoided saying things like what a neurotic, spittle flecked, repetitive, twisted and boring leftist nitwit freak the eager Israel and Jew-hating Leunig is. But I would never say that. I guess these are the current specs for, and I kid you not, a "National Treasure". I would've been bitter if I could've gotten over the boredom of bothering at all. Aah, but I was like a foolish young schoolgirl.

"Love me! Publish me! And pay me!"

Hey, around the same time as this non-career move, Instapudit from pajamasmedia "Instalanched" me! It was Saturday 30 September 2007. I remember it well. I'd just come back from safari and my head man Kawili, informed me that there had been some lion trouble at a local village. Lifting my rifle and reaching for my propeller hat, I...

Er, no. That young Glenn Reynolds lad is incredible, is he not? I dedicate this post to Glenn and Doc Roper at gmroper. The Doc graciously quoted a line of mine on his banner head from an old post, titled "I am the Ghost of the Endless Sadness of the Ordinary People". The quote is "Peace and freedom come only through superior firepower, not absurd and suicidal ideas of 'inclusiveness' regards your mortal enemy".

I also direct ya'll to John Ray at his brilliant blog called 'dissectleft'. And hey, he does just that. He nicely linked to me and of course, everyone is all in the swingin' and groovy links. Dissectleft ties in perfectly with Dr Sanity. Yep, there is also er, sometimes, the Australian newspaper. It's 40% readable!

Speaking of conservative folks and er "right wing bastards" like me, check out one of Australia's station wagon full of conservative and semi-conservative pundits and columnist's, Andrew Bolt. Old Andy is often called a "Fascist!" by the ironically mob-mentality left axis of mediocrity. Curiously, such default ad hominem's are usually made in absentia of having actually read him.

My personal favorite Australian columnist is Iowahawk pal Tim Blair, regularly praised by Mark Steyn.

Andy a fascist you say? Who knew? Of course he is, dear. Worse than 10,000 Hitler's. Only last night Bolty and I arrested 15,000,000 people, shipped 'em of to the Siberian Gulags, expanded the government to enormous totally controlling proportions, and nationalized all industries like er, socialists.

Without fail, spoiled, affluent twerps screeching "racist! fascist! kiosk attendant" is your virtual scientific proof that in reality, said twits have neither proof nor reality on their side. And relentlessly familiar turf for the enormous talents at the peoples cube.

Andrew is a surprisingly shy, decent, intelligent individual - a hard working often courageous family guy and is more often right than wrong, which is not bad for someone who is a bit of a dilettante and actually a semi-conservative. Nonetheless, like a lot of mature adults he admits the facts of life are relentlessly conservative. He's online with a cool blog and forum, is great value and can be found twice a week at the odd little tabloid newspaper, the Herald Sun in Melbourne. One can often read the Sun's entire news section before you get your change.

One of the hardest working journalist's in Australia, [there's about eight] - good old Bolt beat me to it and posted some of the following fake news headlines under the cool header of "Just the fact's, Ma'am". Thanks Andy. How does he do it all? I have enough trouble doing my laundry.

"Colonel Robert Neville discovers headlines to amaze". Andrew Bolt.

But there's the rub, boyo. The Herald Sun often has some nice supplement's. And as tabloid's often seem to do in the midst of their relentless churning of the grist for the mill, still manage in their cheap way to reflect a little more of the ordinary people's desires and fear's than say, the regularly unreadable The Age. Because for The Aged, that would be so, gauche.

Editor in Chief of a dying medium: "Cartoon's, eh? You say you write as well? Yes, they're all very nice uh, Colonel Nibble is it? But I'm afraid it's not really what we're looking for here at blank pages of The Age newspaper. Or as we like to call it, The People's Glorious Broadsheet!' 

Here at Bunkumville, we're very firmly committed to the cutting edge of the excitingly average, the incompetent yet shallow, the delightfully biased and the entirely predictable. Add a charming sheen of professional slowly bankrupting dullness, and wow - it's something! Of course, many of our contributors and employees are indeed highly professional bores. Many with over three years of tedious and whacko 'journalism qualifications' under their cheap vinyl belts. 

Quite frankly, we believe in tradition, like the tradition of pretty much always favoring the same old Left dullards. And why not? That's the demandingly high standards of the art of journalism in Oz, I'm afraid. And you just don't measure down, er, up you see? Oh yes, she's a harsh Mistress is the old hackery. 

Now, if only you could be as stupid, bigoted, bereft, deluded, backdated, clueless and plain crazy as say our cartoonist, Michael Leunig for example, or as comfortably smug, nihilist and gleefully spiteful as our wonderfully pudding-faced  Catherine Deveny, then we could talk. Yep, yapping ad nauseum, see? Yap, yap, yap, yap".

Colonel Neville: "I'll give it my best shot!" 

Remember folks, your mind can be saved even after university.

A Load Of Old Fake News Headlines. [Ain't they nearly all?]


Kitchen sink drama actually about kitchen sink.

Child prodigy violin ensemble filled with kiddie fiddlers.

Serious art film director makes 'real life' drama about diarrhoea.

Activist admits to having no real interest in 'the people' just hates parents.

Alcoholic street beggar spends money on pie not liquor.

Bangladeshi man receives telemarketing call from Australia during a convenient time at own request.

Fifty percent of child bride marriages end in divorce due to immaturity and senility.

Unattractive man finds bathroom mirror reflection unattractive.

Woman accuses deaf, blind and mute husband of being argumentative.

Worlds most boring man enjoys own company.

Successful expatriate expresses humility and gratitude to home country.

Achievement of Che the child killer Guevara discovered.

Girlfriend’s drawer contains no ugly menstrual underwear.

The Age newspaper not dull and entirely predictable. “The Age newspaper is not dull and entirely predictable” says Editor.

Obnoxious bar drunk draws line at making loud song requests of pianist.

Bogans ask cover band to stop playing AC/DC and Cold Chisel songs.
[Cold Chisel were a very successful working class R&B rock band, that were extremely musically competent and talented. Hence, they were mostly always profoundly unpopular with inner-city hipsters et al. Being a fan may become an ironic pose at any time and conversely, "Chisel!" may become extremely popular for several weeks with said groovers. A bogan is a working class guy whose only crimes are being unfashionable and clueless regards the contemporary.]


Couple in long-term relationship never break wind in front of each other.

Conceptual artist concedes the concept of audience conceiving enjoyment and understanding worth considering.

Rare tawny owl legitimate reason for bulldozing woodland.

Good looks of otherwise conceited and vacuous girl still satisfying after two months.

Entire high school staff well dressed in contemporary fashions.

Magician makes instant coffee.

Four year-old not amused by loud flatulence.

Dreadlocks at private school worn by actual Jamaican.

Entire Latin American road system now chicken truck free.

Hyperbole mostly exaggerated.


Monkey at zoo maintains dignity.

Goat at Satanic ritual replaced with parrot.

Fugitive outlaws find Mexican village, mission and church all in good repair but no plaintive guitars.

Radical aware of empirical difference between Prime Minister and Hitler.

Protester has nothing to complain about personally.

Irish priest neither jovial nor taciturn.

No zoot suits worn on Skid Row.

Leftist admits to living in comfortable democracy not fascist dictatorship.

Violent ‘Eat the rich’ protests in city do not leave private schools deserted.

Teenage Goth prefers Hawaii.

Cavalry’s arrival worsens situation.

Vandal buys private property complains about graffiti.

David Irving fabricated past decency.

People in kitchen at parties most light-hearted.

Former President just older not a statesman.

Former Prime Minister silent.


Left comedian finds performing to a predominantly left audience ‘challenging’.

Chaser World Tour ridiculing Islam cancelled due to death of entire cast.
[The Chaser is a satirical left leaning ABC TV show.]

Chasers World Tour ridiculing Christianity cancelled due to indifference and Dave Allen Tour.

World improving since brick thrown through fast food chain window by student protester.

Over 99% of statistics are meaningless.

48% of people have some point of difference to the other 52%.

Most cases of neglect are negligible.

The average life expectancy of aborted babies has remained stable.

One in three people feel the odd one out.

Most younger siblings find constant wedgies confidence building.

Cat entering front door without hesitation shows no signs of aloofness.

Talking parakeet in comedy film not dubbed.

Light-hearted passage found in Russian novel.


French film not about French.

Italian film uses coherent dialogue sparingly and when relevant.

Hong Kong movie stays in single genre.

Indian film needs to be seen in sequence.

English film confident and positive about being English.

Swedish film light-hearted and entertaining.

Israeli film from 1960’s found not starring Topol.

Australian film watched.

Japanese film not crazy.

Welsh film.

No Maoris in violent New Zealand film.

Documentary hopes to not change or effect anything.

Recipient of government grant loves government.

Advertisement clearly explains limits of product.

Teenage diary filled with insight, inspiration and compassion for parents.

No irrational contributors to newspaper letters page.


Communist writes business plan.

Pop musician says that economic policy and geopolitics are beyond his abilities.

Yes man fails to impress Boss.

Middle-management challenges status quo.

Lower level employee advances due to constructive criticism and new ideas.

Middl-aged dad fails to comment on kid feeling like an ice cream.

Middle-aged dad’s life empty of corrosive criticism and filled with incredible sex.

TV network hires talented innovator indefinitely.

Artist inspired by the mundane compromises of life.

Clones reaching consensus on cloning want more clones, more clones, more clones.

Group of female friends finds focus on gossip and complaining tedious and limiting.

Weekly women’s magazine talks science, geo-politics and poses philosophical questions.

Bob Brown talks in depth.
[Ecofascist Australian Green's Party nitwit yet fraudulent ex-leader.]

Bob Ellis rational, coherent and sober.
[Old, addled, verbose, fucked-up Australian Labour Party drunk.]

Peter Garret silent after dumping dated rhetoric, hyperbole and party line.
[Ex-wooden front man of Oz rock band, now a more entertaining Labor Party man in charge of Department of Burning Down Houses and Electrocuting People to Death.].


Movie star researches facts on pet hobby horse.

Friday night Chapel Street Commodore contains female.
[Popular Melbourne inner-city street and lout magnet. A Commodore is the oft favored four-door sedan of said louts.]

Friday night cruise cars mostly driven by the mature and intelligent.

Working-class suburbs mullet free.

Inner-city no longer smug and condescending.

Inner-city opinions entirely connected to real world.

Sean Penn shows patriotism and gratitude to USA not Latin American despot.

Sean Penn stops beating girlfriend takes on passing teamsters.

Hollywood stars held accountable for past statements and actions.

Jane Fonda no longer neurotically inclined to treason: “I want to be remembered as Washington Jane” says Fonda.

Susan Sarandon not an addled old tart says Sarandon: “I’m going to stop this illegal war and logically I’ll support putting the Baathists back in power by showing my breasts at the March for Peace through Comfortably Affluent Delusion, Treason and Stupidity” said Susan.

Michael Leunig does cartoon condemning Islamic terrorism and communist dictatorships.

Michael Leunig dumps street wino look corduroy and jumper set. “Let’s face it. I look like a crazy, deluded, indulged and indulgent old fool. I’m gonna get some great adult style guidance from Carson Kressley” said Mike.

Michael Leunig not looking like an elderly Jewish woman woken at 3:AM.

Bono not the focus of pointless political leader meetings.

Bono and U2 finances not entirely in Bahamas tax haven. “That would make me a celebrity hypocrite and a phony” said Bono.

Bob Geldof caring and tactful to people he has actually met.”I realised that acting the sour and world weary pop star doesn’t hide the fact that I’m a very successful sour and world weary businessman” said Bob.

Parkinson finds celebrity guests anti Bush rhetoric not funny. “Two out of three guests say the same predictable stuff so I have to fake it to laugh at all” said Michael.

Critics of capitalism not supported entirely by capitalism.

Socialised medicine great for patients.

Brain drain stops due to drain clogged with brains says plumber.

Japanese sense of humor trials to begin.

Shredder applies for gig as hack at Fax.

In most of the MSM, "there really ain't nothing like the real thing, baby".



“All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it”. H.L. Mencken.


Dear sports, 'shredding' is the art of advanced guitar techniques and this is one of my few vices. No, really. Now speaking of ridden with vice, Fairfax Media is so big, that the last thing they want is to be pestered by people with naïve and outmoded ideas about individuality, talent and journalistic standards. Er, in their perhaps provocative acronym of FCN, the 'F' and 'C' stands for Fairfax Community so they say, and the 'N' is for Network. The Fax has “over 240 publications”, some of them readable.

"Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American newspaper is like trying to play Bach's 'St. Matthew's Passion' on a ukulele". Bagdikian's Observation.


And so it was, that I recently answered an add in 'The Age' newspaper under 'Classifieds', for a 'Senior Journalist' type thing. But hey, if I don’t get a better job soon, my wife is Japanese and she’s threatening to crash and explode on the deck of my aircraft carrier, so to speak. As difficult as it is to imagine, have you ever seen a Japanese of either sex when they lose their sense of humour? It’s the same as when they hear a joke, only worse.

The ad for "Senior Hack Wanted" says “you’re a wordsmith”. Ok, I’m a word, and stop calling me Smith. Boom tish. A wordsmith is someone who uses the word “wordsmith” almost never, unless drunk and pilled. Now “Flair” I can do. I have so much flair it hurts. “Insight” is my thing too and er, burden. Can’t help it, you see. “Must, analyse, continuously, must”.

Hey, I don’t want to be in a "Senior" position in anything unless it’s at home. While I do feel that I may not be small enough, I still want to start off at that cute journalist size and work up to maverick honcho.

“What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure”.Samuel Johnson.

“Political nouse?” I got it baby!

I’m well aware that Malcolm Frazer has the geopolitical and economic understanding of a wash board that’s sat in on one too many 'Student Union Crisis Meetings'. Mal is so seemingly bereft, that he may be going through an ‘Autumn Adolescence’. Hey, do ya think he has a Che 'the child killer' Guevara T-shirt? I’ll get him one. Maybe a nice “Smash Capitalism!” badge too.

I can dig that Kevin ‘Watch me Mao!’ Rudd, has done an incredible job in his first 'hundred days' in office. He’s already moved the table and chairs, vacuumed the carpet and put the pens in a nice Ming Dynasty ceramic from the early 1950’s. The Leader of the Opposition came over for milk and cookies and I still have his name written down somewhere.

“Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers, is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock”. Ben Hecht.

“..and a sense of humour”. Sadly, I have no sense of humour whatsoever. Are they serious? Every time someone says they want something like that, it usually means their own understanding of humour is about as amusingly witty and cutting as your Alzheimer stricken Grandmother’s.

“Hey, when we said a sense of humour, we didn’t think you’d laugh at things!”

“One doesn't have a sense of humour. It has you”.
Larry Gelbart.

There’s hope though. They ask to make applications “minus the boring bits”. I’ll send a blank page then. Resume’s are ALL boring bits. That’s why they call them resume’s. Come on, who finds another person's life more interesting than their own, unless the other person is either actually somebody and preferably famous? Nobody, that's who!

“The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything”. Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe.

Ah, now here’s the entirely imaginary hurdle. “Experience”. Yep, most journalist and writer types will have it, apparently. I mean experience. Some have years and years of “experience”, and that’s entirely their problem.

The MSM in Australia is almost uniformly dull. The only people who don’t feel this way are either over thirty or are the Editor of ‘The Age’ . A lot of what you see in the news agent that’s allegedly ‘local’, is actually assembled from overseas sources by three people in a broom closet in Flinders Lane.

Mark Steyn said that this problem is due to the fact that journalists, were once more likely to be actual individuals and came from almost anywhere and well, were a damn sight more interesting because of it. And because journalists were “people whose lives had somehow gone terribly wrong”.

Now everyone comes out with three years of highly trained tedium under their entirely fashionable and predictable belts and then proceeds to spread the boredom, much like every new and swingin’ bar becomes new and swingin’ in the same identical new and swingin’ way. What can such folks write about? Hell, I’d read it everyday if I didn’t try to avoid it as much as possible.

The bit I really dig is “are you seeking a new and exciting challenge and have the drive and initiative to succeed?” Well, beyond the rhetorical flourishes, er, yes. Surprisingly, few people are “seeking stale, torpor inducing repetition and are keen on using inertia and conformity as a springboard to utter failure”.

I can clearly write not only my own name, but actually write what a lot of people might want to read. And I can tie my own shoe laces.

After er, skills and talent, you could confirm if I have the required traits to er, “succeed” in 'Today’s Demanding Media Environment!', by a simple medical examination. I obviously have the backbone, frontal cortex and the balls. So nope, I’m clearly no standard MSM journalist.

Well, the balls are in their court now. When do I start?

Our Best Man in Hollywood.

Tom Von Cruise pictured 'psyching' himself up to give a rousing speech at the Scientology Headquarters in Berlin.


“Fortune does not change men, it unmasks them”.
Suzanne Necker.



Dear sports, I watched the freakish nine minute clip on YouTube, now on Gawker of Tom ‘Not Joseph Goebbels’ Cruise, talking about the bog standard whacko crap of Scientology. Hey, if you have to have “jargon”, I always make mine “nonsensical!”

I'm glad there's no vids of any of my senseless outbursts. Are there any? Ok, just forget I mentioned it.

I also dug the ones with Tom wearing the ‘Flavor Flav’ medallion cum Super Thetan Award from a box of Cracker Jacks. Dig Tom’s little ‘Sieg Heil’ to the big wall painting of L. Ron Hubbard, done in the style of early 1970’s backstreets of Manila. Yep, real discerning judgement , subtle sense of style and taste there, Tom. Just like some of ya movies.

“Why ask for permission? We are the authorities.”
Tom ‘Not Stalin’Cruise.

I also collected a lot of rather adroit and fun comments too. Why? I just had to, Mister! The whole interview transcript is at the end of the page. When you listen to actual Scientologist loons such as one of the Head Freaks of Scientology, you see the obsessive and intense will to pointless action.

Pointless group behaviour is the classic enervater and driver of all crazy conformist cults and Totalitarian movements.

“You must do zis absurd uhnt pointless behaviour now uhnt relentlessly! It's a matching set viz der stupid rhetoric!” Any loon leader of any cult and any Totalitarian nut state anywhere, anytime.

Ya start doing the 'Dance of a Million Idiots' and then they have ya! Because kid, you’ve shown and proven that you are indeed a spineless robot drone without any rational thought process’s of your own. This is the real reason Scientology keeps their evil, insane, typical and exploitative methods hidden. They do want to get your mind first. Then your money follows.

“An epigram often flashes light into regions where reason shines but dimly”. Edwin P. Whipple.

Now imagine the skills, experiences and ability that Tom has picked up in his long movie career. From physical fitness, to business, money, strategy, organisation, acting, and from all that travel? The people he’s met, the friendships, the massive opportunities denied mortal men, the support, the Himalaya of free stuff and the incredible range of folks, many of them not insane that he must have learnt from etc, etc, etcetera.

Yep, he's also genuinely helpful to many people as they say, a loyal friend, kind, thoughtful and to his fans. Tom gives generously to charity, is a very hard working, reliable and professional actor, honest and er, he has many other noble traits.

Sadly, Cruise displays none of these qualities while frothing and spouting for Scientology, which has precisely zero noble traits.

In Australia, a corny joke term for trash collector is "Garbologist", just like Scientologist, eh.

So along the way, a man who has succeeded through his own incredible efforts, has also sadly had the full Scientology treatment. To escape after living so long in Ron L. for Loon and liar, Mother Hubbard Land, really is an impossible mission. Can Tom accept it? It don't look like it, kid. Ah well, he'll figure it out. Er, no.


"L. Ron Hubbard, went to the cupboard,
Lord, to give the dumb star a bone.
When the star bent over, the Thetans took over,
now the star ain't got a bone of his own.
Help him Lord, help him!".
Colonel Neville.


Here's a very interesting piece from Tristan on disembedded. See the cool links in the first comment posted. (My edit.)


"When Cruise talks about ethics, this is how Hubbard defined ethics:

According to L. Ron Hubbard, Ethics is defined as “that additional tool necessary to make it possible to apply the technology of Scientology.”

Note that this is not the definition used by the rest of the world, so any discussion of this topic between a Scientologist and a non-Scientologist runs the risk of being hindered by dissimilar assumptions of what the actual subject is.

"I believed in Satanism. There was no other religion in the house!"
L. Ron Hubbard.

Ron Hubbard had an early interest in Satanism and he lived for a while with the most prominent Satanist in the US, Jack Parsons, right after WWII and just before he started defining Scientology.

Black magic is the inner core of Scientology. Scientology borrowed its ethics from Satanism and adds modern light hypnotic and mind control techniques for an enhanced “brain washing” effect, as observed with Tom Cruise in the above video". Tristan.



Ok. Black magic is a load of bollocks as is the "Ooh! It's da Devil!" schtick. But what's that 'Old Black Magic' for, if not to convince fools that you have powers that you er, don't? And it would explain a lot of Scientology's guff and sinisterism. It's a freakout in a moonbat daydream, baby!

And yet, Tom is as they say the ‘Top Man' in Hollywood. He’s the best of the best. Incredible, eh?

If I look and I try not to, at my own shabby, kinda uneventful life made of too many wrong choices, then compare it with the golden existence and bizzaro achievements of the Cruiser? Yow. I think he wins mostly hands down except for a few little things. First of all, unlike Tom ‘Not Mao’ Cruise, I’m not a madman. Or a Devil worshipper! "You ain't the Devil!"

Well, I think sanity is something worthwhile. Or is it? Ok.

"Show me the money then!"

Also I write my own material. That's gotta be something? Sure, like most anonymous and alleged guitar playing humourist writers, I may be a teensy bit eccentric. But, I’m not a 'Light Fitting Swinger' or a 'Ceiling Clinger' like Tom ‘More Laughing Gas!’ Cruise seems to be.

Also I have no weird urge to conserve my “bodily juices”. I try to use ‘em up as quick as I make ‘em. You could even say I regularly blow the lot on some woman. So I have the juices thing together. There ya go.

“The only thing that sustains one through life is the consciousness of the immense inferiority of everybody else, and this is a feeling that I have always cultivated”. Oscar Wilde.



Tom seems to be suffering from some kinda Scientology sub-clause catch that means he can’t use all his position and opportunity to take the opportunity to get into er, enough positions. To paraphrase Robin 'Stuck on a cocaine fuelled Leftard gibber' Williams, 'never have I seen a guy more in need of either giving an injection or receiving one'.

That’s some catch, that Catch 22.

Cruise on the other hand and not even his hand apparently, is a curious echo of the Stanley Kubrick film ‘Tom Strangelove: Or how I learned to stop worrying and love the Cruise Missile’.


Tom Cruise really is either crazy as they come, or is easily wading out of his intellectual depth merely by trying to analyse anything outside of his specialties. Though even in a lounge room 'The Crazed Cruise' has that ‘thousand yard stare’ .

Nothing he said in the wondrous Scientology promo vid makes either any sense or holds any meaning whatsoever. Beyond showing that Crooze is plain 'Rich Guy Nuts' that is. Cruise is like a character that was originally in the script of 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' but was never used, because it was just too ridiculous.

Being Australian myself, I don't know how long the average down to earth Aussie, even at the vaunted level of Nicole ‘You’ve got to be kidding me, man!’ Kidman’s stardom, could tolerate a perhaps one inch from insanity, in the stratosphere Hollywood loon and obscenely privileged control freak.

"The desire to save humanity is always a false front for the urge to rule it" H. L. Mencken.

“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort”.
Herm Albright.


If Tom is the best, then what are the rest? What’s after crazy control freak, illiterate, bloated with narcissistic power, money and personal assistants, after incoherent, deluded and dumb as a plank? It’s George Clooney, Jane Fonda, Susan Sarandon, Sean Penn and Harry Belafonte ad nauseum!

Come on, they’re either nearly all daft freaks in Hollywood or well on their way. Without such privilege and exposed to the harsh reality that the rest of us schlubs live in, most would simply shrivel quicker than the crew of Captain Nemo’s Nautilus in 20,000 Leagues Beneath the Sea.

Except that celebrities live 20,0000 leagues above the earth.

Hollywood seems held together entirely by accountants, technicians, lawyers and personal assitant's.

“Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth”.
Rex Stout.

Celebrities, movie stars and especially musicians often have entirely nothing to say about anything much. It’s pseudo depth like the plastic rivers on a train set. Outside of their performances, celebrities are usually merely diverting, as all amusement and entertainment is meant to be. God bless ‘em, I say.

What went wrong was when stars went from being just stars, to somehow thinking they're kind of Geopolitical Experts on anything and everything. Empirically unlikely, as it is absurd.

“I know who I am. No one else knows who I am. If I was a giraffe, and someone said I was a snake, I'd think, no, actually I'm a giraffe”. Richard Gere.


Hey, lucky Heath Ledger had the down to earth advice of Jack ‘Blow me again while we’re driving’ Nicholson to guide him. Jacks advice on drugs?!

“Hey, ya takin’ the wrong drug, kid!”

“The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment”. Dorothy Nevill.

Here's some pretty neato comments, sports. Better, more insightful and clearly more sane than than what old Tom had to say. Dig.



Coffeman64. “Even when I concentrate, it still sounds like complete gibberish coming out of his mouth”.

Coffeismyfriend. “Help me Tom...because I know you can help me...because...you KNOW.

Boxpox. "Do you get the feeling that the reason Nicole left him was because the "Cruise Missile" was a dud”.

At Gawker dot com.

GreanBeanKitty. “Tom Cruise is so "intense"... I was waiting for an alien being to come tearing out of his chest.. Maybe in the next clip”.

Snowpea. “Tom Cruise is like a guy at 3 am on the Shopping Channel, flogging off Butt Crunchers or Ab Busters, just with one hundred times more zeal. I think the really interesting thing about Cruise is that he's a very charismatic man, and totally mesmerising to watch. He knows the power of a pregnant pause, and a staccato delivery. Unfortunately, though, he has started to believe his own hype.

He looks as though Good Tom is out to lunch, and in his place, Evil Tom has taken up residence. The Scientologists have obviously erased his brain, and started over. The stuff he is spewing out is about as sensical as the musings on a "Hello Kitty' pencil case”.


Whiskeybaby on Stephen Colbert’s Cruise impression. “I love that version. The bit where he says, 'Sorry? I thought you asked me what it was like to be on the verge of insanity...' Priceless".


From disembedded.

Anonymous female. "WTF did he say?
I don’t think he actually had a lucid thought in the entire video. He sounded like he was on something. And this video is suppose to make us want to what? Join his cult at the behest of a cult leader want-to-be? Folks…this guy is seriously whacked.

If he and the people of his cult “know” everything (how to reform criminals, assist world leaders in obtaining world peace, cure mental health and whatever else he claimed), why haven’t they?

He stated he is “carrying more than his load”…Yeah, it’s called shit, Tom and you’re full of it! What the poor slob won’t do for a little attention".

SusannaJones. "Does he really stop at each accident he sees to help? How come we’ve never heard, 'Yeah…I was in a bad accident, but Tom Cruise came to my rescue?' You’re either in, or you’re out, Tom".

Verndroid. "Good Lord! Get a grip man! If you can’t say anything remotely understandable about your beliefs then please shut the fuck up.. oh. No. Wait! What am I saying? 'Good going Cruise. Keep up the good work' Jeeez".

Maddy. "That video made absolutely no sense. Was he drunk? He says that as a Scientologist, there is so much work that must be done yet he didn’t really elaborate on said work. He incoherently oscillates between the drudgery of work and the amount of 'fun' that comes along with it. He seemed almost overwhelmed by all of it. Take that vacation, Tom - apparently it’s long overdue".



Patrick. "This is what you might call a CLM (Career Limiting Move).

Cheetah64. "What the hell did he (TC the SP) say? Does he know? Does anyone know? Wow. That was just a bunch of mumbo-jumbo that made no sense.

Alanajoy. "Feel like I’m just watching another one of his movies.
He’s talking but he’s not really saying much. I can almost see him trying to remember what they told him to say. Aw poor unitooth Cruise. For your own sake, I hope one day you get ‘Beamed up".

John Q Citizen. "Fascinating to watch and listen to. edited from transcript. Tom Cruise: 'So, for me, it really is KSW, and it’s just like, it’s something that, uh, I don’t mince words with that'. You’re right Tom you don’t mince words, instead you make word salad".

Madnessmanifesto. "I loved the part where he sez, “I’d rather have a bottle-infronta-me than a frontal lobotomy.” You have to listen real close, ’cause he kinda mumbles and slurs a bit, but it’s there…I shit-U-not".

Dr. Gonzo. "So, Tom Cruise thinks he’s a Jedi? Now I know what Scientology is all about. Seriously, delusions of grandeur".


Libob. "Mr.Crusie has too much money, and he has an opinion. The truth is he doesn’t know who he is, and this is something that he feels he's a part of. He's voicing what's on his mind. We listen because he has money. Not because we care. We find something amusing about watching stars mentally crumble".






ProblemWithCaring. “What are the character traits associated with pathological narcissism again? Oh yeah:

[1.] Dependence on vicarious warmth provided by others combined with fear of dependence. (An adoring cult could fit the bill nicely!)

[2.] A sense of inner emptiness. (Though, maybe he couch-jumps because he is NOT empty inside.)

[3.] A boundless repressed rage. (I am not sure, but from that 9 minute video clip, sure looked like someone was due for an "anger audit.")

[4.] Pseudo self-insight (yeah - THATS not Tom.)

[5.] Calculating seductiveness. ("Women smell good. They look pretty. I love women. I do.")

[8.] Nervous, self-deprecating humor. (Well, he could be Will Smith.)"




Codepink. “I went onto Scientology.org last night and now I think you're all being really mean and that this religion is really, fun, cool and fun”.

Sedated."And much cheaper than I expected!”

NYMinute. “That's because they are having a special, two Thetans for the price of one”.

Umwhat. “Sounds like somebody's on board! But instead of giving all your money to LRH, can I have it? I'm really, fun, cool, and fun,too. Thanks”.


WriterWriter. “Are you quite serious? You think a "religion" based on a 1960s science fiction novel and supported by vicious, predatory lawyers is "quite fun? You need to read up there, babe. Scientology has been classed as many things; a cult, dangerous, predatory, false, a pack of lies, damaging, etc, etc. Never cute”. stupid-files dot blogspot dot com.

Whatitis. “eeeeewwww....that last video.....I feel so cold and frightened. someone please hold me”.

Colonel Mustard. “I'm sorry...did he just declare war on the non-believers?”

Karennuhoh. "And, if elected, I will order the installation of beige berber carpeting in all American automobiles!"

Littleolly. “ZOINKS Scooby! I think someone unleashed the monsters!


Bellyboop. “The pompous, narcissism that this cult breeds is gut wrenching. I haven't seen Tom Cruise find the cure for cancer, nor have I seen him stop the war in the middle east. But I have seen Kirstie Ally reach out to accomplish off a whole box of Ding Dongs on Fat Actress”.

Sassypants. “I can only assume that the "So whattya say, should we clean this place up," thing is a reference to putting away the folding chairs in the Knights of Columbus Hall after the meeting”.

DanfromRaleigh. “Dammit, that tears it! I'm going to start my own cult. Making people say bat-shit crazy stuff on camera looks like the coolest thing ever. I just have to get a celebrity spokesman...I have it! How about George "Goober" Lindsey? Everybody likes Goober, right?”


Ridiculopathy. “Wow. You hardly ever get to watch insanity manifest itself publicly while wearing a suit anymore. Sure, you expect it from the occasional standard-issue street corner babbling psychopath, but the dressing-up-and-reveling-in-our-psychosis-together-at a-rubber-chicken-dinner thing has been largely closeted the last...oh...century plus.

When the ability to record and distribute verifiable sounds and images became widely available, most psycho clubs went underground. Thanks Gawker! It's like Christmas! Who's up next?”

KarenNuhoh. "You read that book I gave you?"

"What book?"

"Dioretix. Science of matter over mind."

"Uh nuh."

"Well you'd better read it, and quick. That book will change your life. Found it in a Maserati in Beverly Hills”.


J.A.H. Times Online. "Wowee...a touch of bipolar or is he just manic? A megalomaniac? I don't know but his psyche is wacky. He laughs like a loon! Hmmm, let me think. The Servant King who changes peoples' hearts and minds with his radical love for the downtrodden and oppressed and the 'authority' of the ‘Scientologist?’ No difference eh?

I would say there was 33 year lifetime of difference. Jesus said blessed are the poor in spirit for they shall see God. He didn't label people SPs or PTSPs. This Scientology can be compared to 1st & 3rd century Gnosticism, where they thought they has 'special' powers and insight above and beyond mere mortals. I think I'm back to the megalomaniac comment!"


KarenNuhoh. “I thought it was "Diuretix".... That scene and Tom's interview tape are just alike in that the premise is that the hearer must wish to become like the admired speaker. Unlike in that Sy Richardson is working from one of God's great scripts whereas Tom Cruise is working from native dumbass. I still can't believe it isn't a mess of raw footage that forgot to get edited.

Tom Cruise laughs maniacally whenever his train of thought runs out of Thomas the Tank Engine wooden track. And even Tom Cruise must have been thinking: It goes without saying that you will clip out the breakdowns so I don't look this dumb”.




And here is the unedited transcript of Tom ‘She drove me to the point of madness’ Cruise, in full-tilt Hollywood loon intensity.


"I think it's a privilege to call yourself a Scientologist and it's something you have to earn. And because a Scientologist does, he or she has the ability to create new and better realities, and improve conditions.

Being a Scientologist you look at someone and you know absolutely that you can help them.so for me it really is KSW [Keeping Scientology Working] and it's just, like, it's something that I don't mince words with that, you know with anything. But that Policy [doctrine of founder, L.Ron Hubbard] with me has really gone, 'Boy'.

There was a time I went through it, I said, you know what, when I read it, I just though 'Wooh' : this is it. This exactly it.

Being a Scientologist, when you drive past an accident, it's not like anyone else, it's, you drive past, you know you have to do something about it. You know you are the only one who can really help. That's what drives me.

I know that we have an opportunity and, er, to really help for the first time and effectively change people's lives, and I'm dedicated to that. I'm gonna, I'm absolutely, uncompromisingly dedicated to that.

Orgs [Scientology organisations, divided into complicated hierarchy of classes] are there to help, OK. But we, also as the public, we have a responsibility. It's not just the orgs. It's not just Dave Miscavige [church leader]. It's not just me. It's you. It's everybody out there.

Re-reading KSW, and looking to see what needs to be done, saying Ok, am I going to do it, or am I not going to do it? Period. And am I going to look at that guy, or am I too afraid because I have my own ethics to put on someone else's ethics, because that is all it comes down to. I won't hesitate to putting ethics into someone else, because I put ethics ruthlessly in myself.

And I think that I respect that in others, and, you know, I am there to help. We're here to help. My opinion is, look, you're either on board or you're not on board, OK? Which is it? If you're on board, you're on board, just like the rest of us. Period.

We are the authorities on getting people off drugs. We are the authorities on the mind. We are the authorities on improving conditions. Criminon [sic]. We can rehabilitate criminals. We can bring peace and unite cultures. That once you know these tools and you know that they work, it's not good enough that I'm just doing Ok.

Travelling the world and meeting the people that I've met, you know, talking with these leaders in various fields, [pause]they want help, and they are depending on people who know and who can be effective, and do it, and that's us. That is our responsibility to do that. It is the time now. Now is the time.

It is being a Scientologist, people are turning to you, and you better know it, and if you don't, you know, go and learn it. [Laughs] but don't pretend you know it, or whatever.

It's like, we're here to help. If you're a Scientologist, you see life, things, the way they are, in all it's glory, in all of it's perplexity, and the more you know as a Scientologist, the more you become overwhelmed by it. [Laughs again, clapping his hands]

And [mumbling], they said, so 'Have you met an SP?' [Laughter]

And I looked at them and I thought, what a beautiful thing, because, maybe, one day, it will be like that.

Wow. SPs, they'll just read about them in the history books. I just go through that tech [technique], literally. It's not how to run from an SP. It's PTSP [potential trouble source person] - how to shatter or confront oppression. You apply it, then boom.

Because they wouldn't do that to me, not to my face, or anywhere in my vicinity where they feel they could be confronted. I wish the world was a different place, I'd like to go on vacation, play, and just do that. Know what I mean? I mean that's how I want it to be. There's times I'd like to do that, but I can't because I know, I know, so, you know, I have to do something about it.

It's not, you know, you can't sit here and wish it was different, and then, you look at it. And at that moment, I have to do something, don't I? Because I cannot live with myself if, and that [mumbles] I don't care whether someone thinks it's hard or it's easy. Because you're either helping and contributing everything you can, or you're not, ok?

Because you're carrying my load, all right, and as much as you're carrying, I still have got to do more. There's still a thing of 'let's go.'

You can see the look in their eyes. You know the ones who are doing it, and you know the spectators, the ones who are going , 'Well, it's easy for you. That thing, I've cancelled that in my area. [Laughs] It's like, man, you're either in or you're out. That spectatorism, I've no time for it. That is something we have no time for now.

So it's our responsibility to educate, create the new reality. We have that responsibility to say, hey, THIS is the way it should be done. We do it this way and people are actually getting better. Let's get it done. Let's get it really done.

Have enough love, compassion and toughness, that you're going to do it, and do it right.

I have to tell you something. It really is, you know, it's rough and tumble. It's wild and woolly. It's a blast...it's a blast. It really is fun, because damit, there's nothing better than to going out there and fighting the fight and suddenly you see.

I want to know that I've done everything I could every day I think of all those people out there who are depending on us. I think about it. It does make me feel we need more work, more help. Get those spectators on the playing field, or out of the arena. Really, that is how I feel about it. I do what I can, and I do it the way I do everything... there's nothing part of the way for me".

(Fades out as Cruise laughs)




ADFS 10. “One of my sons was recruited by scientology in Australia, we live in North America, he was told to call and say his goodbyes because he was expected to severe all contact with us and essentially never see us again. Fortunately we got assistance from some former scientologists who guided us in what to say and how to get him out.

I was able to convince him to talk to me daily saying that I might be interested in joining, at the same time my wife flew to Australia. I convinced him to let some relatives take him to their house for the weekend so that I could be sure that he was okay.

My wife was waiting for him and throughout the weekend we convinced him that we loved him more than scientology did. He went back on the Monday and told them that he was leaving but they wouldn't let him leave the compound. It was only after he told them that his mother was a formidable force but his father would unleash a firestorm if he had to come to Australia that they let him go. That was on the Friday.

This was seven years ago and my son at times still is affected by the brainwashing that they did on him. Scientology is a dangerous mind manipulation cult that uses people for money or slave labour, which was the case for my son.

Government leaders should launch a major investigation of their practices. Hubbard's only reason for setting up scientology as a religion was to avoid paying taxes. They recruit celebrities to try and gain legitimacy with the celebrities' fans”.

Michael Leunig the Drag King.

Michael Leunig, the veteran cartoonist for the Melbourne 'Age' newspaper, models for a papermache likeness of his head to commemorate his 112th year of employment at the great bin liner and wino insulator.






It seems the chances of not reading either a bog standard casual, taken for granted Jew hating cliché or a Central Scripting "I'm not anti-Semitic but," comment most anywhere, is perhaps as unlikely as Michael Leunig doing a series of cartoons condemning the murder of Jews.

For that matter, the same odds apply to Leunig the bi-polar and Jew-hater [hey, not a Jew-hater, he just supports Jew-haters and says and draws Jew-hating cartoons and attends Jew-hating rallies] scribbling even a single hilarious 'Cartoon Masterwork' condemning say, Islamic terrorism in particular and its supporting theocracies. Or maybe a few duck populated panels on the oppression of women in Islam, the murder of Iraqi children by various terrorists, militants, gangsters and opportunists etc, etc, etc, would be nice? Or indeed any of the daily, far reaching and many thousands of global terrorist attacks anywhere, anyhow and anytime.

Maybe Mr Curly can look forlorn about the collapse of an oppressed Zimbabwe, three million dead in the Congo, the concentration camp and torture chamber state of North Korea, the constant murder by beheading of Buddhists in Asia by Islamists, or a nuclear Iran etc, etc? Nope. Leunig doesn't give a duck, so it seems. I guess none of these things are the 'right kind' of oppression and mass murder for our Mike, the comfortable critic of the West. Gee, maybe I missed 'em? Who knows? I'll just keep scouting the fronts of more inner-city Brunswick refrigerators then.

I'll also keep an eye out for the ones reflecting with genuine uninhibited joy any of the enormous improvements made in economics, health, life expectancy, medicine, food production, wealth, civil law, science and communications etc, etc. Gosh, some of it even here in Australia! I can't wait for Mr Curly showing even a little snit at any of the Islamic militants and gangsters currently murdering the people of Iraq or anywhere. Or a series showing any of the scandalously and mostly non reported achievements in Iraq all due to the incredible courage and efforts of the many better men and women of the military and elsewhere, of good and Democratic will, now fighting for freedom and normality in a region that has had little to zero of neither. Hey, fit in a default snigger here at the word freedom, mainly because the sniggerer already has their freedom. So, just what does one believe in if not the absolute basic of human freedom? Precisely nothing, that's what.

Internal Contradiction of the Left PC Liberal and Radical No. 1238/B: "A professed optimism for a Utopian future coupled with an ingrained and automatic cynicism regards the basics of what makes ordinary and normalized life possible". None of this means much of a damn to a dull conformist media, or to a not so intelligentsia, various ignorant celebrities, out of their depth musicians, narcissistic actors, wilfully deluded activists or wonderfully venal radicals.

Such carefree twerps actually don't care about Iraq or its people at all and never will. Such suffering or whoever else is handy, is used as lazy, raw material for comfortable and dreary default attacks on George Bush and the West, and the now vanished art of irrational auto-Howard hating. The idea of difficult choices and harsh responsibility to action, never seems to occur to old Mikey the Kikey hater. Nope, his default is never about doing anything, it's always entirely from the basis of self loathing and blaming the US, the West or the evils of Capitalism, the system he despises and is completely supported by.

Yep, there's a long, ugly and disgraceful history involving many a governments behaviour regards many a crap regime. But er, that's of little relevance to how we must act against global and current Islam now. Just as the free world did finally fight and destroy Fascism in the 1940's, we better do the same with Islam and er, now. This is so whether we want it or not, kid. And it better be with a total commitment to crushing victory, as the alternative is our utter defeat at the eager, monstrous hands of Islamist's both foreign and domestic. Victory? See Leunig run screaming! Winning? How triumphal! Survival? How gauche! See Leunig scribble! The Western Canon? How essential. See Leunig scribble! Scribbly, scribble...

Leunig and his hordes of micey fans are no friends of the truly oppressed. That would require being able to discriminate between say, good and evil. Discrimination, not moral equivalence, is the basis of rational thought. Yep, we're on Shite Street with our Aussie MSM, sho' nuff. Have ya read Mike's bit's in 'TheAge?' How can so many produce so little for so long and not get fired?

And er, much of the Left supported in one way or another, Hitler, Stalin and Mussolini, as was the fashion. Just as they do today with Islamism, Fidel the Cuban mass murderer and Chavez the fat killer and so on. Er, that's the Fat Killer, not the fat killer. Whatever. Anyway, read Nick Cohen's great book 'What's Left?' Hey, that's left liberal fascism for ya, via big government fantasies and standard dreams of conformity to Utopian ideology. And why not, eh?

Like Michael Leunig, most of the left perversely never criticize murderous Islam at all. Now ain't that peculiar? Islamism is anti-life, anti-women, anti-gay, anti-Democracy and anti all human freedoms etc. These are the things any lefty is supposed to believe in and stand resolutely for, so you must ask why they don't stand up for any of them when it comes to Islam? Well, the Left is also mostly interested in total control of everyone via the state, so that everyone just has to agree with everything they say, just like Islam! So, yep, natural bedfellows, really. The left have virtually always either totally ignored, championed, applauded or offered standard apologia for the mass murdering Communism of Cuba, China and North Korea. Ditto the military Dictatorship that has killed over three million people in the Congo, or Mugabe destroying Zimbabwe etc, etc, etc. Instead, Left posers relentlessly attack and condemn Western Capitalist Democracies because they can never be faultless.

The Iraqi people’s situation like many others is mostly ignored or held in contempt by the illiberal Left. Iraq is a profoundly pivotal and authentic struggle. Many Iraqi people have a naturally deep desire for the freedoms and prosperity that the frivolous, glib, fashionable, disingenuous and phony liars of the Western Left take for granted. The people who face questions of their own life and death everyday, like Iraqi's, tend to be a little more focused and clear minded about reality and what's of human value, than those who sit lauded and unchallenged in fakery and assumptions. However terribly imperfect is the destruction of such regimes as Saddams, it must be done and to all such like eventually. Weirdo's like Mike are all allegedly opposed to freaks like Saddam, right up until something is actually going to be done about it. At which entirely predictable point, they start doing mental back flips like some morally inverted 'Ringling Brothers Circus of the Insane'.

No liberation of anybody anywhere will ever be up to the high standards required of our already free, Mike Leunig. Hero of 'The People!' Leunig, like many allegedly ‘good’ folks, do for all thoughts and purposes appear quite mad in their delusions, and dangerously so. This mindset has not only appalling consequences for the oppressed people in the world who don’t fit neatly into the Lefts stupid paradigms and idiot dichotomies, but for the survival of Western civilization and it's hard won and precious freedoms. Leunig et al, cannot seem to bring himself to criticise Bush and support the Iraqi people at the same time, and right now. Like most of the lefts fantastical views, that will only happen in an imaginary and absurdly Utopian future.

It’s a shame Mike’s love of the Palestinian people never extended to a single strong and public criticism of Arafat or any other Islamist freaks and extremists that dominate Palestinian life and death and wish to murder all Jews and destroy Israel. If all these militants were completely defeated and replaced with a civil government and a non corrupt, non-Mafia style based economy, the Israeli's could leave. But that would be a solution. The millionaire freaks in charge murder about 150 Palestinians a month, mostly by execution in the street. This is the fate of any dissenter, those who wan't pay the required protection money, or anyone that co-operates with the Israeli's in any way, or is suspected. No trial. No jury. One verdict. One outcome.

Leunig's response? Zilcho. Nada. Zip.

The smug chums in the MSM and the arts etc, have the great privilege of a platform of well paid influence and opportunity, and what do many often do with it? They lock into an obsessively shrill and narrow frivolousness that is irrelevant and devoid of any real world actions and answers. If the war in Iraq is illegal, then the logic would be to have put Saddam and his sons back in place. If the lack of WMD’s is important, then you could have ignored the MGD's: the mass graves of destruction as many have and just let Saddam carry on until he did get them eventually, as he or his sons surely would have. Etc, etc, etc. The only relevant questions are; do you or don’t you support the removal of Fascist Dictators like Saddam or not? Er, that’s without the ridiculous caveats.

Do you support the right of Israel to exist and think it's a crime to murder Jews? As Nick Cohen has asked in his book 'What's Left? How Liberals lost their way', "which Iraqi’s do you support and what kind of Iraq do you want to see built?" Do you believe in supporting any and all people who believe in freedom and human rights anywhere, anytime or not? This would include Israel, civil government and responsibility for Palestinians, the people of Cuba, North Korea and Iran etc, etc. Well, do ya punk?

Nope, I guess none of that is for Mike, because the liberation of the oppressed is just never done to a high enough standard for him anymore, is it? The main country capable of doing it, predominantly the US, are just never going to be pure enough for the Lefts permanent narcissism, empty ideologies and moral vanity via perfect inaction. For the question of Israel you'll always get the "I'm not anti Semitic, but," line. I have not seen one crummy Leunig cartoon condemning any Baathist, Al Qaeda, gangster, Islamist, Iranian, Syrian backed terrorist group or any opportunist criminal atrocity. In fact, Leunig always shows and clearly more than infers, that only the Western Allies are committing this deliberate mayhem. What a disgusting slur.

For Leunig etc, there is no such thing as a terrorist except for President Bush, nothing Western worth fighting for ever, and no legitimate war against Islamic terror.

Leunig and the Left cannot escape their own moral relativist gnomery and see any difference between the criminal behaviour of a small amount of prosecuted soldiers at Abu Ghraib and the million and a half deliberately tortured and murdered by Saddam in a 35 year policy, or for that matter, any of the Apocalypse Now toned aims of global Islamic Sharia jihad. The mental gymnastics that Leunig and others perform are quite something to behold, to avoid saying that the real fascist threats today are Islam and their Marxist sodden left pals and not free-market democracies, .

The few kind of 'positive' realities that regularly register with Mike are the odd, eccentric and wistful; as if happiness and comfort is available only in daydreams and inward yearnings, often alienated and on the edge of crazy. In Leunig’s peculiar inversions, it's as if nothing 'out there' is any good, of any worth or has even occurred unless it falls under the fashionable and meaningless term of 'natural'. To Mike not much out there seems as important as simply being out there. Mostly, Mike seems to blather how Western Democracy and modernity is a total write off and a lost cause, strictly for perversely modern poo poo faces only. He curiously writes with either a yearning 'edge of a breakdown' motif, or a mean and sour style, describing often miserably in line after line as either a common subtext, or in his main theme of despair.

In the end, Leunig seems to despise it all, except for the feeble, the ineffective, the pathetic and the neutered. He habitually disdains most of us people who just ain’t up to his downward spiral of peculiar standards. Mike's dopey non-ideas exist mostly in a simple minded and paradoxically, oddly complicated rural Never land that in reality is attainable mostly by the affluent. I remember seeing a thing he did showing the city as a cliche'd urban jungle with a an absurdly polluted beach.Not where I live Mike. The beach side is prime real estate and as such is treated accordingly by the affluent folks who pay big money for it and demand a lot from their local authorities. As laughably dated as Charlie Chaplin's ridiculously way off predictions in of Modern Times, I'm afraid.


Yep, I can't exactly remember his brave and cutting series on the "you wouldn't know it was so common a crime unless you asked" rape of white Australian girls and women by one or more young ethnic, read Muslim, Lebanese, African males etc. I think that may have been after the ones he never did showing his deep concern for honour killings, child genital mutilation, corrupt and murderous third world governments and the actual two main causes of poverty being bad economic systems and a lack of democratic civil governments. What about Leunig's outrage at Al Qaeda and his other 9/11 things? Hey, remember Mike speaking out about the rampant alcoholism, paedophilia, murder and other violence in Aboriginal/Koori communities? Ya don’t? Nope, either do I. Of course there's Mike's much more urgent need to expose Prime Minister John Howard as identical to Hitler.


When Leunig’s anti-Semitic cartoon was submitted to the Iranian Freak Club by someone else, it never seemed to occur to mad Mike or anybody else that much, that his crummy cartoon was precisely suitable for an Islamist, Jew hating and Holocaust denying ‘cartoon’ competition. Well, at least Michael Gawenda had the "judgement" and "good taste" according to himself to not accept a similar style of cartoon from a Nazi or extremist, because that would be so unacceptable. Sheesh. It's really neato that Leunig can be so comfortable with a casual, easy and often accepted anti-Semitism, [which is a nice term for Jew-hatred] and state endorsed policy of Jew-hatred, because so many clearly are and not just in left media land.

To the relentlessly mediocre George Negus, Mike said he was sick of all the hate mail he received as he called it, just because he fought fascism! Er, riiight. Leunig means non-existent US, Israeli and Western fascism and not actual Islamofascism and leftist fascism. Fascism coming from the Italian "fasci", meaning bundled sticks and was coined by the socialist collectivist Mussolini.

How does Leunig ‘fight’ fascism exactly when he can’t even recognize it, no matter how blatant and in ya face Islamic and leftist fascism are? As far as I can see, he refuses to see much anything factual and thus problematic like virtually all leftovers. Yeah, when did he ever ‘fight’ against any beheading's? “It happens everyday, no matter what you say. You’ll find it happens all the time, oh baby!”

For a guy who likes to project a caring and whimsical image, I wonder what causes all that frothing hatred in Mike? Maybe his views at core are not so caring and whimsical after all, but actually just straight out poisonous and dodgy crap. Like nearly all the left, Michael is permanently disingenuous about the reality of Islamic and other totalitarian things, no matter what the overwhelming evidence. It’s all just the West’s fault, you know, provocation, colonialism blah blah and all without a shred of adult history or context. If he admitted that Islamic uber-fascism exists and where it exists, he would have to admit that the conflict in Iraq had a point, even a little bit as do Bush, Howard and Blair. He would have to admit that there are wars that have to be fought against very real global Islam and totalitarian Marxist states. The always posturing left would have to examine their delusions, paranoid hatreds, general dishonesty and the current house of cards as per Mad Mike. But no.

Yep, Mike's a real hero of the people alright, but mostly the affluent inner-city left. Leunig is a mostly repetitive, even sometimes amusing often not funny at all cartoonist; a convoluted, strange and mostly bad writer who appears more profoundly neurotic and deluded with every stupid, predictable, morally inverted publication. He's a stale old lefty bore of the kind that has infected much of the dull, dull and duller, Australian media both public and private since the 1970's. Er, when are the 70's due to end exactly? Perhaps with the passing of Leunig et al? Doubt it. It'll commit suicide by incompetence and bias first.

Now it’s not just in Australia that the repetitive, smug and limited are held up as sacred cows cum national treasures when in fact they are boring and merely protected from serious competition. And it's not just here that there's a serious lack of the long term and comfortable in their privileged positions ever being challenged on conceited group shibboleths, orthodoxies and various ideological fashions. There's a lack of change and real creative and intellectual competition in Australia. It's dull, kid. OK for reinforcing the default positions of their market, but I don't buy it at all that Leunig is so deep and mega talented. Er, where exactly?

There ain't no room or place for much of the often lauded 'diversity' we hear so much about actually ever happening in reality. Hey, ‘treasures’ often buried, eh? Where do the actually different, inspiring, exciting, outstanding, fresh and truly individual, especially the young, go for opportunities? Overseas and the Internet, I guess. They ain't at the profoundly boring 'Age' newspaper, that's for sure.

What will never happen in reality are Leunig and many others, not ascribing the most absurd, extreme and biased attributions to their chosen targets. John Howard to Leunig is a one dimensional cipher of Mike's right on and thus acceptable bigotry. Everything the PM does, according to Leun's relentless under-grad drivel, has an evil motive and can only ever turn out badly. A successful economy, stable security, international statesmanship and winning several elections in a row etc, is merely more evidence of an extremely long-term and malevolent strategy, strangely hidden and unknown as it is. Old 'Mike the Hammered' seems determined to eventually drive himself and others completely nuts with his own ideological obsessions. Leunig's tedious, narrow default positions relentlessly expressed reducto ad absurdum's have a negative side too.

Poor old Michael with his bushy outpatient hair, mumbling uni lecturer woolly jumper and baggy pants ensemble, looks to me like Professor Julius Sumner Millers lost in dementia cousin. You know, the odd one who maybe had a breakdown, then disappeared and lived in a hut while scribbling down the 'evidence' of a vast government conspiracy. Obviously, with my total lack of success in media, that's where I went wrong. Now where's that old pullover from my faux James Dean period?




Here's a letter of reply from me to the freakishly sour yet perverted mediocrity Catherine Deveny at The Age, and my comfortably dismissed reply to a follow up by one of Kathy's Aged comrades.

The Song Remains Mundane.

Hey, this time it's gotta work! Now all they need is another 100 million ordinary people to murder, all because they simply won't fit to such an insane, anti-human, polished turd abstraction and cart load of useless bollocks.




Dear sports, if there’s one thing you can always rely on, it’s the unreliability of a lot of peoples perceptions, lack of thinking skills and er, their often laughable ‘understanding’ as reflected and pandered to in the equally hysterical MSM. It’s not that such folks get things in error…the real case is more that “that’s the way, uh, huh, they like it!”

It’s you and your mere facts that are wrong, kid. That’s what diplomacy, running away because “I left something on the stove!” and loud ridicule are for. It can seem that when you step out the door, someone is merely playing a mad record, seemingly the same one.

From my meagre experience, I just love how 7 out of 10 take humour literally, even with a laugh track.

"Would you like extra steam with that dim sim?"

"Ooh, yes thank you!"

“Oh please don’t let me be, Miss Understood”.


Bereft codger: “Hey Colonel, so you play an instrument eh?”

Colonel: “Er, yes…”

Empty jar collector: “Which instrument?”

Colonel: “Guitar”.

Chocolate biscuit hoarder: “What do you play then? Mostly Cowboy songs?”

Colonel Neville: “Of course. Who doesn’t? Right up until they went out of fashion in 1948. Sadly, I haven’t been able to get a gig since”.


Ah, that ever present 'Enemy of the People', the MSM, which I now always file under ‘W’ for ‘Why bother?' Hey, sure the MSM get everything right and always come up with a penetrating analysis, if you call getting most everything wrong correct and possessing little to zero analytical skills or journalistic standards as having any. The MSM ‘report’ slightly above the following level or way under it.

“Why Max Stone and his book ‘America Alone’ is so very wrong and not even a little true by George Bernard Shaw Junior (No relation). America is clearly not alone; there are other countries right near America. Some of them are even Canada, and Milwaukee is not that far too".


“Why Mike Sturm and his book 'America: A Loan’ is so very wrong and not even a little bit true, by Sir Arthur Cone and Doyle (Not related).

Sturm states in his book, that is so very wrong and not even a little bit true, that Islam is not nice and that the Muslim family I saw with only 19 children that lives 35 suburbs away in a working class area is somehow bigger than every Western family I know. I discussed this outrageous lie last night over sushi and light jazz with my wife and our Chihuahua Minky.

My wife agrees with me and said pretty damningly I think, that “Mark Sturm is an outrageous liar, bigot and racist to even hint that Islam is anything but nice”. I myself have never been beheaded by any screeching Islamist, even on Fifth Avenue. All the people who have lost their heads, such as Jones from accounting and the guy from the hardware store, and that kid with the skipping rope, obviously made provocative mistakes by misunderstanding Islam’s message of peace. They only have themselves to blame.

And anyway, anytime any Muslim does anything not nice, this proves they are not real Muslims. Real Muslims are never 'not nice, a simple fact the Mr Sturm seems unwilling or unable to grasp”.


"The state needs a birth rate of 2.1 children to maintain a stable population. In Italy, it's now 1.2. Twenty years ago, a million babies were born there each year. Now it's half a million. And the fewer babies you have today, the fewer babies are around to have babies in 20 years. Once you're as far down the death spiral as Italy is, it's hard to reverse. Most European races are going to be out of business in a couple more generations." Mark Steyn.


John Jay Ray at Dissect Left makes a neato point regards the drivel of ‘The Butterfly Effect’. Um, if you can find an average geezer and Leftard who doesn’t at least ponder, ponder they do, and right up to eagerly embracing such junk, ya doing well, kid.

Nose ring fan and part time trust funded Koskid vandal: “Er, gee I reckon that’s right! But the "Fascist!" Government and "The Corporations" are hiding the truth!”

The same people then believe utterly in the God like ability of Global Warming Soothsayers and Oracles to predict with unerring accuracy their quadrillion to the power of infinity tea leaf readings, via allegedly infallible “PlayStation Computer Modelling”.

“The chaos theory people have told us for years that the air movement from a single butterfly's wing in Brazil can cause an unforeseen change in our weather here. Now we are told that climate experts can "model" the input of zillions of such incalculable variables over periods of decades to accurately forecast global warming 50 years hence. Give us all a break!”
John Jay Ray.

"The desire to save humanity is always a false front for the urge to rule it". H. L. Mencken.

Curiously, for the same Leftard freaks, there is entirely no 'Butterfly Effect' from any of the over 10,000 Islamic terror homicide attacks since 9/11, or any 'But I Fly in Effects' from 9/11 itself. Oh, yeah that's right...for 'The Axis of Mediocrity' that is Left, Liberal Radicalism, it was merely a trick; a prelude for George Bush and his 'Master Plan'. Er, no.


And this is why you now have all the earnest supporters of Kevin Rudd, who was going to save Australia from it’s “Vast Right Wing Conspiracy” now all happily relaxed, even though Rudd and his chums have done nothing but institute several of their stupid policy’s, such as they are.

Last week Rudd put back in place the permit system that made many Aboriginal communities, bizarre, closed, dysfunctional and corrupt bubbles. It was this profoundly discredited system that separated so many human beings from the mainstream and any scrutiny, leaving Aboriginal’s as helpless and trapped prey, for thousands of private and government freaks.


It matters not that many Aboriginal’s have begged the Rudd Government of Dissonance to not do so. It matters not that the vast improvement’s in the lot of especially Koori children are due entirely to John Howard’s better late than never intervention.

The thing is, it’s all how you ‘feel’ about things and your ‘intentions’. Forget about the required courage, individuality and clarity to achieve something that will turn out empirically good.

It’s interesting that Left Liberal’s like the free worlds foremost clinical narcissists and husband and wife rapist team, Hillary and Bill Clinton, now like to call themselves ‘Progressives’.

Which one is the wife? You be the judge!

‘Progressive’ is a one word oxymoron, I’m afraid, as there is entirely nothing progressive as P.J O’Rourke has said, about the inherently regressive nature of ‘The Return of the Son of the 1960’s and 1970’s’ that is Left Liberalism and PC Radicalism.

“The only underlying theme that makes sense of all Greenie policies is hatred of people. Hatred of other people has been a Greenie theme from way back.

In a report titled "The First Global Revolution" (1991, p. 104) published by the "Club of Rome", a Greenie panic outfit, we find the following statement: "In searching for a new enemy to unite us, we came up with the idea that pollution, the threat of global warming, water shortages, famine and the like would fit the bill.... All these dangers are caused by human intervention... The real enemy, then, is humanity itself." John Jay Ray.


Aye, there’s trouble at ‘et mill, lad! The thing is, at my sons school, they are very earnestly and PC proud how next year the “big emphasis” will be on, wait for it, “the environment!”

Big ‘effing surprise as they say, eh? Um, nope, there’s not a ‘big emphasis’ on say, thinking skills, how the media ‘works’, the meaning of mass political, ideological and radical extremist movements, physical fitness, mental fitness, literature, philosophy, business, art, music, financial literacy, independence, language or indeed anything about the Judeo Christian Capitalist Democracy that we owe our very existence and freedom to.

Or maybe the little matter of an actual end of the world as we know it via a nuclear armed Islam.

Nope, none of those unfashionable and therefore peripheral things, baby. Hey, nothing that’s of any demonstrable and direct benefit to children, eh? Children are targets for Left Liberal Fascists group think because er, they can be, being small and naïve etc.

If anyone can tell me how any enviro guff is of direct benefit to kids, let me know. Er, not the big sky pie of "But without the environment, kids have no future!" Bollocks. Merely the standard Left ideological child abuse snowstorm via Logical Fallacies, I'm afraid.

Leftism and PC Liberalism is an endless list of reinforced Logical Fallacies and Cognitive Bias’s. Nothing more.

“Time was, people warning the world "Repent! The end is nigh!" were snickered at as fruitcakes. Now they own the media and run the schools”. John Jay Ray.


Therefore we now have millions of citizen’s who don’t really have any thinking skills at all, as they’ve never been taught how to. They’ve only been taught the current fashions of what to think, meaning the entirely bogus, peripheral and useless. And I’ve spent a large part of my own daft life being the same.

Many in the West are even below the level of a flickering survival instinct to know when they're under sustained attack by Islam and its new pals the Left, and instead complain to the few who are protecting them and are ultimately going to save their ragged arse.

Thus I have someone say to me that on the sad death of a very successful albeit not coping young man like Heath Ledger, that he’s dead because of the ‘pressures’ of making $30 million dollars a year. And according to many, because “it must be a hard, strange and boring life being around so many abnormal people all the time”.

Er, quite. Er, no. First of all, this statement perfectly describes most employment for most people.

There’s nothing hard about living your dream to the max at 28 years old as opposed to doing none of the things you want to and broke. It’s neither strange to be around other creative and skilled people that you have everything in common with, no matter how freakishly Hollywood. Only the terminally stupid and innately boring could be bored when they have unlimited choice in how they live their lives.

What’s truly and profoundly boring is the frustration and despair of being forced to live an alternate life of crushing, limiting poverty and anonymity, right up to the grave.

Yep, there are a lot of abnormal folks in the entertainment industry and the average office. That’s what makes the first so mildly entertaining and the latter, a tedious and draining trial.

“A lot of stars seem to end up like that”.

Er, maybe, maybe not. It may appear so, because the old MSM does tend to report on celebrities and thus amplify their presence, dig? There are very few headlines about the early accidental deaths, suicides and so on of fruiterers, bus drivers, panel beaters and process workers. The last thing a pharmacy assistant want’s to read about is someone who is so ‘down to earth’, that they really are just like them.

“Hiram Cleach dead at twenty eight after long struggle with total anonymity. Wife says “I’d never even heard of him until I read it in the papers”.






Sources:

http://antigreen.blogspot.com/2008/01/need-to-understand-global-warming.html

http://www.freeminds.org/psych/propfail.htm

http://www.logicalfallacies.info/

http://mainelearns.org/region6/logicalfallacy.html


And the great Steyner with another of his as usual, groovy pieces. This time on ‘Brokeback Mountain’. Er, he's not actually on the mountain. It was only a two man tent I believe...'Boom tish!'

http://www.steynonline.com/content/view/911/28/